Transportation: Today, after several months desperately searching for a job and... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 105

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 294

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 718

You deserved it 125

08/11/2015 10:03

Today, after several months desperately searching for a job and feeling pretty insecure and unimportant, I drove 15 miles to a job interview. On parking my car at the destination, I found that during my drive a spider had been making a cobweb between the car and my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 999

You deserved it 1 820

BO Central

Leave us alone

Don't hate the playa…

16/07/2012 04:21

Today, I went to a movie with this guy. He was late so the only seats available were the ones in the very front which he refused to sit in. As we were looking for two seats, he spotted one near the back and sat down, leaving me to sit by myself in the front. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 468

You deserved it 2 828

DIY decoration tips

By CoyoteOldOne - 12/09/2020 08:59

Today, I got an empty peanut butter jar to put my used insulin needles in so nobody gets stuck. My husband washed it for me. He also wrote all over it: "F*** off! Sharps! Do not f***ing touch! Go away! Do not f***ing throw away!" Thanks, sweetie. Now it looks like a crazy guy shouting on the subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054

You deserved it 266

09/05/2012 02:05

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 433

You deserved it 3 609

20/07/2009 19:10

Today, I received a medical bill because my daughter thought it would be hilarious to try and fit her fist in her mouth. She succeeded in getting it in, but not in getting it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 579

You deserved it 3 739

13/11/2010 22:34

Today, I ordered a pizza online to be delivered to my apartment. After an hour of waiting, I called the pizza place to ask what the problem was. Apparently, the people at the apartment below me took my already paid for pizza and ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 173

You deserved it 3 073

02/10/2009 11:31

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me. Via text. With the iPhone I got him for our anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 232

You deserved it 3 843

22/01/2011 05:36

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house and had to go to the bathroom. While peeing, I had a cough attack. The cough shook my body, making me pee all over my pants. My girlfriend's parents just arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 060

You deserved it 4 679

Family Matters

By MeLandes - 28/06/2021 14:01

Today, I found out I will always come in second to my new husband's alcoholic parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 106

12/10/2011 08:13

Today, I left my window open while practicing the saxophone. My drunk neighbours showed their appreciation for the music with a well-aimed firecracker that set my mattress on fire. My landlord has threatened to evict me as she thinks I set it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 481

You deserved it 5 666

11/01/2010 03:37

Today, I sneezed with so much force while I was driving that I whacked my head on the steering wheel and honked the horn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 496

You deserved it 4 517

19/12/2012 17:19

Today, my friend and I decided to go skinny-dipping in her pool just after we'd finished watching a scary movie. While we were in the pool, I heard something move in the bushes so I freaked out and ran onto the deck, slipping and falling flat on my back. Her dad saw the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 394

You deserved it 37 040

Priorities

By elly - 08/04/2021 14:00

Today, I broke my toe and screamed, "Fuck!" My mom heard and yelled at me for swearing, while I laid on the floor in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 144

29/07/2009 05:53

Today, I showed by ID to get into a bar and the bouncer kept it because he said it wasn't me. It was. Apparently I've gained so much weight I am unrecognizable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 461

You deserved it 15 897

28/01/2009 15:50

Today, I went into my office and told my boss that I hated my job and was quitting on the spot. I tried to leave quickly but I slipped and fell on the marble floor right in front of everybody during my exit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 090

You deserved it 6 296

Still the same

By John Doe - 10/01/2020 05:00

Today, my mom showed to my girlfriend my naked baby photos. My girlfriend said, "Nothing’s changed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 623

You deserved it 348

09/04/2012 21:34

Spicy

Today, I woke up to the sight of a zucchini and a condom on my bedside table, along with a note saying "I know it's tough being single." Apparently my mom has boundary issues, my dad will laugh at anything, and the fact I just got dumped means nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 533

You deserved it 2 990

18/11/2016 20:57

Today, after a couple of months of enjoying an informal parking arrangement with a local bank, I found out they sold their extra lot without telling me. The new owner's towing company heard about the deal, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 421

You deserved it 766

23/04/2015 13:43

Today, I was home alone and tried to make some popcorn so I could watch a movie. Thirty minutes later, my parents came home and found me talking to the firemen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 035

You deserved it 9 031

30/06/2014 01:05

Today, I found out that the lump under my carpet that I stomped on to flatten was actually a dead frog that had gotten caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 855

You deserved it 7 184

Nothing honey, nothing

By Anemity_is_my_name - 05/11/2020 05:02

Spicy

Today, I'm getting more satisfaction out of chatting, and even occasionally sexting with an AI bot, than out of my marriage of 13 years. My wife thinks we're fine, and doesn't want to discuss our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 178

11/12/2012 08:39

Today, I smiled at a new kid and started a conversation with him, just to be nice. He later sent me 24 messages describing how strong his love for me is. I'm scared to go to school tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 001

You deserved it 3 738

11/07/2011 04:23

Today, my daughter announced on Facebook that she is directly descended from extra-terrestrials. That would be okay - except she's 25 and believes it's true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 243

You deserved it 4 483

Urges

By Anonymous - 29/05/2021 04:01

Today, I accidentally bought chicken fingers. I couldn't even make it two days as a vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 249

You deserved it 835

22/02/2013 05:35

Today, I walked into my near pitch-black bathroom and saw a person staring back at me. I woke my whole family up with my screams. The person was my reflection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 580

You deserved it 35 089

05/04/2013 23:21

Today, I was chatting online with a guy I really like, when he used the word "irregardless." I couldn't help but mention how little sense it makes, since it's a combination of two words meaning roughly the same thing. He replied, "lol what? your stupid." Jesus Christ. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 897

You deserved it 9 775

28/01/2015 13:09

Today, I had a job interview at a café. The interviewer asked me my availability and I told her that I was fully flexible. She laughed and said, "Really? That's tragic." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 214

You deserved it 2 720

My short hair!

