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The all-time greatest FMLs

Lazy

By father of an idiot - 06/03/2022 22:00

Today, my daughter had a flat tire. When she told me about it, I said, “Well, it’s a good thing you know how to change a tire!” She then replied that she has actually forgotten how to change a tire, because it’s “been too long.” It’s only been a couple months since I showed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 303

Spook Magook

By Anonymous - 02/06/2021 08:01

Today, I found rodent droppings in my bed, inches away from where my pillow is. I spend almost 99% of my time in my room and I never once heard or saw any signs of a rodent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 132

No spoilers

By Anonymous - 22/12/2021 08:01

Today, I've been perfectly dodging all spoilers for Spider-Man: No Way Home. Deleted social media, muted some people I don't trust, everything. Then someone came in my university WhatsApp group (which I need to check for exam notes) leaked it an hour before I was gonna go watch it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 257

Joe Bidet

By tmrwsmggls - 16/11/2020 14:01 - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 364

Get on with it!

By Anonymous - 31/05/2023 00:02

Today, I told my fiancée I was going to the gym. She gave me a dozen "quick, easy errands" that took me over three hours to finish. When I was done, I called her and said I was going to the gym now. She yelled, "You still haven't gone? You've been out for days! What have you been doing?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 184

Long time gone

By Anonymous - 06/08/2021 18:01

Today, I haven't heard from my girlfriend for over a week, after being in a relationship for 7 years with her. She'd called me, saying she had to care for her ex-husband because he had suffered a heart attack. Guess we're over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 164

Close shave

By Your cars extended warranty - 30/08/2021 12:01 - United States - Titusville

Today, I was texted by a number that their "date" had given them. I replied that they'd got the wrong number. She then sent me a picture of herself and started flirting. I was suspicious about this, so I ran her photo through Google image finder. Her "photo" is apparently used by scammers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 105

Show bobs and vagene

By c2style - 12/02/2022 06:00 - United States - Fairfax

Today, I had my first conversation with someone on a dating site. “I’m trying to get to know you.… so, are you a big girl? I haven’t really been able to look at your profile.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 217

Housemates from hell

By Anonymous - 15/01/2021 13:58

Today, my housemate saw some stuff in the barn, thought I surely wouldn’t be using it, so he stacked lots of lawn furniture on top. The “stuff” in question? Bales of hay. As in, daily food for my horses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 101

AMERICA, **** YEAH!

By WhataStrangeTripThisIs - 25/09/2022 23:30

Today, I was born and raised in Georgia, and later moved to Florida for college. I'm not sure which state has more embarrassing representation right now. I'm literally scared of what new laws might be passed, or what rights taken away. I wish I had enough money to move to another country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 608

Our house, is a very very very fine house

By Anonymous - 24/03/2021 17:00

Today, my housemate, who never cleans, cooked tacos, then left her dishes for the rest of the evening. When shown a bowl of murky water in the sink, she denied it was hers, prompting my vegetarian housemate to clean it. Putting her hand in the bowl, she found a lump of raw taco meat. Yum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 176

Smack my bitch up

By Anonymous - 02/06/2023 10:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got naked after coming home. It's super hot where I live and I wanted to cool down before getting dressed again. As I was standing there, minding my own business, the cat I'm pet-sitting for a friend reached up and clawed me on the vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 241

Breaking news, sort of

By Anonymous - 22/07/2023 22:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my sister told me our mother had died… via email. I didn't see it for nearly 12 hours. She has my phone number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 92

Mr Commitment

By Alexander - 07/08/2022 02:00

Today, my ex is calling everyone I know, telling them I ruined her life. I'm not built for serious relationships, I was very open with her about that, the moment stuff gets serious I freak out, yet she chased me at every stage, then blamed me when I couldn't handle her demands for serious commitment, and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 501

Ace in the hole

By Anonymous - 09/05/2022 06:00

Today, I have a hemorrhoid and a cold. Every time I cough or sneeze, it feels like someone is stabbing me in the anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 103

Go on, give me one

By Anonymous - 10/09/2022 21:30

Today, I’ve had it with my best friend. She is a very jealous individual, who is never happy for me. I told her I was going to be a grandma again to ANOTHER set of twins, this time paternal, and we are going to have 6 grandbabies now. She got an attitude, and said, “Well, isn’t that nice” and then insulted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 329

B movie

By RUNNNNNNNNNN - 25/09/2022 11:00

Today, a kid threw a rock at a beehive while my friend and I where standing next to it. It fell down, and a swarm of slightly displeased bees assumed that we were the culprit. Knowing what was about to happen, my friend and I ran for our lives. He ran fast enough to escape; I didn't. The kid, the actual culprit, didn't get attacked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 124

