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By cwl727 - 09/04/2014 16:49 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a customer threw his hot coffee all over me, because it was taking "too long" for their credit card to be approved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 110

You deserved it 3 236

cwl727 tells us more.

cwl727 32

Thursday 10 April 2014 0:42

So I am doing a follow up on this because for some reason a different name was put as the author, I have contacted FML about it. This happened about 2 years ago when I worked at a theme park in Orlando. The guy was buying tickets and I told him that the computer told me I had to call the credit card company. I asked if he wanted me to use a different card and he said no and was fine with me calling to get authorization. I was on hold with the company and it was taking too long for him. He started complaining and I told him I was on hold but instead of calming down he threw his coffee on me. It was not scorching hot but it was hot enough that it did burn a bit. Security came over and escorted him off the premises and he is now banned from the entire company's property. I didn't sue in fact it was just another story to tell my friends and family.

By Anonymous - 29/09/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, I was drinking in the park with my friends. Being drunk, I relieved myself on a nearby tree. Unknown to me, a 4 year old was having her birthday party 100 yards away. I was arrested for public intoxication and exposing myself to a minor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 933

You deserved it 73 827

By gnafron - 31/12/2013 11:30 - France - Grenoble

Today, I went outside at 9am in my boxer shorts to get my mail in my garden. I'd put a shoe in the door to keep the door jammed open, but when I ran back, my dog had the shoe in his mouth and all the doors and windows were closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 147

By carolinagirl - 04/04/2011 16:23 - United States

Today, I found out that my mom and dad got a divorce. They didn't tell me, they just changed their relationship status on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 726

You deserved it 3 592

By ???? - 25/01/2012 06:32 - United States

Today, I fell and sprained my ankle while trying to step into my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 928

You deserved it 6 689

Casual…

By bnc - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Jefferson City

Today, a kid from my school called me, saying he's going on vacation to Japan soon and that since I was born there, I could teach him the language. His exact words at the start of the call were, "Hey man, you speak Asian, right?" I have to be around this shithead 5 days a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 386

You deserved it 4 116

By Anonymous - 04/08/2009 20:22 - United States

Today, I was working the lighting for a drama production. In the last scene, two characters realize they are in love and kiss, then the stage goes dark. I mixed up my settings, and instead of a blackout, flashing party lights started going off. 300 people turn around to stare at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 541

You deserved it 39 466

By Anonymous - 24/05/2009 12:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's dad asked me if I wanted to drive his 2008 Jaguar XKR. Excitedly, I agreed. He then spent the next hour discussing with me how masturbation is a great alternative to sex, and a great way to remain abstinent. I didn't get to drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 062

You deserved it 4 870

Praise the Lord

By Zippermania9 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that if you fall asleep in church, people will think you're having a spiritual moment, and you'll wake up to ten people praying for you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 250

You deserved it 13 887

Bazinga

By Anonymous - 20/03/2009 15:07 - United States

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 717

You deserved it 17 091

By its ok to cheat!? - 20/02/2013 21:52 - United States - Brisbane

Today, I got my results on a recent, important midterm. During the exam, I'd noticed my instructor had accidentally left an answers page in the test packet, so being honest, I didn't look at them. It turns out she did it on purpose to help us pass. I failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 781

You deserved it 15 767

By mrboston - 01/09/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, my college roommate whom I've never met moved in. Good thing I wasn't completely naked, playing with myself on the couch when he walked in. That would've been awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 651

You deserved it 43 275

TMI

By Anonymous - 16/01/2013 21:08 - United States - San Marcos

Today, my mom wished me a "Happy Conception Day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 581

You deserved it 4 481

MY EYES

By bleach bleach bleach - 22/12/2013 17:22 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, it's been a little over a month since my dad started taking yoga lessons. We always joked around behind his back that he was just doing it so he could get flexible enough to suck himself off. Well, that joke was confirmed as reality when I walked in on him trying just that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 913

You deserved it 7 766

Bored out of our minds

By Maxx - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was so bored at work that I put a zip tie on my finger just for the excitement of trying to get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 834

You deserved it 22 728

By Anonymous - 20/12/2012 21:49 - United Kingdom - London

Today, at my new job, some juvenile cockbite spiked my food with a laxative, as part of some kind of bizarre hazing ritual. The bastard got ratted out and suspended, but my arsehole now feels like it's been blown apart by a nuclear warhead. I thought this shit only happened in movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 449

You deserved it 6 549

By Atletic - 30/11/2012 07:30 - United States - Syracuse

Today, I have three cracked ribs. I have also, for the first time in my life, developed a case of the hiccups that simply will NOT go away. It's been hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 115

