The Top

OP here second attempt. Stubbies are Australian shorts which are very short. Commonly worn with thongs and a singlet, classy! Anyway, you know when you are on a diet and you are not allowed to eat chocolate. It's the same trying to not look at a pair of danglies. And I knew you all would put up some great comments. Thank you :)

Xtina

By I must suck at singing - 18/02/2014 00:14 - United States

Today, my neighbor had a word with me for being "loud in the bedroom" last night. I haven't had any action for two years now, but I was too happy that she thought I'd got lucky to tell her the truth. So what was I really doing last night? Trying to sing like Christina Aguilera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 506

You deserved it 7 116

Believer

By Kitcat034 - 22/01/2018 15:00

Today, I told my roommate that I was an atheist and she laughed. I left and returned to find her and her prayer group praying for my soul. She told me to accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior. I said no. Then she told me to find somewhere else to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 884

You deserved it 1 048

Tedious

By anon - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got fired from a great babysitting job because the little girl said I was boring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 987

You deserved it 16 391

Surprise!

By dieold - 28/01/2009 12:15 - United States

Today, I went to a birthday party at my girlfriend's house. When her little brother was about to blow out the candles, I slipped my hand into her sister's back pocket and squeezed her ass, thinking it was my girlfriend. She freaked out, and now her family thinks I'm a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 884

You deserved it 34 602

By FUKDOUG - 15/01/2009 01:47 - Canada

Today, I was trying to finish an English assignment and I was not sure how to complete it, so I emailed my teacher to ask her for help. She told me to… flip over the assignment handout page for instructions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 607

You deserved it 28 489

Thanks for your concern

By nothealthy - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my sister called after she found out I was hospitalized with surgery complications. Worried about me? Wondering if I'm okay? Nope. Just mad that I texted her an update rather than calling. I didn't call because I had surgery on my throat and can't speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 496

You deserved it 1 305

By anonymous - 03/02/2011 05:05 - United States

Today, I spent nearly an hour thawing out my car and driving to work in this stupid freezing rain, only to find out that I'm now unemployed due to budget cuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 042

You deserved it 2 333

Thwack

By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 14:24 - Philippines - Philippine

Today, while entering in my college building, I noticed that my right shoelace was untied and I tied it. I didn't realize that just in front of me was a metal beam until I hit my head hard on it and a loud, reverberating sound was produced. Many people saw what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 727

You deserved it 2 816

By ProExist - 16/03/2019 02:00 - United States

Today, MLK Jr. Day, I was told that since my other co workers are on vacation, I have to be at work Today. No one else is at work Today...or on any other holiday. Also I am the only black person at my office. The irony, FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 521

You deserved it 263

By upset mom - 24/04/2019 04:00

Today, during a meeting, the president of the honor society apologized for being out for a couple of days due to the flu, and wanted to get everything back on track. I mumbled that she hadn't shown good leadership by being out. I guess she heard me, because she said, “Neither does being a teen mom.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 619

You deserved it 6 380

By Geemeisters - 08/11/2015 10:03 - United Kingdom - Studley

Today, after several months desperately searching for a job and feeling pretty insecure and unimportant, I drove 15 miles to a job interview. On parking my car at the destination, I found that during my drive a spider had been making a cobweb between the car and my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 103

You deserved it 1 846

Baywatch

By Jenn - 16/12/2016 00:50

Today, in my lifeguarding course, I had to pull a 200-pound boy out of the pool in an exercise to practice using our legs when lifting. I, being only 90 pounds, tried pulling and ended up falling into the pool, landing with my lady parts on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 252

You deserved it 850

By Catnip - 30/06/2016 23:42 - Germany - Michelstadt

Today, I sent my boyfriend a selfie where I used the Snapchat face-swap to put my best friend's face on mine. My boyfriend didn't notice and texted back, "Wow, so beautiful!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 280

You deserved it 3 324

Straight to jail

By WTF Mom - 21/05/2018 01:30

Today, I discovered the reason my 12-year-old brother has been anxious and afraid of cops for the last 6 months. My crazy mother convinced him that porn is illegal and comes with a death penalty. She did the same thing to me when I was his age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 101

You deserved it 489

By Radbaby - 20/06/2018 01:30

Today, nearing the start of what I was hoping to be a relaxing week off, my air conditioning system died. A replacement system will be in the $7000 range, just the amount I'd finally saved for my dream vacation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 006

You deserved it 284

Polite bodyshaming

By alie - 26/08/2010 12:57 - United States

Today, I wore a cute new striped shirt to work. One of my co-workers said to me, "I like your shirt. Most fat people don't look good in horizontals." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 883

You deserved it 4 723

By Anonymous - 15/05/2016 14:03 - United States - Salem

Today, I had my first real break from work in ages, so I decided to go hiking. Less than 20 minutes in, I tumbled a couple hundred feet down a steep hill, broke my leg and several toes, and lay there in agony for an eternity before I was finally rescued. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 922

You deserved it 1 968

Plebs need not apply.

