Drugs and Miscellaneous: The nickname that sticks

The nickname that sticks

By ap84 - 27/02/2009 21:47 - United States

Today, after soccer practice, I was walking to the car with my dad. My team mates waved and said "Bye POTHEAD!" They call me that because they think my head is shaped like a pot. Of course, my dad didn't believe me. I'm grounded now because I have an abnormally-shaped head. I've never smoked pot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 659

You deserved it 5 609

Drugs Miscellaneous

Own it

Triage

Broken heart

By systeminitiated - 02/05/2009 04:55 - Canada

Today, in math class we were learning about gravity. To demonstrate my teacher asked me to stand on the desk and then step off. Upon stepping on the desk it curved inward and cracked. Everyone was dying of laughter. Fuck gravity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 096

You deserved it 9 858

By arthur - 19/11/2011 08:40 - New Zealand

Today, my boss phoned me and asked me why I wasn't at work. I was in the staff room. I said hello to her as I came in the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 734

You deserved it 2 616

By "Gvinson36" - 06/09/2017 01:30

Today, as they were being dropped off, I was informed that I'll be taking care of my grandparents' two cats. My apartment complex doesn't allow pets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 303

You deserved it 241

Missed opportunities

By Gail - 05/04/2021 00:30

Today, I told my wife I walked away from a £5000 bet I had a good chance at winning, because I refused to embarrass myself in public. She responded with a Star Trek reference, "Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack, rule of acquisition 109." My god, I married a heartless nerd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 1 111

By so romantic - 12/11/2011 05:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a promise ring. It was so sweet and romantic, until he said, "I want to marry you one day. But I want to date some other girls first." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 660

You deserved it 3 505

By Anonymous - 08/02/2010 06:58 - United States

Today, my boyfriend, who hasn't shaved in a month, went to go shave. I was pretty excited since his beard was starting to make my face itch whenever we kissed. When he came out of the bathroom he had a handlebar mustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 685

You deserved it 8 952

Knock off

By mee - 24/11/2020 08:02

Today, I overheard my six year-old step-son playing with his sister and cousin. His sister was the baby, cousin the step-dad, and he got to be “the best one” because he was the "real dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 101

By Anonymous - 06/05/2014 23:28 - United States - Elmwood Park

Today, my best friend wanted to see what my new boyfriend looks like. By chance, he'd sent me a Snapchat a few minutes before, so I opened it to show her, only to see that it was a dick pic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 495

You deserved it 45 420

By papergirl - 24/04/2009 15:47 - United States

Today, I went to a fancy restaurant. I was coming right from work and brought a change of clothes with me. I parked in an empty corner of the parking lot to change. As I was pulling my pants up, I noticed that I was facing an apartment complex where an old guy was watching me from his balcony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 210

You deserved it 19 540

Joe Bidet

By tmrwsmggls - 16/11/2020 14:01 - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 867

You deserved it 312

By damn it rose - 31/05/2014 13:40 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my ex-girlfriend proposed to me, at my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 313

You deserved it 8 108

By monsterinlaw - 23/08/2011 14:51 - United States

Today, my obnoxious mother-in-law berated me in front of my husband's family for still working while pregnant. She says I'm harming the baby by not quitting. I'm only 4 months pregnant and I work as a nurse at a hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 139

You deserved it 2 626

Why would I do that to me?

By car keyer - 02/12/2013 06:41 - United States - Mary Esther

Today, I called the police to report that my car had been keyed. I remember going to a bar last night and getting drunk. A surveillance camera revealed that after my drunken self couldn't unlock the door to my car, I punched the door and hurt my fist so bad that I keyed my own car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 722

You deserved it 54 386

By Anonymous - 19/09/2015 05:45 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I was confiding in my grandma about how lonely I am and how everything in my life seems to be falling apart. While I was in mid-sentence, she rolled her eyes and made a show of removing her hearing aid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 808

You deserved it 3 207

By tramplily - 17/11/2011 05:43 - United States

Today, I was driving home and got a phone call from my mom. She called to tell me that there was a cop at the bottom of our hill, and to be careful. I got a ticket for talking on my cell phone while driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 601

You deserved it 30 410

By bloodyfreakinawful - 14/12/2012 06:40 - United States - Seabrook

Today, in class, I reached into my bag to pull out a tampon, which I hid under my sleeve so I could make a quick escape to the restroom. My teacher yelled at me, because she thought I'd taken out my phone. I then had to prove myself by showing the tampon to the whole class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 896

You deserved it 3 178

By bumpyroad - 17/04/2011 14:29 - Australia

Today, my husband and I were diagnosed with herpes. We've been together for five years and were both virgins before. Even the doctor couldn't give any other explanation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 375

You deserved it 7 617

Cemetery Gates

By KateHGW - 09/06/2021 00:01

Today, I handed in an internship assignment that I have been working on for months. Once submitted, a pop-up showed, stating the assignment was 100% plagiarized. What was it plagiarized from? A student paper. My own, to be more specific - the exact same paper I had uploaded seconds before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 58

Exterminators are expensive

By "vinyl_mermaid" - 02/03/2017 14:00

Today, in an effort to rearrange my bedroom, I planned to reroute my internet cables under my house. Then I found out about the black widow infestation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 528

You deserved it 457

By morethanredhands - 21/05/2012 05:56

Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 659

You deserved it 7 773

By anonymous - 11/04/2009 13:23 - United States

Today, as I was walking into CVS, two older men outside said to me "Young lady, please consider us on your way out." Thinking they were hitting on me, I rolled my eyes and said "Screw you." When I walked back outside, I realized they were asking for AIDS donations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 505

