The Top

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Time to start a band

By Jonny - 24/11/2023 10:00

Today, I attempted a DIY haircut. In the process, I somehow managed to give myself a reverse mohawk. I now look like I'm auditioning for a punk rock band from the 80s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 577

Bob to the rescue

By Anonymous - 16/08/2022 06:00 - United States

Today, and for a while, I've been on a dry spell, so I bust out my good old battery-operated boyfriend (B.O.B.) to break the spell. The film I found to assist in my task had actors who looked like my ex and me. I had the best orgasm I've ever had, while also bawling my eyes out at the same time. Therapy it is then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 262

You deserved it 388

Dirty dancing

By Fiesta - 17/08/2022 10:00 - United States

Today, we were at a wedding reception. I had to explain to my husband why it’s inappropriate for another woman to dance with her butt gyrating on his crotch. He insists it was “harmless dancing” and to stop being a “party pooper.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 001

You deserved it 212

Impeccable timing

By drugs - 01/12/2023 15:00 - United States

Today, I came home, raced upstairs, and yelled to my roomie that I'd found some blow for the party tonight. It was only after he left his room and punched me that I remembered he had a virtual interview today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 1 232

Student becomes the master

By Anonymous - 06/06/2021 16:58 - United States - Steele

Today, my son's "favorite" teacher went on a tirade criticizing my "awful" parenting. About two months ago, my son got her fired after he reported her to the principal for forcing him to miss out on lunch to finish a project. Apparently, that wasn't the first time she did something like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 121

Drugs are bad

By KookieLove666 - 10/08/2022 06:00

Today, my pill-popping mom, committing disability fraud and stealing from me, called the cops on me, and dragged the landlord into it, is now getting both of us evicted. All this because she'd rather live homeless with her drug problem than to get the help she needs, which I can't provide anymore after 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 138

You deserved it 116

#GirlBoss

By What the fuck - 07/06/2025 00:00 - United States - New York

Today, I caught my underage daughter selling naked pictures to internet sickos. Trying to stay calm, I asked her why. She said, "Should I go work at McDonald's for pennies? I've made over twelve grand in three months selling pictures of my tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 526

You deserved it 142

PTSD FML

By Eddward - 15/06/2021 06:00

Today, I was working a phone call in a call center when I suddenly began to faint while at it. It turned out to be a bad dream I'd woken up from, because it's been three months since I've worked at that call center. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 121

Hotdesking sucks

By Bowerbird74 - 30/08/2022 12:00 - Bulgaria

Today, it was a new co-worker's first day, and yet again management told them to use the room I always use, and I yet again had to relocate my stuff to accommodate the newbie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 145

FML is open 24/7 for you

By Anonymous - 18/12/2023 12:00 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, it’s been about two and a half months since I entered into a severe, borderline suicidal depressive episode. My psychiatrist prescribed a new antidepressant to go with my mood stabilizer, but it will take up to a month to kick in. Looks like it’s gonna be a blue Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 510

You deserved it 147

Any advice?

By aw jeez - 25/06/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, we are on our honeymoon, at a beautiful resort, and my wife has been in bed crying for two days. She won't talk to me, and every time I come in, she sobs harder and starts hyperventilating. This can't be a good sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 616

You deserved it 112

Which show is it?

By Not Riverdale - 26/06/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I spoiled a TV show I've seen that a friend has started binge-watching by saying, “Episode 7 really did my head in.” His face turned from excitement to annoyance, and has vowed revenge, saying, "Great, I'm going to be anticipating episode 7 for the next few hours thanks to you, stop talking to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 454

Mothman is real

By NOT THE BEES...oh - 30/08/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, there's a moth in my house, who either does nothing, or flies around like it just ate enough sugar for one lifetime. Every time I see it, I think it's a wasp and, being deathly afraid of them, I go into a full-blown panic attack until the sight of it bumping into light bulbs brings me back to reality. FML

I agree, your life sucks 663

You deserved it 395

Monday morning sucks

By Linds - 28/06/2021 14:01

Today, I came home to find that maggots had taken over my garbage can this weekend. We weren't home to catch it, and I didn't use the garbage this morning. On top of that, I hadn't had my caffeine for the day because I ran out and forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 624

You deserved it 293

Think before you move

By Anonymous - 30/12/2023 06:00 - United States - Waverly

Today, after I moved across country to move in with my best friend, she decided to move in with her boyfriend a month into me being here. I don't know anyone here. She hasn't been home in 4 months and recently any time we've made plans, she stands me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 597

You deserved it 180

Third wheel

By Anonymous - 01/07/2025 00:00 - France - Marseille

Today, I figured out why the guy I secretly love became so friendly with me. It appears that we became friends so that he could get closer to my very best friend and flirt with her. They’re now happily together and my best friend tells me all day long about him, and how they made out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 501

You deserved it 131

Happy Anniversary!

