Today, I received a beautiful, heart-felt text from my boyfriend... - FML

By Anonymous - 2/6/2015 05:03

Today, I received a beautiful, heart-felt text from my boyfriend detailing all the ways he loved me. He probably should have emphasized just how big his heart is though because he sent the text to three other women too. Thank you, group messaging. FML

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Family values

Ghosted

Vultures

By betrayed - 16/7/2014 20:09 - United States - Portland

Today, I came home early, only to hear a mad scramble in the living room. I found my now ex-girlfriend and best friend in there, sweaty and in their underwear. The idiot actually had the balls to claim he was teaching her how to do push-ups. FML

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By jibberish - 22/11/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

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By patate - 2/5/2017 20:00

Today, I was yelled at and almost fired for showing up "late" to work. I was the first one here. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2019 06:00

Fight!

Today, I overheard my husband of 3 years talking to our boss, an attractive blonde. She was telling him that she couldn't believe he was with me. She thinks I'm fat and ugly and that he's hot. He said, "She's not that bad…" We work in the same store and she follows him around like a puppy. FML

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By HaliMali - 22/2/2015 18:21 - United States - Hastings

Today, trying to do a good deed, I gave a homeless guy a $10 bill. As I walked away, he yelled after me, "You fucking bitch!" FML

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By deuceaddict - 3/11/2017 21:00

Today, I was confronted by my superiors for spending a "suspicious" amount of time in the bathroom every day. Not only did I have to take the test, but I also had to send in a doctor's note proving that I have a bowel condition I'd hoped to keep secret. FML

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By Halloweenie - 16/10/2009 08:44 - United States

Today, I took a box of Halloween decorations down from the attic. Inside, were a bunch of fake spiders. I emptied the box onto the floor and the "fake" spiders crawled all over the living room in opposite directions. FML

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By readytoamputatemyfeet - 30/6/2013 23:00 - United States - Winter Springs

Today, my shoe fell apart a few minutes after I got to work. I called my boyfriend and asked him to bring me the "pretty black pair" in my closet. What did he bring? Black stilettos. I'm a waitress with an eight hour shift. FML

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By raquelcita - 26/8/2016 06:05 - United States - Winter Park

Today, I went to my boss with concerns that my manager is dumping her responsibilities on me. He agreed and told me to just do whatever she wants. She gets paid twice as much as me to talk on her cellphone all day. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2019 20:05

In the zone

Today, I was flirting with a girl I like when she confessed she was into another guy. I then proceeded to wingman for that guy, telling her to take her shot with him before the chance went away. Effectively sticking myself into the friendzone. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/2/2010 19:30 - United States

Today, someone thought it would be funny to switch the signs on the bathroom doors. Fortunately, I knew which was the men's and went on in. The startled old woman inside, however, did not. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/2/2015 01:27 - United States

Today, my grandma rushed into my work and told my manager I had to leave due to a family emergency. Panicked, I ran to get my stuff and ran to the car. When I asked what had happened, she replied, "I needed someone to go see 50 Shades of Grey with me." FML

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2014 21:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I was feeling frisky and asked my boyfriend if he wanted a blowjob. He said "Fuck no", then rolled over to go to sleep. FML

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By Tjop - 15/4/2011 11:50 - South Africa

Today, my girlfriend of 3 and half years broke up with me, just after I fixed-up her house that took me about 3 and a half years. FML

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By Idiots - 5/9/2009 20:54 - Canada

Today, I was at a party when I got covered in the liquid from a glow stick. Thinking it wasn't a big deal I went to rub it off, but it stuck to my clothes. The cops came so everyone ran and hid in the bushes because we were all drunk. The cops arrested fifteen people because I glowed. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/5/2015 07:28 - United States - Plainview

Today, while driving home from work, I saw my boyfriend mugging a woman on the sidewalk. FML

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By EveOnRoad - 5/5/2019 18:00

Today, my boyfriend of 9 years rode with his mother after boot camp graduation. She acts more like a jealous lover than a mom, so I'm currently chasing them all over Chicago in a blizzard, with her refusing to stop the car so he can see me. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2012 06:47 - United States - Spring

Today, my fiancé's grandmother kept trying to introduce him to this "simply absolutely amazing girl," who she thought "would be just the perfect date" for him. At our engagement party. FML

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By someone - 23/7/2011 08:50 - United States