You deserved it 86 115

Train guy

By silenceisgolden - 23/03/2020 01:39

Today, a guy on the train was using his phone really loudly, asking Siri to call a bunch of people, or using voice command to do the most menial things. He was really, really noisy. It's only after I couldn't stand it any more and asked him to be quieter that I noticed the white cane next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 595

You deserved it 1 763

By icarlymom - 05/03/2010 06:10 - United States

Today, my 18 year old daughter comes home telling me she has been fired from her job at McDonalds. The reason? They had ICarly happy meal toys and she couldn't resist stealing one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 531

You deserved it 5 379

By yourmomsabitch - 25/06/2011 04:30 - United States

Today, I was supposed to go on a date. I have been playing solitaire the whole night waiting for him. Out of 15 games, I've won one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 478

You deserved it 5 070

By Byebye - 24/05/2012 19:30 - Netherlands - Sappemeer

Today, the mailman delivered my new phone to my neighbour's house. This was okay, because he left a note in my mailbox informing me so. Now my crazy neighbour won't give me the package because, "*I* signed for it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 140

You deserved it 1 809

By Noname - 07/02/2009 20:42 - United States

Today, my mom was telling me a funny story about when I was young. So I said 'yeah I was funny huh?' She replied 'Yep, I had a funny one and a pretty one'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 497

You deserved it 2 628

By fmypaint - 14/10/2009 09:31 - United States

Today, I was vigorously putting primer on my canvas for a beginning painting class. I accidentally sprayed specks of primer on the very dark painting to the right of mine. The painter is in an advanced class. She's been working on this one all semester. There's no one to her right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 572

You deserved it 35 227

By Jeremy - 10/05/2009 01:04 - United States

Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 202

You deserved it 87 000

By Anonymous - 29/01/2012 19:15 - United States

Today, I woke up and decided that I no longer give a fuck what I look like. Today is also the day a very attractive exchange student joined my private band lessons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 504

You deserved it 12 840

By sad-sexed - 06/09/2010 12:50 - Australia

Today, I was lying on my bed with my boyfriend. I didn't really want to have sex so I told him I would if he really wanted too, but I wouldn't enjoy it. He then started to undo my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 039

You deserved it 55 333

By shattysituation - 31/12/2012 22:36 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 297

You deserved it 4 027

By mississpissi - 14/07/2015 12:00 - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, the waste disposal truck managed to tip over a portapotty on our work site, causing the contents to overflow and run down the bank towards my portakabin office, where someone had left the door open. All my money, ID and my car keys are now shut off to me by a river of shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 969

You deserved it 1 929

By MakeMyDay_27 - 27/06/2011 16:46 - United States

Today, my daughter told me that my head is shaped like a kidney bean and that I'm lucky she even talks to me in public. She's 6. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 883

You deserved it 5 611

Our internet works fine, dumbass

By jenni - 19/09/2021 08:00

Today, I found out my son has been ditching his Zoom classes. He claims he couldn’t connect because of "technical difficulties." I can’t believe he seriously expected me to believe that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 110

By maturity - 08/04/2013 00:30 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 968

You deserved it 64 125

By Mr.Viola - 20/06/2010 06:42 - United States

Today, my future father-in-law, a respectable New England gentleman, bought me an $8,000 viola and bow for our engagement. I was so surprised that I spit a glass of wine from a 60 year old bottle all over his custom-tailored suit. He was not happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 877

You deserved it 13 775

Twice error

By rkaneki - 09/11/2019 20:00

Today, the guy I've been seeing told me he did not want to pursue a relationship with me after over 2 months of talking. He did the exact same thing to me 7 years ago. I fell for him twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 624

You deserved it 1 359

By Anonymous - 07/01/2015 16:29 - Sri Lanka

Today, my scumbag landlady broke into my place and stole my mop, which I refused to give her earlier. She denied everything and tried to convince me that some criminal broke in using a key, stole only my mop, and was nice enough to lock up on the way out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 486

You deserved it 2 778

By Anonymous - 15/05/2019 20:00

Today, I saw what I thought was a cobweb right behind my head where I sleep. I went to wipe it off and part of the sheetrock dented in. On further inspection, they were holes in the wall. Termites started coming out of them like something out of a horror movie. My husband is out of town for the next few weeks, and I'm extremely bug-phobic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 004

You deserved it 208

By Anonymous - 15/03/2015 17:54 - United States - Brandon

Today, at Walmart, I overheard a lady telling a teenage girl that the secret to keeping a guy for life is giving him anal, but that it's important to clean your "shitter" beforehand. I can't believe these kinds of sick freaks actually exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 990

You deserved it 9 933

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Seegtease 0

Send a private message

Saturday 28 February 2009 1:08

What an unreasonable and irrational father.

last_fml 0

Send a private message

Saturday 28 February 2009 1:14

Tell your Dad he's a fool and that you'll take a drug test to prove him wrong.. Hope it all works out, Pothead

Seegtease 0

Send a private message

Saturday 28 February 2009 1:08

What an unreasonable and irrational father.

x0x0hsnapp 0

Send a private message

Saturday 28 February 2009 1:08

Oh I feel so bad for you... you should kick the ball into your teamates heads or just have them call your parents and explain... maybe a drug test? ahhaa that stinks

PureGold 0

Send a private message

Saturday 28 February 2009 1:11

That's not fair at all x( Call up one of your teammates and make them convince your father it was a misunderstanding lol.

genericnickname 0

Send a private message

Saturday 28 February 2009 1:14

"maybe a drug test?" Yeah, seriously, tell him you'll take a drug test. If he refuses, it means he truly rules his household unjustly. Your only recourse at that juncture would be civil disobedience. (also, this site needs moar reply button)