By Anonymous - 29/06/2021 06:00

Today, it was my first anniversary with my husband. Not only were we mad at each other and not speaking the whole day, he doesn't even remember and spent the night out with his friends instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 303

That's kind of a big issue

By Anonymous - 24/09/2022 02:30

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years, who I love with every fiber in my body, just told me that he's not attracted to me. Not in any way, shape, or form. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 207

You deserved it 141

Concentrate

By um…ew - 14/01/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, my friend and I were having a conversation in the ladies’ room. Suddenly, we hear banging from one of the stalls and, “Can you talk somewhere else? Some of us are trying to poop.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 958

Parklife!

By Anonymous - 23/07/2025 22:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I took my dog to the park. He ran straight into a muddy pond, came back to shake himself off, and got mud all over my freshly cleaned white hoodie. A stranger passing by gave us a thumbs up and said, “Good boy!” I'm not sure who he was talking to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 302

You deserved it 208

Chilling dystopian brainrot

By Anonymous - 28/07/2025 15:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, it's been a week since I giggled at my coworker who was worried our jobs will be replaced by AI, since we're delivery drivers. At first I was amused and sceptical, but some sort of paranoia has since kicked in, and I'm now imagining AI drones taking over our jobs and I'm bugging out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174

You deserved it 380

Classic

By KDH - 26/01/2024 09:00 - United States - Santa Monica

Today, I went on a blind date and mistook someone else at the restaurant for my date. We had a great conversation… until the real blind date arrived. The look on both their faces was priceless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 133

Teamwork

By Bad impression - 02/08/2025 20:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I joined a group chat with new coworkers. Trying to be funny, I wrote, “What is this bunch of weirdos up to?” My big boss, who I hadn't noticed was in the chat members, responded, “This is your direct supervisor speaking.” I left the chat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 535

Free Jazz

By Greg Towers - 30/01/2024 09:00 - United States - Plymouth Meeting

Today, I had to blow my nose at a jazz jam session. I blew my nose so hard that I blew the major third over a minor chord and everyone started throwing full bottles of beer at me. Fuck you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 435

That's nuts

By shbaxter - 16/03/2020 06:00

Today, I finally got my car back after it was in the auto shop for a week. On my way home, I started swerving all over the road. It turns out they didn't tighten the lug nuts on one of my wheels properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 564

You deserved it 105

How to make it awkward for everyone

By Anonymous - 09/08/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I got a haircut at a fancy salon and made small talk with the stylist. While she washed my hair, I said, “Wow, this is better than my girlfriend does it.” She replied, “That’s because I’m a professional. Also, I’m your girlfriend’s cousin.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 465

Technique

By onlyintx - 19/07/2021 11:01

Today, after 3 days of vigorously scrubbing primer on the walls with a painting roller, I finally realized that simply re-wetting the roller after each stroke is the correct and easier way. Dang, can I be slow to catch on sometimes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 317

You deserved it 1 015

Involuntary

By hannahthedino - 20/07/2021 04:01 - United States

Today, my friend spent the night. I now know that she masturbates in her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 274

You deserved it 142

Jumpy

By bunny - 12/10/2022 12:00

Today, as always, my mom slams every door she closes. I faint when I hear loud sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 835

You deserved it 198

Snitched

By Anonymous - 10/02/2024 22:00

Today, I caught a grubby, evil-smelling, foul-mouthed woman blatantly shoplifting by stuffing electronics into her coat pockets, so I detained her and called the police. Less than an hour later I was fired. She was the shop owner's mother and “had permission” to just take stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 807

You deserved it 117

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The Top

Today, I helped an elderly woman push her grocery cart around the store, and look for her vehicle after she'd paid. After we spent ages wandering around trying to find her car, she remembered that she'd taken the bus today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 403

You deserved it 4 339

Today, while bored at work I was reading an article online about the local zoo and its animals. I received an email so quickly responded, but when signing off accidentally wrote "thanks hippo" instead of "thanks heaps". To a woman with a weight problem. Who also outranks me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 005

You deserved it 29 391

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he would do if I were to get pregnant. Expecting him to give me a cute and supportive answer, he replied, "We'd be finding you a nice flight of stairs to accidentally fall down." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 128

You deserved it 13 540

Today, I couldn't leave my room because my dad was having a foursome in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 494

You deserved it 155

Today, I spent time with some of my extended family. To give you an idea of their pedigree, I overheard a daughter ask her mom, "Why did you name me Chanté?" The mom, "After the wine!" The daughter asked, "What wine?" and her mom replied, "You know, Chianti!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 780

You deserved it 168

Today, I attended a virtual meeting on Zoom. In an effort to appear professional, I wore a business shirt and tie… with my pajama bottoms out of shot under the table. My camera slipped, revealing my mismatched clothes and also my footwear – one sock and one fuzzy slipper. I only noticed after my boss pointed it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154

You deserved it 598