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Thanks for the memories

By precious memories - 12/05/2022 02:00 - United States

Today, I went over to my mom’s place to attempt to help her clean up, as she’s a hoarder. I was devastated to see that in order to make room for all the unnecessary new crap she buys, she stored all of our childhood toys, photos and the like outside in uncovered bins. It’s all completely ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 186

You deserved it 131

I'm sticking with you

By Anonymous - 28/06/2022 04:00

Today, due to an emergency, I have worked for 21 hours non stop. When I got home at 6 a.m. I fell into bed and stuck to the sheets. Only then, just as he was going to work, did my husband yell up the stairs that the sheets needed washing because he spilled his cough medicine all over the bed when he woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 186

You deserved it 103

We need Legal Eagle on this one

By Anonymous - 05/09/2023 20:00

Today, my girlfriend of 4 months confessed that she purposely lied and told me she was on the pill when she wasn't so she could get pregnant (she now is). All websites call tampering with birth control reproductive coercion and abuse, but ONLY when a man does it to a woman. When she does it to me, it's a romance book plotline. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 186

You deserved it 197

Not you, her

By Emily - 06/04/2021 02:00 - United States - Greenville

Today, I told the guy I liked about my feelings, and he says, "Sorry I don’t like you, but can I get your sister's number?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 186

You deserved it 130

Father, you mean father

By Anonymous - 17/11/2020 02:02

Today, I found out wife has two baby daddies for our two kids. I’m neither one’s baby daddy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 186

You deserved it 109

Bashing the Bible

By Anonymous - 15/06/2022 16:00

Spicy

Today, my son is going to jail for robbing our church. This happened a year after my daughter was arrested for breaking in to the same church so she could have sex as a big "Fuck You" to God. I can’t show my face there anymore, and it’s the only church within 50 miles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 185

You deserved it 1 563

Broke

By never-even-owned-a-car - 30/08/2020 17:02

Today, it's the tenth anniversary of me getting my driver's license. My record is perfect: no accidents, no tickets. Today is also the tenth anniversary of the last time I drove a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 185

You deserved it 531

Giga barf

By Anonymous - 03/07/2022 06:00

Today, some woman, sick with god knows what, didn’t vomit into the bin next to my car, or even just onto the floor, she lurched over to my car and vomited through my open window onto my shirt and legs, and down into the footwell. I can still smell it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 185

You deserved it 102

Hard no

By Eduardo - 18/04/2021 20:00

Today, my 30-year old cousin, who is unemployed, parasitic and never completed high-school, whose girlfriend is a crack addict, wants to move into my place. He was evicted from an apartment building two weeks ago for assaulting some neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 185

You deserved it 94

Nags

By Anonymous - 04/04/2021 02:01

Today, ever since the company I worked for closed because of COVID, it took me 6 months to find a new job, during which time my wife and in-laws nagged me to get one. Now I have, my wife has asked for a divorce and I absolutely hate my new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 185

You deserved it 139

You forgetting something?

By Anonymous - 23/05/2022 02:00 - United States - North Miami Beach

Today, it was my birthday. My family usually gives me a financial gift, but didn't this time and said nothing about it. I cooked my own birthday dinner without help, then washed everyone's dishes. I got my own cake and ate it alone because they were too busy getting drunk. Nobody bothered to sing Happy Birthday either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 185

You deserved it 167

Make your mind up

By ActionBastard - 23/04/2021 04:59

Today, I was chewed out by my boss for reporting someone not wearing a mask in our store, because, "no one likes a snitch." I'm the security guard. It's my job to report that to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 185

You deserved it 162

You probably do

By Anonymous - 09/08/2021 22:01

Spicy

Today, I woke up after a really intense wet dream. Problem is, I'd fallen asleep in the living room. My little brother saw the whole thing. Now he's going around telling family I need to get some. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 185

You deserved it 239

Christmas is treacherous

By Jeremy - 20/12/2020 23:00

Today, I decided to take my girlfriend out to look at Christmas lights and get hot chocolate. While cleaning my snow-covered truck, I slipped and broke three bones in my ankle, and now need surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 185

You deserved it 84

Are you kidding me right now?

By Not your maid - 29/03/2023 16:00

Today, my husband had the cheek to ask me, “What’s for dinner tonight?” and “I have no clean slacks for tomorrow can you wash me some?” no more than 10 minutes after he told me he wants us to see other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 185

You deserved it 145

Normal, right?