Today, I'm staying in a hotel where the lights are automatic. They turn on when something moves and turn off when everything is still. I'm a sensitive sleeper and I move in my sleep, so the light wakes me up. It's currently 2 a.m. and all together I've gotten about 20 minutes of sleep. FML

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By lily - 18/8/2019 12:00

Today, I was about to kiss my boyfriend in a courtyard when a soccer ball hit me in the head, hard. My boyfriend remarked that it made a "hollow sound" when it hit me. FML

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By Carolyn Burnham - 23/10/2016 15:23

Today, I was at the local drive-thru with my boyfriend. While we were picking up the food, the asswipe at the window thought it hilarious to copy the scene from "American Beauty" and pretend that we were a couple and that I was cheating on him. My actual boyfriend believed it and won't talk to me. FML

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By Peter Parker - 30/8/2016 23:19 - United States - Redlands

Today, after a few days of getting what seemed like an odd, scattered rash every time I showered, I finally figured out the problem. It turns out I wasn't just allergic to all the different soap I tried. Apparently a family of very angry spiders have decided to make my loofah their new home. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/8/2012 21:10 - United Kingdom - Walsall

Today, a baseball bat fell on my head while my boyfriend and I were cuddling. The same baseball bat that he keeps next to the bed, because he genuinely fears a zombie outbreak. FML

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By Violated - 9/12/2009 08:47 - United States

Today, I fell asleep on the train and accidentally wound up resting my head on a strange man's shoulder. When I woke up, I discovered that not only did he not object, but he decided to return the favor by resting his hand on my thigh. I was wearing a skirt. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/10/2019 00:02

Missing the point 101

Today, I told my mom I lost 30 pounds because of an eating disorder. She told me to keep up the good work. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/11/2013 01:09 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my girlfriend tried explaining a duck flying into our living room and taking a shit everywhere as "paranormal activity". FML

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By epipen life - 10/3/2019 16:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML

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By Nik - 20/2/2010 15:05 - United States

Today, I found out that my mother was having an affair with my boss "to help me keep my job" because she thought I was useless. FML

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By tiredofbullshit - 8/1/2016 06:06 - United States - Littleton

Today, my dad took my car keys off my keychain and hid them from me. His reasoning was, "I don't want you to be driving during the winter." Guess who has to walk ten miles a day to work, through the New England snow. FML

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By anon_smh - 18/2/2016 04:37 - United States - Bozeman

Today, after interviewing for a promotion to a position that was created with me in mind, I eagerly accepted a call from my boss, expecting good news. Turns out, they found a better applicant, who they don't believe will need support from the position I currently hold, so it's being eliminated. FML

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By massage mama - 4/8/2019 07:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school. Apparently, she told her teacher about the “special massages” mommy gives her. I’m a licensed massage therapist, and I massage my daughter with lavender to help her sleep. Now everyone thinks I’m a weirdo. FML

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By Peter C. - 22/1/2011 05:53 - United States

Today, my friends and I were messing around with an app on my phone that makes your picture look fat. My picture looked the same before and after. FML

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By Noname - 27/1/2009 11:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep during phone sex. FML

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By Paul - 8/8/2011 01:49 - United States

Today, some cops came to my house saying that the neighbors thought the party I was having was too loud and obnoxious. It was my grandmother's 86 birthday party. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2015 22:46 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, it's my 40th birthday. I got two presents by mail: a jar of wrinkle cream from a market research company, and an ad from a funeral home. FML

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By Keldar - 19/8/2009 07:53 - United States

Today, at the gas station I work a lady called wanting to know the "password" and if I was okay. Thinking it was a prank I hung up. A couple of minutes later she called back, this time asking if I could see the cops outside and telling me I'd be alright. I saw four of 'em. I'd hit the silent alarm by accident. FML

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By sallyfradoodle - 13/3/2020 21:00

New Romantics

Today, I told my boyfriend of two years that he was my first kiss. His reply? I was the first person he ever whacked off to. FML

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By dummy - 11/7/2011 19:21 - United States

Today, while babysitting a five year old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2012 18:33 - United States - Auburn

Today, I had to explain to my teacher that Czechoslovakia is no longer a country. She kicked me out of class when she found out I was right. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/1/2013 05:17 - United States - Pass Christian

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try some "prolonging gel" to help him last longer between the sheets. Surprisingly, it worked, and he lasted 3 times longer than usual. I can now enjoy 4 whole minutes of sex. FML

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Top comments

By HoboMeth | 32

#6308419 - Tuesday 2 June 2015 16:36

You girls should all get together and group break up

By hippodankamus | 22

#6308418 - Tuesday 2 June 2015 16:36

Sounds you dodged a bullet there OP. This guy is clearly a cheating douchebag.

