Love: Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together,... - FML

By Jebus - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9075

You deserved it

34643

Tweet

Share

Time for the ER

Last dates

Teenagers, amirite?

By Biological - United States

Today, I found out that I was not adopted and in fact my parents are my biological parents. How did I find out? Over dinner. How long have I been believing I was adopted? 22 years. Why did I start believing I was adopted? My siblings thought it would be a funny joke. My mom played along. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49616

You deserved it

3461

Tweet

Share

By Kaeyne - United States

Today, I had an elaborate plan to ask this girl to Prom, and it was going to take a few minutes to set up. I asked my friend to distract her. He decided to distract her by asking her to Prom. She said "Yes". FML

I agree, your life sucks

280286

You deserved it

47309

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my younger brother called me saying he's getting married. Now, I have to attend my ex's wedding. I'm the best man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40845

You deserved it

3177

Tweet

Share

By thedd - United States

Today, it was my 21st birthday. All my friends showed up at my house already drunk, so I had to be the designated driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54013

You deserved it

3865

Tweet

Share

By LZapped - United States - Mundelein

Today, I am going to take a law school test. My Mom told me to relax, so I told her, "I'm better at stressing out, so I have something to fall back on if I bomb the test." To which she replied, "And masturbating, you've always excelled at that." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29200

You deserved it

5285

Tweet

Share

By lonely - United States

Today, without telling me, my mom dropped me off at my grandmother's house, and drove off. Now I'm supposed to spend the next month with her. Guess she forgot my grandma died six weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51694

You deserved it

3093

Tweet

Share

By stillloveherthough - Germany - Aachen

Today, my girlfriend had a complete breakdown. I was trying to calm her down and reassure her that she will accomplish all of her dreams. Her response: "Then why am I even with you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

23222

You deserved it

2009

Tweet

Share

By kasai_x0x - Canada

Today, I found out what cat food tastes like mixed with mayo, hot sauce, and between two perfectly toasted pieces of rye bread. My cat found out what tuna tastes like instead of her normal food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13449

You deserved it

36008

Tweet

Share

By Leota - United States

Today, I received a message on Facebook from a guy I've liked for a year. He asked me if I wanted to hang out, so I said yes. When I walked out to his car later on, he gave me a really confused look. Apparently I was on my brother's Facebook, and he'd never logged out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39099

You deserved it

12995

Tweet

Share

By Don’t know what to think

Today, my boyfriend cheated on me with an Eagles cheerleader. I found out when his dad proudly posted about it on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4220

You deserved it

304

Tweet

Share

By Bummed

Today, I found out that after interviewing for two jobs at great companies, I was neck and neck with one other person for each position. They both offered the job to the other person. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14857

You deserved it

965

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/8/2020 08:01

Mr Loverman

Today, my boyfriend asked when I was going to bed, because he wanted to have sex. With himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1504

You deserved it

261

Tweet

Share

By accidentalsmartass - Japan - Tokyo

He deserved it. Snapping ain't cool unless you're a turtle.

Today, I learned that I may have caused a public speaker and author to be fired, because my response to his "open chat" question flustered him, causing him to lose his cool and snap at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5198

You deserved it

696

Tweet

Share

By grabber - United States

Today, I was riding up an escalator in the mall in uncomfortable high heels. While adjusting my bag I suddenly lost my balance and began flailing wildly. In desperation I hurled forward and ended up grabbing a teenage boy's buttocks and was promptly slapped by his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44216

You deserved it

10951

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/8/2020 20:02

Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to

Today, during a deep conversation with my girlfriend of 6 months, I asked her if the guy she had cheated on me once with a few months back had a bigger “tool” than me. She said yes. So I asked, "How much bigger are we talking about?" Her response was "Probably like twice the size." FML

I agree, your life sucks

835

You deserved it

2777

Tweet

Share

By pleasedtomeetyou - United Kingdom

Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32971

You deserved it

16283

Tweet

Share

By bystander - United States

Today, we had our friends over for dinner, one of whom is a psychiatrist. After a few drinks, my drunk wife and the equally drunk psychiatrist began to analyze my various character flaws. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26664

