Health: Today, I helped my dad push our broken-down truck from the driveway...

By crippled - 08/07/2014 08:40 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I helped my dad push our broken-down truck from the driveway onto the tire ramp. Truck didn't make it; neither did my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 117

You deserved it 4 269

Health

Weird reasoning

Gamers gonna gamer

It's love

Can't get no…

By Anonymous - 21/09/2020 09:05 - United Kingdom - Exeter

Today, my seventy-year-old male live-in landlord asked if I'd heard a low humming noise the last few nights, around midnight, as someone had mentioned it. I feigned ignorance, whilst silently lamenting the decline of my self-pleasure opportunities. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 245

You deserved it 240

By ;_;" - 27/09/2013 21:33 - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, I went to a really important job interview. During it, I accidentally let out a burp, came down with nervous hiccups, and when I tried to quietly ease out some painful gas that was building up, it came out as a massive, rancid fart. I'll definitely be unemployed for a while yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 797

You deserved it 10 550

By Anonymous - 08/05/2012 02:52 - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket while I was in the car. I didn't even notice it happen. Ninja cops do exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 635

You deserved it 6 864

Shower sex time?

By mark - 31/12/2011 17:40 - United States

Today, my wife was about to take a shower, when she called me into the bathroom. She stripped me off and pulled me in with her. As I started to get into it, she sighed, "Thank god. You really needed a shower." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 649

You deserved it 40 005

By Anonymous - 21/05/2011 21:29 - Denmark

Today, I woke up, rolled over, and kissed the boy who was peacefully sleeping next to me, cheerfully saying, "Good morning, baby!" That boy is my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 385

You deserved it 34 779

By Gigi - 05/09/2012 04:29 - United States

Today, my crush asked to use my phone so he could Google something. Flattered that he wanted to use my phone, I agreed. After he was done, he handed it back with a weird look. I later realized he had found himself in my top searches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 607

You deserved it 30 619

By rs - 30/06/2012 18:36 - Egypt

Today, after watching Hulk with my friends, we spent a good half hour discussing exactly how enlarged Bruce Banner's package would be in his Hulk state. I couldn't hide my excitement, and now my friends won't stop teasing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 515

You deserved it 25 301

By sexyfreak2510 - 03/09/2009 06:47 - South Africa

Today, at my bachelorette party, I got so wasted, I ended up giving my stripper a lap dance because he "wasn't doing it properly". There's photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 273

You deserved it 51 774

By Loser - 04/05/2009 20:15 - Canada

Today, I decided to modify my resume since I've handed out over 30 of them in the past couple of weeks and I haven't gotten any calls back. As soon as I opened it on word document, I noticed that I had forgotten to include my phone number for employers to contact me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 402

You deserved it 73 968

By icantdrive - 19/03/2009 04:22 - Canada

Today, I went to a party to see my crush. He offered me a drink and I declined telling him that I don't drink because alcohol makes people act stupid and crash their cars. He then saw me back into a car parked on the street and shatter my backlights as I reversed from the driveway to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 261

You deserved it 73 226

By Anonymous - 12/12/2009 09:28 - United States

Today, I was having lunch with my mom before an important job interview. She commented than my lips looked dry and crackly and gave me her chapstick with aloe to put on. Apparently I'm allergic to aloe and my lips got so swollen I could hardly talk. It was too late to reschedule the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 984

You deserved it 2 508

By Anonymous - 16/05/2009 20:05 - United States

Today, I got home from college. Since I haven't seen my parents in almost a year I sorta expected them to come meet me/pick me up at the airport. Nope. What did I get instead? A text from my dad saying, "I hope you have a key." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 219

You deserved it 3 428

Owl be there for you

By No2ndDate - 01/02/2017 22:00 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, I went on a date to an owl sanctuary. Today is also the day I discovered my all-encompassing fear of owls, as I cried and pissed myself in front of my date and 15 other visitors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 901

You deserved it 1 528

By Anonymous - 20/07/2010 04:53 - United States

Today, I moved into my new apartment and met my new roommate. Immediately after shaking hands he suggested that we make a "masturbation schedule" to avoid any awkward situations. Way to avoid an awkward situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 752

You deserved it 4 172

By Confused - 27/02/2012 04:58 - United States

Today, while skiing, the creepy guy controlling the chair lift said I was pretty. I was so caught off guard that I fell off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 350

You deserved it 5 121

By jccwell - 23/09/2011 16:50 - United States

Today, my dad called, saying he was in town and that he wanted to see me. I was excited, thinking he wanted to come see my new apartment. Turns out he just wanted to borrow my Xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 025

