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30350322

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30350322
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  • Number of visits : 171
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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30350322's favorite FMLs

Today, my sister confessed to me that she sold some of my old shirts to the girl who's stalking me. This explains why I got a note that read, "I have your scent, now I can track you." FML

#16965226
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37885) - you deserved it (2417)

On 07/03/2011 at 8:27pm - misc - by beablue18 - Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz)

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he pees on the toilet seat just to piss me off. FML

#16414850
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35570) - you deserved it (7954)

On 05/30/2011 at 8:18am - misc - by Miramichi - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, my boyfriend questioned why I always put my shirts in the dryer right before wearing them. I told him it was because the dryer causes my shirts to regain their form and tightness. His response: "You should throw your vagina in there along with them." FML

#12822018
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37603) - you deserved it (14404)

On 08/30/2010 at 1:51pm - intimacy - by FYouBoyfriend (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML

#10760568
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52676) - you deserved it (3271)

On 05/25/2010 at 7:06pm - love - by DHarman (man) - United Kingdom

Today, was parent appreciation day at my daughter's KG class. On the stage, each child was asked to define each parent in one word. When it was my daughter's turn, she looked at me hard, thinking. Finally, in the end she said, "My daddy is very fat." Everybody stared. FML

#10717478
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23016) - you deserved it (6879)

On 05/23/2010 at 7:00pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was singing while lying upside down chewing gum. My dad was trying to focus on the current football game and hushed me. I yelled, "No!" resulting in my gum becoming lodged in my windpipe. I shut up after all. FML

#6976652
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4670) - you deserved it (42196)

On 12/27/2009 at 5:22pm - misc - by LaurenLehmmman (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I sent a Facebook friend request to the guy who had the party I was at last night. I immediately realized, however, that my new profile picture is of me, smiling and holding the trophy I stole from his house. FML

#6312169
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4224) - you deserved it (61815)

On 11/15/2009 at 12:34pm - misc - by Klepto (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I had to pretend to give birth in a play. I wanted to make it a realistic as possible but ended up crapping myself on stage by accident. FML

#5774504
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47946) - you deserved it (24211)

On 10/11/2009 at 11:42am - misc - by oxjessiiox (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)

Today, I was on the phone bragging to a friend about losing my virginity last night. When I went downstairs, my 6 year old sister was digging through my purse. She explained that she had overheard my conversation and wanted to help me find my virginity. My mom was in the kitchen with us. FML

#4505034
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33402) - you deserved it (76071)

On 08/13/2009 at 4:57pm - kids - by bubbalicious (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was drinking at the local pub and started talking to a really cute guy. I bent down to pick up my bag and the second I did, I felt like I was going to throw up. I clamped my mouth shut in the vain hope that I could block it but as I stood back up, vomit sprayed out through my nose. FML

#4227186
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36393) - you deserved it (8765)

On 08/02/2009 at 9:40am - misc - by soembarrassed (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my friend and I decided to get bikini waxes. Afterwards, the women who did the waxing told my friend it was $30 for her wax. Then, in front of the whole salon, the women points at me and says, "You! You so hairy- $35!". FML

#3669971
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53099) - you deserved it (8190)

On 07/11/2009 at 4:11pm - health - by waxinghorror (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, it was my wedding day. I had my butt clenched during the ceremony. I was giving my husband the ring, but dropped it. When I went to retrieve it, I let a huge one ripe. My husband yelled "she likes to eat beans." FML

#3666100
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48702) - you deserved it (7559)

On 07/11/2009 at 12:41pm - misc - by 1234 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to my friend's house for the first time. As I was pulling up, I called him and asked him if I could use his bathroom. He told me to just go in the back and use it, so i did. As i'm sitting on the toilet, someone knocks on the door and asks me who I am. It wasn't my friend's house. FML

#3645311
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48882) - you deserved it (10162)

On 07/10/2009 at 5:22pm - misc - by whitewater_al (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML

#2532710
1157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69229) - you deserved it (179643)

On 06/02/2009 at 2:03pm - animals - by fmlfmlfml (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML

#2244608
452 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34479) - you deserved it (113965)

On 05/24/2009 at 3:50pm - misc - by helloitsbrian6969 (man) - United States (Florida)



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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