Love: Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for sneezing too many times... - FML

By now my watch begins - 31/07/2017 04:00 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for sneezing too many times during Game of Thrones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 809

You deserved it 980

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Tradwife expectations

Can't buy me love

Et tu, Doggo?

By fml9124 - 05/09/2019 20:00

Today, as usual, my neighbor's 9 year-old son came over after school. I work from home so he stays until his mom gets home. My dog mopes around the house until 3 p.m., then gets all excited because he has a friend to play with. I'm almost jealous because a dog I've had for 11 years likes him more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 334

You deserved it 354

By jazzybell - 21/11/2011 00:29 - United States

Today, I found out that a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser will erase the paint right off your wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 205

You deserved it 6 712

By oops - 29/07/2015 06:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, thinking no one was home, I decided to be a little frisky with my boyfriend. I guess I was being loud and woke up my sleeping autistic brother the room over. Halfway through, he burst through the door, panicking. He thought I was having another one of my asthma attacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 866

You deserved it 9 702

By micheal - 21/06/2011 16:52 - United States

Today, while I was delivering pizza in the torrential downpour, I waited 5 minutes in the pouring rain for an old lady to dig 20 bucks out of her purse. Her total was $19.99. She told me to keep the change and make lots of money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 732

You deserved it 3 535

By popemichael - 19/06/2009 22:48 - United States

Today, I was showing my unique new tattoo to my friends when a man approaches me with his digital camera and asks if he could take a picture of the tattoo for his website. I agreed. I find out later that it's a site about ugly tattoos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 023

You deserved it 44 623

By ilovemom - 21/01/2010 05:41 - United States

Today, holding my newborn baby and yearning for some affection from my mother, I asked my mom what the best day of her life was, hoping she would say the day I was born. Her answer? "The day you moved out." She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 191

You deserved it 6 633

By Anonymous - 10/12/2009 13:08 - United States

Today, it was the last day of finals. After sleeping less than three hours in the last two days, I got in the car to go to school. For a second, I thought my steering wheel, the gas pedal, and brake pedal were all missing. That's when I realized I was sitting in the back seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 885

You deserved it 14 092

By Grubendol - 15/12/2011 17:30 - United States

Today, I had a dream in which I was arguing with my mom. In the dream, she threatened to hit me, and I told her I'd do it myself. I reared back and knocked the crap out of myself. I'm awake now, and my jaw still hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 563

You deserved it 5 989

By jacko - 15/08/2010 09:47 - Reserved

Today, my Platoon Sergeant caught me unshaved, so now I have to write a 1000 word essay on "The importance of shaving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 554

You deserved it 40 484

By Anonymous - 19/02/2011 05:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house and sat around while he played video games. He turned to me and could see I was annoyed. Then he told his friends on XBox Live that he needed a 10 minute break to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 930

You deserved it 8 568

Life choices

By Jim - 25/12/2020 02:01

Today, my mom is coming to pick up the Christmas presents we got for her and her husband. She won’t come inside or come within 6 feet, so she can be healthy when she goes down to the ex-wife’s parents house to hang out. The ex in-laws that hate me. Glad my mom chose them over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 997

You deserved it 109

By Ren - 28/12/2012 07:49 - United States - Medina

Today, I went shopping. At the counter, the cashier started flirting with me and asked me for my number. He was cute, so I gave it to him. After walking out of the store, I got a text that said, "I didn't want to say it out loud, but your pants are unzipped." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 191

You deserved it 5 633

Anger management

By Manuel Gearbox - 12/07/2021 18:01 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I drove a different work vehicle, one with the cupholder right behind the gear lever. After multiple accidental attempts at changing gears with my Coke bottle, I threw it out the window in a temper. I then got busted for littering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 197

You deserved it 1 497

By comfort_ - 27/03/2015 03:28 - United States - Dalton

Today, I managed to take an entire shower without realizing my socks were on. I washed my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 486

You deserved it 10 135

By Anonymous - 19/08/2012 23:25 - United Kingdom - Kent

Today, after years of bad blood, my husband decided to invite his parents to dinner. After making rude remarks about my pregnancy, his dad eventually muttered that I'm a slut. My husband punched him, his wife called the police, and now I'm all alone while he sits in a jail cell for battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 541

