Love: Today, I went to my friend's beautiful wedding. The only other... - FML

By StillSingle - 29/06/2009 18:14 - United States

Today, I went to my friend's beautiful wedding. The only other single girl there was 5 years old. She caught the bouquet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 239

You deserved it 5 073

There's no helping some people

Commando

Vandals

By billjoebob424 - 10/03/2016 00:01 - Canada

Today, I've been so accustomed to kissing my girlfriend that when I gave my best bud a hug, I kissed him on the neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 344

You deserved it 7 425

By feelthesting - 06/07/2015 22:26 - Mexico - Aguascalientes

Today, I found out that my "mosquito bite" was in fact a jellyfish sting I got in Mexico, which has caused me to break out into horrendous hives in the airport waiting for the flight home. It's okay though, the plane is only delayed for 7 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 542

You deserved it 1 834

Take your time

By Kitty - 08/08/2021 09:59 - United States - Johnston

Today, thinking I could carry it all, I stubbornly brought a load of food in with both hands. The glass jar of nacho cheese smashed on my radiator, and I had to use a toothbrush to clean between the cracks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 286

You deserved it 738

This is fine

By Anonymous - 25/09/2020 10:49

Today, I envy all the mothers who get to hide in their bathroom, engulfed in tears, when at their breaking points. I'm a single mom of two heathens. Today, like most days, really I had to threaten violence at the top of my lungs so they would stop fighting long enough for me to simply use the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 015

You deserved it 441

Make your mind up

By fuck you, boss - 21/12/2013 00:30 - United States

Today, my boss scolded me for being too friendly to our customers and told me to back off and let them do their thing. Less than an hour after doing as he said, he scolded me again, this time for slacking off and not asking them if they needed help finding stuff. There goes my bonus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 404

You deserved it 3 147

By Anonymous - 11/04/2013 19:38 - United Kingdom - Bridgnorth

Today, I came home after working overtime to find my dog whining and giving me her "I need to take a shit" face. After changing my shoes, I came back ready to let her out, only to find her giving me the "I just took a shit on your rug" face. My husband has been home all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 399

You deserved it 8 449

By Anonymous - 14/10/2009 17:01 - United States

Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98 015

You deserved it 16 698

By IrNatalie - 02/06/2015 08:59 - United States - Laveen

Today, a customer yelled at me because the cherry pie he bought had cherries in it, and he wanted a refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 617

You deserved it 1 879

By grossedout - 09/12/2010 02:26 - United States

Today, I was helping an old lady at my job. While I was in mid-sentence, she coughed wet phlegm directly into my mouth. It tasted vile and caused me to have a panic attack while working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 802

You deserved it 3 033

By Anonymous - 21/03/2014 05:14 - United States - Phoenix

Today, a tiny worm was wriggling across the screen of my Mac laptop. I tried to wipe it away with my thumb, but it just kept crawling. Turns out the worm lives *inside* my screen, beneath the glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 555

You deserved it 4 705

By Anonymous - 25/07/2014 02:04 - Canada - Burnaby

Today, after months of job hunting, I finally got a phone interview with a company. Excited, I prepared for the interview and conducted extensive research on the company. The interview ended within a minute. They'd got the wrong person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 143

You deserved it 3 579

By Kyle - 20/06/2019 20:06

Today, I celebrated my 30th birthday by accidentally knocking my fiancée’s tooth out with her glass as she tried to a sip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 478

You deserved it 229

By I'm an adult! - 02/07/2015 19:16 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I told my parents I'm pregnant. I got a long lecture from my mom about using protection. It would have been fine hearing all that, but I'm turning 22, I've been moved out for a few years, have a full time job with great benefits, and am getting married next summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 439

You deserved it 4 435

Great organization

By Anonymous - 21/06/2021 08:02

Today, while leaving late for work, I walked out to my car only to find the back window broken. Worst part was, I still had to go to work because no one who could cover me showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 53

By cinemasaddo - 25/09/2013 22:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I was let down for a movie date. As I'd already paid for the tickets, I got my narcoleptic sister to come and sit next to me while she slept, so it didn't look like I came on my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 562

You deserved it 3 523

Bored

By Anonymous - 26/05/2021 02:01

Spicy

Today, my wife asked me when will my sex drive just stop. I'm only 39. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 064

You deserved it 97

By rtrim29 - 26/12/2009 16:18 - United States

Today, I was told by 'Seventeen' to add liquid highlighter to my foundation for an all-over glow. Little did I know that liquid highlighter is an actual makeup product. I now have an awful rash due to applying the ink from a highlighter pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 713

