Today, I got electrocuted at work. The boss thinks I'm faking, even though a chunk of my left hand is gone. FML
Today, after 9 years of loveless marriage, my wife confided in me that she was always an introvert and depressed person, but pretended to be outgoing and fun loving with me up until our marriage, so she could marry me just to lift herself up from low class to high class society. FML
Today, I confronted my boyfriend about him and his female friend’s friendship making me uncomfortable. He responded by throwing the mother of all fits and punching a hole in the wall. He said I have to pay for the repair, because I "made him do it." FML
Today, it's been over three months since my ex and I split up. It's also been three months since I've seen my step-daughter. Being an ex-stepfather is heartbreaking. FML
Today, an ex of mine told me she wanted a threesome. This was great until I realised I wasn't included. FML
Today, I broke up with my long-term boyfriend, because his alcohol problem is so bad that he drank his way through an old bottle of Tequila, which belonged to my mum, and that I'd kept after she committed suicide. FML
Today, my stepmom burned all my Harry Potter stuff. Apparently, Harry Potter is the "Devil’s plan to corrupt good Christian children" and "That shit is make believe anyway." What did my dad ever see in this evil witch? FML
Today, I spent all day doing chores around the house, including mowing and raking the lawn, paying bills, going to the store, meal prepping, and cleaning the fridge. When I sat down to enjoy some well-earned games, my girlfriend sighed and asked if I ever planned to contribute anything to our relationship. FML
Today, a guy I like invited me to play video games. Naked. He asked me to show up naked too. I did. He was too busy in a video game raid to even notice. FML
Today, I jacked off in the shower using soap with scrubbing beads in it. My penis is so chaffed, it hurts to put on pants. FML
Today, I walked in on my mother-in-law teaching my 11 year-old daughter how to purge herself using a toothbrush. Her logic is that, “If she gets fat, she’ll never get a boyfriend.” She sees nothing wrong, and bitched at me for messing with her future. FML
Today, my boss replaced me, with my 25 years experience, as head chef with her son, who has a GCSE in food studies from 15 years ago and hasn’t even worked a restaurant before. I’m sitting here, watching our customers send food back untouched because it’s so bad. This has ruined us. FML
Today, I scrambled to get out of work on the dot to go to a special pharmacy that closes at 5 pm an hour away. I arrived at 4:58. Upon reaching the door, one of the employees came and locked it in my face. Apparently, her going home early was more important than me getting my medication. FML
Today, my dad muttered something about the snow in Texas being fake, caused by 5G. I didn't take the bait, because it made a change from natural disasters being caused by my "homosexual life choices." FML
Today, my ex mother-in-law stupidly made an offhand comment, so I got my kids DNA tested. NONE, I repeat NONE of them is mine. When I think of the thousands I’ve paid in child support I’ll never get back, and now my own mother thinks I’m an asshole for refusing to pay any further. FML
Today, my parents took me out to dinner. I thought they were taking me because it's my birthday. Turns out they are getting divorced. They forgot it was my birthday. FML
Today, I found out my ex lets our kids watch Game of Thrones during his weekend visits. Our kids are 8 and 6. FML
Today, I had an argument with my husband. I’m a stay at home mom with a six, three, and one year-old. He insisted that we homeschool, so I literally never get a break. When I told him I need people to talk to, he replied, "Why? You talk to the kids all day!” God forbid I should interact with other adults. FML
Today, I was replacing some outlets for work and I got surprise-electrified. I threw my wire strippers in the air while yelling, "Oh fuck me." The homeowner and his 2 kids were standing 3 feet away. He was not happy. FML
Today, my roommate told me he was bringing home his new girlfriend. When the arrived, he introduced me to… my longtime crush. FML
Today, I'm so single, I signed up for a free consultation on an LGBT arranged marriage site. FML
Today, I asked my wife who she would choose, me or the dog. She chose the dog. No hesitation. FML
Today, after I invited my friend to a movie and she cancelled on me because she had to study, I obviously agreed and cancelled our tickets, I was scrolling through Instagram stories and came across hers, and saw she was with one of her friends in that same movie theater. FML
Today, I was fired from my job for wearing a mask. The manager said I must have Covid, since I was the only one wearing a mask and following state mandated orders. I told him, "I'll see you in court!" FML
Today, I got home from work a few hours early to find my mum cheating, right in the middle of the act. So much for a nice afternoon off. FML
Today, after months of avoiding fast food, I decided to eat some McDonald's french fries. Though the fries were delicious, they were not worth the agonizing 15 minutes I spent on the toilet afterwards. FML
Today, we went to clear out our car. It was totaled by a drunk driver without car insurance. It was first towed to the police's impound lot, and then transferred to a garage. Everything was in the car at the police lot, but when we got to the garage, the two 12" subwoofers and amplifier were gone from the car. FML
Today, I went to my local supermarket to get my electricity topped up. Problem is, 2 of the 3 cash machines weren't working. The third was, until I tried to withdraw cash, then nope. The supermarket only accepts cash for meter top ups. FML
Today, I got an email stating that my scholarship request was denied, 51 days after applying with no response. I'm now forced to drop-out from my college degree because I ran out of money, and I've been unsuccessful at finding a job for two years either, thanks to Covid. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 3 years said he wanted an open relationship. When I asked if it was because I wasn’t good enough to fulfill his needs, he got mad at me and now expects an apology. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
