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Impressed indeed

By Anonymous - 12/12/2024 09:00 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, I proudly showed off my new DIY bookshelf to my family. Everyone seemed impressed until my cat jumped on it, the whole thing collapsed, and it narrowly missed my grandmother. Now my family thinks I need to hire professionals for every project. FML

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 560

Book it!

By Kiera Ayala - 08/06/2019 12:00

Today, I got into bed as my cat crept under it. I then heard him gagging, so I instantly got back up to get him out, because my floor is carpeted. As I pulled him into the hall, he flew upwards, made a horrific "Blagh!" sound, projectile vomited everywhere, then hit the wall and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 617

You deserved it 324

Slick moves

By Frank - 30/12/2024 20:00 - Australia - Daylesford

Today, I tried doing a backflip off the diving board into our hotel's swimming pool. Instead, I flopped into the pool so hard it sounded like a cannonball, and now my stomach is bright red. My friends will probably bring this up for the rest of our holiday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 507

New year, new me?

By Anonymous - 31/12/2024 09:00 - France

Today, my phone's OS suggested I reflect on the year gone by. I started by scrolling through my photos and realized most of them were just pictures of my cat or screenshots of memes. I should get out more in 2025. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325

You deserved it 181

Lonely, so lonely…

By Anonymous - 23/04/2022 14:00

Today, as I watched my male and female dogs frolic, play, and lick each other, it occurred to me there's more love and romance between them than I have ever had in my whole damned life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 178

Hot or not

By Anonymous - 08/08/2023 04:00

Today, my friend sent me a weird selfie in black and white. I sent one back, and she said I looked like an 80s porn star. It was funny, but then three of my friends had the same reaction. I didn't even look good in the picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 567

You deserved it 198

Content brainrot

By Anonymous - 15/01/2025 18:00 - Russia - Barnaul

Today, I was going to the cinema when a motorcyclist was hit at an intersection. I wanted to find out how he was, but I couldn't get through the crowd with their phones out. Fuck, people, what's wrong with you? You're going to die like this, and they're just going to film you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 112

The truth of the matter

By Anonymous - 02/02/2025 18:00 - United States - New York

Today, I found out that the high school program that I was forced into, which kept me in school until I turned 21, was caused by my mom. She put me in the program without telling me and when I first learned about it, she pretended not to know anything so I wouldn't be mad at her. That was 10 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 503

You deserved it 118

On my butt

By Anonymous - 05/02/2025 09:00 - United States - Warren

Today I slipped on a patch of ice I couldn't see, spilling the groceries I was carrying everywhere. Strangely, despite landing on my left knee, I didn't get a bruise there; my left butt cheek hurt though. Apparently, falling forward can still have you pull muscles. I pulled a butt cheek muscle slipping on ice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 381

You deserved it 82

Face the facts

By Anonymous - 31/05/2022 10:00 - United States

Today, I called off my engagement with my now ex-girlfriend. Yesterday, while drunk at a get-together with all our friends, she admitted she's still in love with her best friend, and only went out with me to forget about him, but is still pining for him anyway. She doesn't understand why that factoid might upset me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 842

You deserved it 136

How many cans did I have last night?

By Anonymous - 12/02/2025 19:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, as I peeled a now soggy Band-Aid off my finger, I discovered that in the dim light of yesterday evening, I had, with great anxiety, wrapped it around the wrong finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 432

By StupidSecurityConsultant - 25/07/2019 18:00

Today, I was supposed to do a month's work presentation at the company I work for. They skipped over my presentation, because they needed time for the "weight loss" competition presentation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 665

You deserved it 124

Watch out!

By Why am I still in this relationship? - 14/02/2025 09:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, we had an ice storm. My fiancée went out to look at the damage and yelled at me when I warned her to be safe. As she was walking around, she almost got nailed by a falling branch. Now she's mad at me. I don't know why either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 84

Paper day

By bill - 20/02/2025 18:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, it's mine and wife's one-year anniversary. After only being married for a year, I quickly understood what her father really meant when he said, "Your problem now" and chuckled at our wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 153

Explain it like I'm 5

By Yudith - 09/09/2023 04:00 - Canada - London

Today, the janitor and I both had to tell a tenant that his upstairs neighbor cannot push gas into his air vent to constipate him, as that's not how gas, the human body, or our ventilation system, work. We told him repeatedly that he needed to see a doctor. About his constipation. He still wasn't sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 687

You deserved it 100

Breakout

By Jennifer - 28/02/2025 20:00 - Australia

Today, I had a job interview. The night before, I'd noticed a small pimple forming on my chin and did everything I could to make it go away. During the interview, I couldn’t focus on anything except the giant pimple that had sprouted on my forehead. I spent the entire time trying to keep my fringe in front of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 134

Perfect performance

By I hate myself - 02/03/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I walked into a café for the first time, and as I opened the door, I slammed it into the face of a poor barista. Embarrassed, I tried to apologize while holding the door open for a woman behind me, only to have my hand slip and the door crash into her as well. I then stood there, frozen, as both of them just stared at me as I apologized with, "I swear I'm not a moron." FML

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 110

Brenda and me

By Not Brenda - 15/03/2025 22:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was venting to a friend over Whatsapp about my annoying coworker when I realised I'd sent it to said coworker (always check which chat you are in while typing). I'd said, "I’m convinced Brenda is either possessed or just doesn't know how to be a normal human." I deleted it, but it was too late, as she replied with a smiley emoji and, “Can I help with anything, asshole?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 699

Help!

