Today, after practicing a song for my girlfriend on guitar all... - FML

By Anonymous - 6/5/2009 20:12 - Canada

Today, after practicing a song for my girlfriend on guitar all day, I called her over to my house to show it to her. After a long speech about how "this is for you," I played for about 3 seconds before I broke a string, which slapped her in her face. FML

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Alexa, play "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath

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By Anonymous - 17/3/2013 19:09 - France - Minzier

Today, I went to the gym with my grandma. In the span of an hour, she was hit on more than I ever have been in my life. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/3/2018 15:00

Today, my boss yelled at me in front of several customers for gesturing too much while I talk, because it's "unprofessional". I was using sign language. FML

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By ginger - 19/8/2011 10:38 - New Zealand

Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend because he is tired of everyone giving him shit about my ginger hair. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2013 14:24 - United States

Today, my 13-year-old daughter and I went to a tropical themed restaurant. She wanted a strawberry Daiquiri, so I asked the waitress for a virgin strawberry Daiquiri. My daughter then said, "But dad, I'm not a virgin." FML

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By "Boyufd" - 19/1/2019 12:00

Today, I almost got arrested. The cops put me in handcuffs without searching me first and told me that I "matched" the description of a package thief. Turns out, I didn't even closely fit the description of the suspect. FML

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By amazinghermit - 25/11/2014 04:21 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I spent an hour in my car terrified to go inside because I thought my house was being burgled. I saw rapid shadows in the light of my lounge. Eventually I plucked up the courage to creep inside with a rock to find it wasn't a robber. It was my cats, fighting in front of a toppled lamp. FML

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By I hate retail - 17/10/2016 22:12 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got yelled at by a customer for refusing to give a found credit card to a woman it didn't belong to. FML

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By Neckbruise101 - 15/10/2016 06:01 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boss berated me in front of 2 other coworkers about how unprofessional it was for me to show up to work with a clearly visible hickey. I had to explain to him that my "hickey" was actually a huge pimple that had bruised up after I popped it. FML

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By ugh - 12/3/2010 06:05 - United States

Today, I got home early from work. When I got home I got to see my dad chasing my mom around the house, naked. FML

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By ARGHHHH - 4/10/2018 05:00

Today, my mom ordered my birthday presents on eBay. Too bad she used my account, so when I went to look for ideas, everything she bought me popped up. It's so much stuff I don't want, need, or will ever use, and it's on my credit card. FML

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By noname - 22/9/2010 05:37 - Canada

Today, I discovered that if I put my ankles on my boyfriends shoulders while we are having sex, I will pee myself. FML

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By lifeguard down - 1/8/2010 04:23 - United States

Today, while at work I tripped and fell in the pool while moving a waste basket. I nearly drowned and had to be saved. I don't know which is worse the fact that I nearly drowned or the fact that I'm a lifeguard. FML

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By Aaron - 26/8/2010 05:33 - United States

Today, I was watching a video about spiders. When I felt a tickle on my foot, I kicked hard in panic. It was one of our newborn kittens walking. I almost killed it. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2009 01:28 - United States

Today, my mother had 'the talk' with me about sex. I spent the entire time confused as to what brought this up, until she mentioned she had found a used condom in the backseat of the car. I haven't had any action in it, and have no idea whose it was. FML

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By achoo-plop - 30/11/2015 01:17 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I learned that the only way for me to have a complete bowel movement is to blow my nose at the same time. However, I learned this while standing in my girlfriend's kitchen. FML

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By Work_sucks - 29/11/2016 07:05

Today, I'm facing a disciplinary hearing at work because I occasionally fail to click the door properly shut when I leave the office and this is very upsetting to one of the six colleagues I share my office with. FML

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By me - 5/1/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

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By apparentlyugly - 10/12/2014 01:56 - United States - Henderson

Today, after spending a lazy day at home, I went to UPS with my mom to help her pick up a package. While in line, she sent me back to the car because I'm, "an embarrassment to be around" when I'm not wearing makeup. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 15:40 - United States

Today, I finally felt the effects of a laxative that I took last night. This morning, when I was in the dentist's chair. FML

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By S. Michaels - 14/3/2012 15:17 - United States

Today, I was chatting to a nice girl at the mall, and I said if she didn't get a raise, I would write to the management. She said they have no email address, and I replied that I meant an actual letter. "Like, on paper?" she said, "Damn, how old are ya, pops?" I want a ticket off this planet. FML

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By GeeThanks - 2/5/2017 05:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, while making a grand show of his generosity, my boss gave me my own commissions as a wedding gift. FML

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By bregaja - 25/2/2016 18:59 - United States - Brandon

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his mom for the very first time. After shaking my hand and looking me up and down, she loudly proclaimed, "She doesn't have the right hips to have kids." FML

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By Anonymous - 4/3/2020 14:01 - United Kingdom

Alexa, play "Gigantic" by Pixies

Today, my brother was officially diagnosed with gigantism. According to the specialist doctor, he'll probably be 8 feet tall, if not taller. Hearing this, my brother looked at me and said, "Remember when you used to pick on me for being smaller than you? Karma's a bitch, ain't it?" I’m so screwed. FML

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By heartbreakkid21 - 14/5/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, I was on a date with this girl I actually like. The date was going really well and it seemed like it would be a good night. Well while in the movie theater I went to hold her hand and instead she gave me a hand shake and said "You're so funny I'm so glad we're friends". FML

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2015 04:21 - United States - Erie

Today, I learned not to take sex tips from virgins seriously. "Have sex in the shower", they said. "It'll be fun", they said. Well they didn't take slippage into account. One busted nose and concussion later, I'm not seeing the "fun" part at all. FML

