By Karissa - 24/8/2021 10:01

Major red flag

Today, I confronted my boyfriend about him and his female friend’s friendship making me uncomfortable. He responded by throwing the mother of all fits and punching a hole in the wall. He said I have to pay for the repair, because I "made him do it." FML
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By  Doom_Kitty  |  6

Yeah...run! I mean, having friends of the opposite gender while you're in a relationship should be totally fine for both. That's the base of a working relationship: being together but also being an own personality with an own life.
BUT: getting violent and blaming the partner is one of the biggest red flags he could wave so get out there and have contact with people who at least communicate as if they were adults^^

By  Michael Wood_279567485  |  7

I don't know whether there was anything untoward in that friendship ... but to be honest that is 100% irrelevant here, because there is ZERO justification for that outburst.
If you feel safe doing so, it needs to be a conversation. Be clear that he needs to apologise and it NEVER happens again.
If you don't feel safe having that conversation, you need to start making an exit plan.
If he tries to justify his outburst without apologising, just walk.

COMMENTS
By  mega_bite  |  7

while punching a wall is beyond stupid. I have a close female friend of 20 years, she calls me her big brother. there never has and never will be anything beyond friendship, she is like family. if you told me I couldnt see her, it would be like saying I couldn't see family. it would hurt not only because I cold lose a close friend But having it implied I was a cheat when there was nothing going on, would also hurt.

Then again, lots of guys are dicks who cheat, and react badly when getting caught.

you got to decide which he is.

Reply
  Alan883  |  11

sorry but "punching a hole into a wall" is not "stupid", its "major anger management issues". and "you made me do it" is even worse. you know who says "you made me do it" after getting violent (and yes, punching the wall so hard given the implication for the op is violence)? abusers, thats who.

3 months down the road of op apologizing for "making him do it" it won't be the wall but her face that gets the fist because "she made him do it". sorry but op should run as fast as she can. "you made me do it" is the worst reaction imaginable after such an outburst

By  Michael Wood_279567485  |  7

I don't know whether there was anything untoward in that friendship ... but to be honest that is 100% irrelevant here, because there is ZERO justification for that outburst.
If you feel safe doing so, it needs to be a conversation. Be clear that he needs to apologise and it NEVER happens again.
If you don't feel safe having that conversation, you need to start making an exit plan.
If he tries to justify his outburst without apologising, just walk.

By  Doom_Kitty  |  6

Yeah...run! I mean, having friends of the opposite gender while you're in a relationship should be totally fine for both. That's the base of a working relationship: being together but also being an own personality with an own life.
BUT: getting violent and blaming the partner is one of the biggest red flags he could wave so get out there and have contact with people who at least communicate as if they were adults^^

By  hopejm  |  2

run. I've dealt with men like him. he's gaslighting you and he has anger issues. HE WON'T CHANGE!!!!! also, I don't think their relationship is kosher. even if there is nothing going on between them, he's still blaming you for causing him to blow up. that's his problem, not yours. he will only get worse. RUN
good luck

By  EBrogen  |  12

I usually give a woman a hard time, but I'm with a couple of others. The other woman is irrelevant in the situation. Imagine if things progress, is this really someone you wish to become dependant upon. That "made me do it" excuse just can't be overlooked, it tells a lot about the past, present and future.