You deserved it

2876

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

On Target, almost

Today, I was walking through Target when I was pulled aside by a very attractive girl who began kissing me. She stopped, because I wasn't who she thought I was. Disappointed, I turned around to see her very angry, very large boyfriend behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1776

You deserved it

160

Tweet

Share

By JJ - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of three years sent me a text saying: "I don't think we can see each other anymore, the nights were great, but I think I'm falling in love with Julie". I'm Julie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49375

You deserved it

2919

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/1/2021 00:01 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Relax

Today, in the attempt to have a relaxing self-care evening, I ran a bath, threw in some bath salts then put a face mask on and hopped on in. After about 7 minutes of relaxing, my back started burning, so I got out only to discover the bath salts have given me a rash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

767

You deserved it

76

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, at my strictly Catholic grandmother's funeral, I was made to sit in the row behind the rest of the family, because I was born out of wedlock and wasn't a 'real' member. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44823

You deserved it

2892

Tweet

Share

By mdsfkljsfsdrewr - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, less than a day after my cranky downstairs neighbor passed away, I woke up to banging sounds against his apartment ceiling, like the ones he used to make whenever I walked around during the night. I'm shitting myself in fear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49610

You deserved it

4597

Tweet

Share

By gotta_respond - United States - Piscataway

Today, I went to the supermarket with my husband and kids. A crazy old man started yelling at us and challenged us to fight him outside. Security had to escort us to our car. Why was he so mad? Our cart momentarily blocked his path to the beef jerky samples. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32424

You deserved it

3360

Tweet

Share

By misopower - China

Today, after 9 months in our relationship, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. We had incredible, mind-blowing sex. An hour later, he broke up with me because apparently "my orgasm face is ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks

77970

You deserved it

9278

Tweet

Share

By whatdoesitmatter - India - Erayu

Today, my sex-crazed ex wrote me a letter so bad, it haunts me that I let a guy with such terrible grammar skills touch my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48026

You deserved it

11925

Tweet

Share

By not living happily ever after - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I deleted a load of junk that was messing up my mother's computer. I don't know how I'm going to tell her I accidentally wiped out all of her wedding photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23411

You deserved it

31320

Tweet

Share

By nobodyreadsmyemails - Canada

Today, I noticed that I've been spelling my company's name wrong in my email signature for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8902

You deserved it

43962

Tweet

Share

By anon - United States

Today, I realized that the redneck, hick, abusive family that my co-workers always joke about is my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29364

You deserved it

3945

Tweet

Share

By dumbAssCollegeStudent - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I finally did my laundry after a good few weeks, only to think another washer was a dryer. I just ran my clothes through the wash 3 times, because I was confused as to why they weren't drying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10531

You deserved it

21842

Tweet

Share

By whatafuckhead - United States - San Francisco

Today, after my landlord commented on how rarely I drink milk, and I joked that I'm "probably going to die young" because of it. Then I immediately remembered that her 35-year-old husband died last year of a heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21282

You deserved it

4861

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was out shopping when an old lady bumped into me and dropped her purse. Trying to help, I bent over to pick it up, at which point she battered the shit out of me, called me a "filthy thief" and threatened to open an umbrella in my ass. What the fuck has the world come to? FML

I agree, your life sucks

41225

You deserved it

3021

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/12/2020 05:02

Lonely, so lonely

Today, after a nice Thanksgiving with my parents and the question about when I'll bring a woman with me to meet them, I absent-mindedly typed the old dating site. I swiped completely dry with no responses into my browser, reminding myself that my entire city didn't have one person interested in dating me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

686

You deserved it

1007

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/8/2020 05:02

Priorities

Today, my fiancé and I finally had the house to ourselves for the night for the first time in MONTHS, and we don't know when we will get a chance like this again. So, he texts his buddy to play zombies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1371

You deserved it

195

Tweet

Share

By nzkristy - New Zealand

Today, I got sent home from work for appearing stoned/under the influence of drugs. I suffer from severe hay fever, which no antihistamine has fixed yet, hence the red and glassy eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30850

You deserved it

2257

Tweet

Share

By kittykat - United States

Today, I snuck out of my bedroom to go pee very quickly, so I wouldn't wake up my new puppy who doesn't like being away from me. In the 60 seconds it took me to pee, wash my hands and walk back into the room she had pooped, peed, and left potty-paw-prints all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44531

