Animals: Today, most of my neighbours came to my house in an angry mob... - FML

By Angry Mob - 01/02/2013 06:09 - Australia - Sydney

Today, most of my neighbours came to my house in an angry mob to complain about my dog barking. I don't have a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 125

You deserved it 2 320

Broken heart

Good kid

Weird reason to leave, but OK

By justinj360 - 22/06/2011 04:59 - United States

Today, my dad informed me that I will be staying in the bug-infested shed for the summer when I come to visit, due to his girlfriend's sewing workspace completely taking over the only room I've ever had at his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 698

You deserved it 2 592

That's creepy, dude

By Anonymous - 04/10/2021 11:01

Today, I'm 20 years-old and I was propositioned by a 42 year-old man, who turned out to be my dad's friend who helped care for me when I was 2 to 7 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 002

You deserved it 53

By aisbash - 01/09/2013 19:35 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was waitressing at work, when a woman decided to change her baby's nappy on a table. One moment I was asking her to leave, and the next, she was shoving a fully shat-out nappy into my hands. She asked me to get rid of it and fetch her baby wipes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 036

You deserved it 3 610

Happy Birthday!

By Kryoyo - 07/07/2021 20:01

Today, I held my daughter’s fifth birthday at the park. What started as a fun playdate with all her friends turned into a day of horror, when a pair of teenage boys started running around our pavillion, screaming, “Babies come from sex! Babies come from sex!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 104

By dating a fucking psycho - 14/02/2013 20:06 - United States - Hickory

Today, I tried to give some change to a homeless man. My girlfriend pulled me away and ranted about how homeless people are all basically bastards who deserve their misfortune, and that I shouldn't give "our" money away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 825

You deserved it 6 017

By Wellgreat - 30/11/2018 03:00

Today, I convinced my roommate, who’s been single for a while, to get back in the dating game. He downloaded Tinder. His first match was my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 389

You deserved it 270

By frustratedandunderpaid - 09/06/2015 01:47 - Canada - Sackville

Today, at my place of work in a fast-food restaurant, a customer called in and bitched at me that her warm food was weirdly cold. That is, after she drove 45 minutes from the restaurant to her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 203

You deserved it 1 718

By clair_brodie - 04/07/2019 20:00

Today, as I was putting some dishes away, I spilled water on the floor. While walking around the dishwasher, I slipped on said water, and after going to urgent care, found out I tore my meniscus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 472

You deserved it 198

By paymeinhugs - 17/03/2009 01:04 - United States

Today, I was swimming in the ocean with my best friend and a giant wave came and knocked off the bottom of my bikini. My friend told me that she would go get another bottom so I could walk onto the very crowded beach. She left me for half an hour, laughing from the shore with her entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 321

You deserved it 6 312

Priorities

By Forever sad - 06/10/2011 00:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, I learned that my mother might not live much longer. My boyfriend, instead of showing compassion asked me, "We're still having video chat sex, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 649

You deserved it 4 621

By anon - 13/01/2016 02:41 - United States

Today, I was eating at a diner one of my friends from work recommended to me. I ordered a chicken salad sandwich, which was pretty good despite the used bandaid in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 769

You deserved it 1 341

By Kyle - 05/01/2012 06:58 - United States

Today, I jokingly mocked my dad about his age. He jokingly poured milk all over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 886

You deserved it 35 868

By Llaurin - 24/01/2011 14:43 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband has been painting our house all weekend and plans to finish the job after work today. I decided to surprise him by completing the job myself. Painting the last window frame, I dropped the open tin of white paint, right onto our car roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 665

You deserved it 10 755

By MonsterProblems - 07/01/2015 07:07 - Croatia

Today, I had a sneeze attack while my nose was bleeding. Now my living room looks like a crime scene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 202

You deserved it 3 312

By stk - 19/12/2016 12:56 - United States - Aurora

Today, I woke up at 3am to catch my flight back home, only to realize that my flight was pushed back 14 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 638

You deserved it 475

By James - 31/07/2011 04:20 - United States

Today, I was at a local restaurant. The girl that I like walked by so I tried to give her a high five. My hand ended up on her boob instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 333

You deserved it 17 949

Manage your way out of that one

By can't shut my mouth - 28/01/2017 17:00 - United States - Houston

Today, after a string of crappy employees had come and gone over the month, I was joking to my manager that maybe we should move the "Now Hiring" sign further away from the trash can so we'd stop getting garbage hires. The new girl was right behind me. I'll be her trainer all week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 220

You deserved it 3 585

By Jamie - 04/04/2009 14:42 - United States

Today, I was at working at Burger King as a cashier. A girl I met last night came in and said, "Aren't you that guy from last night?" Last night, I had told her I was going to medical school and was going to be a doctor in less than a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 408

