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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I overheard a conversation two of my friends were having about Homer, so I interjected with a quip about a Simpson's episode I had seen before. They were talking about the poet. I'm an AP literature student. FML

#718521
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13243) - you deserved it (66626)

On 03/31/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by apenglishstudent (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I asked my boyfriend of almost ten months who his top five women to have it off with would be. I was third. My mom was second. FML

#710815
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (97562) - you deserved it (16098)

On 03/30/2009 at 8:39pm - misc - by lucky (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was hooking up with my girlfriend when her dad knocked on the clear door that leads to the room. About 5 minutes later both of her parents came in to give us the "talk" which included the first time her parents did it. In detail. FML

#705801
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53867) - you deserved it (16744)

On 03/30/2009 at 5:44pm - misc - by talkssuck (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my parents punished me and made me wash my mouth out with soap for cursing. I'm almost 19. I said the word "hell". FML

#703894
320 comments

I agree, your life sucks (191929) - you deserved it (31342)

On 03/30/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by jdsksoapy (woman) - United States

Today, my mom has been calling me every ten minutes, asking me questions about her new computer. She called me at work, and I rudely answered her question. She called back, talked to my boss, saying she was a customer that called in, and I was rude to her. FML

#701960
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81570) - you deserved it (15762)

On 03/30/2009 at 2:08pm - misc - by Tiak (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was going through airport security. As my bags were being scanned, I was told that I was selected for extra searching. Right as the security guard was about to frisk me, he froze up and asked me, "You're a male, right?" I am, and I used to think that it was obvious. FML

#701827
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66392) - you deserved it (4404)

On 03/30/2009 at 1:44pm - misc - by androgynous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a mother wrote me a $130 check for babysitting her four kids for a few hours. Trying to be gracious, I said, "Wow, thank you, this is very generous!" She thought for a minute, then said, "You're right." She took the check back, ripped it up, and wrote me a new one for $55. FML

#699603
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74719) - you deserved it (28327)

On 03/30/2009 at 9:34am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I finally passed a math exam. I go home super excited to tell my mom, yelling "Mom! Guess what!?!?!" She turns to me all happy and goes "You finally got a boyfriend!?!?!?" FML

#698857
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61630) - you deserved it (6772)

On 03/30/2009 at 6:14am - misc - by wasntme (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, I was working out at the gym doing squats. There was a girl there that I wanted to impress so I loaded up the bar with a lot of weight and began to do my squat. As I was going down I farted so loud that I began to laugh and fell backwards. Everyone in the room just stared at me. FML

#697920
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21364) - you deserved it (71321)

On 03/30/2009 at 3:06am - misc - by Mark (man) - United States

Today, I was at work at Panera. A blind woman came in, ordered and said other blind people were going to come in soon, because they were having a meeting. Later, a man comes in and ask if any other blind people had showed up. I told him there was just one in here wearing a blue shirt. FML

#697530
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18157) - you deserved it (85350)

On 03/30/2009 at 2:18am - misc - by superstar (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I volunteered at a nursing home. I approached a lonely, old man who had a type of nervous tick. I went over to speak to him, and not even four sentences into our conversation he says, "I'd really like to make love to you." What I thought was a tick was actually him stroking himself. FML

#697390
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64302) - you deserved it (4035)

On 03/30/2009 at 2:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I asked a boy I like to prom by writing all over his car. After nervously sitting by the phone all day, I decided to go out to get lunch. I found the word "No!" written all over my car. FML

#696995
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35058) - you deserved it (60650)

On 03/30/2009 at 1:39am - misc - by lauren (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, two really hot guys pulled up in a car next to mine. They were waving at me and pointing down, I figured they were being pigs so I flipped them off. Turns out they were trying to warn me of the flat tire I had. FML

#689967
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7786) - you deserved it (77678)

On 03/29/2009 at 9:14pm - misc - by flattire (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)



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