You deserved it

8059

Tweet

Share

By mandygeegoesnom - United States

Today, while waiting for my boyfriend to get out of the shower, I chatted with his grandma. As soon as we hear him exit the restroom, she smirks at me and lets a huge, smelly fart out. She blamed it on me. My boyfriend believed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31033

You deserved it

2517

Tweet

Share

By 117halo12345 - United States - Sedgewickville

Today, I was showing my 4 year old some of my fire magic tricks. I ended up getting 2nd degree burns on my left hand and burnt off half of her hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12247

You deserved it

21592

Tweet

Share

By 2young4birds&bees

Today, while changing my tampon in a public restroom, a toddler crawled under the door of my stall and asked what I was doing. I had to wait until I'd finished to open the door and let her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10660

You deserved it

707

Tweet

Share

By say my name

Today, I was having sex with the guy I've been in love with for years. I moaned, "say my name." He didn't know it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38224

You deserved it

11351

Tweet

Share

By BobRyder - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I brought home my 3D glasses after a movie. I had a laugh about it until I realized that I put my $100 sunglasses in the recycle box outside of the theatre instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41349

You deserved it

24303

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By linzhart333 | 8

#40845 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 20:55

Mistake #1: You brought home a random drunk girl from a bar.

Mistake #2: You brought her home, where you live WITH YOUR PARENTS.

Mistake #3: You are old enough to go to bars, and you live with your parents.

Wow. Three strikes. You're out.

By livelaughlovinit | 0

#63051 - Friday 27 March 2009 20:25

Dude.... get a life. You live with your parents, I'm guessing you're over 21 since you were in a bar, and you're bringing girls home with you? That's pretty pathetic.

COMMENTS

By maiden_girl | 5

#2122 - Saturday 14 February 2009 13:02

LMFAO @#2

By youhavenoidea | 0

#7254 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 20:57

i agree with 1,2 and 8 totally bro you gotta step your game uppp

Reply

MrCatman1125 | 2

#5041112 - Sunday 14 October 2012 5:42

How do you agree with 8 if your 6?

By 0___0 | 9

#11801 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 1:54

[email protected]

By jim_witness | 0

#24688 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 20:29

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By linzhart333 | 8

#40845 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 20:55

Mistake #1: You brought home a random drunk girl from a bar.

Mistake #2: You brought her home, where you live WITH YOUR PARENTS.

Mistake #3: You are old enough to go to bars, and you live with your parents.

Wow. Three strikes. You're out.

By livelaughlovinit | 0

#63051 - Friday 27 March 2009 20:25

Dude.... get a life. You live with your parents, I'm guessing you're over 21 since you were in a bar, and you're bringing girls home with you? That's pretty pathetic.

Reply

Atmaster | 3

#968388 - Friday 26 March 2010 5:01

actually in canada he could be nineteen or have a fake

Reply

babe7260 | 30

#5773494 - Saturday 30 November 2013 19:34

actually in some parts of Canada, legal age is as low as 18 years.but hopefully learned to never bring a girl HOME to Mom & Dad's

Reply

cristy91 | 33

#6350657 - Tuesday 14 July 2015 21:59

Different cultures leave the house at different times. Many latino families encourage kids to stay until their mid 20s and a lot of times the oldest kid even stays with the parents to look after them.

By goffar4 | 0

#133939 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 22:57

you still live with your parents and your at least 21?
wow now i can see why she was drunk.

Reply

rocketpopper1030 | 11

#4855291 - Friday 24 August 2012 10:51

OP is from Canada, legal age is 19. If he's 19 it's not that bad to still live with your parents, however, bringing a drunk girl home to your parents house is sort of asking for it.

By 24788 | 6

#156043 - Thursday 30 April 2009 8:36

Lol, you need your own place.

By sabr3sfan26 | 0

#264155 - Thursday 4 June 2009 5:18

Wow you are an idiot. That's as simply as I can put it.

By 3CardMonte | 0

#314498 - Wednesday 17 June 2009 15:21

Hahahahaha!