Love, Cheating and Movies: No Way Home

No Way Home

By HeartbrokenAsFffff - 12/01/2022 07:59

Today, I found out that my husband wasn’t at “work” like he said he was. He'd told me he couldn’t come to my Master degree graduation because he was called into “work” last minute. I guess “work” is code word for the “movie theatre” watching Spider-Man with an unidentified female person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 189

You deserved it 80

Love Cheating Movies

Another great day to be alive

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Don't Give Up

By whoahshloann - 30/05/2009 23:48 - United States

Today, I was watching Harry Potter. When all the students at Hogwarts started to clap at one point, I started clapping myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 839

You deserved it 53 988

By Username - 22/02/2010 05:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was telling me about accidentally punching his best friend in the face. As he was acting it out he ended up punching me and giving me a bloody nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 037

You deserved it 3 311

By Anonymous - 16/02/2014 19:21 - United States - Glasgow

Today, I walked in on my dad singing along to a song on Sesame Street. He tried to divert attention from what I'd just witnessed by angrily grilling me over "just barging in" and not respecting people's privacy. Apparently he forgot that we were in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 132

You deserved it 3 842

By mmoments - 17/11/2015 19:01 - United States

Today, I took a picture of the combination to my new lock so I would always have it on my phone if I ever forgot it. I put my phone in my gym locker, locked it with the new lock, then promptly forgot the combination. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 881

You deserved it 26 671

By Anonymous - 01/06/2012 14:29 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I had so much to do, I didn't know where to start. So I didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 988

You deserved it 46 569

Baby don't hurt me...

By whatislife1969 - 08/09/2017 10:00

Today, my friends got me a cake for my birthday. As I blew out the candles, they shoved my head into it and I was knocked out for 3 minutes before an ambulance took me to the hospital. I got a concussion from a cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 542

You deserved it 242

By Noname - 29/10/2011 11:02 - United States

Today, I drove home on my birthday, and my mom said she'd meet me there. I was a little surprised to get home and find she wasn't there, but even more shocked to see my rabbit run over in my driveway. Turns out he'd gotten loose and my mom had run him over, panicked, and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 022

You deserved it 2 406

By ohwell - 24/11/2014 13:44 - Sweden - Tullinge

Today, I met my best friend's girlfriend for the first time. After a few hours of talking and eating, she followed me to the bathroom and said, dead serious, ''If you ever touch him or get too close to him, I will cut you''. I've known him for twelve years, they have been dating for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 841

You deserved it 3 278

Gross!

By mybfpeedonme - 30/09/2017 16:00

Today, a bug crawled inside my ear. In a panic, I called my boyfriend to come over and help me. His mother told him to put pee in my ear to kill the bug so it would just fall out. I ended up in the hospital because the pee made the bug want to claw its way out through my eardrum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 755

You deserved it 1 565

By dumb tourists - 31/03/2013 06:19 - China - Beijing

Today, a blonde tourist came up to me and asked me for directions to the nearest train station. I politely directed her there, and she left. Five minutes later, she came back and slapped me for not bringing her to an "English-speaking station". We're in China, lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 863

You deserved it 2 923

By Anonymous - 26/07/2014 02:06 - United States - Deatsville

Today, I have really painful pimples on my upper lip. I'm a professional trombonist, and every note causes excruciating pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 449

You deserved it 5 180

By weeble_wobbles09 - 08/01/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, I was texting this guy that I hooked up with yesterday. We were gonna do it again but he had basketball practice. I was talking to my friend about it, and sent her a text saying "Oh well. I have explosive diarrhea anyways." She wasn't replying, so I checked my sent box. I sent it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 409

You deserved it 25 721

By Anonymous - 01/09/2013 23:55 - United States

Today, while on vacation, I called my home phone to check the messages. Someone answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 087

You deserved it 2 805

Covidiots are why we can't have nice things

By Fakin' It - 18/07/2021 20:01

Today, I finally got an answer as to why I've felt like crap this past week when I tested positive for COVID. My wife, a healthcare professional, is now madly Googling proof that COVID is fake, because she thinks it an elaborate ruse for me to not visit her grandmother next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 179

You deserved it 120

By Sam - 30/10/2008 14:51 - Canada

Today, I did a barbecue. My boss won't believe me tomorrow when I tell him that the main pages of his 2-months work file helped make the best sausages I've ever done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 195

You deserved it 30 691

What's your damage?

By Anonymous - 22/07/2020 02:02

Today, I put my car in the garage last night so it wouldn't get damaged by a huge thunderstorm. Golf clubs fell on it while it was stowed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 155

You deserved it 314

By Anonymous - 16/12/2013 07:55

Today, I realized how bad my depression has gotten when I caught myself fantasizing about suicide while having sex with my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 825

You deserved it 7 392

By Anonymous - 17/01/2012 06:13 - Canada

Today, I broke my wrist when I got into a disagreement with a horse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 108

You deserved it 11 235

By cass - 10/05/2016 18:37 - United States

Today, is my high school graduation. Last night I read online that you can use apple cider vinegar to help with head dandruff, so I tried it out. Now, no matter how much product or perfume I use, I still smell like a giant walking fart. My graduation is in a couple of hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 575

You deserved it 5 089

By Anonymous - 16/04/2015 02:41 - Australia

Today, I got up feeling refreshed and positive for the first time in ages, so I happily threw my window open to greet the beautiful morning. A bee flew into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 731

You deserved it 3 119

Shut up already!

