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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my mum took away my laptop and my phone and won't let me call, text, or go out with friends for one month. Why? I left the toilet seat up. I'm writing this from a public library. FML

#21462073
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25150) - you deserved it (3527)

On 08/29/2015 at 10:06am - misc - by Lord Buttfuck IV (man) - France

Today, while shopping in the FML store I bought the "Retro Sport Tee," I didn't notice you are supposed to put your own "FML" on the shirt. Mine says "Today, Your Text Here. FML." FML

#2459150
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25149) - you deserved it (79223)

On 05/31/2009 at 8:03am - misc - by deucelututi - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML

#7330766
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25150) - you deserved it (4324)

On 01/13/2010 at 11:27pm - love - by meow (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was standing in the bathroom and farted. It felt like someone stabbed me in the butt. I jumped out of shock, and my head slammed into the mirror. My glasses fell onto the floor and broke. I now need new glasses, a new mirror, and an ice pack for my head. All because I farted. FML

#18946444
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25149) - you deserved it (10407)

On 01/29/2012 at 8:27pm - health - by Rachal - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, in the locker room at work, someone tried writing "douche bag" on my locker, and misspelled it four times before apparently giving up. FML

#19255450
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25148) - you deserved it (2129)

On 03/11/2012 at 1:39am - work - by The Last One (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was rubbing my lips against my boyfriend's lips when I said "Your mustache tickles" in a sexy tone. His response was "So does yours." FML

#12161985
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25147) - you deserved it (31327)

On 07/28/2010 at 7:20am - intimacy - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went back to work after being sick for a week. While I was gone, they hired a new manager. Trying to score bonus points, and possibly a raise, I went to shake her hand and introduce myself. Just as I was about to say "Hello, my name is-" I sneezed right in her face. FML

#13686698
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25146) - you deserved it (6122)

On 11/02/2010 at 10:20am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I started my new job. Not even 2 hours in did some old man ask me where I live, what's my number, and if I was interested in being with him and his friends. This guy is at least over 50 and works with me. I left my old job because some old men kept asking the same things. FML

Today, I drove for hours to attend a martial arts tournament, and then I waited ages for it to finally start. I lost in less than a minute. FML

#19548307
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25144) - you deserved it (6405)

On 04/29/2012 at 3:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for dinner. The first words out of my dad's mouth were apparently, "Ah, you must be Dan's slam-piece." I was in the living room and didn't quite catch it all, but I said, "She certainly is!" Now I'm single, and all my friends think I'm a bastard. FML

#19824273
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25143) - you deserved it (10846)

On 06/21/2012 at 2:19pm - love - by igiveup (man) - United States

Today, I went to reach for a long piece of lint next to my dryer. It was a snake. FML

#21466401
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25143) - you deserved it (2163)

On 09/09/2015 at 3:34am - animals - by StillLoveMyDogs (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I learned that the only reason most of my students come to lecture is that they have a running bet on how many times I say "OK" in two hours. It was 137 last week. FML

#18025254
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25142) - you deserved it (9611)

On 10/19/2011 at 6:42pm - work - by Habit - United Kingdom (Leeds)

Today, my parents were awake while I was still in bed on my iPod touch. I decided to play The Smurfs Village. One of its minigames involves shaking the iPod, so I was breathing heavily. Later, my parents sat me down for a little "talk". FML

#19833260
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25142) - you deserved it (7478)

On 06/23/2012 at 9:11am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)



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