You deserved it 2 358

Can't take my eyes off you

By silverscrescent - 22/08/2020 01:02 - United Kingdom - Poole

Today, I was babysitting my 8-year-old niece. I left her for 10 minutes so I could take a shower, only to walk in on her with her dress rolled up, peeing on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 142

You deserved it 384

By sugar - 18/10/2010 12:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years told his friend that he decided a long time ago that he would never be faithful to a woman. I was sitting next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 974

You deserved it 3 325

Goodbye Rémy…

By Tough guy - 04/09/2021 23:00

Today, I was laying in bed when my sister came running in, scared. I took my bat and went into the kitchen where the suspicious noise was coming from. It was a rat, right in the middle of the floor. I jumped on the counter and shrieked, just as my girlfriend walked in, who then actually dealt with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 726

By Erica - 09/12/2018 13:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, not only did I find out that my 13 year old daughter is pregnant, I found out that she did it on purpose ‘to prove that she’s responsible’. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 409

You deserved it 661

By Anonymous - 09/11/2011 01:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend drove me home. I mentioned how I had recently started my period and he freaked out, saying I would "leak" through my tampon onto his seat. He made me sit on towels all the way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 499

You deserved it 6 512

By Eternal Servitude - 02/05/2015 16:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom decided to have a get together at my house while I was at work. When I came home, she pulled me aside and asked me to pretend to be her maid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 344

You deserved it 2 349

By fatpooch - 13/05/2010 06:01 - Canada

Today, my mom decided our whole family is going on a diet. Why? Because the vet told us our dog is overweight, and she "didn't want Twix to suffer alone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 650

You deserved it 4 815

All you need is hate

By Anonymous - 30/08/2021 09:01

Today, I found out I only exist because my parents hated each other. They both worked in the same office and despised each other, until they had a hate-fuck in a storeroom after a blazing argument, resulting in me. I exist due to sex fuelled by hatred and lust. Yay me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 616

You deserved it 154

By MariadelMar - 19/08/2009 15:03 - United States

Today, I flew 8 hours to visit my boyfriend. When I arrived at the airport, and he started taking long to show up, I checked my email to see the info. I hit the junk mail by accident and found his last 10 emails in there. He had broken up with me a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 549

You deserved it 16 214

By suchagoodholiday - 05/10/2015 09:57 - Indonesia - Jakarta

Today, I've been in Bali for 12 days. We have done nothing but sit around because my whole family is sick, and they won't let me do anything because it's supposed to be a "family vacation". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 871

You deserved it 1 766

Passing

By ChoirGuy - 07/02/2009 23:02 - United States

Today, I sang at a retirement home with my school choir. Afterwards, we went to speak to the old people, just to get to know them a little. The first woman I shook hands with asked, "Are you a boy or a girl?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 654

You deserved it 4 378

For Those About to Rock…

By ljajjanaa - 04/04/2021 11:00

Today, I had to politely request that my floormate not blast heavy metal music at 4 a.m. His response? "It’s the weekend," followed by him slamming the door in my face and turning the music up. I work weekends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 85

By lilsis - 31/01/2010 05:38 - Australia

Today, my sister asked me if any of my family members had commented on my recent weight gain. I told her no not really. Her reply? "They must just being saying it behind your back then." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 482

You deserved it 3 767

By Betsydoll - 29/03/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, after a tiff with my boyfriend, I said to him, "You could at least PRETEND to love me sometimes." He responded with, "I do pretend to love you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 538

You deserved it 26 263

By Anonymous - 11/08/2012 22:22 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 311

You deserved it 43 354

By Anonymous - 26/05/2012 00:15 - United States

Today, my eight-year-old son thought that if he swallowed soap, his farts would smell like soap. The smell of vomit and diarrhea now permeating my house is proof of how wrong he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 190

You deserved it 2 714

By SDCore - 12/02/2015 00:40 - United States - Glenview

Today, I got drunk at a party. I didn't want my parents to know, so I took out my phone, called my parents, and asked them not to tell them I'm drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 811

You deserved it 39 783

By GideonSquire - 13/06/2017 20:00

Today, I walked through a car park and brutally bashed my head, leaving a tennis ball sized lump on my forehead on an overhead sign saying, "Max height 6"6'". I'm 6"4'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 762

You deserved it 419

By iworkatofficedepothomes - 15/05/2014 12:02 - United States - Laguna Hills

Today, a customer came into our store and asked if we sold "child-sized coffins". This isn't even the weirdest question I've been asked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 911

