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Submit your FML

Have you just experienced an FML moment?

Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Your instinct was right, because it’s good to laugh life off. Follow the instructions below, and if your story gets through the moderation process, it'll published in the next 24 hours or so.


    Remaining characters: 320

    Your story must start with “Today,” and end with “FML”. TXT language is forbidden and spelling mistakes hurt people’s eyeballs, so the use of either would result in the direct dismissal of your FML. Don’t use this space for discussions, advertising or spam, or for posting anything which isn’t an FML. Furthermore, it’s not possible to obtain badges by posting keywords, so stop believing things you’ve read on message boards. Don’t try reposting old FMLs, we’re not that daft.


    Please read our guidelines for posting

    Empathy is a hell of a drug

    By UmOk - 01/05/2022 12:00 - United States

    Today, I ran into my former therapist. Still confused by her last email, I asked what she needed to "protect herself" from. She said she needed to protect herself from feeling sad and worrying that I'd get beaten up. I'm afraid I now understand why this country is so messed up. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 945
    You deserved it 139
    Share  

    The wedding is going to be cocobananas

    By Anonymous - 30/04/2022 18:00

    Today, we announced our engagement. His mother immediately accused me of being a manipulative, gold digging whore. She's been fine with me for the last 5 years of dating, plus I used all my savings to support my boyfriend when he wanted to go back to college, but as soon as the ring appeared, I'm a gold digger. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 172
    You deserved it 80
    Share  

    Thanks, spellcheck

    By fuckspellcheck - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

    Today, I realized the senior thesis I turned in last week uses the word "asses" instead of "assess" 17 times. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 24 035
    You deserved it 62 708
    Share  

    This is going to be great!

    By Anonymous - 29/04/2022 10:00 - United States - Morristown

    Today, after we got married five months ago, my wife and I planned a trip to France and Spain as a honeymoon. We’re supposed to be leaving on Saturday. She just told me last night, “I am so not looking forward to the trip.” FML
    I agree, your life sucks 971
    You deserved it 131
    Share  

    Bigmouth strikes again and again

    By O Boy - 28/04/2022 06:00 - United States - Pleasantville

    Today, my coworker left a tiny mess in the break room. I cleaned it up and jokingly said, "Your mother isn't here to clean up after you." She started crying. I forgot her mom died last week. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 319
    You deserved it 1 306
    Share  

    Standing to attention

    By Anonymous - 27/04/2022 02:00

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I told my girlfriend that for whatever reason I find it really difficult to orgasm stood up in the shower, she immediately demanded sex in the shower on the basis that without my orgasm maybe I’ll finally last long enough for her to orgasm first, or even at all. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 461
    You deserved it 2 213
    Share  

    Jed Bartlet?

    By Anonymous - 25/04/2022 22:00 - United States

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I've come to the conclusion that the best way to remember when my wife of 17 years and I last got intimate was to remember which American president was in power at the time. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 205
    You deserved it 202
    Share  

    BEHAVE!

    By Reeve of the Shires - 23/04/2022 22:00 - United Kingdom

    Today, my son and I were arguing, and my wife yelled at us that the reason we don't get along is because we have identical personalities. She then kicked us out until we learn to get along, so we're sleeping in the freezing caravan, sharing a blanket that's only 6 feet wide and was last used for the cat to give birth. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 347
    You deserved it 1 293
    Share  

    When the going gets tough…

    By Anonymous - 22/04/2022 04:00

    Today, I ordered in a kebab and decided to play Billy Ocean on full blast as I waited. The delivery driver reached the lobby, and as I run down, I left my keys behind. So here I am, eating a kebab, outside my house, whilst "Love Really Hurts Without You" plays on the other end of the door. The person with the keys comes in an hour. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 323
    You deserved it 839
    Share  

    English very good

    By Anonymous - 16/04/2022 16:00

    Today, I slept in my parents’ room because there was a mouse in mine. My father speaks English as a second language, and is telling everyone that we’re sleeping with each other. Thankfully I’m old enough for it to just sound gross, not illegal. The last thing we need is a CPS visit. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 897
    You deserved it 141
    Share  

