Love: Today, my girlfriend thought it would be amusing to sneak into...

By Anonymous - 04/03/2010 00:36 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be amusing to sneak into my room and jump me in my bed. Too bad that when she jumped, one of her knees landed on my crotch. I haven't been able to walk properly since this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 590

You deserved it 3 082

Love

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Our house, in the middle of our street

Sensory overload

By Annoyed - 04/10/2013 02:56 - United States - Accokeek

Today, after watching an episode of New Girl, my boyfriend became obsessed with the "Cotton-eyed Joe" song. He won't stop playing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 391

You deserved it 4 654

Revealed

By Anonymous - 06/07/2009 22:36 - United States

Today, my coworker came over to my desk and told me that I should protect my Twitter updates, because I had unknowingly made them public. My tweets include drinking stories, all the men I've hooked up with, various cuss words, sexual innuendos, and how much I hate my coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 905

You deserved it 83 094

By SchoolSucks - 19/02/2013 17:05 - United States

Today, it's my first day at a new school. I transferred here halfway through the year to get away from a girl who bullies me. She's apparently bullied her mom into transferring her here as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 311

You deserved it 3 194

By victoriassecret - 03/03/2010 09:24 - United States

Today, I finally felt ready to take my bra off during sex. My breasts had "deflated" somewhat due to weight loss and I was really self-conscious about them, but my boyfriend insisted I was hot no matter what. When the bra came off, the dick got soft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 474

You deserved it 4 112

By Rebecca - 16/04/2012 18:49 - United States - Bloomfield

Today, my mom admitted that the only reason she took me out for lunch was because she felt guilty over going on a massive shopping spree for my sister while I was forced to stay home alone. I thanked her for the Wendy's meal anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 602

You deserved it 2 142

By moronicmoroccan - 23/01/2009 10:16 - Philippines

Today, we received a wedding invitation from a couple who are renting an apartment from us. They haven't paid rent for several months. My father is listed as the "principal sponsor." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 120

You deserved it 2 328

By karmaiguess - 18/10/2018 03:00

Today, I saw the guy I bullied during elementary school and tried to apologize to him. Instead, he took out a knife and stabbed me. I'm currently in the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 322

You deserved it 5 064

By Unluckyducky - 19/07/2009 10:11 - United States

Today, I received a letter in the mail stating that I had won a trip to Cancun, Mexico. It looked like a scam so I threw it away. I later found out that it was a birthday present from my cousin and the envelope also contained a check for 5 thousand dollars to help cover some expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 477

You deserved it 70 063

Keeping it in the family!

By Franklin - 01/02/2018 05:00 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, we got the results of our family's ancestry DNA tests. My father isn't related to me, but my grandfather is still my grandfather. Apparently grandma cheated on grandpa to get 'dad', and my mother cheated on 'dad' with my 'uncle' to get me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 182

You deserved it 283

By Hi, I'm Heather - 01/10/2014 02:05 - United States - Lincolnton

Today, my Spanish teacher told me that the reason the girl I'm tutoring hasn't contacted me yet is because she emailed the teacher saying she didn't like my name, therefore she didn't want me to be her tutor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 039

You deserved it 2 865

By SetoAyumi - 15/11/2011 08:40 - United States

Today, a neighbor came by while I was cooking. She asked for some of my cheese, so I gave her a big slice and told her I only had cheddar. She angrily refused to accept the slice, and made her way to my fridge. She then yelled at me for not having an assortment of cheeses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 464

You deserved it 3 362

By nothing - 18/05/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, I went bowling. The guy at the lane next to us was bowling by himself and had a few of his own bowling balls, and he had one that looked like a yin-yang and it looked very cool spinning down the lane into the pins. Not really thinking, I casually said to him "Hey, I like your balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 647

You deserved it 56 671

By thanksmom - 01/05/2009 04:23 - United States

Today, I called my mom for the first time in a few weeks, just to chat because I miss her. When she picked up, the first thing she said was, "Why are you calling? What's wrong? Do you have swine flu??" When I told her that I didn't, and I just wanted to chat, she hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 994

You deserved it 4 444

Make your mind up

By firedupasshole - 27/07/2020 05:01

Today, while taking to-go orders at my restaurant, a customer called saying he wanted his food well done. He even said, “Burn it to a crisp.” Which is what I told the kitchen. When he came to pick it up, he opened his food, inspected it and screamed, “Not this burned, you damn retard!” and threw it at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 474

You deserved it 126

By Micheal - 23/11/2009 03:59 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up me with for being the "perfect boyfriend". Apparently I'm the best boyfriend she's ever had, and she didn't know how to take it. So she dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 109

You deserved it 3 749

By wookieewhosshe - 22/07/2019 06:43

Today, I was informed that my flatmate had not handed his documents in to the new landlord like he'd told me. We are due to move to a new area tomorrow for the new job that I start in 4 days. Now we can't move for another week. Anyone have a spare couch? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 499

You deserved it 131

By what the fuck - 07/06/2013 21:20 - United Kingdom - Northolt

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to get intimate for the first time. He said he didn't want to use a condom, and that I should just give him one of my birth control pills instead, "so we can still be just as safe". What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 070