You deserved it 93 571

By Anonymous - 05/08/2011 07:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mother and aunt got into an argument about who had gotten groped more times in public. I don't know what's more disturbing, that my own mother would brag about getting groped, or that she won the argument, at 34 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 736

You deserved it 2 703

By Anonymous - 12/05/2018 20:30

Today, my child told me when she makes enough money to support herself, she's never going to speak to me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 786

You deserved it 1 113

By Jex - 06/10/2012 10:04 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I wanted to surprise my long distance girlfriend by flying to her unannounced. When I arrived at her house, her family tells me that she herself boarded an unannounced flight to where I lived hours ago. Surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 786

You deserved it 4 256

By Anonymous - 23/04/2013 13:38 - Australia - Chatswood

Spicy

Today, my husband rejected sleeping with me because he wants to "save his energy" for building his custom car. Apparently, I'm a "distraction." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 039

You deserved it 6 354

I'll take what I can get

By Queen LaQueefah - 13/09/2015 11:52 - United Kingdom - Chesterfield

Spicy

Today, my rarely-romantic boyfriend finally said "I love you". Too bad he was drunk, and was talking to my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 013

You deserved it 3 364

By annoyed - 19/12/2009 05:52 - United States

Today, I recieved a phone call from a good guy friend of mine, someone I haven't seen for years. He tells me he has "deep" feelings for me, and wants to know since my husband is deployed, if it would be okay if we "dated" because he told his parents I'm his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 976

You deserved it 2 870

By sciencesadness - 08/02/2014 23:24 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, a robin flew into my window and died. My mom, being a biology teacher, thought it would be a great experience for my brother and me to dissect it on the kitchen table. She threatened to ground us if we didn't do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 203

You deserved it 4 319

By Bear - 01/02/2009 17:38 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my Mum and Dad having sex and didn't even realize what they were doing until she shouted at him to go harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 276

You deserved it 5 933

By ohwell - 01/09/2016 17:49 - United States - Arlington

Today, I handed in my 2 weeks notice, since I have to leave for college soon. My boss told me it was fine, then cut all my remaining shifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 393

You deserved it 1 270

What a jerk!

By traumatized house keeper - 08/09/2017 13:00 - Germany - M?nster

Today, while cleaning the hostel, I had to make some beds in a dorm room. There were three guys in the room, one of whom was sitting on a bed. He looked me straight in the eye and I gave him a big smile before I realized he was jerking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 373

You deserved it 386

By noname - 17/02/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, I dropped my 400 dollar iphone, that's been through toilets and 6 foot falls, on a walmart floor and shattered the screen. I managed, however, to catch the 2 dollar macaroni and cheese before it hit the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 611

You deserved it 32 735

By Anonymous - 01/06/2012 14:29 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I had so much to do, I didn't know where to start. So I didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 980

You deserved it 46 562

By caaarl - 19/04/2012 19:46 - United Kingdom - Hemel Hempstead

Today, while looking through my wedding photos, I realised my wife had done a duck face in every single one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 946

You deserved it 6 516

By randm1 - 02/12/2009 19:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to the bathroom and used the urinal. When I was done, I closed my zipper on my foreskin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 983

You deserved it 8 690

By Anon - 28/05/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, while at the mall, a kid no older than 5 pushed a stroller into my heel, which caught the back of my shoe and caused me to face-plant the floor in the middle of a very crowded department store. I didn't even get an apology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 268

You deserved it 2 434

By Anonymous - 01/02/2014 22:26 - United States - Hialeah

Today, my team suffered a humiliating loss against our biggest rivals. My family was pretty supportive, though, but only because they'd taken bets against me from the start. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 093

You deserved it 3 895

By Anonymous - 22/03/2009 22:40 - United States

Today, I was on the bus going to formal for my sorority. I was sitting in the 5th row of the bus when I felt raindrops on my face coming through the open window. I then realized it wasn't raining, but the girl in the 1st row was throwing up out her window and it was coming back in through my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 164 651

You deserved it 11 557

By Username - 22/04/2011 14:42

Today, I have a new boss. She claims to be a professional Angry Birds player. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 055

You deserved it 5 218

Conundrum

By Anonymous - 04/05/2021 04:01

Today, my best friend is completely head-over-heels for his girlfriend, has been buying her very expensive stuff and gave her the ring of compromise after 4 years of relationship. The problem is, I just found out that the girlfriend has been sexting with someone else, and is sure to dump my friend for that guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 87

By Laura - 11/03/2011 05:20 - United States

Today, I was waiting for the pan to heat up so I could make myself scrambled eggs. Just then, my mom runs up to me, cracks an egg open on my head, and runs away laughing. I only had one other egg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 466

