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The all-time greatest FMLs

Double take

By Anonymous - 01/04/2022 02:00

Today, I walked into a job interview, then turned round and walked back out again. The interviewer was a one-night stand that ended very badly months ago, and she remembered me. I could see in her face the interview was pointless, so instead of grovelling I went to the pub to drown my sorrows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 209

You deserved it 553

Good friends

By HelpStrandedOnShittyPlanet - 08/05/2021 20:08

Today, after I supported my friends through heartbreak, had long conversations at 4 a.m., stayed late at work to help through breakdowns, I finally broke after a series of bad experiences. I decided to reach out. All I got was, "lol that sucks", "Oh, would you believe the week I had" or simply no response. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 209

You deserved it 101

Fault

By Bleh - 22/06/2021 11:00 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I accidentally let slip to my mom that I hardly remember the graduation party she threw me four years ago. She proceeded to verbally assault me for forgetting the special occasion. I had a brain complication two years ago which resulted in some memory loss. Apparently, it's my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 209

You deserved it 84

Low maintenance

By OlCasss - 05/03/2022 16:00

Today, my boyfriend told me about a girl who he loved a few years ago. He said, "She was extremely beautiful, and I fell for her for a long time. But it's like with universities, everyone wants to study at Harvard but finally ends up in a regular university that they can afford." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 209

You deserved it 128

Famous for something

By leaflady03 - 27/04/2021 00:30

Today, my mom won’t stop calling up all her friends and family and even telling complete strangers about my "bowel problems." Even at parties, she talks about my pooping habits every chance she gets. This isn’t what I want to be known for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 209

You deserved it 118

Nice my ass!

By what’s going on here? - 03/03/2023 16:00

Today, my husband’s coworker made lunch for him again complete with a “cute” note. I cook every day, but somehow this single woman finds it appropriate to cook and pack lunch for my husband. When I told him it needs to stop, he said I was being too jealous, and she’s just a nice lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 209

You deserved it 147

Old lady hotline

By fml9124 - 02/11/2020 08:08

Today, I called the Suicide hotline. I dialled the number wrong and woke some poor old lady. She thought I was her son and kept asking me, "How come you don't visit anymore?" I told her I couldn't visit because of the Covid pandemic. I lied to an elderly woman I've never met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 209

You deserved it 209

Ouch

By Keegan O - 16/03/2021 05:01

Today, I was cleaning out the crawlspace and set a mousetrap off with my testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 209

You deserved it 241

Phone holder

By my arms hurt - 25/11/2019 20:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I had to sit in between two boys on a two-hour bus ride. They were watching a movie and each of them had shared an earphone. They made me hold the phone up so both of them could see the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 209

You deserved it 1 898

Don't drink and drive

By Anonymous - 08/03/2023 10:00

Today, after 7 hours of driving, I begged my wife to take over for the last 3 hours. She pulled out a flask and took a long swig, then smirked at me. I drove the rest of the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 209

You deserved it 148

Unfair

By Anonymous - 06/09/2022 11:30

Today, my teacher just told me he is not going to allow any late work for my accommodations because I'm "just making excuses for not doing the work," including the tech not working. I'm visually impaired and can’t see the assignment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 208

You deserved it 152

Ace of Spades

By Simon Edhouse - 12/09/2021 23:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my wife has initiated sex less than five times in the 18 years we've been married. If I don't mention it, then she doesn't have to bother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 208

You deserved it 250

Contortionist

By Anonymous - 30/07/2022 14:00

Today, I had a date with a guy I’ve known casually for a few weeks. Everything was OK, until he asked me to come back to his place because he had something “to share with me.” Apparently, he’s double jointed, because his mouth reaches below his waist. He even finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 208

You deserved it 214

Unhappy Birthday

By Masiro - 13/07/2021 22:00 - United States - Pendleton

Today, I traveled 3 hours to a town I hate, to spend my birthday with my mom and brother and his family. My mom didn't realize it was my birthday until the cake slice with candles was placed in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 208

You deserved it 86

Alas, poor Donald

By Hit and Run - 13/07/2021 13:59 - United States

Today, while driving, I put on my hazards and slowed to a stop to let a family of geese cross the street. The pick-up truck behind me however, decided to change lanes and speed off, running over at least half of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 208

You deserved it 102

Big Brother

By Anonymous - 11/02/2022 16:00

Today, and lately, my dad has an annoying habit of knowing where I’ve been, even though I never go anywhere worth mentioning. On a hunch, I checked my phone and it turns out he’s been tracking my location. I’ve literally done nothing to deserve this lack of trust, and now I think I hate him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 208

You deserved it 216

Bunged up

By Anonymous - 24/04/2021 02:00

Today, as caregiver, I had to physically remove the shit my grandpa had stuck in his rectum, because he doesn't remember how to shit. He barely knows who I am, which is good because when he remembers who he is, he becomes an abusive asshole. I'm 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 207

