Today, I helped my dad push our broken-down truck from the driveway...

By crippled - 8/7/2014 08:40 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I helped my dad push our broken-down truck from the driveway onto the tire ramp. Truck didn't make it; neither did my leg. FML

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Health

Family values

Tense

Spread the news

By apaterra - 4/11/2015 17:30 - United States

Today, I was at work at the library and a patron handed me some change. When I asked what it was for, he said he had found it in one of the urinals. FML

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By fmlfmboyfriendah - 13/2/2009 14:37 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with my boyfriend, he grabbed my double chin and goes "gobble, gobble". FML

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By Anonymous - 11/3/2010 06:45 - United States

Today, it's the third anniversary of when I started looking for a new job. I'm still working at the job that made me want to get a new one and I haven't even had an interview for another one in almost two years. My Master's degree on the wall is looking more and more like a roll of toilet paper. FML

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By tayluh26 - 15/2/2010 05:03 - United States

Today, I found out that my fiancé's parents are refusing to pay for a honeymoon because "they didn't have one so neither will we", so they won't pay for a single thing for our wedding. FML

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By n1a1t1h1a1n1 - 11/12/2012 07:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, on the bus, when I was asking my 6-year-old son what he wanted for Christmas, a stranger came up to us and yelled at him about how Santa Claus is not real, that his "parents are fucking liars" and that he should "never listen to anything one of those fuckers says." FML

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By sigh - 29/3/2016 04:57 - United States - North Branford

Today, I gave the guy I've been seeing a copy of my newly published book, because I know he loves writing. He started reading and commented on how amazing it was. Then he gave it back. He didn't realize it was a gift. My awkward self didn't correct him. I'd written him a sweet letter inside. FML

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By Snails - 12/6/2019 20:00

Today, while at work, I let out a nasty wet fart, thinking no one would hear me since I work in a warehouse. My coworker did hear me, and replied, "WTF? Shots fired! Shots fired!" FML

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By Anonymous - 3/7/2015 09:09 - United States - East Carondelet

Today, I'm babysitting for kids whose parents said they would be back by 12. Its 4am and they still aren't home. I don't get paid enough for this. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/10/2019 16:00

Not the one

Today, my ex, who I'm still love with, told me he's engaged. We weren't together for long because he didn't want a committed relationship. Guess it was just me. FML

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By demix_fml - 6/10/2019 02:01

Cat vs. pancakes

Today, it's my birthday, I knew I would be on my own, so I brought some pancakes, only to come down and find that not only had my cat eaten them, but also that I’d have to clean his barf up. Happy birthday to me. FML

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By gan-1991 - 15/6/2020 23:01

It's called caring, OK?

Today, it's my birthday. I woke up to the sound of my cat puking up a hairball. This is the second year in a row he has done this. FML

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By kittykat033 - 8/3/2014 17:19 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I started at my new job. My manager, upon meeting me, hugged me and sniffed my neck, then commented that I smelled "natural" and told me how much he loves that. I have to work with this creep until god knows when. FML

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By hi - 1/3/2009 20:29 - United States

Today, I was babysitting this one year old. She just learned how to say yes so if you asked her ANYTHING, she'd say yes. I asked her if she liked vegetables and she said "yes!" Then I asked her if I was pretty... she looked at me and said "NO." FML

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By goingup? - 25/2/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I was in an elevator with my girlfriend when it stuck mid-floor. Being supportive, I went to hug her and tell her we'll be OK. Today I also learned that my girlfriend is deathly claustrophobic and her predominant reaction is to vomit. In this case, all over me. We were stuck for 2 hours. FML

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By Bob - 21/1/2010 13:33 - Canada

Today, I'm a cashier in a grocery store. The visiting regional manager tore me a new one for being lazy. His reason? After working a double shift with no break, I decided to sit down for a minute when things got slow. FML

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By TheRuleEnforcer - 29/3/2013 08:33 - United States

Today, I was hit by a car in a parking lot. The person sped off; I broke three ribs. My parents screamed at me for not getting the driver's info. FML

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By PicklesMcRaptor - 25/3/2012 11:59 - United States - Miami

Today, as I was walking my dog, two cute girls from my school were walking towards me on the sidewalk. I thought it would be appropriate to wave and give a smile. My dog thought it would be appropriate to viciously bark at and mount one of the girls. FML

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By Oze - 18/2/2010 09:48 - United States

Today, my roommate will fall asleep to Muppet Treasure Island. We sleep 3 feet away from each other and he has been doing this since Christmas. FML

