Today, I learned that my girlfriend can sleepwalk. She got up, came into the living room where I was laying back against the sofa playing video games. I wasn't really paying much attention, until she stepped on my crotch, after which she left. She doesn't remember a thing. FML
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College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I found out that my girlfriend sleepwalks. Well, I say sleepwalks, more like sleep punches. Very, very hard. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be amusing to sneak into my room and jump me in my bed. Too bad that when she jumped, one of her knees landed on my crotch. I haven't been able to walk properly since this morning. FML
Today, I learned the hard way that my girlfriend’s young daughter sleepwalks. I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water, only to be greeted in the dimly lit hallway by her creepy silhouette. I yelped like a bitch and dropped the glass on my foot, breaking two toes. FML
Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were walking around when she got lost in a crowd. And me, being a pig, playfully grabbed her butt. I realized it wasn't hers when the guy whose butt I'd grabbed by accident knocked me unconscious. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
Today, my mom informed me that she saw me sleepwalking last night. I didn't think much of it, until I remembered that I went to bed without any clothes on last night. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML
Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML
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Top comments
Ashamed_Sister 60
You just have to prove to her that she is sleepwalking. Afterwards you can blame her for almost everything.
naxeeb 33
Not saying that it's the case here, but she could easily have done that and blamed it on sleep walking! o_o
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Comments (95)
brandoneyez1 25
You sure she didn't just say that, but in reality walked out with one eye just slightly open. Just enough to tell you she's still the boss even asleep?
Tsuky_fml 4
You can sleepwalk with your eyes open. Happened to me.
brandoneyez1 25
I would be curious to see that! I have never slept walked.. Or at least nobody has told me I did. I tend to sleep deep.
Tsuky_fml 4
I had some sleepwalking episodes. My mom saw me and told me. She said I was unreactive, but my eyes were open so she thought I was awake but still dizzy. Another time, I just came beside her bed during the night and screamed, waking her up and scarrying her, then calmly went back to my bed. She blamed me a lot for this in the morning while I only felt like I slept like an angel.
brandoneyez1 25
Freaky! Worst part is if you do something dangerous. I did hear of someone who sleep walked outside and into the pool. I think she survived it.
turtlehernandez 11
You sure she wasn't just messing with you?
MrCareless 17
That would be soo evil, if she was messing with him.
Michael903 18
You didn't pay attention to her until she stepped on your balls. Sleep walking or not, YDI.
lailaxjan 11
I mean, he could have just been really focused on the game; when one is in the zone they don't always have the best observance skills. What he should have noticed, due to peripheral vision, is her getting closer (unless she snuck up from behind...but there was a couch there). Or maybe he just thought she needed a drink or to pee and didn't think much of it cuz she gets up a lot when she sleeps?
sporteeholmes01 15
And if she was SLEEPWALIKNG don't you think she was asleep? OP probably decided to play video games because she fell asleep..... But the whole kicking situation was probably on purpose.
TallMist 32
#18 Yeah! How dare OP have time to focus on his hobbies when his girlfriend is sleeping! He needs to always be on her side!
Goblin182 27
Sleep walking. That's her story and she is sticking to it.
Crazynocatlady 22
Maybe she didn't see it there.
eeffyourlife 2
Lol did you do something to make her "sleep walk" into giving you a crotch shot?
Readoll 13
sleep walking... Sure!
HisPoison 1
aha!! and the next time your up playing games all night she'll wear stilletto heels to bed... :)
stuntedat5000 4
Ouch all I can say is just ouch
DrEnia1at0r 20
Right, 'sleepwalking' watch your back man...
benpele101 13
are you sure she was asleep?