Today, I fell asleep in a lecture. I laughed at something amusing...

By teepee - 13/11/2009 15:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I fell asleep in a lecture. I laughed at something amusing in Dreamworld, but the laugh came out as a prolonged creepy groan in Lectureworld. I woke up to see everyone within a 5 meter radius staring at me. FML

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Miscellaneous

Family values

Great speech, thanks!

That'll be Kevin in accounting

By lbelle - 7/10/2012 23:39 - Canada - Montreal

Today, my right ear drum ruptured. My family doesn't understand that I only lost hearing in one ear and continues to talk about me behind my back, thinking I can't hear them. FML

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By That escalated quickly - 24/6/2015 19:45 - United States - Ocean City

Today, while driving to Nashville, I saw a bunch of wild turkeys huddled together on the side of the road. I was excited to point them out to my boyfriend, until I realized that the "wild turkeys" were in fact vultures, and that they were eating a dead deer. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/8/2009 07:02 - United States

Today, I was working in the box office. A group came in for tickets but wanted to pay individually. One paid $40 for a $25 ticket. Laughing, I reached for the calculator while saying, "I went to public school, so I can't do math." They didn't laugh. They were all teachers in public schools. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/9/2020 23:01 - United States - Waldwick

Facebook Science

Today, I was going to hang out with my crush and tell him how I felt, but he cancelled because I had COVID 5 months ago and his mom is afraid I’m contagious. I’m safer to hang out with because I now have antibodies and can’t transmit it. I’ve also had 4 negative tests since then. FML

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By holyshart - 5/6/2012 09:03 - United States

Today, I walked in on my roommate trying to smoke a Mars bar. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/8/2014 17:39 - Canada - Barrie

Today, on my first day at as a photo editor at a print store, I had to spend over an hour editing a full shoot of a fat man eating a baguette in a bathtub, closeups included. FML

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By rejected - 28/3/2009 00:38 - United States

Today, I was talking to my guy friend about prom. I told him I was turned down by 7 guys. So he said "Well, you could always ask me." I then said "Do you want to go to prom with me?" His response was "Nope...now that's 8!" FML

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By boring - 10/5/2010 10:14 - New Zealand

Today, I fell asleep and dreamed that I had won $500,000. In my dream, I used this money to buy a new MP3 Player, and then put the rest in a term deposit. Even in my dreams, I'm the most boring person I know. FML

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By Lickmebaby - 12/2/2017 11:00 - United Kingdom - Enfield

Today, I woke up to see my 8-year-old cousin licking my hand. All of it. FML

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By RENThead - 13/9/2015 19:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was walking down a path in the woods behind my house when I saw a squirrel. It ran away, but little did I know it wasn't running from me, it was running from the dog that had forced Animal Control to sweep the area. I ended up with stitches in my leg. FML

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By Garfield - 21/1/2016 04:41 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was starting to get freaky with my boyfriend when his dad came in with no warning to let the dog into my boyfriend's bedroom. His dad noticed what was going on and covered the dog's eyes instead of just leaving. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/12/2010 05:03 - United States

Today, I got a call from a girl I fell madly in love with 8 years ago. She disappeared from my life with no trace. Turns out she just finalized her divorce, has 2 wild kids, packed on 75 lbs, has $25,000 in debt and is taking meds to keep from going crazy. Now she wants me back. FML

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By Wheresthebeefz - 1/2/2011 02:46 - United States

Today, I tried to save a dying bird I found on the sidewalk. I got a parking ticket for $114 in front of the animal hospital. I later found out the bird died. FML

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By maribel - 4/6/2011 11:27 - United States

Today, I got my beautiful daughter ready to be a flower girl for the first time. A flower girl in the wedding of her father, my ex-husband, and the woman he cheated on me with. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2010 22:24 - United States

Today, I was telling my friend about how my boyfriend never does anything nice for me. Confused, she replied, "That's odd, he's always doing nice things for me." FML

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By kdeeeceee - 5/11/2011 07:25 - United States

Today, my girlfriend sent me a sexy picture of herself in my boxers. I thought it would be funny to take a picture of myself in the thong she left in my room and send it to her. She thought it would be funnier on Facebook. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/3/2011 00:02 - United States

Today, I was prescribed medicine for anxiety. Without it, my stomach churns all day. With it, I shake uncontrollably and my eyes twitch. Now I have to choose between diarrhea and rude stares from people in public. FML

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By Mr. E - 14/11/2018 17:30

Today, as I was teaching my 10th grade biology honors class, a student came in with a dead frog and asked if we could dissect it. He tried to toss it to me and missed, so it landed in a girl's lap. She threw up all over me. FML

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By blah - 1/2/2010 06:43 - France

Today, it's officially been two weeks since I found out I have mono. It's also been two weeks since anyone has visited me, called me, or even emailed me. The real kicker? I'm now fired from my job because they can't believe I can have mono twice in one year. I guess I'm just lucky that way. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/5/2016 02:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was at church singing and my solo came up. As I walked through the crowd, this big woman caught the holy spirit and slapped the crap out of me. It was so hard, my fake tooth came out. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2019 20:00