COMMENTS

By MadJessTic | 29

#6308414 - Tuesday 2 June 2015 16:33

Ass

Reply

ScarredVox92 | 16

#6308471 - Tuesday 2 June 2015 17:42

Lol he went full retard. You never go full retard.

Reply

shemademedoit | 20

#6308583 - Tuesday 2 June 2015 19:35

I bet it was on Kik maybe

Reply

JustinJK | 21

#6308589 - Tuesday 2 June 2015 19:41

I bet on this horse 10k ...maybe

Reply

mohamed_H | 21

#6308648 - Tuesday 2 June 2015 20:56

Op's boyfriend is dumb as fuck

Reply

TDKopecki | 16

#6309021 - Wednesday 3 June 2015 6:21

Karma will be visiting him soon, cheaters never win!

Reply

Xx_Slayer_xX | 22

#6309108 - Wednesday 3 June 2015 7:42

Not to support cheating, but honestly mister cheater. If you're going to cheat, do it right. Type them the message, and then copy and paste and send separately. Just saying. BTW, if you do actually cheat, fuck you, and you can go to hell. Thanks.

Reply

GoldenSeagull | 6

#6309266 - Wednesday 3 June 2015 13:00

It's just even more insulting towards the person cheated on, for their "significant other" to be so lazy in their cheating.

By RickySleeves | 20

#6308415 - Tuesday 2 June 2015 16:34

Wow. That's romantic.

Reply

slingerslasher | 24

#6308706 - Tuesday 2 June 2015 22:49

It's four times as romantic if he sends the text to 4 women instead of 1!

By wtfdidudo | 9

#6308416 - Tuesday 2 June 2015 16:34

Group messaging is always a bitch anyways.

By hippodankamus | 22

#6308418 - Tuesday 2 June 2015 16:36

Sounds you dodged a bullet there OP. This guy is clearly a cheating douchebag.

Reply

CrAzYELF4 | 26

#6311897 - Saturday 6 June 2015 2:33

He is also a idiot.

By HoboMeth | 32

#6308419 - Tuesday 2 June 2015 16:36

You girls should all get together and group break up

Reply

Tthug | 34

#6308474 - Tuesday 2 June 2015 17:45

I've seen that movie.

The wife, the brains, the boobs.

OP looks like the brains already.

Reply

immaloser95 | 28

#6308525 - Tuesday 2 June 2015 18:43

Modern day John Tucker Must Die

Reply

Kempeth | 5

#6309201 - Wednesday 3 June 2015 11:10

Agreed but you should all act like you wanted to fight each other for his affections. Chances are he'll think of something demeaning like mud wrestling. You agree, meet up, chuck him into the dirt, take pictures and THEN dump him.

Reply

weezypanda420 | 22

#6452855 - Wednesday 4 November 2015 6:02

He'll run the other direction if he sees them all together.. Corner him and beat his ass. Make him run home naked.

By dreamful_artist | 14

#6308421 - Tuesday 2 June 2015 16:37

That must've hurt, I'm sorry op.

By Iris1993 | 17

#6308422 - Tuesday 2 June 2015 16:37

You surely mean ex boyfriend?

By DaBayst | 15

#6308423 - Tuesday 2 June 2015 16:37

At least you know now. Also I'm curious if the other women were as surprised as you were.

By Dswank620 | 18

#6308424 - Tuesday 2 June 2015 16:38

I'm really trying to understand the thought process behind this... "It'll be easier then sending it 3 separate times"

Reply

Grayness_ | 26

#6308462 - Tuesday 2 June 2015 17:26

than*

Reply

mistress_paz | 30

#6308683 - Tuesday 2 June 2015 21:49

Lazy

Reply

Dswank620 | 18

#6308950 - Wednesday 3 June 2015 3:31

Wow bet you feel good, I guarantee I have a higher iq, higher gpa, and higher act score than you so i'm not really too upset

Reply

Mynamewontfi | 40

#6309209 - Wednesday 3 June 2015 11:18

#71 Bragging about shit no one cares about on a site/app, makes you look like an idiot anyway.

By TheBelt | 19

#6308427 - Tuesday 2 June 2015 16:41

Wow sorry O.P, your better off without that asshole.