Today, I learned that my girlfriend can sleepwalk. She got up, came into the living room where I was laying back against the sofa playing video games. I wasn't really paying much attention, until she stepped on my crotch, after which she left. She doesn't remember a thing. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out that my girlfriend sleepwalks. Well, I say sleepwalks, more like sleep punches. Very, very hard. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be amusing to sneak into my room and jump me in my bed. Too bad that when she jumped, one of her knees landed on my crotch. I haven't been able to walk properly since this morning. FML
Today, I learned the hard way that my girlfriend’s young daughter sleepwalks. I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water, only to be greeted in the dimly lit hallway by her creepy silhouette. I yelped like a bitch and dropped the glass on my foot, breaking two toes. FML
Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were walking around when she got lost in a crowd. And me, being a pig, playfully grabbed her butt. I realized it wasn't hers when the guy whose butt I'd grabbed by accident knocked me unconscious. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
Today, my mom informed me that she saw me sleepwalking last night. I didn't think much of it, until I remembered that I went to bed without any clothes on last night. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML
Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Ashamed_Sister 60
You just have to prove to her that she is sleepwalking. Afterwards you can blame her for almost everything.
naxeeb 33
Not saying that it's the case here, but she could easily have done that and blamed it on sleep walking! o_o
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (95)
Xotoolyxo 16
Or so she says. Should've gone to bed when she called you
GinjaNinja123 1
well actually, sleepwalking happens in stages 3 and 4 of sleep known as the deepest stages, hence why people are hard to wake up when in a deep sleep or can't remember a thing when sleepwalking :P
tukies 28
Hum seems like a great excuse to me. "Falls asleep," walk to the person I've wanted to hit for a while, and punch him in the face. Then be like sorry I don't remember shit.
wildman1056 7
So she SAYS...
lambda_fml 40
How convinient
Obryn 9
"doesn't remember a thing." Keep on believing that. :p
vincentcloud 4
Dude could be worse, she could sleep drive....She kept wondering why she never ran out of smokes
ligerzero459 24
"Doesn't remember a thing". Right...I think she just wanted you to quit playing games
FreeChocolate 9
Or does she? ;O
sanecatlady 13
Of course she doesn't, sleepwalkers don't remember anything and sometimes it's a good thing they don't because they'd be horrified. I also heard about some awful sleeping pill that makes people sleepwalk and do really dangerous things, or even take more of it and overdose, and I even read somewhere that a little kid's parents were found dead in their bedroom because of this! That makes me furious.