You deserved it 9 921

By Girl With a Cold - 08/02/2012 18:46

Today, I was sick, so I emailed my co-workers with a list of my hours, asking if anyone would be willing to cover them for me. I only got one hour covered, and that was during a day I don't even work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 749

You deserved it 2 673

By "willkftw" - 14/04/2019 16:00

Today, despite putting all the food in the fridge, taking all the rubbish outside, cleaning the house top to bottom and setting up bait, we're still dealing with a bloody huge ant problem. I've now got a rash all over from being bitten while I sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 889

You deserved it 145

By anon - 27/12/2013 07:28 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I went to take a shower. When I turned it on, no water came out. Only ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 104

You deserved it 3 848

By The greatest Illusion ever - 28/10/2013 20:31 - United States

Today, I went to school without any makeup on. The guys who usually compliment me for being pretty are now calling me "The Greatest Illusion Ever". FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 104

You deserved it 21 344

By Nick - 13/05/2009 22:20 - United States

Today, I finally beat the song "Through the Fire and Flames" on Guitar Hero 3. I then realized that it was the biggest accomplishment I've ever made in my entire life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 277

You deserved it 37 504

By Anonymous - 23/04/2016 03:26 - United States

Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, all because he heard me speaking Arabic. I was on the phone with my grandmother in Egypt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 767

You deserved it 1 681

You tried

By well okay then - 10/09/2012 04:39 - United States

Today, while shopping, I saw a little girl and her mom. The girl was pouting so I tried to cheer her up by asking her if she was a princess, because she was so pretty. She smiled but her mom looked at me with disgust and told me to, "Get lost, pedo." I'm a 17-year-old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 936

You deserved it 3 440

By MyDeliveriesCanWait - 24/08/2019 02:07

Today, I received the bubble wrap that I'd ordered. When I opened the box, almost every single bubble had been popped. At the bottom of the box, there was a sticky note that said, "Sorry." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 798

You deserved it 126

By Datingdisaster - 17/08/2018 01:30

Today, I went on a date. We met in the parking lot of a restaurant. As I approached his car he took one look at me, said "Nope", and drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 598

You deserved it 270

All the single ladies (All the single ladies)

By Lissa - 10/09/2019 20:00

Today, I’m a 28 year-old single mom who has never has never experienced an orgasm. This sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 708

You deserved it 543

By Username - 03/01/2011 11:40

Today, I lost my virginity, I think. Does it still count if she left halfway through, laughing? FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 752

You deserved it 10 649

Getting no pussy love

By Anonymous - 03/08/2020 05:02

Today, since getting the new kitten that only I wanted, it has scratched me and peed on my socks, my side of the bed and my laptop. It loves my husband though, who was against getting a cat at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 232

You deserved it 368

By gkline09 - 06/08/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I walked out to my car to see a broken window, a bunch of stuff missing, egg shells, and a note that read "stop banging my boyfriend". I haven't had anyone in over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 990

You deserved it 3 062

By Loser - 13/09/2016 12:10 - Germany - Neuburg

Today, following a 6-hour roundtrip after having lost both games from a baseball doubleheader, I was pleasantly surprised to see that my 4-year-old son was still up. After updating him on the day's results, he went off to bed with the words, "Good night, loser." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 862

You deserved it 1 227

By GirlOnTheFly - 27/06/2012 04:20 - United States - Uniontown

Today, I was finally able to drive my brother's nice car instead of my clunker, because he left for college. First thing I do? Back into the neighbors' mailbox while exiting the driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 888

You deserved it 33 412

Foot, meet mouth

By Anonymous - 20/01/2016 02:51 - United States - Mission

Today, I was talking to one of my supervisors at my new job. He asked if I knew a professor at the school I recently graduated from, and I decided to babble on about how shitty of a professor he was and how much I loathed his class. He then looked at me and said, "That's my dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 494

You deserved it 22 541

By amireallyloved - 17/02/2010 06:38 - United States

Today, I found out the reason my boyfriend asked me out was because the fortune ball app on his iPod told him to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 316

You deserved it 3 475

By DogDoingScience - 01/09/2011 15:45 - Czech Republic

Today, I ran into my father. He was drunk and singing in the street. At 1:25pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 195

You deserved it 2 687

We are legion

By Lennie Mcfish - 26/09/2019 20:01

Today, I'm so lonely that I created multiple fake accounts on different social media platforms, just so I can have people to talk to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 536

By floggingnasty - 13/02/2011 11:38 - United States

Today, I got a new roommate in the dorms. When I got back to my room, I could smell her feet before I even opened my door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 763

You deserved it 2 817

By ugly? - 20/09/2011 08:08 - United States

Today, at work, a weird old woman came up to me and told me that it's okay: being ugly isn't a choice, it's nothing to be ashamed of, and that it's what inside that counts. She then hugged me and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 238

You deserved it 3 011

By Sam - 02/12/2012 14:05 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my mom and I took my senile grandmother to the mall, since she doesn't get out much. She complained it was hot, then took her clothing off in the middle of the food court. It took us thirty minutes to make her put her shirt back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 388

You deserved it 2 249

By aspiemeanswell - 05/11/2014 18:49 - Germany - Rudolstadt

Today, my boyfriend gushed for several minutes about how amazing it is that I suddenly look hot when he takes his glasses off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 762

You deserved it 3 292

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Top comments

AlcaSMT 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 9:24

Ask her to kiss it better.

