Today, my 24-year-old brother tried to convince me that Hogwarts is real, because there is no way a person could have written that based on imagination. My parents agreed with him. FML

by nanall / 06/04/2012 at 3:19am / United States / Kids

Today, Child Protective Services came to my house, because my 7-year-old son told people at school that he was uncomfortable sleeping in his uncle's bed. I had to explain to them that the uncle in question died 2 years ago, and that's why it felt weird. FML

by Anonymous / 06/01/2012 at 3:02am / United States / Kids

Today, my little brother got his crush to go out with him by impressing her with his level 500 FarmVille. This is the next generation. FML

by Discouraged / 05/31/2012 at 8:43am / United States (Maryland) / Kids

Today, my daughter was still acting out her teenage issues. This morning, when I told her to, "Have a nice day" she screamed at me, "DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" FML

by Aldoch / 05/30/2012 at 6:41pm / Kids

Today, my wife and I convened our families for a joint dinner, followed by me breaking the news that my wife is pregnant. My father visibly scoffed, and my grandfather spent the rest of the evening muttering to him about how "breeders should be shot". Wonderful. FML

by unzucht / 05/30/2012 at 12:45pm / Romania (Bucuresti) / Kids

Today, I had a babysitting job. When I got there, the parents were rushing out the door and told me they'd left instructions for the kids on the table. The first bullet point stated that the oldest was convinced she is possessed by the devil, but just to ignore it. Three more hours to go. FML

by Anonymous / 05/29/2012 at 9:55pm / United States (Iowa) / Kids

Today, my 14-year-old brother told me he needed help with something "very personal." Thinking he wanted girlfriend advice or something, I said, "Sure, no problem". He wanted me to shave his butt crack. FML

by liquid_sasquatch / 05/29/2012 at 6:40pm / United States / Kids

Today, I had to teach my younger brother to shave with a regular disposable razor because our dad uses an electric one and I'm the only other person in the family with enough facial hair to know how to use a razor. I probably would have been proud if I wasn't a girl. FML

by The Bearded Woman / 05/29/2012 at 12:06am / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids

Today, my son was fired from his new job, which was going to support us since I recently lost mine. His excuse was, "Conflict of interest." He was a mascot for a fast-food restaurant and refused to dance around. FML

by Shianna / 05/28/2012 at 6:00pm / United States (Maine) / Kids

Today, while at the mall, a kid no older than 5 pushed a stroller into my heel, which caught the back of my shoe and caused me to face-plant the floor in the middle of a very crowded department store. I didn't even get an apology. FML

by Anon / 05/28/2012 at 1:01am / United States / Kids

Today, I ran out of the house after my dog, tripped and knocked myself out on the railing by the front step. I woke up to my little brother lifting up the back of my dress for the neighborhood to see. FML

by Never Work With Animals or Children / 05/26/2012 at 7:06am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my eight-year-old son thought that if he swallowed soap, his farts would smell like soap. The smell of vomit and diarrhea now permeating my house is proof of how wrong he was. FML

by Anonymous / 05/25/2012 at 8:15pm / United States / Kids

Today, my teenage daughter asked me if accents are hereditary. FML

by Anonymous / 05/24/2012 at 9:37pm / United States (Kansas) / Kids