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By c.m.g. - 27/4/2011 10:50

Today, I was taking a dump in a porta-potty at a fair. I had the runs really bad. All I have to say is that it's tough to take a shit that seems never-ending while other people outside are bitching at you and hammering on the flimsy door. FML

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By Milly - 30/1/2011 19:25 - United Kingdom

Today, I was trying to help a very slow-witted client over the phone. After a while, I realised he was just delaying while pleasuring himself to the sound of my voice. FML

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By beyondembarrassed - 5/5/2013 05:44 - United States

Today, I tried to show my boyfriend's mom a picture of my prom dress on my phone. She scrolled to the right to find a picture of her son, naked. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/9/2012 14:23 - Canada

Today, I had to finally come to terms with the fact that I am obese when the doctor told me that my weird smell was not an infection but mold growing between my fat rolls. FML

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By EPICfml. - 2/3/2009 19:01 - United States

Today, my dad woke me up at 6 told me to take a shower and drove me to school only to say "just kidding, happy snowday!" FML

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By ohsnap - 22/1/2011 21:24 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was going down on me, when I heard my dog start growling. He must have thought my girlfriend was hurting me, because out of nowhere and before I could do anything, he attacked her. FML

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By Noname - 10/3/2009 18:52 - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend had some crazy rough sex. In the process I ended up with huge bruises and bite marks all over my neck and chest. I'm giving a speech on domestic violence today. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/3/2017 22:00

Today, my boss told me to check out the situation in the restroom. Someone had crapped themselves, rolled their underwear into a ball, and had the audacity to write that they were sorry in sharpie on the wall. FML

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By Jeff make - 1/4/2012 14:03 - United States - Malvern

Today, I called my girlfriend saying "I think we need to break up." She said "No, I don't think so," and hung up. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2015 16:59 - India - New Delhi

Today, at a party I got blind drunk and I gave a guy a blowjob for the first time. I'm a 100% heterosexual male. FML

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By you+me-clothes=53>< - 19/11/2013 17:13 - Austria - Vienna

Today, my boyfriend went down on me. I don't know why, but my mind wandered. He now thinks that he has the skills of a porn star, while I'm pretty sure that finally solving a mathematical problem I've been working on for a week caused me to orgasm. FML

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By jbthedude - 5/8/2011 09:57 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that airbags aren't nearly as comfy as they look. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/9/2011 17:44 - United States

Today, I was installing wireless surveillance cameras outside my workplace. Before mounting them, I pointed them around the building to make sure there was a good signal and picture. I got inside to the monitor just in time to see a kid steal one of the cameras. FML

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By MYLIFESUX - 12/4/2009 06:50 - United States

Today, I was sitting using my laptop, I was also eating a bag of starbursts. They bag slid off the bed, I went to catch them and in the process my knee hit my laptop which flew off the bed onto the wooden floor, and shattered. I broke my $2,500 laptop to save 11 starbursts from falling. FML

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By JustSomeGuy - 30/7/2013 03:43 - United States - Bulverde

Today, while taking my boyfriend's virginity, he started moaning, "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" He then started crying and praying. FML

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Top comments

By AgentMull | 0

#175666 - Thursday 7 May 2009 2:32

How close was your girlfriend to your guitar? Was she making out with it? I don't see how a string would have hit her unless she was right next to it.

By RARE | 0

#175689 - Thursday 7 May 2009 2:35

My string just broke on Monday. Oh wait...its wednesday...Maybe I should buy new strings.

By the way I know how you feel about this. Its tough being a sexy musician.

Comments

By AgentMull | 0

#175666 - Thursday 7 May 2009 2:32

How close was your girlfriend to your guitar? Was she making out with it? I don't see how a string would have hit her unless she was right next to it.

Reply

xxbadassbitchxx | 0

#973571 - Saturday 3 April 2010 14:00

FAIL

Reply

breenarae25 | 0

#1455967 - Saturday 25 September 2010 8:39

she was prob. siting next to him duhh

Reply

sethr_di | 15

#6673629 - Thursday 18 August 2016 4:46

they can far depending on how often the guitar is tuned, strung and which string it was

By Get_Naykid | 0

#175668 - Thursday 7 May 2009 2:32

First. Spelling fail. FYL

Reply

EmreArslan | 11

#3541630 - Friday 4 November 2011 15:40

So that was for her a slap in the face by a guitar string, that bitch gotta know her place and directly start going back to the kitchen

By deliverypenguin | 0

#175670 - Thursday 7 May 2009 2:32

fail, maybe. fml, not quite.

By grlwitperlEring | 0

#175671 - Thursday 7 May 2009 2:32

Damn she must have been close to that guitar
if this is true, that sucks

By jamiekid12 | 0

#175683 - Thursday 7 May 2009 2:35

well theres still a chance unless the string slit her cheek open

By nnnnn12345 | 0

#175685 - Thursday 7 May 2009 2:35

lmao

Why would she be so close to the guitar?

By RARE | 0

#175689 - Thursday 7 May 2009 2:35

My string just broke on Monday. Oh wait...its wednesday...Maybe I should buy new strings.

By the way I know how you feel about this. Its tough being a sexy musician.

By jj732 | 0

#175690 - Thursday 7 May 2009 2:35

hah that happened to me once.

By saxlover | 0

#175702 - Thursday 7 May 2009 2:37

Did it also hit you in the brain? Because that's not how you spell "prectissscing."

Reply

htownlove | 0

#859407 - Monday 15 February 2010 22:02

#9 that is how u spell PRACTICING you dumbass

Reply

Leadamp | 7

#3075028 - Wednesday 10 August 2011 0:58

you

By ravinderkaler | 0

#175704 - Thursday 7 May 2009 2:37

That just sucks, hope your girlfriend is okay, guitar strings hurt.