Miscellaneous: Today, I discovered that not only is my live-in mother-in-law... - FML

By Anonymous - 08/04/2011 16:25 - United States

Today, I discovered that not only is my live-in mother-in-law a fan of Lady Gaga, she dances around the house naked to fully embrace the music. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 022

You deserved it 3 970

Clean up in aisle 3 please

One each

I'm late… for business!

Kitchen nightmares

By Accident-prone af - 07/07/2020 20:02

Today, while making milkshakes, I was pouring and the blender's blades all fell out somehow. I don't know what's worse, that I sliced my finger open when the blades fell out and now there's blood all over, that there's now melted ice cream all over my counter and floor, or that I just wasted an entire tub of ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 410

You deserved it 179

By Anonymous - 28/03/2012 06:57 - United States

Today, I spent 3 hours trying to read my dog's mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 136

You deserved it 40 220

Get vaccinated

By Anonymous - 11/08/2021 04:00

Today, two patients died. Both had Covid. I'm still trying to deal with the issues last year left me with and we're right back in the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 117

By ilovezim29 - 03/06/2012 07:45 - United States - Windsor

Today, I went to Safeway. The security guard wouldn't stop staring at my boobs. When I confronted him about it he told me that they looked fake and he was making sure I didn't stuff my bra with stolen items. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 814

You deserved it 4 858

By Flutie - 27/10/2017 22:00

Today, I went to a haunted house with my fiancé. A few minutes in, I saw someone following us so I turned and screamed. She ran off and my fiancé explained that she wasn't an actor, just a lady with a pigment disorder. I can never go back there again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 332

You deserved it 740

By Nezje - 08/08/2018 18:30

Today, I didn't get my driver's license even though I didn't make any mistakes because my examiner said it was only my first time taking the exam, so it wouldn't matter if I failed. Now I have to pay another €240 for a second exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 694

You deserved it 156

On the leash

By Anonymous - 03/08/2021 01:59

Today, it hit me hard that the girl I love is not still not interested after a year. She's now ghosting me, and she hangs out with my friends daily. She constantly talks about dating in front of me and only text/calls me when I post shorts/stories hanging out with other girls, just to pull me back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 718

You deserved it 617

Creepy

By Anonymous - 03/01/2016 09:41 - Switzerland - Ruschlikon

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me I sound like a squeaky toy during sex, and asked if I could get it under control because it creeps him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 001

You deserved it 4 517

By Canonlizardjet - 13/02/2017 08:00 - United States - Ormond Beach

Today, I had a near-death experience. Went to print a document and a lizard shot out of the printer right out at me. Gives a whole new meaning to a Canon printer, a fricking lizard Canon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 515

You deserved it 563

By joe1234 - 17/07/2009 02:28 - United States

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to put a pretzel on my forehead while I was sleeping on the beach. I now have a pretzel-shaped tan line in the middle of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 778

You deserved it 9 710

By Anonymous - 12/12/2014 02:04 - United States - Yorktown

Today, I was home alone when I heard the carbon-monoxide detector beeping. Panicking, I grabbed my dog, ran out of my house as fast as I could, and waited outside for 3 hours for my mom to get home. Turned out the detector was just out of batteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 384

You deserved it 7 633

Different strokes

By chickenmcnuggetgirl - 18/03/2013 18:10 - Ireland - Enfield

Spicy

Today, I found out my boyfriend has a chicken nugget fetish. He wants me to take a chicken nugget bath in a bikini. He seems to be dead serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 363

You deserved it 5 114

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I walked out to my car to see four kids taking the hubcaps, radio, and license plates off of my truck. I chased them six blocks until I tripped and twisted my ankle. I limped back to my car and found a ticket on my windshield for $55 dollars. The reason? Missing license plates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 508

You deserved it 3 145

By Anonymous - 23/08/2016 12:40 - United States - Youngsville

Today, after two weeks of intense detective work, I found out my wife isn't cheating on me after all. She really has just been going out and playing table tennis with her friend like she said. Who the hell even plays table tennis? FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 453