You deserved it 154 165

By anonymous - 02/04/2016 04:11 - United States - Westminster

Today, my sister still refuses to pay back all the money she owes me because she once bought me something from the dollar menu at McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 906

You deserved it 1 681

By Anonymous - 04/03/2011 01:52 - United States

Today, I was telling my students that it's unnecessary to put arrows on the bottom of the page to tell me there's work on the back, I check it anyway. At the end of the day, at least 6 kids came up to me asking to change their grade because I forgot to grade the back. They hadn't put arrows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 707

You deserved it 63 486

By avoid the sour cream - 30/12/2012 06:14 - United States

Today, I'm sharing a hotel room with co-workers on a business trip. The walls are paper-thin, you could hear a pin drop, and I'm trying to make my explosive diarrhea as close to silent as possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 627

You deserved it 2 821

By wtfmom - 07/10/2014 21:10 - United States - Clanton

Today, I told my mom that I got into National Honor Society and Beta Club. Most parents are proud but not her. She told me to get a job and that she was tired of my school shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 307

You deserved it 2 862

By notonthepavement - 15/02/2016 11:04 - United States - Desoto

Today, as I went to kiss my date goodbye and drive home, he mistakenly rammed his thumb across my eye hard enough to push my contact back into my eye socket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 676

You deserved it 1 651

By Anonymous - 23/05/2013 13:45 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, one of my closest friends informed me that she wasn't going to invite me to her wedding, because I'm too shy and not enough fun, and she doesn't want her 200 or so guests to feel uncomfortable. I was the one who set the happy couple up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 518

You deserved it 4 284

By Cantseethroughdoors - 14/11/2017 05:00

Today, everyone was signing a birthday card to surprise a coworker. I was told to go find someone who hadn't signed it so I went to the office next to mine, opened the door, and told them about the card. The intended recipient was sitting behind the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 883

You deserved it 1 225

By WakeUpToADream - 25/09/2015 20:43 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend is as punctual as a German train; I woke up to see her taking a dump into a plastic bag in our bedroom, all because my roommate was using the bathroom and she had to leave for work on time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 204

You deserved it 1 962

By WTF is all I ask - 27/07/2012 23:55 - United States - Mcallen

Today, I was at the mall, when I saw an elderly lady drop her groceries, so I rushed over to help her pick them up. She took one look at me, called me a "Liberal bastard," and shouted for me to get away from her before she called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 316

You deserved it 2 477

By dumbmotherinlaw - 06/07/2016 17:29 - United States - San Diego

Today, I was crossing back over the Mexico-US border. My mother-in-law got out of the car to go to the bathroom, since traffic was horrible. Two hours of worrying sick later, turns out she crossed the border without telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 196

You deserved it 791

By madeline9322 - 20/12/2016 03:15 - Canada

Today, the lack of heating in my room has gotten to the point where I have to cuddle my clothes for the next day at night so they're not freezing when I wake up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 487

You deserved it 768

By Buggy - 12/12/2017 18:30 - United States - Atmore

Today, my brother robbed someone. The victim spoke with me and said that if his $1500 was paid back, he wouldn’t press charges. After I gave him the money, I questioned my brother until he admitted doing it. He only took $200. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 132

You deserved it 5 037

By 1D-107 - 31/07/2012 17:43 - United States - Logan

Today, I was babysitting three kids, one of whom was particularly difficult to control. While trying to get him to behave, the two girls came up behind me and pulled my pants down. In front of a huge window open to the street below. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 502

You deserved it 2 463

Classic mistake

By Anonymous - 18/08/2021 13:59

Today, I was getting ready for work and I sprayed my hair to stay in place, then went to spray deodorant under my arm, but noticed that it was super sticky. No wonder my hair spray smelled like baby powder, I'd confused one product with another. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 589

Catcaller on a bike!

By Anonymous - 04/04/2021 08:31 - India - Hosur

Spicy

Today, a man on a bike was so preoccupied with making lewd comments about another girl's behind that he drove straight into mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 73

Toxic

By Anonymous - 01/07/2021 22:00

Today, I realized my husband of 30 years consistently makes fun of me in front of friends, and he gets mad when I express opinions contrary to his. I don't think he respects me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 136

By AkiAnime - 22/01/2016 00:02 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I found out that the huge project I've been working on for the past week is actually a group project. Everyone in my group knew. They were just letting me do the entire thing by myself because I'm "smart". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 557

You deserved it 2 621

By bleachingmykidsbrains - 01/07/2015 23:38 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, my mother-in-law started chasing my kids around her house to make them smell her freshly-washed underwear. They were thongs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 675