Barf

By sewraerae - 07/12/2021 04:59 - United States - Tampa

Today, while I took a short nap, my husband thought it would be a good idea to give our 9 month-old a shake with a whole milk base, despite being told several times he can’t digest it. Later, while we were out and about, he threw up. I rode home in the backseat with the baby, covered in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 147

The joys of public transportation

By Anonymous - 24/02/2021 04:56

Today, I was on the subway and there was a guy yelling, "Regret your sins and devote yourself to God right now." Another man got up from his seat and told him, "I work 12 hours a day and all I want is to go home and rest, you shut the fuck up or I'll make you meet God personally." FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 245

Mr Whiskers takes priority

By Anonymous - 07/12/2021 16:58

Today, my daughter forgot my birthday. When I asked her, she said she'd remembered my birthday, but was too busy at work to acknowledge it. However, she did have time to post a message on Facebook, wishing a happy birthday to her cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 139

People are people

By Astounding competence - 03/11/2020 23:01 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, my country is going back into a full national lockdown after the government swore they wouldn't do another one. We desperately need to stop the spread, but with so many U-turns and broken rules from the government, no one is going to listen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 224

Ghost

By Braden - 28/10/2021 17:00

Today, I texted the guy I went out with last night. He'd told me he’d text me when he got home, but he never did. Cracking a joke, I asked him if he was homeless or something, since he broke his word. He replied, “No, I’m just not that into you. Have a nice life.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 511

Junk reveal

By Anonymous - 04/03/2023 12:00

Today, when I was visiting my dad in the ICU, the nurse was trying to help him sit upright and his dick and balls plopped out of his hospital gown for everyone to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 161

Mood ruined

By InterestingReaction - 10/04/2022 04:00

Today, it was mine and my girlfriend's two-year anniversary. Back in my room, I decided to get sexy for her by opening the bathroom door, dropping my bath towel, and slowly approaching the bed in the buff. I tripped over my feet and fell flat on my face twice while doing so, which she hysterically laughed at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 551

OK Shaggy

By Anonymous - 26/03/2021 08:01 - United States - Randolph

Today, I was pumping gas at a gas station. An attractive woman walked by and the guy pumping gas behind me did a whistle/catcall to her. She then looked at me and gave me a disgusted look. I didn't even try to hit on a girl, and still got rejected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 126

The nerve!

By Fuck you, Rachel - 19/10/2022 10:00

Today, my now-ex broke up with me after alleging that I cheated on her. I didn't do anything, for the record. When I told my sister about it, she showed me a screenshot of an Instagram story where my ex was tagged, two weeks before leaving me. My ex was actually making out with another dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 98

Great excuses

By sumi - 01/06/2021 22:00

Today, I dumped my boyfriend because I found his OKCupid account. He claimed that he only has it so he can do the quizzes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 129

Hopefully…

By dinkley7 - 10/10/2021 20:01

Today, I was told to go fuck myself twice because I asked people to wear masks. Only a month and a half of this left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 338

Welcome back

By Anonymous - 25/06/2023 06:00 - Australia

Today, I came back to work after 4 days off, as I'd worked a whole month with no weekends or days off, 8-12 hours per day. I came back to over 200 unread emails, 300 emails to send, and over 50 arrears collection calls to make by 2pm. It appears that my coworker did nothing the whole time I was off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 118

Some kind of foreshadowing

By Anonymous - 16/10/2022 06:00

Today, my wife expressed how much she misses going out dancing, so I told her I'd be glad to work on my two left feet with her. She said, "I already tried to teach you" before lamenting the time she's missed out on dancing with the cowboy guys she used to dance with. She's now watching dance videos 10ft away, looking all sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 137

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The Top

Today, I was so hungry and broke that I resorted to drinking salad dressing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 003

You deserved it 1 247

Today, instead of going to a romantic dinner with my boyfriend like I'd planned, I ended up babysitting his queasy little sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 475

You deserved it 3 489

Today, I got in my car. When I sat down, I realized a cat had got in the back seat. The cat startled me so I jumped out and slammed the door. Locking myself out. I watched the cat scratch my seats up for an hour. I'm highly allergic to cats. I can't get in my own car without breaking out in hives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 68

Today, after a 20-minute conversation, I'm still unable to convince my grandmother that Tylenol and Acetaminophen are the same thing. I just graduated med school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 89

Today, I caught my husband in bed with his side chick yet again. Two weeks ago he promised me he wouldn’t do it again, and last Saturday I caught him again. Today marks the fourth time. We’ve been together for eight years and have three children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325

You deserved it 1 082

Today, my boyfriend saw a notification on my phone saying "Men's Singles". He lost his shit and dumped me. It was a tennis match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 103