You deserved it 24 870

By YOURMOM - 31/12/2011 07:24 - United States

Today, I was at the park feeding nuts to some squirrels. One fell down my shirt and the next thing I know I'm being attacked by a squirrel that looked like it was on steroids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 985

You deserved it 5 986

By shitttyyyday - 14/01/2012 07:47 - United States

Today, I got my period at school. I didn't notice until a boy asked me if I'd killed someone in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 759

You deserved it 4 359

By 2285morgan - 15/12/2011 20:12 - United States

Today, I heard my alarm go off, dragged myself out of bed, had breakfast and got ready for work. As I was heading out the door I checked the time again. It was 1:41 AM. Apparently my alarm never actually went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 385

You deserved it 6 077

Wedding dress

By Anonymous - 24/01/2020 20:00 - Netherlands

Today, I walked down the aisle when a bug flew into my mouth. In a response, I threw up on my beautiful white wedding dress. I had to party and be in the pictures in someones spare pink dress for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 165

You deserved it 238

By notabadserver - 31/03/2016 17:20 - Canada - Toronto

Today, the head chef at work yelled at me for not knowing the difference between two sauces. I couldn't win the argument, even after a coworker admitted to filling both bottles with the same sauce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 026

You deserved it 1 311

By hospital - 05/10/2010 23:36 - United States

Today, I started my first day at a new hospital. My first assignment? Shave an elderly man's testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 994

You deserved it 5 638

By Anonymous - 07/06/2019 20:00

Today, I had to go pick up my mother at 3 in the morning. She had been out drinking and couldn't drive. She parties more than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 395

You deserved it 192

By Anonymous - 19/11/2014 17:40 - Canada - Windsor

Today, my boyfriend said "You're a real work of art. You know, the abstract kind that no one likes. Anyway, we need to break up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 159

You deserved it 3 704

By Anonymous - 25/04/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 462

You deserved it 64 207

By FortuneFaded - 06/05/2009 15:47 - South Africa

Today, is my mothers birthday. I decided to take her out to lunch. On the way there, we had a car accident. It was my fault. For my mothers birthday I gave her: 3 broken ribs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 350

You deserved it 18 998

Sit and stew

By Anonymous - 19/09/2019 00:02

Today, my dog and I got sprayed by a skunk. I have no tomato juice or baking soda, and the bus doesn't come for another 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 359

You deserved it 128

BIKES!

By Jjay08 - 26/04/2016 21:17 - United States - Miles City

Today, I discovered a purple BMX bike abandoned in my front yard. I wondered why it was there, until I looked over to discover that my own bike had been stolen. I guess they liked mine better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 595

You deserved it 1 120

Smells like… victory

By sickofthesmelltoo - 28/02/2013 10:56 - Australia - Fitzroy

Today, my friends confronted me and told me that they no longer want to visit my house because my dog smells really disgusting. I didn't have the heart to tell them that the smell is actually my parents, who have been trying to "save water" by only showering once a fortnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 572

You deserved it 3 074

By Rob - 09/10/2010 04:09 - United States

Today, I got chased, threatened and assaulted by a cab driver because I wouldn't take the credit card receipt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 960

You deserved it 6 987

Almost done

By Anonymous - 16/01/2020 05:00

Today, as I was trying to have some “self pleasure” time, my cat, WHO NEVER CUDDLES WITH ME, decides to come up and sit on my thigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 827

You deserved it 382

By bigvic780 - 27/10/2017 01:30

Today, I fulfilled a lifelong dream by attending a Dallas Cowboys football game. Our sitter fell through at the last minute so I took my five-year-old son instead of my wife. We had to leave after the first quarter because he threw up everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 470

You deserved it 769

The student becomes the master

By Anonymous - 21/08/2021 20:01

Today, I had my first day being my mum’s carer. She did the biggest shit I’ve ever seen, and when the toilet wouldn’t flush it, I had put a gloved hand down the loo and break it up with my fingers. Start things how you mean to go on, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 66

