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Always ask for documentation

By Anonymous - 20/09/2020 02:02 - United States - Arlington

Today, the guy I met on Tinder texted me about our date tomorrow. He seemed nervous. I come to find out his mom overheard us talking on the phone and wants to meet me. I said OK, that’s not big deal. That’s when he told me that he’s actually 17. I now hate myself because I’m 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 971

You deserved it 309

Self love

By why - 28/02/2023 10:00 - United States - Brookline

Today, I broke my leg. It's bad enough on its own, but I secretly have a fetish for casts and crutches. I'm constantly turned on and it's driving me crazy. Six weeks to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 494

You deserved it 1 222

Lock him up!

By Abnes - 19/12/2021 19:58

Today, my ex harassed me at work again. I can't complain to my manager, because they're brothers. I can't report it to the cops either, because his uncle works at the police department. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 296

You deserved it 143

Alexa, play "Rent" by Pet Shop Boys

By Anonymous - 29/12/2021 08:01

Today, I demanded to know why my boyfriend even stays with me if he’s not interested in marriage or children, hates my family, barely talks to me when he gets home, and seems uninterested in sex. Apparently, the cheap rent on my flat was his sole interest in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 746

You deserved it 309

She's just not that into you

By Anonymous - 13/03/2023 10:00 - United States

Today, and recently, I've had a crush on a woman, we've and texting for a while. She always replies instantly and very positively, but she never asks about me or initiates anything. I have no idea whether I have a chance, but probably not. There are very limited signs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 538

By Anonymous - 16/11/2018 13:30

Today, I was asleep in my back garden and woke up when a bird landed on my hat and took a big shit right in my open mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 951

You deserved it 481

Turn me on

By Anonymous - 12/01/2022 05:01

Today, the fuck boi I’ve been seeing got so interested about my only bi experience, which was light petting in high school, that I’ve started making up far-fetched embellishments to the tale. I can’t believe the stuff this guy is willing to believe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 488

You deserved it 1 903

Get it while it's hot

By Anonymous - 15/01/2022 02:01

Today, I was at a guy's house that I’d been seeing for a while. After watching a movie, I confessed that after these past few times we’ve hung out, I’ve started to catch feelings. He looked at me and said, "I actually don’t think I want anything serious, but are you down to be friends with benefits?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 579

You deserved it 487

Close but no cigar

By Degenerate - 22/03/2023 09:00 - United States - Bedford

Today, I learned that in spite of walking during the ceremony, my graduation was denied. That was nearly 4 years ago, and I never knew this was a possibility. I'd been a drop-out all this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 178

Big nope

By SquishFish - 10/07/2019 14:05

Today, while working as a masseur, a man requested a foot massage. This wouldn't have been an issue, had he not had at least 20 warts on his feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 955

You deserved it 151

Classic Dave

By not the mama - 24/10/2020 02:01 - United States - Hesperia

Today, after years of trying, I got the wonderful news that my husband is going to be a father. Too bad I’m not the mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 700

You deserved it 115

The sweet smell of success

By Anonymous - 29/10/2020 11:02

Today, my dad decided to make home-made popcorn. He accidentally used old fish oil instead of mazola oil. Now the house reeks of fish and we can't even throw the popcorn out for fear of attracting wild animals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 121

Young?

By HealthKicked - 28/01/2022 23:01

Today, it was my first day alone with the kids since my separation. Knowing how my ex is a health nut, I made a super healthy dinner for the kids. When she collected them afterwards, she said that if I had cooked like that when we were together, she wouldn’t have fucked Angus. Who the hell is Angus? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 318

You deserved it 236

Planned assault

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 08:03

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be wise to joke that we needed to postpone our reunion for another week. We haven't seen each other for almost 4 months, due to events out of our control. He thinks he's funny. He'll get punched when we do see each other again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 764

You deserved it 1 230

Vocational

By Therapist friend - 03/02/2022 09:59

Today, I came to the unpleasant realization that my friends only keep me around because I’m nice, know when to keep my mouth shut, and am willing to listen to them vent. In short, I’m the therapist friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 174

Are you?

By lxygrl - 20/07/2019 13:07 - United States - Phenix City

Today, I was told I have kidney stones, kidney infections, and a bladder infection and that I have to get admitted into the hospital. I let my boss know, and she replied, "But you're still coming in for your shift tonight, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 348

You deserved it 136

It's called fashion, OK? Look it up.

By Seamstressed - 09/02/2017 20:00 - Italy

Today, I was sewing a top. Due to a mistake, I had to unstitch the zipper and resew it. When I was almost done, I noticed that the zipper was upside down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 248

You deserved it 1 275

Technologically challenged

By Weirdo - 22/11/2020 08:02

Today, once again, my mom chewed me out for, “playing games on the computer all day.” I’m not playing, it’s 3D modeling, and it’s my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 160

You deserved it 97

Where's Shaggy when you need him?