Radi0Waves 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 9:35

hopefully she doesn't want kids....

AlcaSMT 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 9:24

Ask her to kiss it better.

jdub28 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 9:36

kiss it?! how about a massage, mouth to penis recessitation (sp?), and then a vaginal surrounding to try to bring it back to full health. Although, depending how hard she nailed the landing you may want to get that checked by a doctor. FYL...

AlcaSMT 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 9:44

I suppose she could at least reinflate the balloons by blowing the tube.

jdub28 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 9:49

Thank you, auto correct didn't change it and I didn't think it looked right.

Sabre300 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 9:53

Jdub, no feeding the snickerdoodle troll

jdub28 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 9:59

I don't mind a spelling correction when I am unsure of the spelling. I think people over critcize grammar, but really people are lazy and Internet posts are often rediculously sloppy. The way I see it, if you understand what the person is saying then let it be; however, it is not a bad thing to learn how to spell.

jdub28 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 10:01

*criticize. darn spelling : )

lettertjes 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 10:06

I agree with everything jdub28 has said.

californialafun 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 12:43

also, "ridiculously" =)

angelkissezxox 3

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Thursday 4 March 2010 13:19

who enjoys proofreadin? an english teacher but not a NORMAL teenager. im cool with wanting to be different but when your a teen and you like grammar and proofreading thats dumb. you'll die a lonely old women who will be rememberd as "the lady who corrected grammar" wow..

taycandy96 2

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Thursday 4 March 2010 13:46

I like proofreading, and I'm a typical teen.

Dr33zy_fml 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 15:57

snickerdoodles get a life!!..

boots9491 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 7:19

ok op get over it. It hurts bad for twenty minutes tops and then it settles down. This fml is over exaggerated. And yes I would know I have taken a balls to the nuts after a bad hop in the infield at baseball practice the one day I didn't wear a cup

KJLD5 0

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 6:52

did u have a boner?

Sm1leyFaCed97 0

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Thursday 9 December 2010 12:07

it's the internet. no one's going to spell right. except people with sticks up their ass's.

shali14 0

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Monday 27 June 2011 1:00

Why is everyone ignoring the FML but paying attention to the grammar..?!

AJG390 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 9:25

Aww. Ouchh. I do that to my boyfriend all the time though.. Knee him in the crotch i mean. Never on purpose either :/. But yea. FYL.

Radi0Waves 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 9:37

you can knee me in the crotch anytime (please don't)

bella2011 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 9:54

dude so do I lol it's ridonculous

crzyry 6

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Thursday 4 March 2010 9:25

Bet sex ain't happening for a bit either.

purplehaze980 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 9:26

ouch....fyl

MissAndreaSummer 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 9:29

ouch is right. But hey, give her credit for tyin to be sexi!

astro_plastic 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 10:08

I think we should take all her credit away for thinking that would be sexy.

MissAndreaSummer 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 10:44

Hey, at least she tried to be sexi by getting on top of you! Give her some credit..

astro_plastic 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 11:47

okay okay, she can have the credit.

BenLarge1 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 13:29

no she spent her credit on that massive EPIC FAIL

DonutNoob 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 19:57

...and his possible hospital bill..

aFMLaddict 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 9:35

I would have turned on if she would grabed my crotch instead of smashing her knee on it. Fyl.

Radi0Waves 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 9:35

hopefully she doesn't want kids....

FYLDeep 25

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Thursday 4 March 2010 9:35

I sense an awesome sammich in your future. Make sure your girlfriend stays in the kitchen from now on to prevent situations like this from occuring.

bitethebullet 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 13:48

What if he's in the kitchen too, and she knees him in the McNuggets again for some odd reason? or has an accident with the kitchen knife?

chikiitaaa 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 9:36

and this is why I'm happy I'm not a guy lol. ouch.

heeheehoo 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 12:08

Yeah, it's always ' I injured my nuts. FML ' and never ' I hurt my vag. FML ' heehee.

okieraider71 4

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Thursday 4 March 2010 9:39

#2--Some guys enjoy that. Punish me, master.

astro_plastic 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 9:48

Seriously, there's no pleasure without some pain. This guy's just a rookie.

jdub28 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 9:53

correction, if you are a girl there isn't pleasure without first experiencing a little pain. For the male of the species, pain in the crotch is very unneccessary.

astro_plastic 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 9:57

We all know that crotch pain is typically a no-no. I don't think we're on the same level with the pleasure/pain topic.

jdub28 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 10:05

Probably not on the same page, I agree.

bfffness 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 12:10

close you eyes and ask a guy to punch u in the stomach as hard as he can, see if that's pleasing... that's kinda how getting hit in the balls feels like