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By pregnant loser apparently - 20/05/2013 04:31 - United States - Franklin

Today, my parents posted on Facebook that they were excited that my sister was pregnant and couldn't wait to be grandparents. Last week I told them that I, a 33-year-old happily married woman, was pregnant and they told me I was ruining my life and encouraged me to have an abortion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 237

You deserved it 3 581

Relatable

By experience_to_get_experience - 21/09/2015 19:09 - United Kingdom - Bicester

Today, I turned 25. I'm single, still living at home and doing an unpaid internship in an industry I have no interest in, because it was the only accepted application after 6 months of unemployment. The daily 45-minute drive means I'm losing money every week for being "employed" with a PhD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 473

You deserved it 3 053

By crippled - 08/07/2014 08:40 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I helped my dad push our broken-down truck from the driveway onto the tire ramp. Truck didn't make it; neither did my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 229

You deserved it 4 293

By idiot says "you raised him" - 31/05/2014 21:30 - Canada - Barrie

Today, my son got in serious trouble after he was caught trying to sell weed to people in the street. The good news is that the "weed" was just actual weeds he'd pulled from our lawn. The bad news is that at age 16, my son is too stupid to know the difference. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 206

You deserved it 8 001

Many such cases

By Anonymous - 04/05/2014 18:57 - United States

Today, I met up with my group for class. We were doing some final checks on the project we've been working on all semester, when I realized something about one guy's work seemed off. I googled it and found out it's almost completely plagiarized. It's all due in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 247

You deserved it 4 068

Annoyed

By musicman2005 - 30/03/2009 04:41 - United States

Today, I was at work, about to go to lunch. There were some girl scouts out front selling cookies. I told my manager that I would be using a different exit, and when he asked why, I told him that girl scouts really annoy the crap out of me. The girl scouts out front were his daughters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 960

You deserved it 64 545

By Anonymous - 20/03/2009 08:14 - Canada

Today, I got an e-mail from a guy I'd had a one night stand with. He wanted to get together to talk about it. Turns out he's in rehab and he wanted to address the biggest mistakes he'd ever made in his life. I am a on a drug addict's list of regrets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 235

You deserved it 14 841

By chocochoco - 24/03/2014 03:40 - United States - Auburn

Today, my drunken self became a vaguely racist poet. I am now the author of a four-page poem entitled "Chocolate Men". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 983

You deserved it 17 945

By Anon - 24/03/2012 02:42 - United States

Today, while hiking and wearing sandals, I stubbed my toe. This wouldn't have been so bad had it not been into a cactus with 3 inch thorns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 421

You deserved it 32 324

By Bandking - 17/03/2014 21:48 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I marched in the St. Patrick's day parade. My horn has an inconveniently-placed spit valve that has to be drained frequently. At the end, I discovered every time I emptied it, it would spray all over the front of my pants. I marched an entire parade looking like I pissed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 173

You deserved it 5 489

The tried to make me go to rehab…

By motherless - 30/01/2013 03:18 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my mother "checked in" to rehab on Facebook. The same rehab that told her to hand over her smartphone. The dumbass was smart enough to steal my phone and dumb enough to get it confiscated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 773

You deserved it 2 835

By BrokenVow - 30/07/2009 12:02 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my mom came into my room to have a heart-to-heart talk. My dildo was sitting on the nightstand. I didn't notice until she told me to make sure the dog didn't get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 999

You deserved it 53 841

Ice cold break-up

By Ice cold - 22/11/2012 05:35 - Australia - Cheltenham

Today, my girlfriend decided to break the news that she wanted us to be "just friends." However, she did it not in just any old way - while ice-skating. I'm currently in hospital getting stitches in my arm after I tripped in shock and she ran me over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 439

You deserved it 1 778

By newsgirl - 16/07/2009 04:22 - United States

Today, I was interviewed by this TV crew who asked me what I thought of Rhode Island being voted for the second most neurotic state. I thought they said that Rhode Island was the second most erotic state. I commented. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 947

You deserved it 13 132

By Coaldust - 03/01/2017 02:02

Today, my niece stole a bottle of whiskey from me to mix with Monster and get drunk with her boyfriend. It was a bottle of 23-year-old Pappy Van Winkle's that cost over $2000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 648

You deserved it 2 011

By pizza girl - 30/08/2013 04:33 - United States - Nettleton

Today, a lady cussed me out for not bringing her salad and pizza to her table. She then wanted her money back. I work at a buffet; a self-serve buffet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 999

You deserved it 2 811

By Anonymous - 20/08/2013 21:37 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I asked out the girl who always looks and smiles at me in class. I was surprised when she rejected me until I found out she was actually always looking at the clock behind me, and smiling when class is almost over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 224

You deserved it 5 050

By Anonymous - 23/07/2014 00:43 - Norway - Bergen

Today, I got in a minor car accident because my mom had to check how many likes her last photo on Instagram had while driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 778

You deserved it 3 955

By ak47nd - 18/09/2015 02:37 - China - Dalian

Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic and trick me into missing my flight, so he could spend another day with me before I have to return to Asia for work. There is nothing romantic about spending 2 hours trying to sort out a new international itinerary with Delta's automated menus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 916

You deserved it 2 281

ak47nd tells us more.

ak47nd 6

Saturday 19 September 2015 12:32

Hi, this is OP. To be fair, he did fly me out to visit him and put a real effort into making the week we had together great. That said, after I did manage to fix the flight back, I think he was scared I was going to kick him in the balls for that stunt for most of the extra 24 hours we had together. But the makeup sex was great and I barely managed to make it back in time for work obligations, so bf is EXTREMELY lucky :) And we have a new relationship rule of not ******* with travel arrangements. Sigh.

