By Anonymous - 18/2/2021 02:01

The mainframe had been haxored

Today, I found out my email hasn't been working for 10 days. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal, but it just so happens that a position opened up for my dream job while this was happening. I would have gotten the job, but instead they gave it to someone I just finished training. FML

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Instadrama

Commando

And probably giggling

By anonymous - United States - Manchester

Today, I was babysitting, and the family dog was unable to move, so I had texted the mother about it. We put the small dog on the couch to make it comfortable while the mother was on her way to get the dog and take it to the vet. Turns out, we sat with a dead dog for about ten minutes. FML

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By chessgeeksam - United States

Today, I learned that the surprise party thrown for my girlfriend's 19th birthday was wonderful and she couldn't be happier. Except that I didn't show up. Apparently 40 people were invited but I wasn't one of them. We've been going out for three years. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2020 23:03

Devious, the lot of them

Today, I was out walking with a cute girl when we passed by a house with a Trump sign. Trying to make her laugh, I went to steal it. Turns out it was booby trapped. I got drenched by a sprinkler when I got close. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met up with an old high school friend who I used to make fun of because he put so much effort into his studies. Turns out he makes my annual salary in a month. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend left me after I'd been supporting him for 9 months while he "finds himself." Why? Because I wanted to go grocery shopping instead of him eating out every day with my money. FML

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By treehugger - Singapore - Singapore

Today, since I was grounded, I tried to sneak out of my room to attend a party by climbing out the second-storey window and down the tree. I was unharmed, but I probably should have checked to see if my dad was in the garden before climbing down. FML

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By zstarr - United States - Rome

Effective

Today, I realized my boyfriend uses sex as a way to get me to stop talking. FML

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By representative

Today, I was let go without warning at work. Why? Because my boss saw some comments I'd posted. Nothing I'd said was offensive or controversial, but he said he didn't care, because he didn't agree with it and didn't want me to "smear" the company name. I represent the company? I just serve coffee. FML

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By dazedandconfused - United Kingdom

Today, at work, someone heard me throw up. I then got called aside and told being hungover at work is unacceptable. I don't drink. I'm pregnant. FML

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By dynomyte - United States

Today, as I sat on the table in my gynecologist's office for my yearly checkup, I realized that was the most action I got in the past year. FML

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By jaskyriddims - Dominica

Today, my family gathered to pray. It was my brother's turn to pray and he ended with this, "...and help Chev that he does not become the disappointment everyone expects him to be. Amen." I looked on in shock as my entire family nodded and said "Amen" in agreement. Hi, I'm Chev. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Federal Way

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She got incredibly excited and started flapping her hands around. Then she suddenly went deadpan and said "But seriously... no." FML

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By princessrose

Today, I asked the guy I share a desk with at work out because he has texted me a few times and seemed pretty into me. He said he doesn't date coworkers, even though the last 5 people he's dated have been coworkers. FML

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By moon_paw - United States

Today, I realized that I am dating a 25 year old man-child. He turns 13 whenever he sees my boobs, complete with big eyes and saying "honk honk" whenever he touches them. FML

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By Fsd - France

Today, I'm on holiday, but my alarm clock isn't. It rang at 6 o'clock. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, my sink seemed to be filling up with dirty water. Concerned, I turned on the garbage disposal and plunged away. With no change in the water levels, I called a plumber. He reached in, pulled out the drain plug, and give me his bill while chuckling to himself. FML

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By easyontheeyes1

Romantic afterglow

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Immediately after we'd finished, he said, "Get off, you're making it hard to breathe on top of me." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, on the bus, a man in his late 30s sat next to me. After a moment, he turned to me and said with a wink, "You must be ovulating, I can smell your vagina." FML

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By great - United States - Porter

Today, the girl I've been seeing for just over a week casually let me know that she'll slash her wrists if I ever leave her. FML

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By Angela - United States

Today, I made plans with an old friend that I haven't seen in years. We agreed to meet at a diner and I told him I'd be standing outside. I watched him pull up, look right at me, then do something with his phone. Seconds later, I got a text saying "Sorry, but I'm busy today and can't make it." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my father had a dream that he'd lost me forever, and the pain was so unbearable, it woke him up. Turns out, the pain he was experiencing was just his bowels and he really needed to take a shit. This is the most affection I've ever received from my father. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my grandpa came into my room and asked for a pen. As I gave it to him, he let rip the foulest fart I've ever smelled in my life, and walked out without a word. 2 hours later, the smell is not only still there, it's filled the room. Looks like I'm sleeping downstairs on the couch tonight. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Halifax

Today, I finally found out why my husband is always so eager and happy to buy me whatever I am craving during my pregnancy. It's because it gives him an excuse to meet up with his mistress and have a quickie. FML

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By public pooper - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I really like. I let him use my phone, forgetting about the messages I'd sent about the consistency of my bowel movements. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2020 05:01

Tough love

Today, I spent over an hour trying to get my niece to sleep and nothing worked. Then my husband got home and yelled, "Listen brat, either sleep now or be buried in the cat's litter box." It worked. She giggled, ran to bed and 30 seconds later she was snoring. What? How? Why? FML