You deserved it 1 720

By Anonymous - 15/01/2013 00:21 - Canada - Corner Brook

Today, my boyfriend gave me lingerie from Victoria's Secret. He then added that his mother picked it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 504

You deserved it 3 403

By megmo7 - 04/10/2010 08:24 - United States

Today, my roommate who stays out til 4 or 5 in the morning each night got her key to the dorm fixed. I've been having to stay up nightly to let her in (my normal bedtime being 12:00) How'd they fix it? Turns out it was never broken she was just putting the key in the slot wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 366

You deserved it 4 446

By Anonymous - 28/08/2012 16:56 - Canada - Orleans

Today, wanting to be on time for my first job interview, I woke up at the crack of dawn and walked almost an hour through a thunderstorm. When I arrived, I was told that the manager wasn't in today, because of the bad weather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 851

You deserved it 1 992

By sleepytime - 05/10/2009 16:36 - United States

Today, I was really, REALLY tired at work. I went to the restroom to take a little break, and must have dozed off, because I was awoken by my boss, knocking on the door of the stall. Apparently, I had been snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 646

You deserved it 32 811

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Friday 1 February 2013 11:58

The neighbours must be barking mad if they think you have a dog.

kAPISH 29

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Friday 1 February 2013 12:00

Bark at them like it were you all the time.

Comments

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Friday 1 February 2013 11:58

The neighbours must be barking mad if they think you have a dog.

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Friday 1 February 2013 13:22

Maybe it's been full moon? ....

Kingbreezy04 10

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Friday 1 February 2013 15:58

That can't be right, Teen Wolf still lived at home with his parents. Or he grew up, moved out and became..........Adult Wolf. Parkinson's doesn't affect him in wolf form.

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Friday 1 February 2013 18:29

#1- Maybe the mob came after having have killed the dog and they just wanted to inform OP. "I don't have a dog.... Anymore."

KindaFunnyRight 8

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Saturday 2 February 2013 3:59

Still trying to understand 41's comment…

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Friday 1 February 2013 11:59

Maybe you misheard. Maybe they weren't saying "Shut up your dog!" And instead saying "They took our jooooooooooobs!" "Dey tuk r juuuuuuuuubs!"

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Friday 1 February 2013 13:01

We know you can do better than that, Pleo.

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Friday 1 February 2013 14:41

Pleo thumbed down! What is the world coming to! Although in this case I can see why…

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Friday 1 February 2013 14:59

Rabble rabble rabble!

windfuelsfire 10

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Friday 1 February 2013 15:32

I don't think it's pleos life mission, or anyone else that has decent confidence, to please the fickle fml voters

FastidiousPear 6

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Friday 1 February 2013 18:34

It's nobody's life mission per se, but it CAN ruin your morning

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Saturday 2 February 2013 7:23

lol at southpark reference and lol at rabble rabble rabble

TheZee 12

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Saturday 2 February 2013 11:44

lol at your comment...

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Friday 1 February 2013 11:59

maybe you should get one. at least they'll be angry for a real reason, lol.

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Friday 1 February 2013 13:55

Or you could just tell/show them you don't own a dog..

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Friday 1 February 2013 14:22

hahaha

danielhartlesss 13

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Friday 1 February 2013 14:34

Plus they would have new puppy, which is great because its impossible to have a bad day with a new puppy.

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Friday 1 February 2013 19:50

31, as long as it ain't a chihuahua, those little anklebiters are annoying :/ and fast.. And hop when they bark and fly backwards when they bite.

misty11111111 4

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Saturday 18 July 2015 2:08

Could you define "ain't"? I'm not sure it's a word

BigL99 20

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Friday 1 February 2013 12:00

Troll dog strikes again!

kAPISH 29

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Friday 1 February 2013 12:00

Bark at them like it were you all the time.

reborndarkangel 9

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Friday 1 February 2013 12:01

Time to get a Dog!

BlowinChronic 18

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Friday 1 February 2013 12:01

Maybe they just really don't like you and came up with some bullshit reason to come to your house as a mob. You must have really pissed someone off.

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Friday 1 February 2013 12:01

Time to start howling OP!

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Friday 1 February 2013 12:05

Sounds like a 'ruff' encounter.

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Friday 1 February 2013 12:07

Howl he deal with it next time?

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Friday 1 February 2013 12:16

Take a shit in their yards.

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Friday 1 February 2013 16:01

And what would that solve?

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Friday 1 February 2013 19:51

Nothing, but it would funny as hell to see their expressions while/after you take a dump in their yard.

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Friday 1 February 2013 21:00

I didn't realize this was a puzzle? I wasn't aware that OP was trying to solve anything.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 15

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 091

You deserved it 144