Today, I learned that my girlfriend can sleepwalk. She got up, came into the living room where I was laying back against the sofa playing video games. I wasn't really paying much attention, until she stepped on my crotch, after which she left. She doesn't remember a thing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out that my girlfriend sleepwalks. Well, I say sleepwalks, more like sleep punches. Very, very hard. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be amusing to sneak into my room and jump me in my bed. Too bad that when she jumped, one of her knees landed on my crotch. I haven't been able to walk properly since this morning. FML
Today, I learned the hard way that my girlfriend’s young daughter sleepwalks. I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water, only to be greeted in the dimly lit hallway by her creepy silhouette. I yelped like a bitch and dropped the glass on my foot, breaking two toes. FML
Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were walking around when she got lost in a crowd. And me, being a pig, playfully grabbed her butt. I realized it wasn't hers when the guy whose butt I'd grabbed by accident knocked me unconscious. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
Today, my mom informed me that she saw me sleepwalking last night. I didn't think much of it, until I remembered that I went to bed without any clothes on last night. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML
Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML
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Top comments
Ashamed_Sister 60
You just have to prove to her that she is sleepwalking. Afterwards you can blame her for almost everything.
naxeeb 33
Not saying that it's the case here, but she could easily have done that and blamed it on sleep walking! o_o
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Comments (95)
murdersquirrel 15
Dance of the Sugar Plum Smashers
channelmonica 17
Well. Could it be possible that maybe she wasn't sleep walking and that she she was pissed you were playing video games over being in bed with her? Sure, you may have not deserved the crotch shot, but this could be a giant hint.
cchuckcloninger 5
But I bet you do, dontcha?
MrJayshemar 3
of course she didnt remember. are you sure she was sleep walking
Shnoowie 9
As a sleepwalker, I can confirm that it is quite easy to do things and not realise! Having said that, stepping on someone's crotch is rather...different.
The_Mad_Writer 3
Lol at least I woke up to discover I was giving a hand job to my boyfriend ;)
TallMist 32
Yeah, cause guys can't have hobbies in a relationship. He has to pay attention to his girlfriend 24/7, even when she's sleeping, or else he's an ignoring, inattentive, selfish asshole! /s
Fayre95 4
LOL
InsanityShard 23
I sleep walk when I'm really tired and something tries to wake me up. Apparently one time I walked out of my bedroom and just kept sorta slowly spinning in a circle for 10 minutes before going back to bed. Somehow I slept through a tornado going down my street, 2 earthquakes, and a gun though...