Intimacy, Sex, Relatable and Awkward: Dick appointment

Dick appointment

By Anonymous - 20/10/2020 21:01 - Canada - Spruce Grove

Today, I walked out halfway through a much anticipated dick appointment because it became apparent that he thought my clit was located somewhere on my upper thigh. He kept rubbing it and moaning, "Oooooh, I bet you like that, baby." No, sir, I certainly did not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 653

You deserved it 296

May weddings: Love and blunders
Weddings are supposed to be perfect, but our stories show that perfection can sometimes be... surprising! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Found it

By Anonymous - 01/02/2022 20:01

Today, my boyfriend was about to go down on me as foreplay before losing his virginity and he actually poked my clitoris and said, "What’s this thing?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 829

You deserved it 442

Humblebrag

By Anonymous - 01/02/2023 06:00

Today, I learned that my insecurities regarding my dick size were unfounded, as my girlfriend gushed over my dick and said it was amazing. We then got down to business, and almost immediately heard, "Ow! Fuck, that's my cervix! This hurts! Stop!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 1 252

By sammy18f - 24/02/2015 03:46 - United States - Brentwood

Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 127

You deserved it 3 784

By Sugao - 10/12/2008 07:48 - France

Today, during foreplay with my boyfriend, I put my legs around his neck. He pushed them away violently, shouting, "Bloody hell, it's prickling me!" I'd shaved the day before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 088

You deserved it 7 646

The moment when…

By wastedlove - 23/06/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave, I decided to give him one last thrill. I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out. When I asked why, he pointed behind me. My mom had watched the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 119

You deserved it 74 080

By sucks at sucking - 15/12/2012 00:27 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 901

You deserved it 9 247

Smooth operator

By Anonymous - 23/06/2019 16:18

Today, my date took nearly 10 minutes to get an erection, had to be shown where the entrance to my vagina was, since he kept missing it and poking me in the thigh, he orgasmed after only 3 thrusts, fell asleep straight away, then an hour later had the nerve to ask if I’d had fun too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 397

You deserved it 616

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 328

You deserved it 2 768

By sarajj - 29/03/2013 21:36 - United States - Littleton

Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 703

You deserved it 9 308

Not going so well, is it?

By Anonymous - 29/07/2013 07:54 - United States - Riverside

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. When I didn't get off right away, he asked what he was doing wrong. I told him he was doing fine, but instead of focusing only on my vagina, he might want to pay attention to my clitoris as well. His response? "What's a clitoris?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 163

You deserved it 10 108

bobsanction 18

Wednesday 21 October 2020 6:11

And.... you didn't try correcting him? No wonder your sex sucks, you're awful at communicating.

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 21 October 2020 5:06

Dick appointment? I'm making a note of that phraseology. "Date" is starting to sound, well, dated.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 21 October 2020 5:06

Dick appointment? I'm making a note of that phraseology. "Date" is starting to sound, well, dated.

bobsanction 18

Wednesday 21 October 2020 6:11

And.... you didn't try correcting him? No wonder your sex sucks, you're awful at communicating.

Cocoapelli 23

Wednesday 21 October 2020 6:27

There’s only so much you can communicate in an evening... op was right to cut her losses.

Cocoapelli 23

Wednesday 21 October 2020 6:28

There’s only so much you can communicate in an evening... op was right to cut her losses.

malicemassacre 18

Wednesday 21 October 2020 8:22

Communication is key for a healthy and amazingly amazing sex life

core01 30

Thursday 22 October 2020 5:00

Now we have to give anatomy lessons to men??

bobsanction 18

Thursday 22 October 2020 5:28

Takes literally two seconds. If you aint got two seconds to communicate you deserve bad sex.

Shzusuziq 16

Wednesday 21 October 2020 14:49

You could have grabbed his hand and moved it where you wanted it!

xxlk4xx 6

Wednesday 21 October 2020 16:21

was it dark in the room? I know sometimes my hubby will rub the wrong area thinking that's where he is supposed to be lol, I just relocate him to the correct area🤣 if it was light and he could see what he was doing then I still probably would have been like "sir, you need to be over here" also the term "dick appointment" made me laugh haha

icalledhisname 12

Wednesday 21 October 2020 18:09

So many men do this. It’s crazy. Basic anatomy, explaining to him where it is is like explaining where an ear is. I get it that we should educate our partners, but teaching things like that shouldn’t be necessary. All he had to do was take a look...