By Anonymous - 14/5/2020 23:00

Think it through

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend by knocking on her door and kneeling in front of it. I forgot that her door opens outwards. FML

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1218

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Thanks, I'm cured!

Race against the clock

Gas giant

By fukingtigans - 29/7/2015 15:30 - Croatia - Rupalj

Today, my business got broken into and I lost a lot of valuable equipment. Although I have 24/7 security guards, they left in the middle of the burglary because they were too scared to stop the burglars or even to call the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30539

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2474

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By mista hunna - 8/9/2016 05:31 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I found the dog I lost while I was dog sitting. It was with its new adoptive family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12390

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1543

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By Anonymous - 9/2/2015 04:47 - United States - Peoria

Today, my mom asked my siblings and me for help cleaning the kitchen. After working for a half hour while all my siblings sat on the couch, I pointed out that I was the only one working. My mom thanked my siblings for not having attitudes like mine and sent me to my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38269

You deserved it

3182

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By Gemma - 3/11/2010 11:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a portable speed camera on the highway and braked hard. I caused a 4 car pile-up and my car is totaled. It wasn't a speed camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8138

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60492

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By hoody - 22/1/2010 22:27 - United States

Today, I got to sleep in the same bed as the love of my life...and her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32377

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5880

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2015 16:56 - Netherlands - Gennep

Today, I was in a hot tub at a public sauna. After chatting with a friendly couple, I decided to go get some lunch. I was halfway out of the water when the man started laughing and said he'd thought I was a woman. I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28866

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2309

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By ForeverAlone - 15/9/2011 21:46 - Canada

Today, I was at my cousin's house. We weren't spending time together because he was always texting. After a couple of minutes, I got jealous. I played a ringtone on my cell, and "answered" it. I had a whole conversation with nobody in an attempt to seem somewhat more popular than a 10-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12624

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29056

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By Anonymous - 2/7/2017 10:00 - China - Chengdu

Wrong, just wrong

Today, while licking maple syrup off my wife during foreplay, I probably shouldn't have referred to her breasts as pancakes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4620

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7094

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By Anonymous - 29/10/2013 10:40 - Australia

Today, I finally got to surprise my boyfriend with a birthday cake. I spent four days planning the perfect one. First thing he says? "Erm, you know I'm 32, right?" I got his age wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30865

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36514

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2020 14:00

Hmmm, nutritious!

Today, I'm in the coronavirus-vulnerable group, so I asked my friend to go shopping for me because I'm in need of food and toilet paper. They came back with a bag of icing sugar, even though food and toilet paper were available in the shop. Forty minutes later, the shelves were stripped bare. FML

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1706

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163

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By friedbutter - 28/10/2012 14:53 - Canada - Pickering

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to tell my 10-year-old son that if he wanted to get girls, he had to do the Gangnam Style. My son has now non-stop been doing the Gangnam Style. FML

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25923

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4580

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By TaddM21 - 2/1/2015 03:18 - United States - Salem

Today, I dragged my grill outside in the freezing cold to cook a steak for New Year's day. I left my spatula in the garage, and I set the still-wrapped steak on the grill. I was only gone 45 seconds, but that was long enough for my cat to open the wrapper and run off with my steak in his jaws. FML

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29726

You deserved it

6873

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By eww - 13/6/2012 06:13 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I was at a big family reunion at my aunt's place. Before dinner, I went outside in the garden for a smoke. Through the kitchen window, I saw my cousin spit in the soup. Twice. My aunt patted his back and continued stirring. FML

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30756

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2579

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2013 13:56 - Canada - Thunder Bay

Today, while at work, my ex-boyfriend came in. I pretended not to see him, hoping he would just pass on by. No such luck. He stopped to tell me that he was there for orientation. My company hired him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34920