By Anonymous - 30/12/2021 17:01

Today, I thought working through the holidays would mean little to do and the boss telling me stories all day. Actually, it meant having loads to do, while my boss was telling me stories regardless, effectively keeping me from doing the work he is paying me for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 142

By T-Pain - 22/04/2009 17:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend stopped making out with me to watch a thirty minute infomercial on the Topsy-Turvy upside down tomato planter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 310

You deserved it 7 081

By ugh Buck! - 11/09/2013 16:57 - United States

Today, I was watching a movie on TV. One of the characters has the same name as my dog, and when his name was called, my dog got so excited that he jumped face-first into my TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 977

You deserved it 4 422

Whoops

By ER1C - 16/05/2016 12:35 - Canada

Today, as I was walking my dog around the block, I fell in the splits position on wet dirt and ripped my pants right on the front. I then had to walk home casually holding a chihuahua on my crotch hoping I would not run into anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 423

You deserved it 1 199

By Stupid_Chick - 01/06/2010 01:09 - Canada

Today, I found out that my family hides food from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 178

You deserved it 19 219

By Anonymous - 15/09/2014 15:51 - United States - West Newton

Today, I babysat a 10 year old from hell. She kept insulting me, saying I have tiny boobs, that boys must hate me, and that I'm ugly. I eventually got fed up and put her to bed. When her parents came back, she ran out of her room in tears and told them I'd beaten her. They believed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 064

You deserved it 2 926

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 20:55 - United States

Today, I tried to email my Dad a picture of someone we knew that I'd found on the Internet. He called me later to inform me that I had actually sent him a picture of myself in a naughty school girl outfit that I'd taken for my husband. My mom was laughing her ass off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 606

You deserved it 43 746

By Mallory - 27/11/2011 23:53 - United States

Today, after admitting he had feelings for me, my crush returned from out of town. He'd said that while he was gone, he'd meet people, but only think of me. He came back no longer single. He's known her for 4 days. We've known each other for 6 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 777

You deserved it 3 954

By Anonymous - 06/09/2017 07:00 - United States - Eugene

Today, while showing off the sharpness of my new katana, I missed my target and hit my shoe. The strike cut into the second toe of my right foot, which then had to be amputated. Demonstration successful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 792

You deserved it 4 906

By sourcandy013 - 21/11/2011 02:21 - United States

Today, my 11 year-old sister unfriended me on Facebook because I'm not "cool enough" to be seen on her profile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 595

You deserved it 5 579

By appendicitisanyone - 28/12/2016 17:44 - United States - Fairfield

Today, I awoke to the pain of appendicitis. Apparently it isn't a good enough reason to miss court. I now have a warrant out for my arrest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 735

You deserved it 613

By Ohshit - 17/05/2009 06:42 - United States

Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 354

You deserved it 92 572

By num1piglover - 16/11/2016 22:55 - United States - Raritan

Today, my dad told my mom to only drop off my sister for Thanksgiving and not me. Guess I was wrong about him wanting to work on our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 656

You deserved it 714

Hungry boi

By jesstracy - 04/10/2017 09:00 - United States - Naperville

Today, I took my dog to the emergency vet at 4 in the morning because he ate something he shouldn't have. I spent hundreds of dollars on tests, all to find out he'll pass it. What did he eat? My silicon strap-on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 818

You deserved it 1 143

By sadsadperson - 07/09/2011 08:51 - Australia

Today, I lied to my diary about getting laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 839

You deserved it 30 767

On the ball

By angie24w - 19/06/2020 07:55

Today, after an emergency doctor told me to go to the pharmacy to get Zantac for possible stomach ulcers, I was told by the pharmacist that it was actually recalled a year ago. I had to pay almost double the price for another antacid. Thanks a lot for knowing your stuff, ER doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 262

You deserved it 161

By Anonymous - 17/07/2012 13:54 - Greece - Athens

Today, I gave up smoking. A few hours later, I caught myself daydreaming about brutally killing a guy that gave me a mean look at the bus. Maybe I should go back to smoking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 242

You deserved it 5 708

By ouch - 14/06/2012 11:26 - Australia - Collaroy

Today, my psychiatrist asked me if I felt bad about my weight. When I said no, he looked surprised and said, "Why not?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 916

You deserved it 5 005

By Username - 13/08/2011 11:45 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a scary movie. I was starting to get a small headache so he gently brushed my hair. During a scary part he jumped and hit me in the head as hard as he could with the brush. I'm still recovering from the migraine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 598

You deserved it 5 506

By Nudge23 - 26/09/2011 07:26 - Australia

Today, I cleared out the messages in my voicemail. Of the 50+ messages, most were from my mother wanting to know when I'd be home. I'm 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 754

You deserved it 4 646

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Top comments

RichardPencil 30

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Wednesday 12 January 2022 17:10

"Work" isn't code for "watching" Spider-Man with an unidentified female. It's for doing "other things" with said female.

Plop 16

Send a private message

Wednesday 12 January 2022 11:58

Well, you gotta understand, he needs to find his Mary Jane in case you end up like Gwen Stacy!

Comments

Plop 16

Send a private message

Wednesday 12 January 2022 11:58

Well, you gotta understand, he needs to find his Mary Jane in case you end up like Gwen Stacy!

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Wednesday 12 January 2022 17:10

"Work" isn't code for "watching" Spider-Man with an unidentified female. It's for doing "other things" with said female.

theark 10

Send a private message

Thursday 13 January 2022 7:34

I'm so sorry that's terrible

Nearly

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 3

Today, my girlfriend called off our plans to get married, all because I didn't “make enough time” while I was busy renovating the house for her parents to come over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 478

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 578

You deserved it 727