At last!

By All Dressed Up With No Place To Go - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Ashland

Today, I finally lost enough weight to fit into the beautiful dress that I ordered for my senior prom. I graduated from high school in 2010. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 729

You deserved it 5 051

By BowlofCherries - 22/05/2012 02:48 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was in a café when a construction worker asked to borrow a pen. The only pen I had on me was my brand new Parker, which I reluctantly loaned him. As he was writing, he stopped to think, and happily chewed on the end of the pen, which he later returned to me, glistening in saliva. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 484

You deserved it 5 282

By nottelling7012 - 29/08/2010 04:21 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend of six months broke up with me because of 'creative differences', as she put it. The real reason is that we couldn't decide which cupboard the plates should have gone in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 054

You deserved it 4 428

Chill out, Cathy

By creepystalkerguy - 14/10/2009 18:19 - United States

Today, a woman yelled at me to stop following her around the store. We were in IKEA. The only way to get through the store is to follow the arrows through a one-way path. Apparently, no one informed her of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 816

You deserved it 2 447

By TheDenmarkian - 04/08/2015 21:40 - United States - Wickliffe

Today, the girl I've loved for years kissed me. Then she started crying and wiping her mouth, and had a panic attack. I had to help her through it, tell her that it was no big deal, and that it would never happen again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 604

You deserved it 2 333

TheDenmarkian tells us more.

TheDenmarkian 16

Wednesday 5 August 2015 12:43

Unfortunately, she said she has no idea why she kissed me. She said she is confused and doesn't know, and I told her to think about it. She said she just didn't know, but it was probably to test the waters. She did enjoy the kiss, if that makes up for anything.

Cool dude

By Blah - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to go to my son's school for career day, I explained what a banker does, then asked if anyone had a question. One boy raised his hand and asked, "When are all the cool parents gonna come?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 426

You deserved it 6 498

Freaked out

By Anonymous - 15/08/2010 05:24 - United States

Today, my mom called me to the laundry room after she saw a dead animal in there. I took a look and agreed we should call animal control. After ten minutes of freaking out, they finally arrived to confirm that the dead animal was the hood to my winter jacket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 234

You deserved it 42 261

By iusedprotectionanyway - 21/03/2014 21:44 - New Zealand - Waitakere

Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 260

You deserved it 3 518

Sick day

By *cough* *cough* you're a dickface - 27/06/2015 05:48 - United States - Mckeesport

Today, I have the flu, so I called my boss to let him know I couldn't come in today. He told me to think my "lies" through better, and claimed that you can only get the flu during winter. So I guess I'm faking my pale skin, short breath, runny nose, and constant sneezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 525

You deserved it 1 975

By Anonymous - 15/03/2014 21:02 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, four days after making a $100 bet with my balding, pedo-stache wearing dad over who could get a girlfriend first, he came home and introduced me to his new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 931

You deserved it 11 688

By Rocky209 - 15/05/2015 19:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to the sound of my little sister knocking on my door. Today's my birthday, so I thought she'd surprise me with something. Instead, she just asked me, "How's it feel to be a year older and still alone?" I just turned 20. The truth hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 320

You deserved it 3 027

Rocky209 tells us more.

Rocky209 17

Saturday 16 May 2015 4:02

Im not really into relationships, but a hang out buddy would be nice.

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Today, working my job, I had to explain to a kid that Pokemon is owned by Nintendo and they don't make it for the Xbox. Upset by this, he took hold of my leg and started biting. I'm also suspended, because his mother complained when I kicked him off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 836

You deserved it 3 607

Today, I gave my little brother my iPhone so he could play a game. I soon forgot about it, and when I got it back two hours later, there was pudding and a couple of big cracks in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 104

You deserved it 30 907

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house. She had promised me we'd get it on so I couldn't wait. When I got there, I didn't get it on. Instead, I got a list of reasons why I make her depressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 533

You deserved it 25 346

Today, I finally got my ass into gear and went to the DMV to renew my driver's license. I waited in line for over two hours, only to find out that I had brought my library card instead of my license. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 1 038

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend. I did my best to get him hard, and as always, I succeeded, but he still didn’t bother to look up from his phone. Unfortunately this happens almost every time I try to have sex with him. I guess TikTok is more important. FML

I agree, your life sucks 642

You deserved it 204

Today, on my one day off from working in a bakery, my dad asked me to bake him a cake. I refused as I’m exhausted and didn’t want to bake. He then informed me it’s “not my choice” if I bake cakes or not, and if I want to keep living rent free in his house, I’ll “bake the fucking cake.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 280