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Submit your FML

Have you just experienced an FML moment?

Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Your instinct was right, because it’s good to laugh life off. Follow the instructions below, and if your story gets through the moderation process, it'll published in the next 24 hours or so.


    Remaining characters: 320

    Your story must start with “Today,” and end with “FML”. TXT language is forbidden and spelling mistakes hurt people’s eyeballs, so the use of either would result in the direct dismissal of your FML. Don’t use this space for discussions, advertising or spam, or for posting anything which isn’t an FML. Furthermore, it’s not possible to obtain badges by posting keywords, so stop believing things you’ve read on message boards. Don’t try reposting old FMLs, we’re not that daft.


    Please read our guidelines for posting

    Just once

    By Anonymous - 19/02/2020 20:00

    Today, at last, my husband instigated sex for the first time since the honeymoon a few months ago when he started fondling me in bed. Then I realised he was asleep. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 2 016
    You deserved it 217
    Share  

    Bad liar

    By Anonymous - 18/02/2020 14:00

    Today, I was supposed to see my boyfriend for his birthday. He said his parents were coming down and it may not be a good time for us to really enjoy each other. Last night I saw a picture of him feeding popcorn to baby llamas with his drunk stoner friends. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 737
    You deserved it 265
    Share  

    Teenage narcs

    By Anonymous - 08/02/2020 05:00

    Today, my mom called to tell me that I needed to clean the side of her couch. Why? Because someone picked their nose and wiped snot all on the side of it. She thinks it was me because I sat there last. It wasn't me. I don't even live there, but I have two teenage siblings that blame everything on me. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 899
    You deserved it 166
    Share  

    You what?

    By Anonymous - 30/01/2020 18:00

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I was going down on my girlfriend when I noticed a hickey near her hip. I said, "Wow, last night was crazy, I don't even remember doing that!" Without even interrupting the action, she simply said, "You didn't." FML
    I agree, your life sucks 4 275
    You deserved it 395
    Share  

    Please do it

    By Anonymous - 25/01/2020 18:00

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went to college. At the store, he got a huge box of condoms. When I asked why he was getting so many, he said they were for the girls he meets at college. He then asked me to steal them for him. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 3 420
    You deserved it 387
    Share  

    One night

    By Anonymous - 25/01/2020 01:00 - Sweden - Ängelholm

    Today, I woke up after putting my child to bed. Drowsy, I stumbled down to the kitchen to make a mug cookie. I read a recipe on my phone, and put a knob of butter in a cup to melt in the microwave. I put my phone in the microwave and turned it on for 30 seconds, and didn't realize what I'd done until I smelt burning plastic. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 854
    You deserved it 942
    Share  

    Our anniversary

    By Anonymous - 27/12/2019 18:00

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, my boyfriend actually remembered our anniversary. Not our anniversary of being together, which he forgot last month, but the anniversary of him getting his first blowjob from me. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 2 532
    You deserved it 520
    Share  

    Great solution

    By sullry - 25/12/2019 05:00

    Today, I had a talk with my roommate that last semester my grades took a bit because he stays up late every night playing video games. And then asked him about playing less, so I can get more sleep. Today also, he gave me a pair of ear plugs and asked if they would solve the problem. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 632
    You deserved it 913
    Share  

    Chili beans

    By Caroline Ballard Turner - 22/12/2019 14:00

    Today, I woke up to find that there has been a water main break in my neighborhood and there is no running water until the break is located and fixed. I had chili with beans late last night and it is wreaking havoc with my lower gastrointestinal tract, and the toilet won't flush. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 2 127
    You deserved it 243
    Share  

    Fatherlessness

    By justagirl - 21/12/2019 14:00

    Today, my ex started to talk to me again after 3 years. I've been in an amazing relationship for the last 2 years. She let me know she is taking me to court for child support. I didn't even know I had a kid. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 2 549
    You deserved it 228
    Share  

    Hard test

    By Too Late - 19/12/2019 03:00 - United States - Sheboygan

    Today, I went in to take my College Placement tests. I'd spent all week ignoring actual homework to study for these tests. When I got there, the responsible told me that the tests were last week. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 865
    You deserved it 2 117
    Share  

    Last trip

    By cap - 09/12/2019 01:00 - United States - Manhattan

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I had sex with my wife, only to be told that the sex was horrible, and to be given divorce papers. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 2 334
    You deserved it 336
    Share  

    Was it me?

    By PhantomShitter - 29/11/2019 20:00 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

    Today, I read on Facebook that someone shat outside our block of flats. I laughed and showed it to my friend who was with me. She turned to me, and said, "That was you, we were locked outside last night and you needed to pee, but a poo slipped out." FML
    I agree, your life sucks 753
    You deserved it 2 392
    Share  

    Last act

    By Anonymous - 29/11/2019 18:00

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, while making out with my boyfriend of a month, he started rubbing my boobs. He told me that he wanted to get some action before he broke up with me. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 3 227
    You deserved it 290
    Share  

    Wrong number

    By Lovesickgal - 26/11/2019 14:00 - United Kingdom

    Today, my ex-boyfriend texted me, saying, "I love you." Stupidly, I was very excited and replied, "At last! I still love you", to which he replied, "wrong number sorry, I don't love you." FML
    I agree, your life sucks 2 960
    You deserved it 661
    Share  

    Bisexual!