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3218

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By ActuallyDoneFor - 10/11/2018 10:30 - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, my boyfriend and I had a friend over. This friend was talking about how 2 girls were trying to get with him. My boyfriend says "I wouldn't ever fuck the blonde one, but I would do the other one in a heartbeat." Then, realizing what he said, he hesitantly added "...if I was single." FML

I agree, your life sucks

3183

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379

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By MissKitty - 10/3/2017 04:00

Special Snowflake Kitty

Today, I found out why I couldn't properly breathe nor sleep for the past 2 days. I'm allergic to the new kitty litter. This is the special litter I had to buy because my snowflake cat is allergic to all the other brands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4924

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672

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By cinder - 16/10/2020 02:02 - United States - Denver

Caring parenting

Today, and every day I decide to get therapy for my severe depression, my parents spring a workload of chores on me, which mentally exhausts me to the point I can’t do anything. Including start my therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

913

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181

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By ceedee - 24/1/2010 02:14 - United States

Today, I was pondering the meaning of life - why I'm here, why anyone is here, why go on, and whether it's worth it... Then it hit me. The football in the head, not the meaning of life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13297

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25378

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By shitface - 25/1/2010 10:18 - Australia

Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML

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33454

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3413

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By shal4 - 27/11/2015 17:55

Today, within 20 minutes of waking up, my dad gave me a pained look and said: "Uhh, turns out your laptop isn't waterproof." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24782

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1412

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By Anonymous - 1/2/2017 18:00 - United States - Twinsburg

Today, I was pulled aside by my father's new wife and told, "You're not your dad's favorite anymore and you need to stop acting like it." FML

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9332

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595

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By littlelia - 15/9/2019 14:00

Mirror, mirror…

Today, my fiance's mother asked him how he can be with someone with chronic pain for the rest of his life. She has chronic health problems too, but doesn't see how this is a hypocritical question. FML

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1502

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109

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By Stuckwiththebill - 28/1/2018 01:30

The show must go on!

Today, during my wedding ceremony, the groom-to-be found it appropriate to blurt out about an ongoing affair with my maid of honor. They got married instead. FML

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6434

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388

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By kicking me while I'm LITERALLY down - 7/11/2017 05:00

Today, I was hit by a car while riding my bike, so I called my dad for help. He blamed me for the accident, said he wasn't sure what I wanted him to do, and suggested I call my mom instead. She isn't picking up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4499

You deserved it

267

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2013 15:58 - United States - Dade City

Today, a radio show asked the question, "Where does the dentist live in Finding Nemo?" I called in and got through. When he asked me the question, instead of the actual answer I quickly gave out my own address over live radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40932

You deserved it

19515

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By Anonymous - 21/4/2009 22:04 - United States

Today, due to the cold, windy weather, I decided to wear my brand-new cute (and expensive) jacket that has a faux-fur hood. As I walked down the street, numerous PETA members attacked me with red liquid. I'm a Vegan and an animal-rights activist. FML

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67783

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24880

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By anonymous - 30/6/2010 04:05 - United States

Today, my aunt and I wanted to do something nice. So we made cookies for a local nursing home. After tasting them, nobody ate any. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31756

You deserved it

5957

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By Screwed - 7/6/2014 13:31 - Australia

Today, I took some heavy pain medication before calling my boyfriend. I don't remember the call, but apparently confessed to really liking corn, and faking orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50258

You deserved it

15711

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By badtrip - 3/3/2009 03:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was packing for her study abroad program. Jokingly, I got her a pack of condoms. She laughed, saying "Oh yeah, I'll definitely need some of those." Later, I showed up to take her to the airport and saw her open suitcase in the kitchen, with the condoms on top. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41180

You deserved it

33337

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By what... - 15/9/2013 18:47 - United States - North Port

Today, my boss took me to one side and said, "Cross me like that ever again, and you're fired." I have no clue what he was talking about, and he denies ever having said a word to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41514