Racing rats

Today, after working my ass off for months for an open supervisor job at my work, I found out that they hired someone for the position. The guy has never worked for the company before, has a background completely unrelated to what we do, and has to be trained as he knows nothing about what we do. FML

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By :/ - 20/2/2011 18:44 - Canada

Today, I had my buddies over for a few beers and, trying to be cool, I told my wife to get out of the living room and back in the kitchen. I felt smug, right up until she said, "Why? Your mom doesn't need to be turned over for another 20 minutes, dick." FML

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By BoohooBouquet - 19/3/2017 14:00

Today, my girlfriend got super paranoid when I received flowers, along with a card saying what a "lovely time" the sender had last weekend. My girlfriend decided this was proof I'd cheated on her. The card was signed "Vanessa," which is also her mother's name. Who stayed with us last weekend. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/11/2018 18:00

Today, my brother threw a mug at my head and threatened to stab anybody who came at him because I woke him up for school. I called the police after threats were thrown at my mom, who then lied to them and said I overreacted. I'm currently getting the silent treatment from my family. FML

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By Sewert_5 - 10/11/2015 16:16

Today, I made a fatal mistake that may cost my company thousands of dollars. This was right after I got a recognition for my outstanding work last week. FML

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By camp - 3/3/2009 22:14 - United States

Today, my very religious grandmother walked in on me masturbating. She's sending me to bible camp. FML

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By beablue18 - 4/7/2011 00:27 - Germany

Today, my sister confessed to me that she sold some of my old shirts to the girl who's stalking me. This explains why I got a note that read, "I have your scent, now I can track you." FML

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By frustrated - 5/8/2009 20:30 - Ireland

Today, my brother deleted all traces of the novel I've been working on for three years from my laptop. The reason? When I was born I "stole all of Mum and Dad's attention." He's 24. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/11/2012 10:26 - United States - Williamsburg

Today, after finally falling asleep, my boyfriend woke me up and got extremely mad at me. My offense? My pillow was touching his side of the bed. After yelling at me, he's now sleeping on the couch, and I'm lying in bed wide awake. FML

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By nosonofmine - 23/6/2012 17:43 - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, my son and I attended the funeral of a family friend. It went as well as any funeral could, up until the point that my apparently drunk son tried to grope the widow. I came an inch away from causing my son to need his own funeral. FML

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By kernelkat - 6/11/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, I found out the presentation I've been looking forward to and preparing for months only has three people registered to attend. I'll be talking to an empty room for an hour. FML

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By Loopy - 7/5/2019 06:00 - Belgium

Today, I had to buy more supplies for the cat my friend asked me to pet sit for 2 weeks. Her 2-week vacation ended over 3 years ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/5/2019 22:00

Today, my boyfriend just told me the picture of "him as a baby" was really his son. FML

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By oldschool - 23/1/2010 02:10 - United States

Today, I was picking up my little sister from school and while waiting I decided to have a smoke. I was caught and was told to go to the principal's office. I'm 23. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/6/2017 16:00

Today, my mum rejected my friend request on Facebook, again. Even my high school friends are friends with her. FML

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By BowTiesAr3Cool - 25/12/2014 16:36 - United States - Irving

Today, the kid who who lives next door and shares a bedroom wall with me got a drum set for Christmas. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/8/2018 03:30

Today, I had sex with a guy I'd had a crush on for a long time. When I asked if he was having trouble putting it in, he answered that he was fully in. FML

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By pimplesapparently - 18/2/2016 20:17 - United States - New York

Today, I sent my friend a snapchat without any makeup on. She asked what filter I used because it made my face look all red and blotchy. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2009 12:05 - United States

Today, my mom tells my sister that she is worried about her because she has a headache and feels like she might be getting a slight cold. I have had the flu for two weeks and have a 103 degree fever. I ask, "What about me?" Her response? "Stay away from your sister." FML

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By Anonymous - 29/7/2009 15:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a year told me he is at the point in his life where he is ready to start a family, get married and have a baby. He also casually stated that he wished he could meet someone he could see himself settling down with. FML

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Top comments

By null_fml | 11

#670168 - Friday 13 November 2009 21:58

Favourited for the "Dreamworld" and "Lectureworld". I like seeing a bit of creativity here for a change.

By perdix | 29

#670213 - Friday 13 November 2009 22:26

(My first attempt at this comment seems to have disappeared. Sorry if it's a double post.)

Oddly enough, your professor is going to be laughing in Gradeworld and you will let out yet another prolonged, creepy groan in Failworld.

Enjoy your never-ending stay in Parentsbasementworld.

COMMENTS

By prttyyngthng | 0

#670082 - Friday 13 November 2009 21:03

YDI. Don't fall asleep in lecture... also...

This is not FML worthy... this is more like "F today's class session."

xCrackerx | 3

#670192 - Friday 13 November 2009 22:12

Ignore this reply. It was a response to the original #1, but that comment disappeared.

arsenalfcboy | 6

#671140 - Saturday 14 November 2009 12:19

Pounds. He's English.

