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The all-time greatest FMLs

Lobbied

By not taking those! - 06/10/2020 23:07 - United States

Today, I called my insurance company begging for a new doctor. All my current one does is prescribe antidepressants for everything. Migraines? AD! Dizziness? AD! Birth control? AD! I’ve been having rough periods and I’m pretty sure she’s just trying to push pills to bill us more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 302

You deserved it 95

Zaps you dead

By FirstWeekFail - 04/09/2018 18:30

Today, I was bitching to my mom on the phone about the long, boring paper assignment my Lit professor gave us. Right after saying, "That woman needs to get laid" I heard laughter behind me. I turned around. Hello professor, just on my way to drop the course. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 302

You deserved it 3 258

Grossed out

By vomiting - 07/03/2022 16:00

Today, my boyfriend took me home to have dinner with his parents. I couldn’t eat a single bite after watching his mom let her three dogs taste all the food off her hands, while she also licked her own fingers while cooking. Later on, he dumped me for being rude and “too high maintenance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 302

You deserved it 155

Worst threesome ever

By Anonymous - 06/03/2021 11:02

Today, I finally got pulled into a threesome with the girl I've loved for years and another friend. She led the interaction with, "You only get to touch her" then, "I just wish [her ex] was here" and finished with, "OK, it's weird with you here, you can just go." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 302

You deserved it 280

Ghosts!

By Anonymous - 16/02/2021 14:01

Today, I was written up for bringing my son to work. For safety reasons, bringing kids to work is strictly prohibited. I don’t have any kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 302

You deserved it 94

Stalker vibes

By Anonymous - 02/10/2020 14:02 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I had a surprise visitor at my place. A guy I was talking to a few months back. He said he was down my way getting gas and thought he’d stop by. He lives more than 45 minutes from my place, in the opposite direction, with about 20 gas stations between us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 301

You deserved it 216

Hey stinky!

By kristinjanie10 - 04/06/2021 04:00

Today, my doctor informed me that my severe body odor has no cure, no treatments, and is caused by… eating food. Not any specific food, just food. So either I can stop eating entirely, or I can smell like rotting fish in an outhouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 301

You deserved it 116

It wasn't me

By Anonymous - 25/10/2020 12:02 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my mom blamed me for her family knowing about my dad cheating on her. She has forgiven him after multiple affairs with different ladies, yet she blames me that her family found out because they question her decision to be with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 301

You deserved it 103

We live in a society

By tlowbrim - 18/11/2020 02:02

Today, I'm working retail where masks are mandatory. A gentleman comes in with his mask below his chin. I politely say, "Hey dude, if you’re gonna shop here I'm going to need you to keep that mask on properly", to which he replies, "Fuck you, you stupid little bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 301

You deserved it 321

Scam artists

By oldladiesbecrazy - 03/09/2021 07:59

Today, in a market, an old lady stood beside me for a few moments, not saying a word, before turning to me and screaming that I'd taken the money out of her purse. Security was called and I was given the ultimatum to either go to jail or give her the money back. Now I have no food for next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 300

You deserved it 142

Party animal

By Anonymous - 16/09/2020 02:04

Today, my husband woke up, tried walking to the bathroom, fell down, got back up and started peeing on the carpet. I’ve never seen him this drunk before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 300

You deserved it 200

Mommy issues

By Anonymous - 30/11/2021 20:01

Today, my mother is such a nosy, intruding busybody, she has driven away my last three boyfriends who could no longer stand her. My latest fella had even proposed, but he asked for the ring back and you can bet he blamed my mother for repeatedly involving herself in our private business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 300

You deserved it 494

A good thing? Really?

By Anonymous - 20/06/2023 12:00

Today, my daughter had to deal with a Karen at her job, lost her temper, and punched her unconscious just to shut her up. Sounds like a good thing, right? Wrong, she pressed charges, got my daughter arrested, and she’s now facing years in prison for grievous bodily harm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 300

You deserved it 1 377

Troublemaker

By Anonymous - 11/01/2022 05:01

Today, a new hire at my workplace, who is already on probation, yelled at me about filing an HR complaint about him. I had customers, who definitely heard. I've never filed a complaint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 300

You deserved it 97

Kinky

By Anonymous - 25/04/2023 15:00

Today, I found one of those realistic, expensive sex dolls in my boyfriend's cupboard. I asked why on earth he had that and apparently it’s for all those filthy, violent sexual things he likes to do, but knows most women would never even agree to try. Um, WHAT? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 300

You deserved it 559

Victim blaming needs to die

By KitDi19 - 06/07/2021 18:01

Today, I was hit on by a guy while I was walking my dog. He said some crude stuff about my chest. I called my husband to pick me up, and after he'd got me my husband blamed me for it, saying I should dress more conservatively. I was wearing a tank top with a zip up hoodie (unzipped) over it, jeans, and flip flops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 300

You deserved it 186

Looks aren't everything

By Anonymous - 28/05/2020 02:00

Today, I was watching "My 600-lb Life". Most of the people on the show are married or in relationships. I cant even find a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 300

You deserved it 327

Invisible Woman

By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 00:01

Today, I accidentally overslept and missed a morning breakfast at work, one I never get to have when it happens. Not only did my boss say nothing about me being absent, he even asked me if the food was good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 299

You deserved it 394

Headphones are a health hazard

By Anonymous - 01/07/2021 16:01

Today, only some excellent security footage stopped me being arrested after I bumped into a young girl while looking at my phone and her mother, an Uber Karen, accused me of sexual assault and an off-duty woman police officer tackled me to the ground before I'd even took off my headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 299

You deserved it 131

Frustrated at work

By stillhorny - 11/08/2021 10:01

Today, my guy finally got his brother out of their house so we could try and get busy. It was going okay when he tried to put on a condom. It got soft. We messed around a little longer tried again. Then a third time. I finally just started to get dressed and he took me to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 299

You deserved it 203

Swindled

By Anonymous - 05/04/2022 18:00

Today, I found out that a two-day job I helped my dad do for his old friend was actually a job for a real customer, who paid my dad £4500. All I got for my two days work was coffee and Co-op sandwiches for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 299

You deserved it 143

Sabotage!

By I choose health - 11/04/2022 18:00

Today, my boyfriend admitted to purposely sabotaging all my weight loss efforts. When I confronted him, he said it’s because he doesn’t want me to get thin and turn into one of those stuck up, snobby, mean girl types that wouldn’t date him in high school. We’re in our 30s dude, get over it! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 299

You deserved it 164