By lonely - 08/09/2018 22:00

Today, my boyfriend blocked me from every form of contact. He told my friend that we broke up, but never told me. I still have his clothes in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 100

You deserved it 194

By Drew - 30/11/2014 03:20 - United States - Harrodsburg

Today, it's my birthday. My grandma posted about it on her Facebook wall, but people got confused and thought it was her birthday instead. She got twice as many birthday wishes as I did, and that's including the ones I got outside of Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 647

You deserved it 2 988

By Anonymous - 29/09/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, I tried to flirt with my girlfriend since I'm really busy and we can't always be together. I tell her online that I think she's hot and she responds "Keep talking I have to pee". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 817

You deserved it 5 879

By Anonymous - 12/02/2016 10:29 - United States - Palmer

Today, my mom told me she wasn't an alcoholic because she doesn't get "black out drunk" daily. She only gets drunk enough to slur her words and reek of alcohol daily, so it's okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 107

You deserved it 1 443

By fmltom - 16/12/2015 02:21 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my coworker, who has a tendency to overshare, decided to tell me she has chlamydia. I threw my hands in the air and said, "Stop. I don't wanna know." A customer heard this exchange and we were both written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 680

You deserved it 1 651

By loser - 20/05/2018 15:00

Today, I woke up to find my 6-year-old daughter had duct taped me to my bed and dropped my wallet down the toilet. Well played. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 636

You deserved it 615

By tomuchtime - 02/06/2011 08:46

Spicy

Today, my doctor told me I have tennis elbow in both arms. I don't play tennis, I just have way too much free time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 769

You deserved it 43 700

By CaptainSosuke - 27/01/2009 01:54 - United States

Today, I tripped over my own shoelace after explaining to my boyfriend that my shoes being untied were good luck for me. He then took that as the grand opportunity to tell me that we were breaking up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 832

You deserved it 8 382

By Rejection - 04/05/2010 07:33 - France

Spicy

Today, I sent my boyfriend a naughty pic. I then asked him if there was anything else he wanted before I got dressed. His reply? "No it's fine." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 901

You deserved it 15 608

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Friday 8 April 2011 23:35

Maybe she should dance in the dark? Don't bother, I'll show myself out ------> []

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Friday 8 April 2011 23:34

Her run will soon end, you'll see. Gaga's not the grandma's.

Comments

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Friday 8 April 2011 23:34

Her run will soon end, you'll see. Gaga's not the grandma's.

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Friday 8 April 2011 23:55

cus, baby, she was born that waaaay!

Every1luvsfmls 6

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Saturday 9 April 2011 0:05

mmm, can I come watch her sing telephone

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Saturday 9 April 2011 0:09

She may wanna take a ride on your disco stick.

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Saturday 9 April 2011 0:09

maybe shes born this way oh damn 30 beat me to it, ahh ill still leave it :P

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Saturday 9 April 2011 0:21

Well who gives a shit if she's beautiful and dirty rich? Eh, eh, there's nothin else I can say on that subject.

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Saturday 9 April 2011 0:35

cherry cherry boom boom

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Saturday 9 April 2011 1:02

just dancee broo

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Saturday 9 April 2011 1:14

44 is the about you in your profile from scrubs. lol

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Saturday 9 April 2011 1:14

lol foo shoo broo

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Saturday 9 April 2011 1:36

71- lol yes it is!! :D I love that one! but that episode (the musical one) seemed to drag on forever. ;) OP, don't be a drag, just be a queen. ;)

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Saturday 9 April 2011 2:05

Dance with her :] Be your best friend yeah I love you forever, Up in the clouds we're both higher than ever Eh eh, so happy I could die

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Saturday 9 April 2011 8:12

1) Secretly take nude pics of her as she's dancing. 2) threaten to post pics on Internet 3) ??? 4) profit!!!

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Saturday 9 April 2011 22:42

haha 114 is that an underwear gnome reference i see?