You deserved it

2795

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By Jo - 21/11/2012 05:42 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to the Apple store to try and figure out what's going on with my iPhone. After an hour of speaking to three different geniuses and waiting around, their solution was to "Google it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26790

You deserved it

3921

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By Yellow an - 26/1/2015 22:19 - United States

Today, all day, in a huge blizzard, I've been stuck with a very nice, but very ugly, toothless and rather large and somewhat smelly woman, who has been continuously saying, "It feels like we're dating. Doesn't it feel like we're dating?" Ugh. No, no it doesn't. And please don't kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27745

You deserved it

2920

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By princessj - 16/10/2010 05:50 - United States

Today, my 4 year old son told his preschool teacher that his daddy could pick up 10,000 cows but couldn't pick up his mommy because she was too heavy. I'm the mommy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31756

You deserved it

6122

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By nerp - 29/3/2016 19:44 - Canada - Toronto

Today, a stranger had a go at me for smoking while pregnant. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18914

You deserved it

2648

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By me - 25/1/2012 03:40 - Canada

Today, I attended an elderly man's funeral. As I approached the casket his wife said, "Thank you for coming." I replied with, "No, thank you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

11995

You deserved it

30150

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By whiskey'swino - 9/6/2019 14:19

Today, while working in a dark nightclub, I dropped a red charger. Retracing my steps, I found it, or so I thought until I picked up a used tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1883

You deserved it

231

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By coolest_mom - 25/11/2015 06:00

Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

27385

You deserved it

2866

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By nicolette5785452 - 16/11/2010 15:34 - United States

Today, I shadowed an ultrasound technician for my future career. She did an ultrasound on me to show me how to do the job. I found out I was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53705

You deserved it

13296

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By Anonymous - 24/7/2019 22:00

Today, I found out that I'm not my girlfriend's only boyfriend. The other guy sells shoes on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1488

You deserved it

100

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By shikushiku - 3/8/2016 03:12 - United States - Plano

Today, my father went missing. Naturally worried, we searched his workplace, hospitals, and other locations. Ends up he got arrested for driving around town drunk out of his mind. Oh, and it's my birthday. Thanks for throwing me a great (search) party, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14249

You deserved it

953

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Top comments

By Ahmed Sakr | 16

#7906277 - Friday 15 May 2020 3:15

So you really fell for her

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7906260 - Friday 15 May 2020 0:57

She's a knockout.

COMMENTS

By bloopaloop | 27

#7906243 - Thursday 14 May 2020 23:50

Soooo WHAT DID SHE SAY???

By ajh1800 | 25

#7906245 - Thursday 14 May 2020 23:52

I hope she said yes!! This will make a really cute memory in the future 🤗

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7906260 - Friday 15 May 2020 0:57

She's a knockout.

Cocoapelli | 23

#7906272 - Friday 15 May 2020 3:07

Well, he's also a pushover XD

Cocoapelli | 23

#7906273 - Friday 15 May 2020 3:07

Yes, but he's a pushover XD

BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7906791 - Sunday 17 May 2020 4:46

Hopefully he didn't become a doormat.

By Ahmed Sakr | 16

#7906277 - Friday 15 May 2020 3:15

So you really fell for her

By sickerthanyou | 13

#7906324 - Friday 15 May 2020 6:58

Hopefully she said no. Enough “dees” in the world

By alex_jaguara | 29

#7906332 - Friday 15 May 2020 7:32

Do no marry, man. Might end badly.

By MamaChey | 22

#7906365 - Friday 15 May 2020 11:15

I have never in my life seen exterior doors the open outward.

BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7906793 - Sunday 17 May 2020 4:48

My front door does. Scares the shit out of people, but I open it slowly so I don't get accused of hitting them on purpose.

By ViviMage | 38

#7906574 - Saturday 16 May 2020 2:53

"Will you m-*twhack!*

By dahthunderbird | 8

#7906936 - Sunday 17 May 2020 23:23

i hope the door said yes