The Top

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She has a bright future in politics

By Anonymous - 16/06/2022 12:00

Today, I learned that my "friend" told my other friends that I was homophobic, sexist, and racist. None of that is true and she's just trying to turn everyone against me for no reason. She has also apparently been talking BS behind my back. Worst part is I did nothing to her. I don't know what to do now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 123

Hang in there, man

By FuhhTynderMaye - 04/03/2025 14:00 - United States

Today, I found out I got HIV. I’ve used condoms with all my Tinder hookups and never shared needles or anything with anyone. I was supposed to have a Tinder date tonight. Guess I’ll just be single forever then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 331

His little secret

By Kayla - 06/03/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of over a year still refuses to acknowledge our relationship on social media because he “wants to keep things private.” He posts about his dogs, his car, gym selfies, his beer outings with the boys, even his favorite team scores, but when it comes to me, suddenly it’s “I want to keep it private.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 194

Bass Pro Shops reject

By Anonymous - 10/08/2019 06:00 - United States - New Rochelle

Today, I went fishing. Not only did I lose the fish, I lost the entire rod. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 379

You deserved it 395

The client is always right

By Falcka - 12/04/2021 04:59

Today, I was waitressing at the diner and a guy ordered two eggs, one scrambled and one poached. He hurled his plate at me angrily because they "scrambled the egg he wanted poached and poached the egg he wanted scrambled." He stormed out without paying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 470

You deserved it 80

Don't engage with these people

By fuck you! - 15/04/2021 05:00

Today, I overheard my mom telling my aunt what an “attention-seeking drama queen” I’ve been lately. All I asked was that she not smoke around me. I’ve had asthma all my life and am currently recovering from Covid. She thinks it’s all a conspiracy, meanwhile I haven’t taken a deep breath in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 414

You deserved it 121

Obey

By Monica - 02/07/2022 16:00

Today, I was looking forward to languishing on the beach for a few days of a “much needed vacation” when I literally got called back into work on my way to the beach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 149

Levelling down

By Yellow - 09/10/2023 17:30

Today, I told a friend I was going to the dentist for the first time in years. He immediately replied, "Yay! Teeth whitening!" I hadn't mentioned teeth whitening. I'm not even going for teeth whitening. -5 XP new insecurity unlocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 584

You deserved it 211

Be true to your team

By Thatgirl112 - 08/09/2016 03:59 - United States - Medina

Today, I went on a blind date. Things got hot and heavy, but when he pulled off my pants and saw the Pittsburgh Penguins logo on my thong he stopped and told me to get dressed and that he refused to sleep with the enemy. He was a die-hard Flyers fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 067

You deserved it 4 959

Bad timing

By Anonymous - 26/04/2021 04:59

Today, at a bar, I bumped into the hot blonde teacher I had the hots for all through high school, and she actually tried to seduce me. I was only in the bar drowning my sorrows because I recently had my cancerous prostate removed and I can’t get erections any more. Life isn’t fair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 360

You deserved it 147

Hey Scratchy!

By Anonymous - 03/09/2019 18:00

Today, I got a mosquito bite under each armpit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 525

You deserved it 181

Customers from Hell

By fmcsl - 08/09/2019 00:01 - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, a customer got an additional discount, so his total came to $61. He said, "It says they're 3 for $66!” I tried to explain the discount, saying it’s cheaper, but he still insisted on paying $66. I couldn’t modify the price at my end. He left without buying anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 804

You deserved it 142

Happy Caturday

By Cat Fight - 02/07/2022 15:00 - United States

Today, my cats started fighting again. Normally, I let them, because it's the only exercise they get. But this time one of my cats sliced the other's nose, and he responded by pinning her and nearly choking her to death. When I ran in to stop them, they teamed up against me. Ah, somethin' don't feel too good… FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 431

Scratch that

By ouch - 15/09/2019 00:01

Today, after 4 days of using anti-itch cream for what pharmacists and nurses have called “an allergic reaction”, I was diagnosed with shingles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 683

You deserved it 127

Showtime

By Anonymous - 16/09/2019 12:00 - United States - New York

Today, I accidentally rammed my finger into my desk, and it felt like I'd broken it. Yelping in pain, I fell over onto my bed, missed it, and landed on the floor. My dog saw this as a good opportunity to climb on top of me and start humping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 608

You deserved it 315

It's a gas gas gas

By Anonymous - 12/05/2021 10:01 - United States - Schertz

Today, as my husband normally initiates sex and sometimes I want to but always chicken out, I was feeling brave and did so. After he came, he continued working on me and I farted. I embarrassingly apologized and he said it was ok and kept going. I then continued to fart, and I had to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 463

You deserved it 321

Not again

By Anonymous - 28/10/2023 16:00

Today, I was concerned I hadn’t restarted my periods yet after the birth of our first child. Turns out it’s because I’m pregnant again already. We must have gotten pregnant off the very first egg I released after giving birth. Our first baby is only 3 months old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 738

Checked out

By Anonymous - 21/09/2019 16:01

Today, at work, an old lady was staring at my crotch a lot. I looked down, thinking maybe I had an open fly. I didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 420

You deserved it 180

Adapt, improvise, overcome

By Arthur B. - 24/09/2019 12:01

Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 366

You deserved it 469

Encourage your kids, damn asshats!

