By Anonymous - 25/1/2020 01:00 - Sweden - ?ngelholm

One night

Today, I woke up from putting my child to bed. Drowsy, I stumbled down to the kitchen to make a mug cookie. I read a recipe on my phone, and put a knob of butter in a cup to melt in the microwave. I put my phone in the microwave and turned it on for 30 seconds, and didn't realize until I smelt burning plastic.. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1726

You deserved it

823

Tweet

Share

Small town blues

Cake is everything

Not gonna happen

By Anonymous - United States - North Andover

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to bend my iPhone 6 like there's no tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43538

You deserved it

14272

Tweet

Share

By Hikara - Australia

Today, my girlfriend and I were watching TV. She starts to undo my belt buckle, unzips my fly and then takes my pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited, she says to me, "Just joking." FML

I agree, your life sucks

165080

You deserved it

24299

Tweet

Share

By KidJwal - United States

Today, I had to explain to a cop that the reason I was speeding was because my girlfriend was in the hospital due to a car accident. He was working the accident just ten minutes before and saw me leave behind the ambulance. He still gave me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38407

You deserved it

6921

Tweet

Share

By Egyptian ToyBoy - 17/12/2019 20:00

Seventh heaven

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She had such an uncontrollable aggressive orgasm. I'd celebrate my efforts only if she didn't knock over my new expensive laptop, when then split in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1748

You deserved it

421

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I was scrolling through Instagram when I got a new follow suggestion. I checked her feed, and found out it was my ex-fiancé’s newest fiancée. And he'd proposed to her using an $185 ring I'd bought myself for my birthday last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1691

You deserved it

148

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my new coworker asked if I knew her daughter. I responded yes and asked how her pregnancy was going. She didn't know her daughter was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44667

You deserved it

6793

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, the gas company had to be called into work for a possible gas leak. The pipes are fine. I had White Castle for dinner last night. I'm the gas leak. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3744

You deserved it

1179

Tweet

Share

By thatonesilentkidinclass - Philippines - San Juan

Today, I finally started exercising. I'm a rather obese person and I'm super pumped up to finally get off my lazy butt and lose some weight. Locking myself in my room, I first started with a very simple exercise: jumping jacks. I farted each time I jumped. I jumped 10 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49600

You deserved it

12099

Tweet

Share

By just a joke - 8/6/2020 20:08

He has issues

Today, I playfully drew thick eyebrows on my one-year-old son to make him look like a cartoon villain. He laughed cutely in the mirror as I took some adorable pictures. When my husband saw, he threw such a horrendous fit about boys and makeup, I was reduced to tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2388

You deserved it

302

Tweet

Share

By thismakesmesad - United States

Today, I received an email from my boyfriend. It contained a link to a site that was titled "How to Give Head". It also said "Have a nice day!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

30279

You deserved it

7538

Tweet

Share

By Whywhywhy

Today, my daughter decided to draw me a heart for my birthday. Unfortunately, she drew it on the side of my car. With a rock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4227

You deserved it

358

Tweet

Share

By heather - Canada

Today, I told my husband that I was going to get a swimsuit from the Victoria's Secret catalog. He replied, "Are you going to get the body to go with it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

40593

You deserved it

10396

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was puked on for the third time in three years at our annual choir concert. What makes it so significant? The fact that the same guy pukes on me every year from stage fright. We're arranged alphabetically, and he's always in the row RIGHT above me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58120

You deserved it

4635

Tweet

Share

By knolan - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend has checked every girl he has ever slept with for 'vagina teeth'. I'm apparently no exception. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41241

You deserved it

5787

Tweet

Share

By imatool - United States

Today, I learned that my wife had an affair with another guy. She met him while we were on a trip in another state for marriage counseling. The reason we were in marriage counseling was because she had no desire for sex, and we had gone for two years without it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63588

You deserved it

4778

Tweet

Share

By LifeSucks - Canada

Today, as I was taking my three year old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66439

You deserved it

3936

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/8/2020 17:01

Shocking

Today, I tried to hang up a light and, in my clumsiness, got shocked. My dad started screaming at me for yelling out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1177

You deserved it

205

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/4/2020 20:00

That escalated quickly

Today, I chipped my front tooth trying to pick up my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1220

You deserved it

276

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Criminal Minds

Today, I had to go to the ER because of a terrible allergic reaction I had to the cookies my "friend" made for me. She assured me several times that there were no nuts in them. Turns out, she put nuts in them on purpose, to see whether or not I was really allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2520

You deserved it

109

Tweet

Share

By Fatty - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I was walking in the mall with my friends when one of them pointed at a store and commented, "Bae Goals." My fat ass thought she said "bagels" and I actually got excited at the thought of eating a bagel, even after I realized my mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1421

You deserved it

427

Tweet

Share

By naagodinho - Portugal

Today, I applied to a new gym. Now I have a hernia. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22818

You deserved it

4739

Tweet

Share

By poops - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend and her best friend compare the dumps they take to common transportation. They comment about it on each others facebook page. My girlfriend's last one was apparently a 'coach bus'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24988

