Today, I had a date with a guy I’ve known casually for a few weeks. Everything was OK, until he asked me to come back to his place because he had something “to share with me.” Apparently, he’s double jointed, because his mouth reaches below his waist. He even finished. FML
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College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I was on a second date with a guy. Things got a little handsy and he pulled down his pants to reveal a micro-penis. He then smiled and asked me to be his girlfriend. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy who insisted on eating off my plate the whole night. He didn't order his own food, because according to him, "it’s more intimate to share." He didn’t get why I found the whole deal off-putting. FML
Today, I went on another date with a guy I've had a crush on for a long time. Afterwards, we went back to my place for the first time and things got heated. While taking my pants off, he recoiled and asked if I thought it was still No Shave November. FML
Today, I went on a date with a sweet guy who was 6”11 tall, a size 14 shoe, a 55 inch chest from all his gym muscles, hands like baseball gloves, and gorgeous green eyes… all attached to a 3 inch penis that I could barely feel, and that lasted barely 15 seconds. The foreplay was shit too. FML
Today, I had a date with a guy I've had a crush on for 6 years. Things got heated when we got back to his place, but he had trouble getting the condom on. As soon he got it on, he came. I told him it was OK, I'd help him get hard again. He said, "No thanks. I'm good." FML
Today, I had a fancy dinner date with a really hot guy. Near the end of our meal, he asked if I wanted to go back to his place. As soon as we walked in the door, he started a religious debate with his roommate. It's been 45 minutes and it's still going. FML
Today, I was at a guy's house that I’d been seeing for a while. After watching a movie, I confessed that after these past few times we’ve hung out, I’ve started to catch feelings. He looked at me and said, "I actually don’t think I want anything serious, but are you down to be friends with benefits?" FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I really liked. The date was going great until he decided to try flossing his teeth with my hair. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
It doesn't sound like he "shared" very much. He just showed off.
Yudith 28
Double jointed?! Do you know how many joints are between each vertebrae? This guy is thousand-jointed! Seriously, this guy is limber than Marilyn Manson and all members of Metalocalypse put together with a ballerina and an Olympic gymnist. I guess his "day job" is contorsionist. This guy is the only one able to do all the positions in the Kama Sutra as a guy AND as a girl.
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Comments (7)
mattiagardin 15
Lucky him
RichardPencil 32
It doesn't sound like he "shared" very much. He just showed off.
Yudith 28
Double jointed?! Do you know how many joints are between each vertebrae? This guy is thousand-jointed! Seriously, this guy is limber than Marilyn Manson and all members of Metalocalypse put together with a ballerina and an Olympic gymnist. I guess his "day job" is contorsionist. This guy is the only one able to do all the positions in the Kama Sutra as a guy AND as a girl.
Davey Crocker 7
It sounds like he did you both a favor. Are you complaining?
emmalou 19
soo ur saying he licked himself... like a dog 🙀 Run girl, run!
protoskore 27
umm do you have his number?
geerod 16
At least you didn’t have to give him a hand or more!