By chels - 17/07/2018 19:00

Today, when my new boyfriend told me he liked playing games, he meant a 60" TV with a professional gaming chair in the middle of his living room, and 48-hour gaming marathons where he totally ignores me, refuses to sleep or shower, and only has energy drinks and cheerios. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 938

You deserved it 892

By Ldp56 - 25/02/2011 18:44 - United States

Today, I got a call from my daughter's school. Apparently, she was learning about the food pyramid and when she was asked to identify what she had eaten the day before, she said "dog food". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 039

You deserved it 4 615

By wallbanger - 07/02/2010 12:31 - Australia

Today, my seven-year-old sister came to stay at my house for the night. She usually just sleepwalks. But tonight she sleep-peed in my clean clothes basket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 509

You deserved it 2 416

By Anonymous - 24/03/2016 05:25 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was emailing a government employee at the place I'm hoping to get hired by. I realized too late I had been emailing her with my personal email address, which is rather jokey and unprofessional. She noticed and started referring to me as that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 440

You deserved it 7 025

By Anonymous - 22/12/2014 07:53 - United States - Mooresville

Today, immediately after being informed of the sketchy activities that take place in our store parking lot after dark, I'm handed an orange vest and told to go out there to retrieve carts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 667

You deserved it 2 524

By JeezAndAges - 24/11/2018 05:00

Today, I walked in on my nineteen-year-old stepson masturbating into a pair of my panties. His excuse? He thought they belonged to my 17-year-old daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 822

You deserved it 480

Boozehound

By KamiAzaaaaaa - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out my credit card was maxed out to the penny, all thanks to purchases made on an online wine store. Apparently my mother was thirsty enough to steal from her own son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 228

You deserved it 1 633

By Anonymous - 13/12/2016 15:06 - United States

Today, I was on my way to work and someone cut me off. I then switched lanes and sped past the person as I flipped them off. What I didn't notice was that the person that cut me off was my boss. He's been shooting me dirty looks from across the room all morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 002

You deserved it 5 817

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Relatable Health Doctor Work Cars Transportation Friends Miscellaneous Awkward Parents Liar My ex NSFW Intimacy Art Crush Love Weird Grandparents Kids Poopoo peepee Gross Divorce Cancer Scams Tinder Cooking Annoying Money Embarrassing

The Top

Today, my otherwise lovely boyfriend of a month showed his true colors. He freaked out when he learned that I use tampons instead of pads. He yelled that using them is like cheating on him, because his penis is the only thing that should ever enter me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 971

You deserved it 5 687

Today, I was walking along a crowded pier when I stopped to read a sign next to an oddly placed bush. Not even two seconds later, a man popped out of the bush and made me wet myself. People were filming it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 971

You deserved it 5 523

Random

Today, my little sister decided to move one of the mouse traps I set for our current mouse problem onto my desk chair. Apparently when a mouse is caught in a mousetrap it's cruel, but when it snaps on my balls, that's hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 856

You deserved it 1 924

Today, after weeks of watching Michael Jackson videos non-stop, my boyfriend learned how to moonwalk. Now he does it literally everywhere. I can't even cross the street without him moonwalking behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 469

You deserved it 2 982

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend in his bedroom. It was getting pretty intense, so he got up to close the door. While he was facing the other way, I took off my bra and sling-shot it so that it would hit him. Right when I let go of it, his mom walked in and it hit her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 610

You deserved it 29 692

Today, when I was done masturbating to the thought of my crush I noticed my phone was lit up. I turned it over and stared in horror as I saw a call connected to him. I had been loudly moaning his name. I guess I hit his speed dial when I was setting my phone down. He was definitely still on the line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 058

You deserved it 4 195

Today, I was having a good time drinking with a few friends. Next thing I know, I'm walking down an unknown street, with just one shoe, no wallet and no phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 738

You deserved it 1 677

Today, without any form of notice, my landlord started working on the upstairs windows at 6:30am. I have an at-home appointment at 8:30 for my autistic son that I can't move or postpone without notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 129