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Sunday 10 April 2011 6:23

but op she was born that way!!

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Friday 8 April 2011 23:34

don't live with her then. your fault.

gutzz 0

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Saturday 9 April 2011 3:09

Sounds painful

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Saturday 9 April 2011 3:49

She was born that way.

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Saturday 9 April 2011 4:50

lol

xoxoMEGANxoxo 13

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Saturday 9 April 2011 6:25

nice #94

paradisepeace24 0

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Saturday 9 April 2011 7:53

maybe she was caught in a bad romance and was getting her pic taken by the paparazzi lol

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Saturday 9 April 2011 7:53

hahaha#94. good point

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Saturday 9 April 2011 8:51

don't be a poor fucker then and shut the fuck up

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Saturday 9 April 2011 13:12

lol maybe she wants to play a love game with the grandma ;)

ReynshineCutting 10

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Saturday 9 April 2011 15:01

OP says "live-in mother in law" which implies the MIL moved in with them. They're probably helping HER broke ass out for spending her retirement fund on tickets to go see Lady GaGa.

forrealiluvmyslf 6

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Saturday 9 April 2011 19:57

Love it!! Go mom-in-law! You could ask her to refrain while you're home? :-)

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Saturday 9 April 2011 20:45

108 not funny

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Friday 8 April 2011 23:35

this has been pretty much totally changed from the original one I moderated..

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Friday 8 April 2011 23:35

How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poker face.

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Saturday 9 April 2011 1:04

Everyone knows that

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Saturday 9 April 2011 4:01

Well I didn't...so settle down there scruffy.

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Saturday 9 April 2011 7:55

Thats it older than my grandmother!!

destinystomper 9

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Sunday 11 December 2011 4:11

Haha

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Friday 8 April 2011 23:35

Maybe she should dance in the dark? Don't bother, I'll show myself out ------> []

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Friday 8 April 2011 23:50

You're amazing.

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Saturday 9 April 2011 3:02

lol you madam (think) win at life

Banana_Pancakes6 0

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Saturday 9 April 2011 15:46

Well, you are currently bi-winning with this comment!

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Sunday 10 April 2011 2:51

Since youre a Government Hooker, you should Dance in the Dark under my Christmass Tree

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Friday 8 April 2011 23:35

Well, make her feel welcomed and join in. Don't be such a crummy roomie/in law.

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Friday 8 April 2011 23:58

^ my thoughts exactly.

oblio 0

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Saturday 9 April 2011 0:00

love this. why not,OP?

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Saturday 9 April 2011 0:17

Agreed. Take of YOUR clothes, and join her. I fuckin' dare ya! Either she'll quit... or you'll get a "bonus".

zyxwvutsrqponmlk_fml 0

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Saturday 9 April 2011 2:26

45 - off

zyxwvutsrqponmlk_fml 0

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Saturday 9 April 2011 2:26

45 - off

zyxwvutsrqponmlk_fml 0

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Saturday 9 April 2011 2:26

45 - off

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Saturday 9 April 2011 14:44

Yeah, get in there. You should be happy about this. Now you can cancel that stripper you ordered.

WillKill4Beer 0

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Friday 8 April 2011 23:36

Sounds like somebody needs to "PokeHERface"..... @[email protected]

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Friday 8 April 2011 23:36

lady gaga has a penis

oblio 0

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Saturday 9 April 2011 0:01

and...

allmidnighteyes 10

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Saturday 9 April 2011 0:05

As opposed to you...?

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Saturday 9 April 2011 0:34

exactly right fag with the light saber

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Friday 8 April 2011 23:37

YDI for having a live in mother in law.

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Saturday 9 April 2011 4:39

you know, those come with the marriage package...

AnagenisisZagus 13

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Friday 8 April 2011 23:39

Push her down a flight of stairs if it bothers you so, OP. Even Gaga has her falls at times...haha...she fell. She fell, man!

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 51

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 31

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 92