Today, I learned that my girlfriend can sleepwalk. She got up, came into the living room where I was laying back against the sofa playing video games. I wasn't really paying much attention, until she stepped on my crotch, after which she left. She doesn't remember a thing. FML
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College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I found out that my girlfriend sleepwalks. Well, I say sleepwalks, more like sleep punches. Very, very hard. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be amusing to sneak into my room and jump me in my bed. Too bad that when she jumped, one of her knees landed on my crotch. I haven't been able to walk properly since this morning. FML
Today, I learned the hard way that my girlfriend’s young daughter sleepwalks. I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water, only to be greeted in the dimly lit hallway by her creepy silhouette. I yelped like a bitch and dropped the glass on my foot, breaking two toes. FML
Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were walking around when she got lost in a crowd. And me, being a pig, playfully grabbed her butt. I realized it wasn't hers when the guy whose butt I'd grabbed by accident knocked me unconscious. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
Today, my mom informed me that she saw me sleepwalking last night. I didn't think much of it, until I remembered that I went to bed without any clothes on last night. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML
Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML
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Top comments
Ashamed_Sister 60
You just have to prove to her that she is sleepwalking. Afterwards you can blame her for almost everything.
naxeeb 33
Not saying that it's the case here, but she could easily have done that and blamed it on sleep walking! o_o
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Comments (95)
colton_colton 50
Im sorry to hear that!
rocker_chick105 31
You should be sorry! Next time close your ears or something...
xChaos 29
Yeah turn off your hearing aide
Gingerette 8
*aid. I'm sorry about this correction, but when you say "aide" I think of interns, or the guys in every pokemon professor's laboratory.
logic368 8
Did you lose your game? Damn...
FangirlingAlways 14
I don't think this FML was about the game. Sucks for you OP, but you never know if she was sleepwalking or acting like she was.
FrietvanPiet 16
#48 -sigh-
Metallica36176 16
The only thing I could think of while reading this FML was: FINISH HIM!
Samuel5463 12
Same
Ashamed_Sister 60
You just have to prove to her that she is sleepwalking. Afterwards you can blame her for almost everything.
RageAwakened 6
And in turn, she can practically do anything to him and blame it on sleepwalking. Everyone loses in that situation.
ColorOfSoul 19
Well spoke Satan.
Nickb55 16
I wonder what she was dreaming?
applebramble 22
Maybe stepping on a frog or a bug .
Voij 16
Or maybe stepping on the crotch of a guy who'd rather play games than spend time with his girlfriend. *Any resemblance to actual people, involved in the FML or not, is purely coincidental.*
applebramble 22
Fair point well made , Voij . I suppose I'd do the same because it's the best thing to do than to talk to him about it if it was bothering me that much .
dachayke 16
Voij, the girlfriend was ******* asleep. And gaming is a hobby just as much as anything else like shopping, collecting, painting, etc. Let people do what they enjoy and don't be an asshole.
jazzy_123 20
Voji, I thumbed you up because I liked the beginning of you're comment. Then at the end I disagreed and sadly I can't thumb you down now. I don't see what the big deal in that is. I always say, if you can't beat em, join em. When I hang out with my bf and his friends I play video games instead of mope around. I suck, I will admit, but I'm not going to be a tight ass about it. Unless it's a war game, I dominate lol. But really, ladies, just give it a try instead of whining about it.
Voij 16
I guess I should explain what my comment was all about, seeing how you guys took the time to reply to it. First of all: I also think that gaming is a hobby, one which I myself partake in quite a bit. [If you're curious, look for me on steam.] I also know that it has a bunch of advantages over other hobbies, mainly because it's really adaptive to your needs. That being said, the intentions for my previous comment were not related to my opinion about gaming, but rather to this specific FML. On the one hand writing about the crotch-stomping was simply the funniest response I could come up with[And writing funny stuff is something that gives me a slight boost in confidence, thus allowing my brain to emit dopamine, which is really great and addictive], while on the other hand the crotch-kicking due to excessive gaming was, based on the few clues given in the FML, the most likely explanation if she was indeed just pretending to sleepwalk. In short: Gaming is awesome. I like making funny comments. My previous comment seemed amusing to me. If OP's girlfriend just pretended to sleepwalk, then I gave the most likely explanation. I hope that this clears up all the questions you were left with after reading and responding to my post. Have a nice day. (_/) (^_^) (> <)
Topasofmagic 17
Cute bunny! ^_^
Rayvinblade 9
Surely no one's girlfriend would do this to them on purpose, even if she was mad...
applebramble 22
I'm pretty sure it's a cat...
naxeeb 33
Not saying that it's the case here, but she could easily have done that and blamed it on sleep walking! o_o
lailaxjan 11
Yeah, I'd be checking medication side effects asap! A change in medication could be the reason, but if it's a first time thing it looks a leeeetle sketchy.
cocainewhore 30
#41 where does it say anything about medication, or am I missing something? OP- are you sure you didn't just piss her off, and she blamed it on sleepwalking?
pnutbutternjelly 15
It sounds too me like someone was not too happy about being ignored for video games.
dachayke 16
Then that someone would be a complete hypocrite, as she ignores her SO for sleep.
RobertoZ 5
Because being asleep means that you need people to pay attention to you. -_-
lailaxjan 11
I said it was a possible reason, not necessarily the reason. No one knows without more info.
booda44 7
Ooh crushed nuts O_o i just hope that she didn't want them salted
evan_7899 28
It takes 200 lbs of pressure to pop a nut permanently... Hopefully OP'S girl isn't that heavy or OP would be solo-nutting right now
Allornone 35
yeah, sure she was sleepwalking. likely story...
colton_colton 50
This'll probably turn into a regular thing for her just so she can get away with things
Km1490 20
Are you sure she sleepwalks?..
Sandman366 6
Wondering if it's Side Effects?
telli164 30
Hahaha that's evil.
JMichael 26
Time to get out the video camera as record her late night wanderings. Maybe then she'll believe you.