You deserved it 4 595

By Anonymous - 09/05/2016 03:02 - Canada - Fort Smith

Today, for Mother's Day, I surprised my Mother with the news I that I'll be visiting in June. The last time we got to visit was 4 years ago, we live 4000 miles apart and it's a very expensive trip. She said, "No, come next June, I want to lose some more weight before seeing you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 468

You deserved it 1 121

By GM38 - 23/06/2012 02:57 - United States - Melbourne

Today, I divorced my husband of 20 years. The only positive thing about my day was my pregnancy test. Yes, it was his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 023

You deserved it 8 975

By n/a - 25/11/2009 07:36 - United States

Today, I was working at a children's play centre, and my stomach was twisting and turning. Thinking no one was around, I let out a small fart, only to turn and see a little girl running to her mom yelling, "Mommy-mommy that lady just farted and it sounded like daddy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 054

You deserved it 27 410

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Top comments

lmmmr 0

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Monday 29 June 2009 23:19

Ugh, I hate when people whine about being single. Being lonely is one thing, but by whining about it you only make an embarassing spectacle of yourself. Learn to be happy on your own, or no good would come from a relationship anyway.

MeganH0LLYW00D 0

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Tuesday 30 June 2009 4:03

And you think anyone is going to listen to you because you typed in all caps. Riiiight.

Comments

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Monday 29 June 2009 23:14

i thought all unmarried women tried to catch it

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Tuesday 30 June 2009 1:42

There were only two unmarried girls??? Was this like a super super private wedding?

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Tuesday 30 June 2009 3:57

EASYLAZY YOUR REPLY DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE FIRST COMMENT! DON'T POST ON TOP UNLESS YOU'RE FIRST DIPSHIT!!!

MeganH0LLYW00D 0

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Tuesday 30 June 2009 4:03

And you think anyone is going to listen to you because you typed in all caps. Riiiight.

CyclonePsycho 1

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Tuesday 30 June 2009 4:20

DIDN'T YOU KNOW, MEGAN? CAPSLOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL!

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Wednesday 1 July 2009 0:59

RIP BILLY MAYS — ALWAYS LIVED TO HIS PROMISES OR YOUR MONEY BACK

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Wednesday 31 March 2010 3:12

LOLZ.

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Friday 6 August 2010 7:04

lol I cought the boquet when I was six; there were like ten other single women there.

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Monday 29 June 2009 23:15

You're not seriously that superstitious, are you? :-/

1104 0

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Tuesday 30 June 2009 9:24

the point isn't that she's afraid to remain unmarried. the point is that she's singled out (no pun intended) from everyone else at the wedding, and her only "equal" is 5 years old. they're put in the spotlight and everyone watches as she loses to the 5 year old.

Send a private message

Friday 11 September 2009 16:32

Well, I think in this case she chose to let the little kid win. It's just like playing a board game with a child; if you don't let the kid win, they're likely to throw a temper tantrum.

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Monday 29 June 2009 23:16

That would suck...dont get your hoped down :p

yDane 0

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Thursday 1 July 2010 4:28

This. ^^^ Is a double post... You should be ashamed of yourself. I thought that Jeeeesuuus taught youth better than this! @OP It's called hand-eye coordination

coe08 6

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Saturday 24 March 2012 15:31

Why did u post this message twice????

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Monday 29 June 2009 23:16

That would suck...dont get your hoped down :p

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Monday 29 June 2009 23:16

Oh, it's okay! Just focus on the single guys next time!

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Monday 29 June 2009 23:17

It's kind of funny. Besides, it's just a stupid superstition - don't let it get to you.

lmmmr 0

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Monday 29 June 2009 23:19

Ugh, I hate when people whine about being single. Being lonely is one thing, but by whining about it you only make an embarassing spectacle of yourself. Learn to be happy on your own, or no good would come from a relationship anyway.

Send a private message

Monday 29 June 2009 23:22

It's still embarrassing to be one of two people trying to catch the bouquet.

Me27 0

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Tuesday 30 June 2009 4:46

Yes. I would have been. I really sympathize with this one.

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Monday 29 June 2009 23:24

the bride just missed

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Monday 29 June 2009 23:24

Push her away!

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Tuesday 30 June 2009 1:06

I was at a wedding once, and when the bouquet was tossed, my girlfriend at the time went through the crowd like a linebacker, trying to catch it. There's an FML for you.

Send a private message

Sunday 31 January 2010 9:11

are you kidding? she's showing her dedication to you! you should be proud or gratified rather than ashamed!!

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 152

You deserved it 28

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 146