By semokco - 14/05/2015 18:59 - United States - Seminole

Today, I found out my wife confided in a coworker that she wants to sleep with him, because our marriage is loveless and sexless. News to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks 35 566
You deserved it 3 480

semokco tells us more.

Howdy! Op here. So nice of all of you that assume that I'm not doing my part. Let me say: I am. Our marriage is not sexless, I do express and have expressed my love in creative and whole ways. Our marriage is not "sexless"- there is a possible pregnancy, ATM.

Top comments

Give her the news of a marriage-less relationship.

That is so messed up on many levels. I am so sorry OP! I would say try counseling if you desire to, but I know from experience that it's always easier said than done to make a spouse work on marriage; especially when it sounds like she's already moving on. :(


Then you should confide in her. Communication is key. Even if you feel like the relationship is good, obviously she doesn't. Bitch move by her, but clearly she isn't happy with the relationship.

You know how it goes, there's no love for these hoes.

Not a simple bitch move, if she's actively looking to cheat him and doesn't give a shit to cover up it seems the relationship is already over, she just didn't tell him.

"Just didn't tell him" is the bitch move part, not actively looking to cheat. If you want out of a relationship, that's not bitchy. Not ending it before pursuing other love interests is.

yeah but sadly there is no cure for being a cheater

Give her the news of a marriage-less relationship.

Sounds like she doesn't deserve, or appreciate you OP!

I feel stupid now because I said no to this on moderate ?

That is so messed up on many levels. I am so sorry OP! I would say try counseling if you desire to, but I know from experience that it's always easier said than done to make a spouse work on marriage; especially when it sounds like she's already moving on. :(

Maybe you should confide in a marriage counsellor or maybe a divorce lawyer if things can't be fixed

Shipley18 17

You need to heat things up then. At least she didn't actually sleep with him....that we know of

Pretty sure "heating things up," after finding out there is no trust or communication in your marriage, is not the best next step.

Shipley18 17

Pretty sure if their marriage is "loveless and sexless" they should put more into their relationship whether it is by heating things up (which works for some) or by therapy. If they have already tried to help there relationship and it isn't working then maybe they weren't meant to be

lexiieeex3 32

If OP's wife is looking elsewhere before talking to him, why put in the time and energy for a selfish, disrespectful bitch?

Shipley18 17

Yeah it was ****** up for OP's wife to tell her coworker that, but OP shouldn't just give up on his wife for one mistake. They need to talk it out and try to make their relationship work

funneh1 21

One mistake? That's one hell of a mistake. He should not give her (a futuristic cheating bitch) any second chances. She obviously doesn't care for her hubby. Oherwise she would of confided in him long ago. OP deserves someone who will be faithful to the bitter end and returns the same amount of love he gives. I can't understand your point of view.

Shipley18 17

Everyone makes mistakes. Maybe OP wasn't putting enough effort into the relationship and maybe he was. But should he let this ruin his whole marriage? No she can't be trusted, but they should try to work things out. She told the guy she wanted to sleep with him and yeah that wasn't the smartest idea but I'm guessing she's not the only person in the world who finds someone other than her spouse attractive and wants to sleep with them. She's an idiot and yeah she should have talked to her husband but at least she didn't sleep with the guy. Maybe he should give up on the relationship, but maybe he shouldn't. It comes down to how they both feel about each other and whether they want to try to fix their relationship.

this comment makes it sound weirdly like she thinks its his fault. which is ridiculous. even if their relationship isn't working her behaviour is well out of order.

#24 yes everyone makes mistakes, but not everyone makes huge mistakes such as making plans to cheat on their spouse instead of talking to said spouse about their unhappiness.

I've freaked out and broken down over my husband and I not having enough sex. It messes you up, you feel unloved, ugly, and a ton of other awful things. Maybe once a month is enough for him but she is sexually frustrated. In my case my husband was over worked and tired, where my energy and excitement level spiked. So every time I tried to start something he was tired or not in the mood. I sent him a massive message saying I felt unloved and no longer sexy, at first he called me crazy and that we have sex all the time but when I asked him when the last time was he realized how long it had been. He apologized and said he'd try be there for me more. I was so ramped up I barely entertained the idea of sleeping with someone else but really all I wanted was my husband to love me and prove it by making love to me. Marriage is HARD, sometimes you're head over heels and wanna say I love you a bazillion times, other times you're annoyed, upset, even disappointed. That's life. The OP's wife may have held her feelings in for so long she doesn't know how to talk to him. OP now that you know she is unhappy tell her you know and ask her why.

No, I'm a "3 times a day" kinda guy. She turns me down often enough that it's usually once every two weeks.

@18... that wasn't a mistake. A mistake is when you do something by accident, or you do something without understanding how it undermines your intent. This wasn't a mistake, it was as deep a betrayal of trust as if she'd slept with the coworker. Hats off to people who come back from something like that, but it is hard, painful, and very uncertain. I would agree with trying to save the relationship in principle, but I wouldn't judge a man at all harshly if he felt that his wife declaring their marriage loveless and sexless while trying to get it on with her (his?) coworker was simply too much. FYL OP

I'm sorry OP. Your wife clearly is trying to use the sympathy card to get laid... How awful. I guess you have a big discussion ahead of you. Good luck.

I agree with you... I think the problem here may be miscommunication. The wife may even have done this to get his attention. It's not unheard of for someone's partner to be totally oblivious to the fact that their relationship is loveless and sexless. Especially if they're a workaholic. It wasn't right for the wife to run off and try to cheat instead of dealing with the issue headon, but I'd like to know why this is "news" to the op?

Glad you found out what she is doing behind your back.

elizacandle 29

Sexless could mean not enough sex. If she wants it several times a week and he wants it once a month or less it would feel like a sexless marriage to her.

No, it's not. It was recently 3/wk, would a been more, but her job keeps her out of the house when I'm there.

friedpwnadge 25

I take it you found out from the co-worker, then? What a despicable person. If you don't like a house, don't burn it down, just leave it.

I fee sorry for OP, cheating is one thing that I cannot forgive. just no.