The Top

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Business school of business school

By Anonymous - 29/11/2020 13:58

Today, I found out my husband hasn't paid the mortgage in 3 months. We have a joint account, but it has always been his job to pay the bills. We are in the process of selling our house, and when I asked him about it he said, "Why are you stressing? We're selling anyways." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 143

Mopping mad

By samdog37 - 01/12/2020 14:06

Today, my brand-obsessed sister bought $200 shorts. She was cutting the tag off of them in the kitchen and left them on the counter. I went into the kitchen, poured me some coke, and spilled it all over the counter. I thought the shorts were a rag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 377

Unionize

By blah! - 13/12/2020 14:01

Today, I found out I'm pregnant, after quitting my job because they asked us to work for free due to COVID. So because I quit, I'm no longer eligible for maternity leave. I didn’t know that I was 4 months pregnant. I could've just gotten a doctor's note for medical reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 518

The more you learn

By Anonymous - 19/03/2022 00:01

Today, I learned why my boyfriend always jokes that I'm 'autistic'. I thought it was just a strange inside joke. Turns out that he truly believes I'm a part of the 'special-education' community. Even worse, after a fair amount of research, I'm convinced he's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 297

You deserved it 316

OK Doomer

By Bachelor's in Navelgazing - 16/05/2023 06:00 - United States - Osceola

Today, due to the inability to preview academic fields, I'm stuck spending the rest of my life in anthropology. If I had gone into the arts, I would've had fun with my fake major, but the one I picked turned out to be worthless, not just socioeconomically, but intellectually as well. It's too late to change majors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 240

You deserved it 875

Laundry Day

By daqueen009 - 18/12/2020 17:04 - United States

Today, I had to do my laundry. Being too lazy to separate them into different colors, or even check the pockets of my jeans, I threw everything I own into one load. Turns out I had left a tin of lip balm in one of my pockets. My whole wardrobe is now covered in spots that won't come out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 1 731

Insane parents, part 38765

By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 05:02 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, my mum vented her anger on me by shattering my mouse on the floor, taking my keyboard and nearly ripping out my monitor. At least a spare mouse and the on screen keyboard are better than nothing. This hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 157

Thanks for your support

By Anonymous - 04/04/2022 04:00

Today, I visited my dad's grave to give it a clean, since moss and shit were starting to grow on the gravestone. Apparently this counts as vandalism, according to the groundskeeper, because soap and water can damage the stone and make it crumble faster. Yes, the city cops sent me a fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 283

You deserved it 141

Denied

By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 14:02

Today, I asked a girl for her number and I wrote it down when she gave it to me. When I called her, it wasn't her. She'd given me a restaurant's phone number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 308

Misinformation

By Andrea - 04/01/2021 16:59

Today, my brother-in-law declared he does not want to be vaccinated against Covid, because his friend, who is a nurse, told him it could make him impotent. Can please someone remove her from the health system? FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 197

Dreaming big

By ReyRey - 24/03/2022 12:00

Today, my son's plan is to become an entrepreneur, even though this requires having a brilliant idea worth money. This is the same guy who got fired from Subway for deliberately dropping bread on the floor so he could steal it from the bin later. I'm gonna kick him in the asscrack before the month is over, I know it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 177

By cacheson - 10/12/2016 18:25 - United States

Today, I met my new drill sergeant. Let's just say I wasn't expecting him to literally bark orders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 719

You deserved it 80

cacheson tells us more.

cacheson 41

Monday 12 December 2016 1:51

My first ever thing published on FML! I was actually really surprised when I submitted this that no one else had made the joke yet!

Thievery

By DeaazGurl - 22/01/2021 17:01

Today, the medicine I keep at my desk for headaches is now gone thanks to my coworker who took the last 6 Advil at once. Her reasoning? "You're thin, so you wouldn't need them anyway. I'm twice your size, so I needed twice the dose." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 96

**** those guys

By Anonymous - 10/05/2019 20:00

Today, I went into work with the mentality that all of my ass-busting work was going to result in me finally being promoted to manager. We had a site meeting. The entire building is being laid off because Apple cut our contract. Yay, I'm out of a job. I hate Apple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 170

You deserved it 227

Human?

By Jei Dee Eme - 23/11/2024 03:00 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I went to work 8:30 am. Human stayed home. Got home at 5pm. Human is working on his music at home. It is 7:11 pm and Human is still on his computer working on the same song, on replay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 403

What's more embarrassing?