You deserved it 1 791

By Anonymous - 06/12/2011 02:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I noticed that my facial hair had grown by an acceptable amount. I spoke to my Dad and decided to show him, thinking he would approve of my manliness. His exact words when I showed him were, "Nah, son. You just look like a lesbian." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 825

You deserved it 5 717

By Anonymous - 26/11/2011 08:16 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because her father, who abandoned her before she was born and just reentered her life, doesn't approve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 559

You deserved it 2 439

Cheating cheater

By anahira6 - 27/09/2013 19:41 - United States - Houston

Today, my boss's son is training to take over my job as head translator, after having convinced his dad that he's fluent in Spanish, and that my skills suck. I soon walked in on him using Google Translate on a legal document. My boss refuses to believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 726

You deserved it 3 037

By Meagan smith - 24/08/2011 20:33 - United States

Today, I started my new job as a teacher. Worried about how I looked, I asked a coworker if I looked okay. She said, "You look fine. Just like a normal high school kid." I spent the next half hour convincing her that I was not a student, but a teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 249

You deserved it 3 671

Alexa, play "Rockit" by Herbie Hancock

By Anonymous - 19/08/2011 07:13 - United States

Today, I wanted to show my teenage daughter what we did when I was her age. We used to breakdance, so I stuck on a Grandmaster Flash track, and tried some old moves on the living room floor. I spun out of control, smacked my head into a wall and pulled a back muscle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 345

You deserved it 41 215

By dramaqueen - 14/04/2009 04:44 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he dates me. He immediately responded, "Well, TV shows are boring and predictable, so you're a good source of fresh and interesting drama." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 057

You deserved it 31 571

She's like the wind

By EyeSeeYou - 02/05/2012 18:34 - United States - Houston

Today, I went on a picnic with my boyfriend's family. I thought it would be nice to wear my sundress and cowgirl boots. The wind repeatedly picked up my dress in front of everyone, including my boyfriend's seedy grandpa, who I have to admit can do a pretty good wolf-whistle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 003

You deserved it 6 960

By Jenievonteese - 12/06/2011 23:33 - United States

Today, I was having a nice dream in which a beautiful butterfly flew by me and got stuck in my hair, fluttering its wings against my neck. Then I woke up and realized the "butterfly" stuck in my hair was actually a giant wood roach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 808

You deserved it 3 255

Hustlin' 24/7

By Catherine - 23/05/2011 19:33 - United States

Today, I had to go to the emergency room with vision problems. The nurse was helping my mom fill out the paperwork. When asked for her employer, my mom started trying to sell the nurse Aflac, and got into a serious 10 minute conversation about it, all while I'm going blind in my left eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 522

You deserved it 3 218

By ihateloopholes - 21/06/2015 20:42 - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, I forbade a student in the writing seminar I instructed from continuing to present his disturbing poems about demons. He responded to this by convincing nearly every other student in the seminar to write and read out loud several of his poems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 020

You deserved it 8 629

By aprilmay91 - 11/03/2012 12:38 - United States

Today, at work at a gas station kiosk, a man requested a carton of cigarettes. We keep our cigarettes on a high shelf. I'm short and very large chested so I have to jump in order to reach the carton. He said, "I only come here for the entertainment" and left without purchasing his cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 951

You deserved it 4 019

aprilmay91 tells us more.

aprilmay91 0

Monday 12 March 2012 13:30

We have a step stool but it broken and the last time I used it i fell and twisted my ankle and bruised my arm.

Inked

By damnit - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off, only to learn that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 951

You deserved it 64 730

By stillshakinggd - 28/11/2012 21:16 - United States

Today, I was mugged at gunpoint by a senior citizen. She now has a lousy $20, and I probably have PTSD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 506

You deserved it 2 725

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The Top

Today, I shut one of my breasts in my car door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 111

You deserved it 10 275

Today, I started my period. I am getting married tomorrow. So, not only am I going to be on my period for my wedding night and honeymoon, my best friend has to help me change my pad because my dress is so big. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 125

You deserved it 9 509

Today, my wife shouted at me for never doing anything for her, which is a brave claim to make while her unemployed ass sits in the house I pay for, enjoying the Netflix I pay for, and the car I pay for so she can drive to Starbucks and use my money to buy £8 coffees for six friends at once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 454

You deserved it 132

Today, I found out that my childhood vacation home was on sale for 149K. We sold it for 99K 9 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 240

Today, a hobo shook me down for money on the street. He's my brother, who incidentally ran away from home over two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 901

You deserved it 2 813

Today, I got an unexpected call from my ex who I'd had been missing. He repeatedly called me a whore for having multiple hotel rooms in the last couple of weeks. I had them because I got a promotion at work and have been working out of town frequently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 314

You deserved it 164