By The bassist - 17/05/2021 04:01

Today, months after buying my first bass guitar and taking bass lessons using my own money, I realized that my parents refused to buy me an instrument, claiming that I sucked at it. What actually happened is that they didn't feel like paying for some "teenage bullshit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 895

You deserved it 170

Thanks, but no thanks

By Anonymous - 29/09/2019 02:01

Today, I got fired from the community service I was doing out of kindness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 501

You deserved it 306

Picky eater

By Anonymous - 17/08/2022 02:00

Today, my 27-year-old son told me that for him, eating a food he doesn’t like is “way, way worse” than breaking a bone. He has broken both his arms, several ribs, and a few of his toes, and he still thinks that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 275

Pick me

By rob - 11/12/2023 15:00 - United States

Today, I live in an area and age where girls hang out with party promoters past their mid-20s, who have been texting them since they were in high school. Apparently, these men who get young girls intoxicated are not dangerous people. Yet, these same girls spew the same feminist crap on instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 240

You deserved it 573

Baby baby

By Anonymous - 12/12/2023 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife and I have been in the same massive argument for two weeks. We agreed when we were dating that we couldn’t think of anything worse than having kids, we married on the basis we would never want kids. Now, a year later, she wants a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 019

You deserved it 212

I never knew you

By Anonymous - 04/09/2022 19:30

Today, I saw a YouTube video of the cutest, sweetest old dog. When I checked the channel for more videos of this dog, I discovered that he died last month. Day ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 256

Failed the vibe check

By Anonymous - 29/08/2022 18:00 - United States

Today, I found out that the guy I met off of Bumble, and have been seeing for the past few weeks, went to jail in 2020 for kidnapping a girl he met off Tinder. I would've be on a date with him right now had I not decided to Google him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 140

You deserved it 189

Last act

By Anonymous - 29/11/2019 20:00

Today, while making out with my boyfriend of a month, he started rubbing my boobs. He told me that he wanted to get some action before he broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 208

You deserved it 287

New urinal

By fml9124 - 21/12/2019 05:00

Today, my wife caught our six-year-old son peeing in the bathroom sink. He pulled his little stool up in front, that he uses to brush his teeth, and was peeing in the sink. When we asked why, he said that he wanted to pee like a man, "like we do at football games." My son is using our bathroom sink as an urinal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 837

You deserved it 330

Forever Alone

By cacheson - 02/03/2020 12:07

Today, I finally felt the inspiration to write creatively again. I worked for an hour on a character concept before I realized I'd actually created an imaginary sister/best friend for myself because I’m so lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 460

You deserved it 242

Hangry

By Sad and hungry - 22/01/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, my parents were out and about, leaving me alone in the house. They said they would leave some lunch for me. I couldn't find it. After telling them when they got home, my mom got huffy and showed me that it was in a place I would have never thought to look. She then got even more mad when I was annoyed by this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 191

You deserved it 486

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The Top

Today, we got back from our second honeymoon and went to pick the kids up from my mom's. Surprisingly, they were both sat quietly watching TV. Half jokingly, I asked my mom what her secret was. Without even a guilty pause she told me, "Benadryl for chesty coughs in their juice. You're welcome." FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 112

Today, my mother is such a nosy, intruding busybody, she has driven away my last three boyfriends who could no longer stand her. My latest fella had even proposed, but he asked for the ring back and you can bet he blamed my mother for repeatedly involving herself in our private business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 300

You deserved it 495

Today, my best friend admitted to me that he and my girlfriend have been cheating behind my back for the past two months. The reason he finally admitted it? Because she's now cheating on him with another one of our friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 174

You deserved it 2 883

Today, I tried to flirt with the cute barista by pretending to know a lot about coffee. I said, “I’ll take a macchiato, extra creamy.” He smiled and said, “That’s… not a thing.” I panicked and said, “Neither is my love life.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 601

Today, while stocking up in preparation for Hurricane Irma, an old lady hit me over the head with her walker. She wanted the loaf of bread I'd grabbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 562

You deserved it 276

Today, I got a $20 tip from an old lady I delivered pizza to. Ecstatic, I walked back to my car where there was a $30 parking fine waiting for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 810

You deserved it 8 919