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Op here. Just for clarity I am in shape, I do own a cat but he doesn't exactly solve bedtime loneliness, i do have a roomate but shes on winter break. Comes down to shyness and social awkwardness which I'm working on. And needing to get laid...Also working on it. But thanks for the suggestions.

By Anonymous - 08/04/2011 16:25 - United States

Today, I discovered that not only is my live-in mother-in-law a fan of Lady Gaga, she dances around the house naked to fully embrace the music. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 107

You deserved it 3 992

Eeeeeeeeeeek!

By KTK - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I realized the annoying squealing I hear every night isn't my guinea pig. Apparently my brother's girlfriend makes that sound when they have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 997

You deserved it 3 540

TMI

By estranger - 03/01/2014 22:36 - United States

Today, while visiting my grandparents, my grandpa decided to explain to me the real reason that the old sofa I was sitting on had always been so discolored. He says they were bleach stains left while cleaning up the mess made during my father's conception. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 214

You deserved it 3 735

By Anonymous - 13/03/2010 09:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, when I needed the loo. The door was ajar, so I walked into his bathroom, sat down, and started to pee. I then looked up to see the shocked face of his dad sitting naked in the bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 812

You deserved it 10 118

Give me a break!!

By Anonymous - 29/03/2020 20:00

Today, in an effort to avoid having the same break as my annoying coworker, I went a little earlier than I usually do. Guess who got moved to a position with an early break? She sat next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 528

You deserved it 253

New filter

By hantavirus - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that the horrific smell coming from somewhere in my kitchen was a rotting dead mouse that somehow got stuck in my dishwasher. I have been eating off plates washed in dead mouse water for the past week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 385

You deserved it 11 517

Broke

By candidcripple - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while sitting in a handicapped seat on the bus, an old man angrily approached me and chewed me out in front of everyone for not leaving the seat empty for "those who actually need it." Then he stormed off the bus, stepping heavily on my broken foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 053

You deserved it 4 564

How to make a sociopath

By Anonymous - 10/04/2020 14:00

Today, I went to my job as an aide for first-grade students. I went home with a swollen face after my student punched me because I was, "making the timer go too fast" and he wanted more iPad time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 754

You deserved it 169

Oh no…

By Lentil - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I went over to my neighbours' to politely complain about their dog, who had been barking non-stop for hours. This issue has been going on for months, and I finally decided today, of all days, was the day to resolve it. When I got there, they'd just got home from giving birth at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 643

You deserved it 4 042

By givingup - 30/01/2012 05:37 - United States

Today, I was left at the altar. For the second time. By the same man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 887

You deserved it 63 198

That's gonna cost ya!

By Anonymous - 04/08/2021 22:01 - United States - Steele

Today, I accidentally stepped on the metal prongs of an extension cord. After pulling it out of my sock, I noticed that all three of the prongs were covered in blood; they penetrated my foot. It bled like a gunshot wound for several minutes, and now my foot is unbearably sore, making it painful to walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 183

You deserved it 229

Never grow old

By Crystal - 08/03/2010 21:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I showed my fiancé the darling Tinkerbell hoodie I'd bought myself during the weekend. Instead of liking it as I'd hoped, he told me my childish wardrobe was embarrassing, and he wasn't going to be seen in public with me until I wore something different. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 030

You deserved it 52 031

By atterz123 - 12/02/2009 13:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my teacher writes descriptions next to people's names on the register to remind him who people were. By mistake the descriptions appeared on the computer projector. Next to my name it said "Tubby". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 021

You deserved it 5 422

By FML - 21/12/2013 16:58 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, my mum and I were referred to as "ladies". I'm happy for her, since she always complains about looking masculine. However, I would still like to be called a gentleman, seeing as how I am one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 256

You deserved it 3 663

What Mötley Crüe call "Breakfast"

By oh no - 18/04/2020 02:00

Today, I think all those jokes my wife made about becoming an alcoholic during quarantine may be true. She came back from the weekly shopping today with 7 bottles of wine, a bottle of tequila and a 30-pack of beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 435

You deserved it 274

Lost the plot

By Anonymous - 05/03/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I went to Subway. A lady was in the line with her toddler. The kid screamed in his bid for attention, while his mother and the cashier ignored him, to the point that his voice became a loud screech and the sandwich artist couldn't hear me. I bellowed, "SHUT THAT KID UP!" Silence and glares followed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 407

By CarouselHeart - 18/05/2016 20:09 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I got a letter stating that now that I'm in my mid-twenties, I need to start getting cervical exams. The only people interested in getting anywhere near my vagina are doctors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 421

You deserved it 1 309

Who? Where?

By happybirthday - 06/03/2010 19:42 - United States

Today, my husband bought me a beautiful pair of earrings for my birthday, to match the necklace he'd spent months searching for online the previous year. What necklace? He gave me a watch he found at Walmart last year. I wonder who the lucky girl with the necklace is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 244

You deserved it 2 793

By EOJ - 10/02/2009 17:07 - United States

Today, I was walking my son to school. After yelling at him for not looking where he's walking, I grabbed his hand and pulled him closer to me. Not paying attention, I walked him right into a light pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 931

You deserved it 55 319

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Today, I found out my girlfriend of 3 years has been cheating on me with more guys than I can count on one hand. I'm not sure what's worse, realizing this only after she's moved in, realizing two of the guys were my close friends, or realizing I'd given up my dream career for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 302

You deserved it 356

Today, I’m a good man, ready to settle down and build with a good woman, but no one wants to take a chance and build something with me because I'm temporarily living in a homeless shelter. That doesn’t make me unworthy or undeserving of love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 271

Random

Today, I woke up to find out my house was robbed. He didn't steal anything of value, but he stole my beer, dog, and cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 461

You deserved it 318

Today, my twelve year old neighbour decided to give a Hannah Montana concert in her backyard, starring herself. Unfortunately, she only knew three lines of the song "The Best of Both Worlds" and screamed them repeatedly at the top of her lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 429

You deserved it 4 713

Today, I sneezed and shit myself in bed. It was the first time I'd ever slept at my girlfriend's house, and probably the last as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 833

You deserved it 403

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try “things” while under the influence. I suggested he go down on me; he thought about it for a second and then said, “I would, but I don’t want to get scared when I take a look.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 289

Today, I tried to hang a new shelf in my apartment. I measured, drilled, and installed it perfectly level, only to realize a few minutes later I'd drilled into the side of a pipe. Water started shooting out like a geyser and almost flooded my bathroom. My shelf looks great, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 515

Today, I woke up from a dream where I was talking with my Pa, who raised me, about my life. He and I drank coffee and talked and he told me everything will be OK. I will never talk with him again; he passed almost 59 years ago and I never got to say goodbye or tell him how much I loved him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 77