    Guilty feet have got no rhythm

    By Anonymous - 16/04/2022 14:00

    Today, I found out my wife of 19 years has been cheating on me. She told me that all the "cheating music" that she's been playing the last year and a half should've been a good enough hint. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 169
    You deserved it 110
    Share  

    Charmed

    By Anonymous - 16/04/2022 10:00

    Today, I couldn't figure out why my crush hasn't spoken to me since last October. My other coworkers finally explained that she's still angry at me because I kept referring to her Halloween costume as a "sexy witch costume". As fate would have it, it was just a regular witch costume. It wasn't supposed to be sexy. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 690
    You deserved it 649
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    Slumlords

    By Nelson - 11/04/2022 12:00 - Netherlands

    Today, and for the last two weeks, my asshole landlord refuses to fix the hot water supply. My shower is now so cold that peeing on myself while washing is actually helping. I need a new place. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 116
    You deserved it 94
    Share  

    Poisoning attempt

    By Anonymous - 10/04/2022 10:00

    Today, my mother-in-law tried to prove I was lying about my seafood allergy by adding minced prawns to the tomato sauce. In the last 24 hours, I have vomited and shit so much, plus the lost water weight from the sweating, I’ve lost almost 9lbs in body weight. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 464
    You deserved it 111
    Share  

    Love is Hell

    By StraightAF - 05/04/2022 00:01

    Today, I’ve been single for so long that my mom’s friends ask her if I’m a lesbian, all because I’m 35 and not married yet. Truth is, my last relationship fucked me up so bad that the thought of falling in love with someone again makes me physically ill. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 089
    You deserved it 130
    Share  

    Burn the stock market down

    By Anonymous - 03/04/2022 10:00

    Today, after I sold the bulk of my employer-granted stocks last week, assuming its the highest price the stock would reach in a while, it's now nearly 30% higher to the price I sold at. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 737
    You deserved it 421
    Share  

    Guys night, woohoo!

    By Anonymous - 01/04/2022 06:00

    Today, I asked my wife if I could go out for guys night. She said yes, and that it sounded so fun she decided to come too. Guys night was ruined. We couldn’t do anything without feeling her silently judging us. Guys night lasted two hours before they all left sober and pissed as hell at me. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 765
    You deserved it 2 629
    Share  

    Return to lender

    By Anonymous - 31/03/2022 22:00 - United Kingdom - Norwich

    Today, I woke up and found a trail of £5 notes in my bedroom, which led all the way downstairs and into the bathroom. I got to the last one, where I was then kicked in the balls from behind. It was my sister. She said it was the money she'd borrowed from me. I was left in my underwear writhing in pain. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 357
    You deserved it 166
    Share  

    At long last

    By Lonile13 - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Philippines

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, after two years and five months, my boyfriend finally found my clitoris. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 19 026
    You deserved it 6 110
    Share  

    It sure does

    By dreams2383 - 30/03/2022 06:00 - United States - Minneapolis

    Today, after I fell on ice twice hitting my tailbone last week. I'm in excruciating pain but can't get out of work, no internet for over a week so I can't do college work, a guy ran into my car, totaling it. it's 20 years-old so insurance probably won't give me enough to replace. Bad luck comes in threes. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 043
    You deserved it 112
    Share  

    Bullet control

    By Anonymous - 28/03/2022 22:00

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, after I was shot in the hip years ago and the doctors left the bullet inside, they damn well better remove the bullet now because over the last 10 years, it's moved enough to start compressing a nerve, so now my penis is numb to all sensation, and I can’t get a boner anymore. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 987
    You deserved it 164
    Share  

    Dating hell

    By Anonymous - 28/03/2022 14:00

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I went on a blind date with a guy. We went back to his place, and after getting it on, he rolled onto his back and told me, "You can put that on your Bumble profile, you got a good dicking" then helicoptered his dick around, thinking it was sexy. I missed the last train, so I walked home after that. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 286
    You deserved it 719
    Share  