You deserved it 1 987

By Anonymous - 25/08/2011 06:49 - United States

Today, I was the designated driver. On the way home with my drunk friends, they decide to give me a beer shower. I swerved, and was pulled over by a cop moments after. I was the only one arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 080

You deserved it 3 474

By Anonymous - 19/07/2014 23:39 - United States - Erie

Today, while doing some spring cleaning, I found the remains of my goldfish, which I was sure my cat ate last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 560

You deserved it 6 462

By a4rk - 08/07/2012 18:32 - Malaysia - Sibu

Today, my manager called me into his office and spent half an hour screaming at me for granting one of our workers so many religious off-days. Apparently, the name of these "religious observances" actually means something to the effect of "scoring some pussy" in Macedonian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 755

You deserved it 4 466

By Rehab - 11/02/2010 19:58 - United States

Today, I was looking through my computer's history to find a website I had visited. I found an online forum where my son was discussing how to inject Oxycontin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 331

You deserved it 3 718

By CoolGuy69 - 12/09/2016 11:53 - Sweden - M?lnlycke

Today, I studied all night for a big test. I ended up falling asleep on the bus ride there. I woke up in a different province. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 997

You deserved it 1 829

Pump and dump

By Anonymous - 05/07/2021 16:00

Today, my husband had to admit that he lost 5000$ on a cryptocurrency scam that some asshole Twitch streamer convinced him to invest in via Twitter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 129

By BrownDump - 14/05/2011 10:43 - United States

Today, I was taking a dump and I pushed so hard that I got light headed and passed out on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 259

You deserved it 14 163

By K - 16/02/2011 02:40 - United States

Today, I got a second notice from the mailman that my mail would not be delivered because of the pile of ice a plow had pushed in front of my mailbox. After getting the first notice, I'd spent an hour in the cold busting up the ice with a pick to clear a path. He put both notices in my mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 474

You deserved it 2 807

By 21! - 03/07/2012 01:53 - United States - Schenectady

Today, while walking around my college campus, I passed by a dorm where a drunk guy was peeing out one of the top floor windows while his drunk friends cheered him on. That guy is my boyfriend. Lucky me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 306

You deserved it 6 826

By gummy - 03/05/2019 16:00

Today, despite asking her to stop countless times, my stepmom still barges into my room explosively and without warning. I faint when startled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 094

You deserved it 152

By Anon. - 05/05/2016 21:00 - United States - Allentown

Today, like every other day my boyfriend and I try and have sex, his dog cried and whined outside of his room until we stopped. She does this all the time and it kills the mood instantly. I can't have sex because of a toy poodle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 613

You deserved it 2 338

By roidrager - 16/10/2014 16:44 - United States - Clearwater

Today, the steroids I was prescribed for a slightly irritating sinus infection have worked, albeit at the price of making me almost shit my pants multiple times. My sinuses are now clear enough that I get the full scent of my steroid-induced diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 391

You deserved it 3 057

By Anonymous - 21/02/2015 13:46

Spicy

Today, my dad gave my younger brother condoms and a pat on the back, even though he doesn't have a girlfriend. This is after called me a whore after he saw me kissing my long-term boyfriend last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 938

You deserved it 4 022

By Anonymous - 28/12/2018 02:00

Today, I bought a car off my aunt, then I got 7 speeding tickets. Apparently my aunt forgot to tell me the speedometer is faulty, so while I thought I was doing a safe 28 or 29 mph in the 30 zone on my way to work, I was probably doing closer to 35 or 36. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 526

You deserved it 399

By canadiankc - 04/06/2009 02:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at the waterpark. I decided to go down a slide shaped like a funnel. On the way down, my bikini bottom untied. Then I got lodged in a V shape, arse first, in the hole at the funnel exit, exposing myself to the entire pool until I could slither out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 317