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By bobuhbeartoe - 24/8/2009 04:36 - United States

Today, while showering, I finished off the shampoo bottle. I decided to see if I could shoot it into the trash can over the shower curtain. When I heard the successful "thunk", I got so excited I slipped and cracked my head open. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/11/2012 17:09 - Philippines - Makati

Today, after a week of looking for my car keys and being forced to drag my family around on public transportation, my wife found the keys in our car's ignition. FML

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By Username - 16/12/2011 06:31 - Canada

Today, I hit a new low when I caught myself eating the chocolates that were meant to be part of my boyfriend's Christmas presents. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/1/2012 23:07 - United States

Today, I was diagnosed with a clogged milk gland. I am not, nor have ever been, pregnant and therefore have also never breastfed. This condition is caused by my boyfriend's over-active urge to suck on my nipples. I'm in horrible pain, and he won't stop laughing. FML

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By laviestpasimal - 7/3/2012 00:14 - France

Today, I had six long hours with the same math teacher. To get home, I travel by bus. Guess who sat down next to me for the whole trip. FML

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By InsomniacToBe - 19/7/2012 15:55 - United States - Saint George

Today, I had a dream that my ex-boyfriend had become a vicious serial killer and was hunting me down because I broke up with him. I don't know what scares me more: the way he hunted me in my sleep, or the fact that it wouldn't surprise me if it actually happened. FML

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By terrible person - 4/4/2011 09:29

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to break down and cry because his mother hates me for unknown reasons. I walked in, gave him a long hug, and started sobbing. I then saw his mother. She was visiting him to complain about how terrible a person I am. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2016 02:22 - United States - Lawrenceville

Today, my boyfriend wrote me a love letter saying about how much he cares for me, how he'd die for me and how he wants to spend his life with me. What really took my breath away was the confession at the end about how he "accidentally" cheated on me with my best friend. FML

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By treehouse - 23/8/2017 13:00

Today, my family and I were going to start moving into our old house, and the large two hundred year old tree decided to move in too... through the roof. FML

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By MyBallsForSaleOnEbay - 21/8/2015 15:25 - Malta - Naxxar

Today, I screamed like a little girl and scrambled to climb atop the toilet seat when I saw a cockroach running around our bathroom. My 5-year-old nephew came in, slapped it to death and said not to be scared, because he'll always protect me. FML

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By tryscal - 12/7/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, I was attempting to teach a bunch of 2nd and 5th graders on why it's so important to face your fears and try your best. It was going pretty well, until I was attacked by a pair of butterflies. I am afraid of butterflies - I ran away screaming like a little girl. FML

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By CockroachCluster - 2/6/2018 01:30

Today, I turned on my A/C for the first time in a couple of months. A family of ginormous cockroaches climbed out of the air vent and a few clumps of dead cockroaches fell to the ground. FML

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By Peter Steele love - 18/10/2015 00:49 - United Kingdom - Clevedon

Today, I was sexting my boss. I realised that I wasn't texting my boyfriend after I'd sent 2 nudes, and received many sexually provocative responses. FML

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By soapysoap - 10/12/2009 08:04 - United States

Today, I received an early Christmas gift from my boyfriend of ten months. It was soap. In a few days he will be receiving his very expensive specialized car horn he has wanted for years, while I will be enjoying my new bar of Walmart brand soap, which has already begun to give me a rash. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/8/2014 16:16 - United States - Port Lavaca

Today, it's been three weeks since my dad finished growing what he calls a "Jesus beard" and gone out asking for donations and claiming to be Jesus Christ. I've been trying and failing to get a job for 2 years, and he's already raking in cash from gullible idiots. FML

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By amandapurple - 22/2/2009 19:02 - United States

Today, I finally won an ongoing battle with my family to go to a restaurant I like, rather than a restaurant I hate with a passion. Now I'm throwing up, and my back is killing me. I'm the only one who got food poisoning. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/6/2013 16:21 - United States - Flowery Branch

What a Q-tip

Today, I heard my boyfriend making the same noises while cleaning out his ears as the ones he makes whenever we have sex. FML

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By missy - 16/6/2011 02:42 - United States

Today, I missed my flight because I was held in airport security because I'd "threatened" an employee. He had confiscated my eyelash curler and jokingly I asked if he thought I was going to curl him to death. He didn't laugh. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/9/2013 05:14 - United States - Asheboro

Today, I received an email from my professor asking me not to jump ahead on assignments as it makes the other students look bad. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/1/2016 13:00 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I'm so lazy, I dread getting up early on days that haven't arrived yet. For stuff I actually like doing, too. FML