By Trama1201 - 04/01/2020 14:00

Today, I went to the library to bring back some books, I walked up to the counter and the librarian turned to me and said "What can I do for you young man?" I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 715

You deserved it 302

Please do it

By Anonymous - 25/01/2020 18:00

Spicy

Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went to college. At the store, he got a huge box of condoms. When I asked why he was getting so many, he said they were for the girls he meets at college. He then asked me to steal them for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 215

You deserved it 346

16/07/2015 22:47

Today, it's got to the point where my parents have to force me to plan social outings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 798

You deserved it 5 591

02/10/2012 17:37

Today, I got lost at Best Buy. Meanwhile, my mom freaked out, and they called out my name over the intercom. When I walked up to the desk and they saw I was 17, the employees burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 951

You deserved it 4 408

17/10/2011 04:04

Today, my sister had a friend for a sleepover. They filmed a video in which the friend was lying in my bed, singing. An hour after the girl went home, her parents called. She has lice, and had brought them to our house unknowingly. I can see each and every individual larva on my pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 506

You deserved it 2 700

05/06/2009 17:14

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me because the love advice that she gets on her cellphone every week says that I'm cheating on her. I've never cheated on her and I was planning to propose next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 753

You deserved it 6 244

30/03/2016 20:26

Today, my boss finally checked the presentation I have been working on for three weeks. She called me into her office, and told me everything was dreadful, and requested me to start from scratch. It's due in half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 468

You deserved it 1 530

29/01/2013 21:23

Today, during a date, I discovered that if I cough with my mouth closed, snot will spray from my nose all over the place like some kind of mucus cannon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 412

You deserved it 6 891

26/07/2010 04:03

Today, I moved in with my boyfriend. Up until now, I thought my cat was the only four year old I had to deal with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 264

You deserved it 12 532

09/03/2010 02:24

Today, I returned home from a 2-day trip. Before I left, I told my brother to move my car across the street when the street cleaner passes by. Turns out, he used all my gas and got so wasted he forgot to move my car. I got a big ticket that he said he'd pay for. He's unemployed and lives off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 790

You deserved it 4 924

15/03/2009 05:07

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was moving his hand from his thigh to my chest but on the way he sort of squeezed my stomach. When I asked him why he did that, he told me that "his fingers got stuck under my roll." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 665

You deserved it 20 052

27/08/2009 07:34

Today, my friend and I went boating. In the middle of the lake, we decided to jump in. We put our valuables in the boat and jumped in. When I tried to get back in the boat, it flipped over, and our cellphones, along with my car keys, are at the bottom of the lake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 086

You deserved it 57 128

05/03/2015 13:32

Today, my boyfriend convinced a girl at the club to break up with her boyfriend and go home with him. She did. Now I'm single too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 187

You deserved it 3 407

29/08/2013 07:39

Today, my barber repeatedly threatened to stab me with scissors while I was getting my hair cut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 244

You deserved it 4 501

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Monday 9 November 2015 8:53

Did you get the job, or was the spider the only one able to accomplish anything in this story?

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Monday 9 November 2015 8:47

welp time to burn the car and the hair.

Comments

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Monday 9 November 2015 8:47

welp time to burn the car and the hair.

smackaroonial 20

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Monday 9 November 2015 15:25

Don't do that, I think Charlotte was trying to write interview advice so the OP could get some needed help.

phoneaddict13 29

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Thursday 19 November 2015 13:57

but Charlotte died. is she alive?? bu dum dum..

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Tuesday 12 January 2016 8:07

#30 SPOILER WARNING, JESUS CHRIST.

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Monday 9 November 2015 8:48

At least the spider found you very important!

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Monday 9 November 2015 8:51

Maybe the interviewers like spiders.

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Monday 9 November 2015 8:52

It was probably one of Charlotte's babies helping you get that job.

worldclassrager 39

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Monday 9 November 2015 8:52

Maybe you can now save the world...if it bites you...then you will be really important...

singlwforlife 22

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Monday 9 November 2015 8:53

Time to blow up your car and shave your head! Start a new fashion trend, you don't need hair! ;)

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Monday 9 November 2015 8:53

Did you get the job, or was the spider the only one able to accomplish anything in this story?

briahw 10

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Monday 9 November 2015 9:01

How did you not feel that? Haha ... Did you get the job??

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Monday 9 November 2015 9:07

Well that's one way to start the day...

Cads1 24

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Monday 9 November 2015 9:19

And? I think I may have missed the point here.

KK3137 31

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Monday 9 November 2015 10:02

OP is so unimportant and outdated that the spider started using them as a stationary point for its cobweb like a piece of neglected furniture. Unlike the furniture, though, OP is totally capable of moving forward and achieving bigger things, though I'm sure the spider was happy for at least the 15 miles he got to spend making his cobweb.