By jj. - 15/01/2022 11:01

Spicy

Today, my 9 year-old son told me that sometimes he gets stiff “down there.” I assured him that it’s perfectly normal, but then he added that it only happens when he hears his stomach growling. Um, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 184

You deserved it 172

Seize the day

By Anonymous - 04/07/2023 15:00

Today, a guy that I've been friends with for almost 20 years, and for whom I have never shown even the slightest bit of romantic interest in, confessed his love for me. In front of everyone we know, at mine and my fiancé's engagement party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 184

You deserved it 164

Dodged a landmine

By Anonymous - 23/03/2023 12:00

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his mom, but she decided I was “unsuitable.” I hoped he’d be on my side. Nope, he just accepted her word as law, broke up with me, and pushed me outside. He'd driven me there, so I had to find a bus in a city I’ve never been to, in the dark, without a coat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 184

You deserved it 136

Tippi Hedren

By Anonymous - 12/07/2022 12:00 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my boss noticed some scratches on my shoulder and joked about how I must "like it rough". That's not a problem, we have a friendly working relationship. The problem is that I haven't had sex in nearly three years. The scratches are from my bird's claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 184

You deserved it 226

How can I make this about me?

By Anonymous - 04/02/2022 18:01

Today, it's my birthday. My wife took me to my favorite restaurant for dinner. She made me pay for my birthday dinner, along with hers. She also got me a gift card to HER favorite store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 184

You deserved it 170

By KayPlay - 04/11/2016 13:35 - United States

Today, I wore my best suit to an interview. I was told they didn't have any knight shifts available. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 184

You deserved it 97

By brittholzworth - 27/06/2019 20:00

Today, I found some cookies on my bed and got so excited that I kneed myself in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 184

You deserved it 754

Blabbermouth

By sigh - 27/11/2022 16:00 - Australia

Today, my sister-in-law went into premature labour, and we were asked to keep it quiet. My mother immediately called all her friends and relayed the whole situation in intimate detail. Yet she wonders why they don't spend time with her, and nobody tells her anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 183

You deserved it 131

Reality is weirder than fiction

By Broken Arm - This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff

Today, I found out that while it is unlikely you'll break your arm by catching it in the door, it is perfectly possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 183

You deserved it 137

I can't hear myself think in here

By Anonymous - 06/10/2022 08:30

Today, and for the past two weeks, my teacher hasn't taken a class, saying that she doesn't want to teach a class as loud as ours. When she does teach, it's near impossible to hear her over the yelling of other students. I checked the syllabus for an exam and it has two topics that she didn't cover. The exam is in two days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 183

You deserved it 203

Can't escape the QAnon Flavor Aid

By Can't move out - 25/06/2021 18:01

Today, I found out my parents truly believe that Donald Trump will return to power in August. They also believed it was going to happen in March. It's like living in a death cult. Help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 183

You deserved it 312

Skidmarks

By smelly asses - 17/09/2020 07:50

Today, my husband and my daughter engaged in a fart war. Guess who go to do a pile of shitty laundry, while the other texted his friends about the “hilarious” incident? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 183

You deserved it 223

So, about Valentine's…

By Anonymous - 17/02/2023 22:00 - United States - Sheppton

Spicy

Today, I witnessed a drunk woman going on a manic, unhinged rant about her vagina. It would’ve been funny if she wasn’t my blind date. The worst part is that we were at my favorite restaurant, and I can probably never show my face there again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 183

You deserved it 191

Not you

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff - Chile - Santiago

Today, I avoided checking Facebook because I didn't want to see all the Halloween parties involving my friends that I didn't get invited to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 183

You deserved it 261

Childlike

By Anonymous - 03/08/2020 20:01

Today, I asked my fiance for some attention. He licked my cheek and attached himself to my leg. He's 34 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 183

You deserved it 529

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The Top

The Top

Today, my 7 year old daughter explained to a taxi driver that she was born from my "vagina that doesn't have hair". He winked creepily at me and said, "I bet it doesn't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 058

You deserved it 5 851

Today, my car was broken into. What was stolen? My daughter's $11 One Direction poster. What will it cost to fix my car? $1,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 050

You deserved it 4 126

Today, I was having 'goodbye' sex with my boyfriend. Now for the next four months he's going to remember our last time as the one where I farted and couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 460

You deserved it 31 926

Today, I was desperately handing out resumes. I came to my local grocery store and asked for a job application, the customer service rep told me all she needed was my resume. I smiled and gave it to her only to see her read it, laugh and put it straight in the garbage as I walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 174

You deserved it 4 477

Today, it was my first day of work at my new job. I got dressed and arrived early, only to find out that the store had closed due to a power outage. Then I found out that the person who'd hired me had totally forgotten about hiring me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 968

You deserved it 130

Today, my psycho ex tried to call the cops on me for "poisoning her food." I live two hours away from her, and have no money or gas to go anywhere near her. Turns out, she poisoned herself for eating raw chicken and pizza dough. I have a child with this idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 768

You deserved it 365