You deserved it 8 516

By Anonymous - 16/05/2016 00:25 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I gave my cat a little kiss on the head. Just as I was about to tell him I love him, he sneezed directly into my face. It's been two hours and I still can't get the taste of cat snot out of my mouth. I probably need to get a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 962

You deserved it 3 621

Eye-bleach please

By Anonymous - 27/04/2020 14:00

Today, I have been having to work in a residence of people with disabilities when I normally do community work with disabled people and usually enjoy it. I have seen not one, but two elderly mens' genitals today when my actual job would never require me to see any. I didn’t sign up for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 417

You deserved it 262

By myheadhurts - 21/06/2009 07:09 - United States

Today, I came home from an amazing cruise to find that my house broken into. My best friend apparently decided to invite her drug addicted friends into my home while I was away where they stole 172$ and my migraine pills, which are non-refillable. I now have a migraine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 150

You deserved it 5 404

Don't look!

By Garfield - 21/01/2016 04:41 - Canada - Toronto

Spicy

Today, I was starting to get freaky with my boyfriend when his dad came in with no warning to let the dog into my boyfriend's bedroom. His dad noticed what was going on and covered the dog's eyes instead of just leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 563

You deserved it 3 848

By Anonymous - 16/05/2015 00:50 - United States

Today, my 14-year-old daughter told me she's pregnant and plans on dropping out of school to live a life on the road with her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 104

You deserved it 7 554

By raesos91 - 18/09/2012 11:56 - United States - Houston

Today, I decided to look for the horrid stench coming from my bathroom. It turns out my roommate has been throwing away her used tampons in the "trashcan by the sink." That "trashcan" is my old antique vase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 771

You deserved it 2 806

Quiet please

By mute - 16/04/2016 00:56 - New Zealand - Auckland

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally moved out from his parents' house to his friend's flat. Excited that I wouldn't have to be so silent when we had sex anymore, I went over to spend the night. His bedroom is right next to his friend's 4-year-old daughter's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 953

You deserved it 3 495

By justafriend - 28/05/2017 00:00

Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 170

You deserved it 346

By Anonymous - 24/06/2012 11:38 - Italy

Today, it was my boyfriend's grandfather's funeral and visitation. These things make me nervous, and not thinking, I made comments that included the words "killing", "dying", and "death". I'm a rubbish support system. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 897

You deserved it 7 471

By stupidsantaclaus - 08/10/2009 05:14 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my friend, when my four year old nephew came in, asking who I was talking to. I told him it was Santa Claus, so he insisted on talking to him. I handed over the phone and I hear, "Santa is fake. Grow up." I spent the next two hours with a screaming child proving Santa exists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 858

You deserved it 41 840

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Top comments

RichardPencil 30

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Monday 31 July 2017 15:23

In medieval times, frequent sneezing was a symptom of bubonic plague. She probably would rather dump you than carry around a pocket full of posies.

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Monday 31 July 2017 20:03

Bless you? and that is a really dumb reason to break up with someone

Comments

RichardPencil 30

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Monday 31 July 2017 15:23

In medieval times, frequent sneezing was a symptom of bubonic plague. She probably would rather dump you than carry around a pocket full of posies.

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Monday 31 July 2017 19:20

OP - If you couldn't help it then I am sorry. Hopefully she has come to her senses about that by now. But if it was a fake sneezes then I wouldn't blame her.

JudgeComrade 17

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Monday 31 July 2017 19:33

Be happy she didn't go Arya Stark on you.

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Monday 31 July 2017 20:03

Bless you? and that is a really dumb reason to break up with someone

SublimeChic4 15

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Monday 31 July 2017 20:39

Im sure there is a lot more to it. Like maybe months of annoyance or resentment, and that was the straw that broke the camels back.

jfsiv 17

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Monday 31 July 2017 21:05

Unless there's a lot more to this story, and she really did breakup just because of sneezing, then you are probably lucky to get rid of her now. someone who gets that upset that easily is going to make your life miserable on a regular basis.

RockPrincess26 16

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Tuesday 1 August 2017 1:22

Exactly.

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Tuesday 1 August 2017 5:33

Tiss you. lol

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Tuesday 1 August 2017 8:43

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 8

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 905

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 1 103