You deserved it

3725

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, at my engagement party, I overheard my future father-in-law saying he was happy his son was marrying "the dumb, pretty one" because all the "smart ones" he dated at university were "nerds with small tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks

4493

You deserved it

362

Tweet

Share

By ThaBoss12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I saw what my mom handed out for trick-or-treaters last night. Toothbrushes. Yup, we're that house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38643

You deserved it

3508

Tweet

Share

By 2for1 - Norway - Sandefjord

Today, after being constipated for four days post-surgery, I have gotten diarrhea. It doesn't actually help getting the hard plug out, but it has found slow passages around it, so I’m still left to my own devices. This is not the kind of gold I’d like to be digging for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1681

You deserved it

133

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Windsor

Today, my boyfriend said "You're a real work of art. You know, the abstract kind that no one likes. Anyway, we need to break up." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41123

You deserved it

3697

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out why my husband had wanted to wait until marriage to get it on. Last night was the first night of our honeymoon, and he informed me that he wasn't always Ben, but used to be Brenda. His 'penis' doesn't work and he had wanted to know I "truly loved him" before he had let me know. FML

I agree, your life sucks

201822

You deserved it

21675

Tweet

Share

By d4rkxf0x - United States - Lindale

Today, I found the iPod touch that my mother claimed was stolen at the mall a few years ago, lying on her bed, still logged in to her Facebook. Thanks, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48948

You deserved it

4196

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on the subway head bobbing to my favorite track when the guy across from me gets up, punches me in the face and says, "Don't nod at my wife like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33857

You deserved it

3957

Tweet

Share

By Michael - 14/10/2020 23:02 - United States - Kearny

Stahp!

Today, I had to babysit my dying grandmother, so I brought up my guitar. She hadn't said anything to anyone today, and the first thing and only thing she said was, "Stop. Make it stop" to me when I played. FML

I agree, your life sucks

913

You deserved it

341

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my wife came home drunk, telling me all about this amazing man she met at the club with her friends, and how she wanted to have sex with him but couldn't because she was on her period. What a present. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31354

You deserved it

2520

Tweet

Share

By Confused and Disgusted - United States - Sparta

Today, while at work, a customer came up to me, stuck his finger in my armpit, then licked his finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31163

You deserved it

2407

Tweet

Share

By Worst Way To Get Promoted

Promoted!

Today, I walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room of our restaurant. I pretended I didn't see him and quickly closed the door. About five minutes later, he came out, cupped my face in his hands and told me I was getting promoted. I'm happy, but scarred for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1886

You deserved it

137

Tweet

Share

By lisa321 - United States

Today, I went to Starbucks to get coffee. The employees told me that there was no more coffee. I started cursing at them and told them that I am in a really big hurry, and that I need coffee every day. They had been yelling back the whole time. Little did I realize, they were saying April Fool's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11498

You deserved it

116002

Tweet

Share

By admin1771 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I'm supposed to go to my girlfriend's house for Christmas with her family. I got a text from her saying that her dad found our used condom package from last night. I'm supposed to be there in 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9909

You deserved it

3143

Tweet

Share

By talktothefacecausethehandswanking - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, my husband decided he would rather rage-wank to my mum's Facebook profile picture than make love to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50328

You deserved it

5278

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, a lady came into my workplace to pay her $120 bill in one dollar bills. I kept losing count. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25733

You deserved it

12604

Tweet

Share

By cycler - United States

Today, I ran over a chipmunk. On my bike. Its mangled carcass got caught in the spokes and decided to join me on my ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31852

You deserved it

12586

Tweet

Share

By cockalicious

Today, my boyfriend let me know he wanted me to leave by repeatedly jabbing me with my car keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28619

You deserved it

5002

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I explained to my sister that the reason she isn't getting job offers is probably because her résumé is in Comic Sans and contains TXT language and a lot of typos. She thanked me for my help by calling me a "clueless horse-fucker" and telling me to shut my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30535

You deserved it

2427

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By mfranks19891989 | 10

#7876868 - Saturday 25 January 2020 2:43

Well that’s one way to charge your phone.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7876862 - Saturday 25 January 2020 1:44

And that's when you decide to go to an AA meeting.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 28

#7876862 - Saturday 25 January 2020 1:44

And that's when you decide to go to an AA meeting.

By anonurmom | 12

#7876863 - Saturday 25 January 2020 1:49

Repost.

By mfranks19891989 | 10

#7876868 - Saturday 25 January 2020 2:43

Well that’s one way to charge your phone.

By NIGHTHAWK12304 | 1

#7876885 - Saturday 25 January 2020 6:47

how are you posting this?

By Mungolikecandy | 19

#7876888 - Saturday 25 January 2020 8:04

I would imagine the sparks and loud crackling from the reaction to the metal parts would have been the first sign.

By Cindell Hanson | 7

#7877056 - Saturday 25 January 2020 22:57

This makes no sense.

By J15237 | 21

#7877948 - Wednesday 29 January 2020 3:32

um tired or not how did you fuck this up?