By Anonymous - 04/02/2021 00:30 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I pulled out an annoying nose hair with a tweezer and it made me cry. Not particularly painful but it triggered the tear duct. Had to pretend it was from yawning when someone asked why the teary eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 238

Tight

By Pudgy - 11/04/2022 10:01

Today, I tried on a dress for prom. It took a while to zip, but I insisted it'd fit. I asked for help. When the lady finally managed to zip all the way, the dress completely ripped at the seams. Not only did I have to pay $169 for it, but the lady told me, “We have more dresses in the plus-sized section!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 252

You deserved it 1 830

Circular

By Anonymous - 23/05/2019 20:00

Today, I went to Home Depot because the lamp I'd bought there a few days ago was missing a part, and I wanted to get one that was complete. They wouldn't change it because it wasn't complete, and the policy said they wouldn't change anything that wasn't complete. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 899

You deserved it 169

Skincare routine

By Anonymous - 08/07/2023 12:00

Today, my boyfriend's dick is broken. We used to have an amazing sex life but because he won't take care of his jock itch, and his skin keeps cracking every time there's any pulling on his junk, I haven't really been laid in almost a year and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 272

You deserved it 301

Thanks for the support

By Anonymous - 10/02/2021 07:58 - United Kingdom - Halesowen

Today, I felt suicidal and told my mum I was going to hang myself from my curtain rod. All she cared about was the rod possibly coming loose and damaging the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 964

You deserved it 330

By KaD - 21/05/2017 16:00

Today, I lost my dream job after a week, after being told, "When I hired you, I wasn't honest. I wasn't looking to hire an examiner, I wanted someone to replace me so I can retire in a year. I don't have time to train you for that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 527

You deserved it 292

Life ain't a Disney movie

By Phil - 06/01/2025 20:00 - Canada

Today, I tried to pet a squirrel because it looked friendly. It did not feel the same way. Now I’m googling things like, "Can squirrels give you rabies?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 873

Freakout

By Anonymous - 18/06/2019 03:10

Today, I'm in my mid-twenties and just learned that I still start crying in confusing situations. I found this out by getting the wrong train in a foreign country, and then having the conductor come and tell me my ticket was only valid for the other direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 775

You deserved it 287

Shush

By Bride - 25/02/2021 23:00 - New Zealand

Today, I went in to pick my wedding dress. My fiancé's ex-girlfriend was my consultant. She basically hinted that I looked fat in every dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 209

Is it getting hot in here or is it just me?

By Anonymous - 23/08/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, I sent my fuckbuddy a sexy message about what I wanted to do in bed with him next time we meet. He responded with, "oki doki". FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 508

By OhCanada - 22/07/2019 20:00

Today, my downstairs neighbor is single, clever and incredibly hot, while the upstairs neighbor is loud and obnoxious, not to mention a creep. I silently prayed every day for my neighbor to leave the building, and today, my prayer was answered: my neighbor moved out. Guess which one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 615

You deserved it 304

Average racist issues

By Anonymous - 30/05/2022 12:00

Today, my dad claimed that while he's "definitely not a racist", most of his friends sort of are, so was there any chance at all I might dump my boyfriend, because me dating a black man reflects badly on him, and soon he might not be welcome at the pub anymore. I'm this close to cutting him from my life entirely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 258

You deserved it 233

Body positivity week

By FattieFatFat - 05/09/2023 14:00

Today, I overheard my crush and his friend talking about girls they would date. When his friend mentioned me, my crush said, “If she wasn’t fat, hell yeah.” Choking back tears at school for the rest of the day was not an easy task. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 294

Vulture

By Some people - 27/03/2021 16:59 - United Kingdom

Today, my flatmate was criticising his nephew for being too lazy to get a job. His nephew actually has a physical disability, so I pointed out he never had a job since he got 50 rental properties at 19 years-old when his dad died and makes a fortune on the rent. He then told me that waiting for his dad to die was his job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 629

You deserved it 208

The idiot

By Anonymous - 07/09/2023 10:00

Today, you know those videos where catering staff accidentally drop the wedding cake in front of the bride, groom, and guests. Well I’m now that idiot. I’m also now in a cast on crutches because the bride kicked me in the leg with her heels so hard she snapped a bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 238

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The Top

Today, after spending a lazy day at home, I went to UPS with my mom to help her pick up a package. While in line, she sent me back to the car because I'm, "an embarrassment to be around" when I'm not wearing makeup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 183

You deserved it 2 970

Today, my parents boarded the fad wagon and became Juggalos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 738

You deserved it 3 147

Today, I went to the orthodontist. The lady took a break and went to use the restroom. Apparently she didn't bother to take her gloves off, and they smelled like straight up pee. She had her hands in my mouth for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 605

You deserved it 8 478

Today, my mom and I had to shovel our driveway after an epic snowstorm that left us with 22 inches of snow. We only needed to dig out my mom's car and not mine. After we did all that work and shoveled all the snow onto the side where my car was we found out my mom had a flat tire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 988

You deserved it 3 357

Today, was just like almost every for the past few months; I slept till 1 p.m., smoked cigarettes, jerked off, went to the store to get coffee, smoked more cigarettes, and sat in my room alone until 4 a.m., jerking off and smoking cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 191

You deserved it 46 449

Today, I had to prepare a good setup to video chat with my friend in Hong Kong. I was so focused on the right lighting and angle, I didn't pay attention to what was in the background… Until my friend started giggling because she saw my tighty whitey-clad ass in the reflection of the mirror behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 468