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By Isoldael - 7/11/2011 09:38 - Netherlands

Today, I caught three kids setting fire to a bush. After chasing them off, I parked my bike by a house and went to get water. After I'd put the fire out, I walked back to my bike just in time to see the kids running off with it. FML

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By embarrassment - 12/6/2009 13:46 - Canada

Today, I went to a family dinner. While waiting to be seated, a guy walked by and I looked to see if he was hot. Then my grandma yelled, "Get your eyeballs back in your head and quit staring at boys!" The whole restaurant heard her. Including the guy. And yes, he was hot. FML

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Top comments

By badblaby | 8

#6001941 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:24

Did you lose it or break it?

By beaverteaser | 16

#6001960 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:30

time to go to ihop

COMMENTS

By superwolf33 | 15

#6001938 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:24

Man that sucks

Godsofdracos | 15

#6001940 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:24

Man, I thought it sounded awesome...

CupcakeJuice | 10

#6001943 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:25

So much you could have said, being the first comment, and you say that?

loooloool | 13

#6001949 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:27

How does that sound awesome?

kelsorg | 21

#6002003 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 20:00

I'm assuming that was sarcasm...

Strider207 | 5

#6002045 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 21:05

No shit Sherlock

zZLightZz | 13

#6002354 - Wednesday 9 July 2014 1:14

im so confused. it this a good thing or a bad thing?

FiFiLovee | 26

#6003311 - Wednesday 9 July 2014 21:25

This needs a followup. I'm curious as to what happened to OP's leg.

ohSNAPyall | 26

#6005052 - Friday 11 July 2014 19:10

Read OP's username.

By badblaby | 8

#6001941 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:24

Did you lose it or break it?

Random4Dayz | 19

#6001948 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:27

I think he lost it..where'd it go op?

cakefete2 | 30

#6001968 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:31

It called "shotgun".

gjikvtj | 18

#6002026 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 20:31

If the leg took shotgun, who's driving?

moo_and_bloo | 10

#6002241 - Wednesday 9 July 2014 0:25

Yo mama

SpreadTHEKILLER | 14

#6002497 - Wednesday 9 July 2014 3:43

#58 Leave. Now.

Snarky_Chick | 7

#6003642 - Thursday 10 July 2014 7:02

Kudos @65

TheAtheistChild | 10

#6006548 - Sunday 13 July 2014 10:19

#35 gravity was driving and velocity was in the back.

By JellyBalls | 18

#6001942 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:25

At least you tired

LifeAlertTwerk | 14

#6001953 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:29

I'd certainly be "tired" after pushing a truck for a long distance! Furthermore, I'm sure a leg injury didn't wake OP up that much.

TrippingOnAcid | 29

#6001976 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:36

He was trying to make a pun, not a spelling mistake

AllStache | 11

#6002046 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 21:06

#11 was also making a pun.

badluckalex | 23

#6002056 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 21:21

lay off the acid 26...

the_real_aquaman | 5

#6002109 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 22:37

At least he has a dad to "lean" on

By taywuzhere | 11

#6001946 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:27

Ouch.

By njgohard | 16

#6001947 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:27

Is the leg just broken or did it get something worse?

Tthug | 34

#6001958 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:29

That's what I'm wondering. Sounds like the truck took off with his leg somewhere...

rocker_chick105 | 31

#6002007 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 20:04

Maybe they were meant for each other!

RedPillSucks | 31

#6002065 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 21:35

Maybe he had an artificial leg left in the truck

JJ_86 | 22

#6002152 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 23:08

Yea right, OP left his artificial leg in the truck before pushing it to ramp, on one leg

NeatNit | 32

#6002207 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 23:46

#49 I'm glad we've reached a consensus.

GentlemanBastard | 15

#6002436 - Wednesday 9 July 2014 2:49

49, I know you were being sarcastic, but I just laughed my ass off picturing a one-legged man pushing a truck. So thank you for that.

By nattlecakes | 19

#6001950 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:28

Ouch!

njgohard | 16

#6001957 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:29

No shit.

nattlecakes | 19

#6001974 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:35

No need to be rude, sir

By iAlissa | 34

#6001955 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:29

Broken limbs suck, especially legs. Feel better!

By beaverteaser | 16

#6001960 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:30

time to go to ihop

By ThomasBombadil | 31

#6001961 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:30

Isn't this a country song?

By hzxrd | 7

#6001962 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:30

Well you win some you lose some