By sickofthelies - 24/05/2023 06:00

Today, I'm pretty sure my husband of 8 years is sleeping with the skank who's in the fire department with him. Out of nowhere, he started texting her and wouldn’t come home until 12:30 a.m. for a whole week. When I confronted him about it, he flipped out. Sadly, it won’t be the first marriage she’s ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 282

You deserved it 198

I Want the One I Can't Have

By Anonymous - 18/12/2020 13:59

Today, I found out that the very attractive guy who lives in the house behind mine is working from home. I know this because he waved after catching my performance of singing along to a Smiths song into my hairbrush in front of the mirror, dancing around like a five-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 987

You deserved it 421

Guess she did

By Anonymous - 04/04/2022 18:00

Today, the bank called to ask when were we going to make the mortgage payments for our family home. We were several months late. I had been transferring my mother the cash to make the mortgage payments after she lost her money gambling. She absolutely promised she would stop several months ago. I guess she lied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 643

You deserved it 1 657

Numb

By A.J. - 13/04/2019 08:00 - United States

Today, I had a dentist appointment in which a nurse numbed my mouth. After coming home, I took a nap in which I unknowing bit through my top lip. I physically can't speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 888

You deserved it 174

Spiked

By Kmcc - 22/04/2019 12:00

Today, while having sex with my wife, I got a sudden leg cramp. While sliding off the bed, I found a sewing needle. With my ball sack. I ended up with a one-inch gash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 736

You deserved it 278

Thoughtful

By Anonymous - 18/03/2022 14:00

Today, for my birthday, my boyfriend bought me a sword from a TV show called Game of Thrones. He seemed disappointed at my reaction, since he spent so much money on the limited edition version. I've never watched the show, and I also have never had any interest in swords, so I don't know what he was thinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 261

You deserved it 146

Taking it well, it seems

By Gina - 12/06/2023 10:00

Today, it's been four days since I gave my husband the news that I’m pregnant, at which point he went out to “get groceries.” He still hasn’t come back. He won’t pick up my calls or texts. In fact, he blocked me on all social media and disabled his Find My iPhone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 274

You deserved it 188

Fragility

By TooAccepting - 06/01/2021 23:01 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I explained to my boyfriend that I'm pansexual. I said attracts what me to him is his intelligence and personality, and would still love him whether or not he had a penis. Turns out a 100% straight cis man can prioritise his penis over his intelligence and personality, because he's really offended now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 1 472

Welcome to hell

By Anonymous - 14/01/2021 15:01 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, after meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time, I found out that he, his sister, and their father enjoy talking loudly over the person who is currently talking, because what anyone else says is not worth listening to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 998

You deserved it 119

Bitter

By RealFlexTho - 19/11/2024 06:00 - United States - Miami

Today, the woman I love, who rejected me countless times, got a boyfriend. Bitter about it, I post on my Instagram Story: “I could have been your love bug, but apparently you’re into roaches.” She posted a story of them kissing, saying, “I love my roach so much!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 1 543

By Anonymous - 14/04/2017 02:00

Today, as I was trying to get out of bed, my foot began sliding across the floor. I instinctively tried to balance myself, only for the new angle to cause my right hip to painfully and loudly dislocate, making me fall face-forward into my dresser. Back stuck in bed after three days of freedom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 159

You deserved it 399

By Stigmamma - 12/05/2019 04:00

Today, my 12-year-old son and 13-year-old daughter sprayed themselves with a ton of deodorant and perfume respectively. The two clouds of spray have combined into a noxious gas that slowly traveled through the house, giving everybody an instant, massive headache. Everybody, except my son and daughter. They think they smell great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 998

You deserved it 260

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The Top

Today, I got fired from my job. I worked for my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 383

You deserved it 10 953

Today, I had my guy over for some sexy times. Things stopped before they even started. I watched him pick his nose then wipe it on my freshly changed sheets. He denied it when I called him out on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 080

You deserved it 1 548

Today, I was refereeing a kid's soccer game, and noticed that on the field next to me was a referee I hated working with. I told the other referee I was working with that he was the laziest and most dumbass referee I had ever worked with. She then slapped me, and told me that it was her grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 642

You deserved it 42 074

Today, my disability job agent, who's supposed to help me find work that fits my limitations, told me to immediately withdraw from a job offer that suited me, because it didn't meet her "benchmark". She then told me that she would decide what's "appropriate" for me, and if I don't comply, my support will be revoked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 199

You deserved it 101

Today, I was checking my friends' posts on Facebook and all of them were complaining what a boring night they had. They were all just at my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 571

You deserved it 229

Today, I spent all day doing a project for myself and then for a friend who's sick. Turned out it was a prank everyone in the class was pulling on me. I missed a baseball game because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 596

You deserved it 2 081