You deserved it 98

Tetchy

By Brokendishes - 21/08/2022 18:00

Today, my husband broke a set of dishes, told me I had to clean it all up, and stormed out of the house. It’s now 3:30am and he still hasn’t come home. Our 5 year-old son keeps asking about him. What warranted all this? Asking him how his day went. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 207

You deserved it 146

By moonlight77 - 11/01/2019 14:00

Today, I deliberately snapped a pic of myself and edited it to add to my story, in order to make my ex think I have a life on a Saturday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 207

You deserved it 2 229

Sussy baka

By Anonymous - 17/12/2021 23:01

Today, out of pure boredom, I created a Twitter account. Looking for pages to follow, I found out that my long-distance boyfriend is actually someone's husband. A month ago he posted a picture of himself and "The love of his life", wishing her a happy 30th birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 207

You deserved it 177

BFF for life

By Anonymous - 29/04/2021 21:30 - United Kingdom - Wokingham

Today, I'd been lonely for a while when I finally met a girl that is genuinely brilliant. She's all huggy, clingy and likes me back. Turns out she's a lesbian, so we can't be anything more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 207

You deserved it 200

Some people are irredeemable

By given.sins619 - 11/04/2023 22:00

Today, I got the news that the family who adopted me decided to send me back because I didn't share their MAGA ideals. This is the second family to send me back after the first one decided they couldn't financially take care of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 207

You deserved it 238

They see me rolling…

By CharlieP - 08/05/2023 22:00

Today, I’m walking around the streets with my stuff in a rolling suitcase. My mom saw fit to kick me out of the house because she found sextoys in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 207

You deserved it 248

I'm outta here

By Anonymous - 25/06/2022 16:00

Today, my boyfriend's recently mated tarantula disappeared from her enclosure with her egg sac, so she's now somewhere in the house with between 20 and 100 babies hatching within a week. I moved out this afternoon. My boyfriend caused this, he can damn well find her before I set foot in there again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 206

You deserved it 141

Ghosted

By LunaRayne13 - 10/09/2020 08:02

Today, I realized it's been over a month since my last therapy session. My therapist canceled on me and never got back in touch to reschedule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 206

You deserved it 229

Congratulations

By GiannyLuv - 27/08/2021 20:01

Today, I was supposed to be a bridesmaid at my friend's wedding. Instead, I'm bedridden with the effects of fibromyalgia. When I called my friend to let her know I wouldn't be making it, her response was, "Can't you get fiber-malgia some other time and hurry the fuck up and come? This place charges by the hour." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 206

You deserved it 199

Jane Doe

By her - 11/01/2022 08:01

Today, I accidentally called my friend by the wrong name. She's no longer speaking to me, because she thinks I have absolutely zero respect for her, and don’t care about her at all. In reality, she just looks exactly like the person whose name I called her by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 206

You deserved it 346

Narcissus

By Anonymous - 13/09/2021 17:00

Today, my friend isn't speaking to me since I came out to her. Not because she's a homophobe, but because she's mortally offended that I didn't confess my love in the process. Seems that everyone who's attracted to women should be attracted to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 206

You deserved it 123

That's kind of a big issue

By Anonymous - 24/09/2022 02:30

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years, who I love with every fiber in my body, just told me that he's not attracted to me. Not in any way, shape, or form. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 206

You deserved it 141

Fingered

By Anonymous - 28/08/2022 12:00 - Egypt

Today, I discovered that my husband doesn't wash his hands after using the toilet. Too bad I got to found out after three years of marriage, and while his finger was in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 206

You deserved it 210

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The Top

Today, I found my daughter's "sex songs" playlist. I was more disappointed by her poor taste in music than the fact that she is already sexually active. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 546

You deserved it 8 008

Today, it transpired that my mom has been spending her stint in prison trying to play matchmaker for me, going so far as to call one of her finds, "good breeding stock". Apparently, I don't already have enough criminals in my life; last September I was the only member of my family of 5 not locked up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 989

You deserved it 3 116

Today, while packing my luggage from vacation I thought I saw a penny drop into my bag. After looking everywhere I couldn't find it. Now that I am home I found out that I had mistaken a cockroach for a penny. I now have a family of cockroaches living in my luggage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 435

You deserved it 3 150

Oops!

I agree, your life sucks 256

You deserved it 135

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. I arrived early and waited for him for over an hour. When he finally showed up, he was wearing the exact same outfit as me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 207

Today, I tried the "hold on tight to your thumbs in your fists" method during a deep throat, which is supposed to prevent you from throwing up. Well, it doesn’t work. I'd eaten ratatouille. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 262