    Act your age

    By Anonymous - 17/03/2022 10:00

    Today, we're finally at an age where my wife will try to negotiate how old she has to admit to being. It’s ridiculous. At her last doctor's appointment, she was asked her age, she’s 52 but claimed to be only 40, and I had to argue her up to admitting to 48. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 973
    You deserved it 126
    Share  

    Compromising position

    By Hjeimoe - 09/03/2022 12:00

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I’m in the hospital with a broken leg and a bruised left backside, because my boyfriend’s wife came home earlier than expected from work and my only escape was from the second story window. Turns out, plastic trash cans are not very cushion-y. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 189
    You deserved it 4 602
    Share  

    The grass is never actually greener

    By Anonymous - 08/03/2022 06:00

    Today, I felt a fear that my relationship with my boyfriend isn’t going to last. There’s nothing inherently wrong, yet I find myself thinking of breaking up with him. A lot. I love him and feel like I’m already part of his family, and that's something I don’t want to let go. I don’t know what to do. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 699
    You deserved it 362
    Share  

    MY WIFE!

    By Fmlloser - 07/03/2022 00:01

    Today, I came home from work to find my things outside my yard and the door locks changed. I called my wife to let me in and she told me to go live with, “That homewrecking whore who texted you last night” instead. She’s talking about my cousin, who informed me via text that my aunt’s in the hospital. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 485
    You deserved it 112
    Share  

    Coming in last

    By coriander - 05/03/2022 00:01

    Today, my evil twin sister was preparing for her prom. When I saw her trying on her dress, she looked at me and said, “First to get a boyfriend, a prom date, and into college. Maybe you’ll die first?” FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 020
    You deserved it 103
    Share  

    Kittenblocked

    By Anonymous - 04/03/2022 22:00

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, my husband has shown more love and affection to our new kitten in the last week than he has to me. That cat sits on his lap more than I do. I’m a 26 year-old woman, I have needs, dammit. The cat is literally sitting on and blocking access to what I want most on a Friday night. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 028
    You deserved it 511
    Share  

    Divorce, the ultimate turn on

    By Anonymous - 04/03/2022 00:00

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I’m confused as hell. Since we got divorced, my ex-wife and I have had more sex in the last 6 months than our entire 5 year marriage. Since our split, we can’t keep our hands off each other, and I’m in a state of permanent confusion about our future relationship. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 366
    You deserved it 369
    Share  

    That stupid saying should die

    By screw my grades then right?! - 02/03/2022 16:00

    Today, I was doing homework in the living room when my mom came in and started blasting music and cleaning. When I asked if she could turn it off so I could study, she bitched at me about "My house, my rules." She also has a rule that we can’t do homework in our rooms because of too many distractions. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 255
    You deserved it 127
    Share  
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    Today, my friend let me borrow a pair of jeans. I found out I'm allergic to her laundry detergent when I broke out in a rash everywhere that the jeans touched. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 23 928
    You deserved it 2 037
    Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 43 049
    You deserved it 19 758
    Today, I woke up to a mouse sitting on my pillow and chewing on my hair. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 40 671
    You deserved it 3 733
    Today, my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I managed to pin him down and win. He saw my grin, snorted, and bitterly said I'd only won because, "let's face it, you're a bit of a porker, eh babe?" FML
    I agree, your life sucks 39 085
    You deserved it 5 885
    Today, after having spent days working on it, I finished off a really elaborate seasonal greetings card for my boss. When I gave it to him, he took one look at it, flicked it in his trash can and said, "Fuck off, Steve." So much for a Christmas bonus. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 23 563
    You deserved it 19 091
    Today, I was sick and tired of my husband talking to his female friend from high school all the time. They reconnected after 7 years and have been talking non-stop day and night, to the point of neglecting the marriage. I told him it was either me or her. He took off his ring and kicked me out of our house. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 252
    You deserved it 356
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