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The GOP approves

By DianneG - 01/02/2023 02:00

Today, my 36 year-old ex-husband is engaged to my 18 year-old little sister. She’s graduating from high school in May of this year. Our divorce was finalized 3 months ago. My life should be a reality drama show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 339

You deserved it 134

Unwanted

By Anonymous - 02/07/2020 23:01

Today, I found out that I was not invited to my grandma's 80th surprise birthday party. I found out about it from my mom who lives out of state. I’m the only immediate family that would've been able to come. Due to coronavirus, I also missed my grandpa's 80th birthday. Guess I’m 2/2 this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 338

You deserved it 153

Vicious circle

By Anonymous - 16/02/2023 02:00

Spicy

Today, after months of therapy, it turns out my erectile dysfunction is basically caused by fear of my wife’s temper. I'm mentally too afraid of my wife to want sex with her, so my penis says “NO”. Also, due to my wife’s temper, I’m too afraid to tell her that I’m too scared to have sex with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 338

You deserved it 316

One-uppers are so annoying

By it still was! - 12/08/2022 18:00 - United States

Today, I was in a support group talking about how my sister and I were raised in a cult. Never one to be outdone, the loud mouth of the group piped up and scoffed, “Oh please! If it didn’t make the news and no one died, then it wasn’t a cult!” Sorry I wasn’t murdered. It was still abusive as fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 338

You deserved it 140

By keimA - 23/06/2019 12:30

Today, my new roommate, who seemed to get along with me just fine up until now, has requested to switch to a different room. Apparently, I was making racist comments in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 338

You deserved it 404

Callous

By CancerFreeLoader - 02/10/2021 14:00

Today, I found out that the giant tumour on my leg isn’t cancerous or dangerous. My mom cried, and I was super relieved. Later on, I heard her on the phone in tears because now she won’t be able to get a free vacation or home renovations from the Make A Wish foundation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 338

You deserved it 89

Surprise!

By Whyme - 30/06/2022 06:00

Today, I went on a date with my a man I’ve been seeing at a restaurant. I went to use the restroom. When I came back, he and my purse were gone. He won’t answer my phone calls or texts, and he blocked me on Instagram. I’ve been ghosted and robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 337

You deserved it 260

Assumptions

By WhataStrangeTripThisIs - 09/12/2020 14:53

Today, my fiancé and I both got fired from a job we desperately needed. Why? A friend had practiced sticking him for a phlebotomy class, so he had bandaids on his arms. I was nervous and shaky, as it was my first day. Apparently, this means that we are both IV drug users. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 337

You deserved it 173

WhataStrangeTripThisIs tells us more.

WhataStrangeTripThisIs 23

Wednesday 9 December 2020 11:01

OP here. The job was at Subway, so they really don't care about firing and hiring people enough to follow up with a drug test. We both offered! I have a great PT job at a doctor's office, but really needed extra income because COVID hit us hard. I was really surprised that they just randomly fired both of us over an assumption! WTF. The manager is a recovered addict and said she knew the signs. Umm, no, apparently you don't. We don't even have the money to DO drugs lol! Now we have no power. But still have a roof. **** 2020.

Unreasonable

By Anonymous - 14/05/2021 17:01 - United States - Wilmington

Today, my fiancé of over 5 years and I split, since I don't want kids and he does, which I have told him throughout our relationship. It gets better: we live in a house that his father owns and his father wants me out… in a fucking week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 337

You deserved it 722

By Anonymous - 18/07/2019 02:00

Spicy

Today, my son walked in on me masturbating. Now, whenever I don't do whatever he wants, he blackmails me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 337

You deserved it 2 211

Spellbreaker

By Anonymous - 08/12/2022 18:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend was eating me out and I was so close to orgasm, but he suddenly stopped because his phone notified him of the football scores. He only stopped for a few seconds to check but the moment was ruined, and even though he got right back down there it just wasn’t happening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 336

You deserved it 285

Really? In 2022?

By Anonymous - 05/05/2022 00:01 - United States

Today, I was busy going over wedding plans with my fiancé, when my mother called. Apparently, she wants me to "drop the joke" about this "fake engagement", because she was under the impression I was only dating a white guy to piss her and dad off, and was now getting carried away with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 336

You deserved it 122

Control your guns

By Anonymous - 01/08/2022 04:00

Today, I dropped a box from my dad's attic and blew a hole in my foot. I now have 3 toes missing because dad forgot he once wrestled a gun away from some kid trying to steal his wallet, meant to give it to the police, but kept forgetting, and it wound up in the attic for 11 years until today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 336

You deserved it 139

No kinkshaming, but come on…

By Anonymous - 30/11/2021 14:01

Spicy

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 336

You deserved it 175

Privacy violation

By privacy! - 02/05/2021 08:02

Today, I asked my mom to help my daughter with Zoom school while I handled an emergency. When I got back, I found out my mom went through my laptop containing all my documents, my emails and even the journal my therapist suggested I keep. She says she was looking for a Zoom link. Yeah right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 335

You deserved it 186

My brother the Gigachad

By Anonymous - 15/02/2022 06:01

Today, I thought my date last night went quite well, especially when she called me first thing this morning… until it turned out she wasn’t very impressed, and wanted my brother's number instead. The single, successful lawyer, who is 6 inches taller than me, who she saw on my Facebook page. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 335

