The Top

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Self medicated

By Anonymous - 07/08/2022 06:00

Today, my husband is a chef and now he has Covid, he's so desperate not to lose his senses of taste or smell that he’s started gargling vodka to kill the virus in his throat faster. He’s even started squirting it up his nose, then crying because of the pain. I give up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 152

Boobaloo

By nerdlette - 15/03/2014 19:34 - United States - Newport News

Today, I was feeling really down and insecure after a friend joked about how small my boobs are. When my grandma got me to tell her what happened, she reassured me that all the girls in our family were late bloomers. I said "Really?" and she replied, "Oh no dear. Quite the opposite." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 149

You deserved it 4 038

By Anonymous - 27/02/2013 18:27 - United States - New Orleans

Today, after scouring my apartment for quarters to do laundry, I found the correct amount of change. The change got jammed in the washing machine. I now have no more quarters, and my clothes are caked with soap from washing them in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 301

You deserved it 3 951

Assholes

By NoRespect - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I spent an hour setting up a delicate display stand at work. Not five minutes later, a woman barged in with her little kid, who immediately went up to the display and tipped the whole thing over. When I called attention to the mother, she just scoffed, "Isn't this your job?" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 108

You deserved it 3 331

By Wrongtoilet - 12/07/2010 08:28 - Singapore

Today, I was at a new shopping mall. After an hour, I desperately needed to use the bathroom. Spotting one, I ran inside, locked myself in a cubicle and relieved myself. The toilet paper was out so I knocked on the cubicle beside me to ask for some. A lady's voice answered. She needed some too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 880

You deserved it 5 472

By DusterOverBits - 23/09/2009 09:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I was home alone, and decided to do some naked cleaning just because I could. After half an hour of liberating nakie-dusting, I turn around to see my boyfriend and his best friend gaping at me open mouthed. His older brother however gave a creepy smile and the thumbs up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 398

You deserved it 44 882

And now, on Judge Judy

By Anonymous - 15/10/2019 22:00

Today, I found out my roommates spent my rent money and told the landlord I never paid. I've paid my rent and theirs the past six months. My name's on the lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 842

You deserved it 455

By Crochocinco85 - 13/03/2014 11:59 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was walking through the main lobby at school and I saw someone waving at me, so I waved back. Turns out she was just cleaning a glass door. I heard laughter behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 700

You deserved it 6 452

Still warm

By kimmybr - 22/09/2009 09:36 - United States

Today, I cleaned my bathroom from top to bottom. Tonight, my husband threw up all over the bathroom. He actually cleaned it up himself, including the toilet. I went to use the toilet, put down the seat and sat down. Guess which part of the toilet he DIDN'T clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 744

You deserved it 5 603

On call

By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 16:00

Today, my boyfriend accused me of not coming home at all last week. The truth is, I was up and gone to work before him every morning, and I was home after he went to bed. He didn’t even bother talking to me or asking where I was last week, we both work 24/7 on-call jobs, and he knows this happens sometimes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 683

You deserved it 165

Roommates from hell

By why me? - 11/03/2014 07:21 - United States - Huntington Park

Today, I came home from a long day from work, only to find a strange woman in my apartment. She explained that my roommate told her it was OK to spend a few days here. I guess he forgot that the room was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 769

You deserved it 3 375

Less haste, less speed

By Fox - 25/02/2013 03:41 - United States

Today, while driving extremely fast on a road in the middle of nowhere, I started to go down a hill. Noticing a police car at the bottom, I slammed my brakes and blew a tire in the process. It turns out the police car was an old cutout used to trick people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 362

You deserved it 57 827

By Waiter - 04/07/2010 10:03 - France

Today, the guy I've been dating for 3 years got engaged to a woman I can't stand. I work as a waiter at a catering company, they hired the company and requested me as a server for their engagement party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 200

You deserved it 6 390

Call the police

By Anonymous - 10/06/2021 14:00 - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, I was looking at my pictures and there are none of me and my boyfriend together. The only photographic evidence of our relationship are pictures of bruises he has given me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 172

You deserved it 257

Pizzzaaaaaaa

By muzikmaler91 - 15/03/2012 09:45 - United States

Today, I called Pizza Hut to order a pizza. A voice recording was reading me their specials. The man had a horrible country accent so I began to make fun of it. Then I realized it was an actual person on the line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 536

You deserved it 50 133

By Chey1309 - 29/06/2010 03:19 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend if I looked alright for our date. He said, "Honey, you look fine, just don't go out in public like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 39

MAKE IT STOP

By Ughh! - 20/02/2013 20:40 - France

Today, the people living below me have been blasting their music so loudly that I can hear every word as clear as day. The people next door think it's my music and feel the need to bang on the wall and blast their music just as loudly in revenge. I have two very important exams tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 055

You deserved it 3 308

By the_pheasant66 - 26/06/2010 10:31 - Ireland

Today, I got my eyebrow pierced. When I got home to show my family, my little sister said, "That's so fake!" and tore it off my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 152