    By Anonymous - 25/11/2019 14:00 - United States - Buffalo

    Today, I found a note in my boyfriend's phone titled "People's I've had sex with". There are also dates next to the notes which represented the day he had sex with them. Not only that it was NOT me who is the last person on the list, but I also realized that the last person on the list was my best friend. And he's a guy. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 2 790
    You deserved it 284
    Share  

    Quickie

    By tina - 22/11/2019 20:00

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I finally had sex with my new boyfriend, well… penetration anyway. Turns out, he has premature ejaculation, and no idea how bad at sex he is. He actually thought he did a good job by lasting 20 seconds. He was done after 4 thrusts and was somehow confused. I didn't orgasm either. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 3 784
    You deserved it 419
    Share  

    Psychopath's joke

    By hannieannie - 20/11/2019 01:00

    Today, I’m still recovering from last night. I fell asleep before my boyfriend. He thought it would be funny to stand at the bottom of the bed with a knife and wake me up. I screamed so much that I wet myself and had a panic attack. He recorded the whole thing. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 3 071
    You deserved it 269
    Share  

    Hide and Seek

    By Hide -n- Seek - 16/11/2019 20:00 - United States - Grand Prairie

    Today, someone left a note on the front door saying, "Let's play Hide and Seek". Whoever left the note apparently took the wheels off my truck and scattered them. So far, I've found one in my pool, and two outside my neighbor's house. I still can't find the last one. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 2 548
    You deserved it 182
    Share  

    Time wasting

    By PNeil - 13/11/2019 14:00

    Today, after having spent all of last night studying for an algebra test, I find out that the test was on a completely different chapter of my textbook. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 213
    You deserved it 1 601
    Share  

    No exit! No choice!

    By Anonymous - 13/11/2019 03:00

    Today, I was driving my car when I suddenly got diarrhea and shat my pants. I put a plastic bag under me to not let all the shit go through my pants and get to my seat. Then one of my workmates saw my car and came to say hello. She saw all the shit and the plastic bag. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 2 278
    You deserved it 306
    Share  

    Skin deep

    By Anonymous - 07/11/2019 00:15 - Australia - Hornsby

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I find out why my long term boyfriend hasn't been interested in sex for the last three months. It’s because I’m "fat." While I could probably lose a few, I'm not obese and I'm the one who's encouraging healthy eating and exercise in our house. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 2 015
    You deserved it 402
    Share  

    Bite me

    By Anonymous - 30/10/2019 02:00

    Today, after two root canal procedures done on the same tooth in last two years, the tooth had been acting up for a few days, so I went in to get it checked. Turns out, it got infected AGAIN and I gotta get a THIRD root canal done on the same tooth. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 914
    You deserved it 198
    Share  

    Free the Flow!

    By Lunar-Spice - 23/10/2019 14:00

    Today, I went to take a shower. I noticed a funky smell, but I just assumed it was from whoever had been there last. When I pulled the shower curtain back, I found out that my sister has stopped using feminine hygiene products for her period. It looked like someone had died in the bathtub. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 897
    You deserved it 187
    Share  

    On call

    By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 16:00

    Today, my boyfriend accused me of not coming home at all last week. The truth is, I was up and gone to work before him every morning, and I was home after he went to bed. He didn’t even bother talking to me or asking where I was last week, we both work 24/7 on-call jobs, and he knows this happens sometimes. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 679
    You deserved it 164
    Share  

    Fishing

    By Anonymous - 14/10/2019 18:00

    Today, I was looking at my boyfriend's rarely-used Facebook page as he was next to me. Last time he was online over a year ago, he had something up that said, "Still looking for that perfect girl." I jokingly said he should update it. He responded, "Why? It's still true." FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 816
    You deserved it 362
    Share  

    Mess incoming

    By Anonymous - 14/10/2019 16:00

    Today, my apartment management notified me that my water was going to be shut off all day so they could fix the plumbing. I took a laxative last night. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 752
    You deserved it 180
    Share  

    You wanker!

    By Anonymous - 06/10/2019 22:00

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, my brother arrived at the cabin we’re staying at on a trip. He insisted he got the bed I chose. My father responded, "You wouldn’t want the bed if you knew what he did in it last night." I laughed until I realized there's a mirror where he could've easily seen "what I did last night." FML
    I agree, your life sucks 949
    You deserved it 2 144
    Share  

    The Graduate

    By Anonymous - 06/10/2019 20:00

    Today, I graduated with my Bachelor's degree. The excitement didn't last too long because I broke my elbow by tripping over a stick at my graduation dinner. Definitely not intoxicated, just clumsy. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 607
    You deserved it 177
    Share  

    Technically, that's stealing

    By Elizabeth Ann - 04/10/2019 22:00

    Today, I told my mom about the $50 I'd hidden in case of an emergency, and how I couldn't find it. She said she'd borrowed it last week. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 683
    You deserved it 185
    Share  
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    Today, my boss is on the phone with a Russian customer, who keeps saying, "Speak Russian please!" My boss asks me to translate, as he hired me for my knowledge of Russian. He says something, I translate in Russian, then the customer says, "Speak English please!" FML
    I agree, your life sucks 26 388
    You deserved it 2 093
    Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend when I began dozing off. I was then awoken by an explosive fart. It was me. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 32 774
    You deserved it 5 536
    Today, I got into THE party of the year. Too bad it was the party my daughter was throwing while her father and I were out of town. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 43 243
    You deserved it 5 611
    Today, I got to spend 4 hours on a bus with a group of selfie-taking teenagers who spent the majority of the time trying to harmonize while singing various songs. I'm pretty sure half of them were tone deaf. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 41 356
    You deserved it 4 147
    Today, I was excited to see my ex-girlfriend. We had broken up while I was in Iraq and I wanted to try to get her back. I spent my first day back looking for a place to live while her and her new boyfriend got it on as I slept. I had chosen that apartment for us and paid for that bed. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 42 922
    You deserved it 5 832
    Today, my cat decided to use my keyboard as a scratching post, and now my computer won't work. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 692
    You deserved it 218
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