So leave her to her petty stubbornness. To be angry at your partner for self pleasuring is immature.

Some people feel like they should hold the exclusive keys to the sexual pleasure of their partner - It’s not so much jealousy when it comes to ************, as it’s about power over their partner… If I had to guess there is something else going on and wife is upset about something else and this “ruined anniversary” is just a symptom. And of course for her to see that husband is capable of self-pleasure just adds to the irritation that already existed. I urge you to try to get wife to open up about what is really bothering her - but not in an angry or hostile manner as that will only make matters worse… Regarding ************, it’s just human and harmless to a relationship, but unless it’s actually something your partner wants to see it’s usually best to save that for “alone” time. Though I understand that things like this happen… Finally, everyone wants their special days acknowledged and it’s important to do that. But personally I have a slight dread for those days because of the pressure to make the most of it. And whatever you do next year has to be as good or better than last year. I try to sort of have a standard for what we do or how much I spend on birthdays or anniversaries and avoid any major escalations as it just adds to the base expectation. A gift, a card, and a nice meal are my personal formula.

I sense something else is going on here. For example, maybe she didn't want to go to NYC. Did you ask for her input at all towards the trip?

I agree its pretty immature to be angry about that.

No one wants. To have sex. With someone who. Speaks in. Sentence. Frag. Ments.

Does the lack of sex come before or after catching you?