Also, YOU'RE AT OXFORD UNIVERSITY AND YOU'RE SLEEPING?! WTF???

AndrewFower | 0

#671531 - Saturday 14 November 2009 19:50

Oxford University isn't the only university in Oxfordshire, there's at least 2 more.

I_lost_the_game | 25

#4206783 - Friday 23 March 2012 23:00

OP may be studying somewhere outside of Oxfordshire.

By t53_ftw | 0

#670087 - Friday 13 November 2009 21:05

First!

By Chelsee_fml | 0

#670088 - Friday 13 November 2009 21:05

I'd like people to star at me too. idk how people could star at you, but kudos on that. Normally people starE a other people, but you get people to star! Please learn how to spell correctly. Also, YDI for sleeping in class.

zippit09 | 0

#670124 - Friday 13 November 2009 21:22

"Staring" is perfectly spelled. Sounds like you should join OP back in class.

dun_dun_dun | 0

#670149 - Friday 13 November 2009 21:39

Nowhere does it say "star," or "stare" for that matter.

pancakes_n_syrup | 0

#670163 - Friday 13 November 2009 21:52

If they were "starring" as you have said they were doing, it would be spelled with two r's, but wtg, you have just shown internet world you can't read or spell.

Iroquois_fml | 0

#670184 - Friday 13 November 2009 22:09

@dun_dun_dun: Yes it does. "I woke up to see everyone within a 5 meter radius staring at me".
And it actually is spelled correctly. http://www.aolsvc.merriam-webster.aol.com/dictionary/staring

xChrista1xx | 0

#670208 - Friday 13 November 2009 22:23

You fail, #4. It's shameful.

repyourcliche | 0

#670280 - Friday 13 November 2009 23:18

Ahahahaha, aw my god, I actually LOLed so much at #4.

And by the way, most people usually spell 'at' with a T. Irony's funny.

nick339 | 0

#670340 - Friday 13 November 2009 23:43

#4: I know FML tells us to be respectful... But you're probably the biggest idiot I've seen on this website. Next time you try to be condescending, at least make sure you're right about it. Dumbass.

Fidget1990 | 0

#670473 - Saturday 14 November 2009 1:16

Wow, and all this time I thought to be a grammar nazi, you needed to have good grammar. How silly of me.

dun_dun_dun | 0

#670681 - Saturday 14 November 2009 3:32

@17 I know it says "staring," but nowhere in the FML does it say "stare."

allie2590 | 30

#671758 - Saturday 14 November 2009 22:57

Epic fail.

kei1108 | 13

#2471751 - Saturday 7 May 2011 8:09

don't you remember 1st grade? "drop the 'e' and add 'ing'"

xx_dRaMAQuEen_xx | 0

#2751766 - Friday 24 June 2011 22:07

uh... they spelled staring right. if it were star it'd be starring.. stare is staring.

loganberrybat | 11

#4159769 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 18:40

Excuse me dickhead, but when describing the act of someone looking at you with a stare the correct way to spell it is 'staring' and not 'stareing'. So why don't you learn how to spell

youknowimright | 5

#5237794 - Tuesday 11 December 2012 16:58

Lmfao this comment actually made me laugh more than the FML. I hope youre really embarassed cause you should be. Hahaha

By dwindling81 | 0

#670089 - Friday 13 November 2009 21:06

hahaha at least you didnt yell out mommy

By BigK_Diet_Cola | 1

#670099 - Friday 13 November 2009 21:08

YDI for measuring distance in meters.

fawfulster | 11

#670491 - Saturday 14 November 2009 1:31

Uh, #6, half the world does that, so... YDI for calculating distances in a usless and olde system.

crazytoaster | 2

#670515 - Saturday 14 November 2009 1:49

Plus, the imperial system is for douches.

@ OP
It's ok man (yep, clearly assuming. How sexist of me), i fell asleep during one of the end of year exams once. I started snoring really loud. Your not alone.

P.S
Fuck Academics and their boringness.

By deaditegirl | 0

#670117 - Friday 13 November 2009 21:16

YDI for sleeping in lecture.

By ninjobliveus13 | 0

#670140 - Friday 13 November 2009 21:37

lol @ star ing comment. I love people who fail when correcting grammar. That made my day more than anything else on here today... haha. You got stard at... haha

Iroquois_fml | 0

#670195 - Friday 13 November 2009 22:14

#9, Muphry's Law dictates that any criticism of the speech or writing of others will itself contain at least one error of usage or spelling. Just something amusing to think about. (Intentional misspelling of Murphy's Law, by the way). :)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muphry's_law

By xTinyLovex | 0

#670148 - Friday 13 November 2009 21:39

I can never falling asleep in class again. I hope you're happy.

By null_fml | 11

#670168 - Friday 13 November 2009 21:58

Favourited for the "Dreamworld" and "Lectureworld". I like seeing a bit of creativity here for a change.

By xenomorph | 0

#670171 - Friday 13 November 2009 21:59

Definitely a bad trip.