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By Anonymous - 9/11/2020 23:01

Rock n Roll is a dirty business

Today, I was in a band with some friends and we got our first gig at a local festival, but I'd already agreed to work serving drinks at the festival. My bandmates got really annoyed and kicked me out of the band. They then went ahead and performed the song that I WROTE, without me, at the festival where i was working. FML

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By Confused Clipboard - United States

Today, my math teacher explained his concern for how "clipboard" should be pronounced similar to "cupboard." I thought he was crazy. I then later found myself saying it the new way to my mother. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/10/2020 14:01 - United States - Allentown

A mother's love…

Today, I crawled into my mom's room to tell her my stomach was in massive pain. She ended up throwing me out of the room while spraying me with Lysol. My appendix was about to burst and I needed surgery. FML

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By afraid of flying too - Canada - Fort Saint John

Today, I'm left with two non-refundable tickets to Jamaica, because my now ex-boyfriend said his Quidditch tournament is more important than seeing my "fat ass in a bikini". FML

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By friendless - Canada

Today, I got invited out by friends for coffee after I broke up with my boyfriend. When I told my mom where I was going, she looked at me and said, "But you don't have friends. All your friends are pixels. Where are you really going?" FML

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By unfucked - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, my girlfriend and I reconciled after having a huge fight last week. We went out drinking, and things got pretty intense, so we went back to my place. We made it to the bedroom, but somewhere between her taking off my shirt and me taking off her pants, we both passed out. FML

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By rainonmyparade - United States

Today, I called my dad to tell him my boyfriend had proposed to me, and that we're planning on being married this summer. He was surprised at the short engagement, so I said, "Well, we're almost 30." Dad replied, "Wow, I left your mom when I was 35!" So not the conversation for that information, Dad. FML

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By tim12345 - United States

Today, my friends and I rented a party bus, which broke down on the highway 45 minutes into the ride. I paid the guy for the whole four hours. He said he was going to flag down a car to get someone to help us. We saw him get into a car and leave. FML

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By jasminejzhu - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after an exhausting weekend of work, I decided to take a nap. I was awoken several hours later by my mother-in-law knocking on my door. Apparently my 11-year-old called up grandma to complain that she was hungry and that mum was sleeping instead of cooking dinner. FML

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By caroline - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-wrestling on the couch. I got thirsty, so I got up and grabbed a metal water bottle and drank out of it. He tried to playfully touch it and spill water on me, but instead hit it hard enough to where it slammed my mouth, chipped my tooth, and cut open my lip. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting in my chemistry class when a sick girl behind me asked "Can I go to the bathroom?" My teacher, being smart said, "Don't you mean MAY I use the bathroom?" Meanwhile, the girl behind me started throwing up all over her desk and me. FML

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By 5minsolder - United States

Today, I found out that even though my sister and I are identical twins, I'm known as "The ugly one". FML

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By Fridaythe12th - United States

Today, I was so excited to finally use my $45 gift card to a hair salon. I walk up to the doors to find them locked and to look inside to see that the salon was not only closed but out of business. FML

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By OhMyWhitney - United States

Today, my friend and I got into such a heated debate the police had to be called. The debate was about Whitney Houston. FML

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Top comments

By rainbowdonnareed | 18

#7972394 - Thursday 18 February 2021 3:37

How did ten days go by with zero emails?

By Seeya55 | 31

#7972386 - Thursday 18 February 2021 2:19

I question my email app if I don't receive something after a single day. Heck, it's happened to me before and I've had to uninstall/reinstall for it to work again. Test your email daily by sending to yourself, especially if you're prospecting for promotions/new jobs. I'm sorry you missed out OP, you don't deserve it; try to be more aware of work related (Or even personal!) communication connections and don't be afraid to question IT if it isn't working! :)

COMMENTS

By Marcella1016 | 31

#7972385 - Thursday 18 February 2021 2:19

Something similar happened to me - I applied to a job and they emailed me for an interview, but gmail never sent me an effing notification. It just really sucks.

BUT on a positive note, I ended up landing an even better job a couple months later that I love! With an amazing culture and great team and I couldn’t be happier. Like, I’m shocked at how great it worked out.

You’ll find something even better, OP, and sorry that happened to you. Just keep searching and don’t let this situation get you down!

By Seeya55 | 31

#7972386 - Thursday 18 February 2021 2:19

I question my email app if I don't receive something after a single day. Heck, it's happened to me before and I've had to uninstall/reinstall for it to work again. Test your email daily by sending to yourself, especially if you're prospecting for promotions/new jobs. I'm sorry you missed out OP, you don't deserve it; try to be more aware of work related (Or even personal!) communication connections and don't be afraid to question IT if it isn't working! :)

By rainbowdonnareed | 18

#7972394 - Thursday 18 February 2021 3:37

How did ten days go by with zero emails?

By peterblack67 | 9

#7972396 - Thursday 18 February 2021 3:56

It took you 10 days to figure out it wasn't working??? ydi

By mccuish | 22

#7972437 - Thursday 18 February 2021 8:21

YDI. You should’ve been checking your work email daily.