You deserved it 4 643

By alone - 23/09/2011 11:04 - China

Today, I was sent home from work early because of structural issues. I walked in on my unemployed boyfriend cuddling another woman on the couch. When I confronted them, he freaked out and kept trying to convince me that I was dreaming. I don't know what I ever saw in this loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 661

You deserved it 4 779

By Megan - 26/03/2013 19:04 - United States

Today, after my boyfriend promised he wasn't cheating on me, I ran into him at our favorite coffee shop with the girl I suspected him of cheating with. When I confronted them, he acted like he didn't know me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 512

You deserved it 4 310

By please_no - 16/03/2010 14:40 - United States

Today, the water in my shower wouldn't drain so I used a snake to unclog it. I pulled almost a full foot of nasty hair and gunk out of the drain. I just moved in, and the previous owner was an elderly woman. I just pulled a foot of old lady pubes out of my drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 483

You deserved it 3 333

By DimeShapedBruise - 24/09/2013 06:14 - United States - Beaverton

Today, some asshat chewed me out over a 10 cent late fine he was charged on his library card. When I tried to explain the fine to him, he started mimicking me. Finally, as he chucked a dime at my head before storming out, I saw the glint of a Rolex watch from beneath his power suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 621

You deserved it 3 121

By Anonymous - 16/05/2017 20:00

Today, I accidentally superglued my hand to my grandmother's ornate fan while trying to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 380

You deserved it 799

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Top comments

badblaby 8

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:24

Did you lose it or break it?

beaverteaser 16

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:30

time to go to ihop

superwolf33 15

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:24

Man that sucks

Godsofdracos 15

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:24

Man, I thought it sounded awesome...

CupcakeJuice 10

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:25

So much you could have said, being the first comment, and you say that?

loooloool 13

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:27

How does that sound awesome?

kelsorg 21

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 20:00

I'm assuming that was sarcasm...

Strider207 5

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 21:05

No shit Sherlock

zZLightZz 13

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Wednesday 9 July 2014 1:14

im so confused. it this a good thing or a bad thing?

FiFiLovee 26

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Wednesday 9 July 2014 21:25

This needs a followup. I'm curious as to what happened to OP's leg.

ohSNAPyall 26

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Friday 11 July 2014 19:10

Read OP's username.

badblaby 8

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:24

Did you lose it or break it?

Random4Dayz 19

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:27

I think he lost it..where'd it go op?

cakefete2 30

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:31

It called "shotgun".

gjikvtj 18

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 20:31

If the leg took shotgun, who's driving?

moo_and_bloo 10

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Wednesday 9 July 2014 0:25

Yo mama

SpreadTHEKILLER 14

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Wednesday 9 July 2014 3:43

#58 Leave. Now.

Snarky_Chick 7

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Thursday 10 July 2014 7:02

Kudos @65

TheAtheistChild 10

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Sunday 13 July 2014 10:19

#35 gravity was driving and velocity was in the back.

JellyBalls 18

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:25

At least you tired

LifeAlertTwerk 14

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:29

I'd certainly be "tired" after pushing a truck for a long distance! Furthermore, I'm sure a leg injury didn't wake OP up that much.

TrippingOnAcid 29

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:36

He was trying to make a pun, not a spelling mistake

AllStache 11

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 21:06

#11 was also making a pun.

badluckalex 23

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 21:21

lay off the acid 26...

the_real_aquaman 5

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 22:37

At least he has a dad to "lean" on

taywuzhere 11

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:27

Ouch.

njgohard 16

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:27

Is the leg just broken or did it get something worse?

Tthug 34

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:29

That's what I'm wondering. Sounds like the truck took off with his leg somewhere...

rocker_chick105 31

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 20:04

Maybe they were meant for each other!

RedPillSucks 31

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 21:35

Maybe he had an artificial leg left in the truck

JJ_86 22

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 23:08

Yea right, OP left his artificial leg in the truck before pushing it to ramp, on one leg

NeatNit 32

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 23:46

#49 I'm glad we've reached a consensus.

GentlemanBastard 15

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Wednesday 9 July 2014 2:49

49, I know you were being sarcastic, but I just laughed my ass off picturing a one-legged man pushing a truck. So thank you for that.

nattlecakes 19

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:28

Ouch!

njgohard 16

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:29

No shit.

nattlecakes 19

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:35

No need to be rude, sir

iAlissa 34

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:29

Broken limbs suck, especially legs. Feel better!

beaverteaser 16

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:30

time to go to ihop

ThomasBombadil 31

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:30

Isn't this a country song?

hzxrd 7

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:30

Well you win some you lose some

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 17

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 85

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 163

You deserved it 87

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