You deserved it 11 025

Hovering

By get me out of this house! - 03/03/2014 06:12 - United States

Today, my grandma begins her second week of unemployment. So far, she has paced outside my door, randomly comes into my room, and I woke up this morning to find a Bible on my bed. I now look forward to going to work every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 618

You deserved it 3 633

Teenagers in love

By Anonymous - 24/08/2022 14:00

Today, while preparing for our holiday, I realised I will have my period that week. My husband is now sulking because he thinks I’ll be so grumpy, I’ll ruin the holiday. I’ve had to talk him out of cancelling our flight twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 088

You deserved it 360

By Username - 09/05/2011 17:23 - China

Today, I made a cup of tea at work. Whilst talking to a workmate, I took a sip of the tea, which I had forgotten was boiling hot, and laughed at the same time, causing it to come out of my nose. I have blistered my whole mouth and even burnt my nostrils. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 260

You deserved it 10 567

Deadbeat

By Ryley Jenna - 23/06/2021 11:01

Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me for a year. He doesn't see how texting and sexting counts as cheating. While I cleaned, cooked, payed all our bills and went to school, he didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 201

You deserved it 286

By sarahpft - 13/09/2009 16:44 - United States

Today, my parents told me they wouldn't be able to afford my senior portraits. That was fine with me, until I found some expensive professional photos in the mail. Of our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 246

You deserved it 2 490

By kdubz23 - 17/02/2014 22:41 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, the parent of a student called to ask me about a homework assignment. At the end of the call, she told me that I seem to be losing my "Asian accent" from when she first talked to me in the summer. I was born in the US, grew up in NJ and speak perfect English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 918

You deserved it 3 404

By alphafoxy21 - 05/05/2011 06:54 - United States

Today, after spending 8 months and $11,000 on school, I was denied a job in my chosen career field. They told me they decided to go with someone with more experience. So who got the job? One of my classmates. This is her first job. EVER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 939

You deserved it 3 791

Looking good

By Kbizz - 03/06/2010 02:12 - Canada

Today, I was excited about showing everyone at work my new piercing. It's in an interesting place in my ear, and it's not that common. Before I had the chance to tell anyone about it, someone asked, "Are you wearing a hearing aid?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 585

You deserved it 32 431

Oh, by the way…

By Tagged - 13/09/2009 02:35 - United States

Today, I accidentally left the tag on the new pants that I wore to work. Nobody had brought it to my attention for the whole day until finally, before I was about to go home, every single employee and my boss let me know by yelling in unison and laughing as I left the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 266

You deserved it 7 783

Gross

By Anonymous - 26/06/2021 21:59 - United States - Cumberland

Today, I confronted my mother because I lock my bedroom door everytime I leave the house, then when I came home, the door was open and ajar. She got really defensive and said it's because she and her boyfriend want to make passionate whoopie on my king-size bed because it's bigger than her full-size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 669

You deserved it 143

Never comment on YouTube

By ITisaSnitch - 02/09/2022 04:00

Today, I was at work and commented on someone’s YouTube video that they sounded “so white” when pronouncing “Tacos Al Pastor.” I didn’t realize I'd used my job’s Google account to post the comment. Someone flagged my comment, and our IT department told my boss, who then fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 181

You deserved it 2 150

By himtopia19 - 03/03/2009 00:09 - United States

Today, I was driving at night and saw a small animal run across the road. I slammed on my brakes and got rear-ended. The animal turned out to be a plastic grocery bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 668

You deserved it 16 445

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend said he wanted to marry me. Since he doesn't know my ring size, he asked for me to find a ring that I liked, and he would buy it and propose. The only problem is that he won't spend more than 200 dollars on it. Oh, the generosity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 015

You deserved it 37 110

Today, I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me. I got bitchy about it, and said "Did I say you could take a picture?" He replied with, "No, but can you get the fuck out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids?" I turned around, and they were right behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 1 034

Random

Today, my parents decided to finally kick me out of the house because they've gotten tired of seeing me "sleep around all day and being so lazy" whenever I'm home. I'm currently triple-shifting for 6 days a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 934

You deserved it 2 864

Today, we had movers come in to take all of our stuff as the final step to our move to the States. We have our flight scheduled for tomorrow evening. Thing is, they accidentally took my carry-on bag without my knowledge. In that carry-on there was a little something called a passport. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 092

You deserved it 3 399

Today, I went to do the laundry at my hotel. I had just enough money for my two loads. After getting frustrated with the washer taking two of my quarters and giving no credit, I took the clothes out. The washer then locked the door shut and started without my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 230

You deserved it 4 807

Today, I decided to not go to a strip club for the second Saturday in a row, because I didn't want to appear desperate in front of the strippers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 382

You deserved it 23 463

Today, I fell asleep in a lecture. I laughed at something amusing in Dreamworld, but the laugh came out as a prolonged creepy groan in Lectureworld. I woke up to see everyone within a 5 meter radius staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 136

You deserved it 14 050

Today, the cashier asked if I wanted to donate $1 to help hungry children. I said, “Not today, thank you.” The man behind me loudly said, “Wow…” Now everyone thinks I hate children. I'm just that broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 515

You deserved it 80