By Anonymous - 19/03/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I went about pet-proofing my house because my new kitten is exploring every nook and cranny. I locked up everything dangerous. Then, while trying to put a safety lock on the pantry/cold room, I managed to lock myself inside. I had to yell for my roommate to let me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 191

You deserved it 379

Homesick

By Anonymous - 27/03/2025 16:30 - India

Today, it's my birthday, the first one in my college life. No one knew, and no one wished me. It’s fine, I guess. But as I sat alone in my room, I could hear laughter and cheers from hall they were celebrating someone else’s birthday. I tried not to care, but deep down, I felt little envious, and a little lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 371

Trading places

By Anonymous - 29/03/2025 16:00 - United States

Today, I had to comfort my husband after he had a dream in which both his parents died. He was really upset. Both my parents are dead… in real life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 122

Where is my mind?

By Anonymous - 01/04/2025 02:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, after softball practice, I could not find my car keys. Emptied my bag completely, no keys. Called a locksmith but he never showed up. Walked across the street to ask the fire department if they could help. After they got into my car, I found them. In my bag. Caught in my scorebook. The fireman just laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 354

It never rains, it pours

By Anonymous - 06/07/2022 21:00 - United States - Mountain View

Today, I got short-changed for a 12-pack of Mountain Dew. but I let it slide, even though they charged me double. i get home and immediately the box exploded and all the cans went falling down a flight of wooden stairs onto concrete. Fourteen stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 805

You deserved it 222

Never enough, never

By Anonymous - 02/04/2025 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, after I took my mom her favourite wine, a card, and an expensive orchid for her conservatory, and also spent all Saturday afternoon with her and took her out for lunch, what did she post on Facebook? Her disappointment that I didn’t spend Mother’s Day with her on Sunday because I was working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 485

You deserved it 67

Doing my part

By Anonymous - 12/04/2025 08:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I didn't feel like cooking when I got home from work, so I decided to go to the local restaurant nearby and do my part in supporting small businesses. Long story short, I woke up later feeling like absolute shit. Hello, food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 94

Injuries? In this economy?

By Olivia - 15/04/2025 03:00 - United States - Newark

Today, after I finally got health insurance through my job, I had a minor injury leading to me discovering that my deductible is so high, I’d have to be struck by a meteor to get anything covered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 80

Rise and shine (again)

By Tired - 21/04/2025 08:00 - United States

Today, my anxiety-ridden body decided that a good time to have a random panic attack for no reason at all would be when I was trying to go to sleep. Guess I'll stay awake, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 87

Great expectations

By Anonymous - 26/04/2025 05:00 - United States

Today. my four year-old grand-daughter asked her mother why she married her father, since he wasn't a Prince. I think we need to dial back the Disney movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 132

No no no!

By paperbagforever - 01/11/2023 20:00

Today, the girl I have feelings for gave me a really thoughtful handmade gift. She apologized for not buying something. I meant to tell her it’s worth more than anything, or priceless, but my mouth instead said, “It’s worthless." FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 199

Probably a Monday

By Anonymous - 28/04/2025 11:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, running late for work, I ran outside and the door handle literally broke off my vehicle when I pulled to open it. I climbed in through the passenger door, turned on my car, and the windshield wipers were on… swiping a fresh $78 parking ticket across my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 136

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. His mom didn’t know much about it, and she walked in on us. After about 5 minutes she came back up, threw a box of condoms at us, says, "Continue" and walked out. We were still fucking while she was in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 382

You deserved it 2 168

Today, my dad and I had an argument. Then we went outside to shovel the snow out of the driveway. I heard him yelling and figured he was just yelling at me some more, so I turned my iPod up so I couldn't hear him anymore. Turns out he had fallen, cracked a rib, and needed help up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 160

You deserved it 44 110

Today, I spent almost two hours drawing a scenery. I was tired halfway in and took a break. Came back to my room to see it getting scribbled on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 128

Today, I spoke with my boyfriend about where we want to live when I graduate. He says he doesn't know what he wants and his mother wouldn't approve of us living together. We've been together 3 years with the understanding we would live together once I graduated my Master's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 840

You deserved it 930

Today, I realized that the only one willing to hang out with me this summer is my guinea pig. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 265

You deserved it 6 223

Today, I found out I sleepwalk. How you might ask? By awakening the moment just before I fell from the stairs. I was better off sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 134

You deserved it 2 574