You deserved it 140

Bag of frozen peas time

By Anonymous - 21/01/2022 23:01 - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, I got sent home from work after a customer's daughter kicked me in the balls because her order was wrong. She was 6 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 335

You deserved it 122

Scarpered

By James - 30/07/2019 18:00

Today, I asked the restaurant manager if he could arrange to deliver an engagement ring to me and my girlfriend with our desserts. Desserts came, no ring. That guy wasn’t the manager, just a guy in a suit who legged it with my ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 335

You deserved it 2 303

Snitches get bitches

By d for vendetta - 21/04/2021 23:00

Today, after weeks of asking my neighbor nicely to pick up his dog’s crap out of the common area, I got fed up and reported him to the landlord and the city. He’s now been given two options; either get rid of his dog or move out. He’s now sworn revenge on me, even though he was the one being gross. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 335

You deserved it 263

By Anonymous - 17/08/2019 20:03

Today, I fell off my chair, then missed it completely trying to sit back down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 335

You deserved it 380

Think it through

By Anonymous - 14/05/2020 23:00

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend by knocking on her door and kneeling in front of it. I forgot that her door opens outwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 335

You deserved it 1 200

Dysfunctional

By Anonymous - 11/10/2021 05:00 - Germany - Norden

Today, health insurance is supposed to take care of your health. Or that’s what I thought. Mine is currently pushing me towards suicide, by repeatedly asking for money I don’t have, for an insurance I don’t want, because they don’t pay for anything that actually helps me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 334

You deserved it 168

No justice

By Anonymous - 04/10/2020 20:01 - Germany - Hörth

Today, my ex-boss still owes me almost 900€. I just paid another 150€ to have a lawyer tell me that, yes, the law is clearly on my side but no, I will most likely not win in court because I don't have hard proof. I just paid money to be told I won't be getting the money I'm owed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 334

You deserved it 168

Buy your own then!

By Anonymous - 29/01/2019 14:00 - Germany - Bad Frankenhausen

Today, I asked my mom to buy me new shorts. She bought fluffy bubble shorts. I'm a 20 year-old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 334

You deserved it 2 193

Billy no-mates

By Anonymous - 13/08/2020 02:01

Today, I feel both happy and jealous of my father. It's his birthday and he has received over 100 times more phone calls than me. I'd had two: one from my local bank manager and one from my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 295

Retail stinks

By Anonymous - 26/07/2020 23:00

Today, a pipe leaked in the store I work at. I had to smell sordid waste for more than 8 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 106

Sharing is caring

By Anonymous - 11/02/2021 14:01

Today, I poured myself a glass of Coke from the bottle in the fridge. While drinking it, I saw tiny pieces floating in it. Apparently, my boyfriend had drunk straight from the bottle in the morning, felt sick and threw up. He then put the bottle back in the fridge. I just drank my boyfriend's vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 158

Chill your jets, Billy Bragg

By Anonymous - 14/11/2022 02:00 - Australia - Fitzroy

Spicy

Today, I went down on my partner to the point where she suffered a TIA (transient ischemic attack) and lost consciousness temporarily. It seemed like she'd had a stroke, so I ended up having to call an ambulance, and she gets to spend two days in hospital because I apparently give excellent oral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 343

Parental advice

By Anonymous - 09/09/2021 14:00 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, my brother and his wife, who is 6 months pregnant, disturbed our boring family vacation by having really loud sex. Our Mother then began a sentence aimed at me that started with, "I think if you showed more enthusiasm…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 191

Run, run now

By marie - 10/03/2021 16:59

Spicy

Today, I discovered my husband of 3 years is cheating on me with another woman. Nice to know he has absolutely zero feelings for me at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 182

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The Top

The Top

Today, I had to fire an employee due to his staggering incompetence. The moment I said the F-word, he started fake-coughing, then loudly humming, then went to his desk and pretended not to hear anything I was saying. It took 3 of us to drag him out of the building kicking and screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 172

You deserved it 1 966

Today, I left my dog in the car while I quickly ran into a store. I came out to a woman smashing at my window, screaming that it was too hot in the car for the dog and saying I was being inhumane. The car was still running and the air conditioning was on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 762

You deserved it 9 094

Today, I sampled some of the food my fiancée's mom is making for our wedding. Everything tasted terrible, and I almost vomited. Turns out she never actually went to culinary school as she claimed, but had just watched Julie and Julia. It's too late to book another caterer for the wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 688

You deserved it 5 712

Today, I moved in with my brother to save on a swanky apartment. I was skeptical as to how this would work out as we fought a lot as kids. Our first big fight? Whether or not to keep his dorm-style futon complete with Return of the Jedi sheets. He's a 35-yr old physician; I'm a 28-yr old lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 760

You deserved it 11 421

Today, after months of telling my landlord about the weak floorboards in my living room, I fell through them as I was trying to repair them myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 289

You deserved it 347

Today, I found a video on my boyfriend's phone of him getting a blowjob. When I confronted him, he panicked and claimed it was me in the video. Then he tried to say it was from before we met, even though in the video he was wearing the watch I bought him for his birthday 3 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 589

You deserved it 348