Today, the office I work at put up a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign. I'm disappointed by this, not because I usually whack off at my desk, but because enough people do that there needs to be a sign against it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to explain to my boss that masturbating in public is inappropriate. This isn't the first time this has taken place. FML
Today, after coming home from a long day at work, I found out that in a house full of five adults, some rules still need to be set. The newest addition to the rules? No watching porn and jerking off in the living room. FML
Today, I put signs up in the lifts at work with my name and desk phone number as the contact in case the lifts break down. I work in IT so there are hundreds of men in the building. Someone has already drawn a very wonky heart next to my name. FML
Today, at work, I received an email telling me that viewing porn websites was prohibited and was a good enough reason to fire me. FML
Today, I was accused of masturbating during work. I was actually just getting something out of my pocket. FML
Today, I got incredibly horny at work. No one was in the office, so I spread out on my yoga mat and started to masturbate. All of the sudden, I heard a forklift outside. I quickly tried to hide, but I think the construction worker caught me. He’ll be working here all month. FML
Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML
Today, it’s been so long since I got laid, I decided to rub one out in the office bathroom. I did it twice (morning/afternoon), and both times, there were two different guys clearly doing the same thing. The downstairs office bathroom is apparently a pit of desperation. FML
Today, I walked into the restroom at work, only to find my boss stroking and playing with himself. I have my annual performance assessment with him in an hour. FML
Today, to my delight I discover that there is security camera in the storage room at my work. The same room where, two days ago I masturbated. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
jdall2me 3
Hard times man
alicette_fml 12
I feel bad for the guy that got caught doing it xD
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (85)
jdall2me 3
Hard times man
cr3ativity 15
It's gonna be pretty hard now. Before, it was quite soft, or /should I say, flaccid?/ Baa- dum. Tss~
ittsdann 6
Do you work for the Yankees ?
EvilPotato 15
I know the times are tough but still, masturbating on the job is like getting paid to touch yourself.
patrickalamo 48
Sign of the times.
Sunkistlover718 21
Not anymore... :-
alphaskater09 9
The office I work at puts up signs like that just to mess with the new guys/girls. There was one about masturbation too.
LiterOfCola 16
Do that that* lol
klovemachine 24
That's a stiff penalty :D
ohSNAPyall 27
Save it for the break room!
GirlYouNasty 11
Who's your favorite Little Rascal? Is it Alfalfa? Or is it SPANKY?
PYLrulz 17
Cum on, it can't get any worse, can it?
Awkward_Science 2
The people that caused that sign are a bunch of whack jobs.
Barr3lR0ll 9
if you don't usually ********** at work, does that mean you sometimes do?
Googolman 29
The question is, how did they find out?
awesome_king 3
What??
putloginhere 6
People i guess ********** at their desks. So theres a sign if you didnt understand the FML
vocaloidtiger 12
Oh, I'm sorry, did you not get the clearly explained FML that everyone else seems to have understood?
RedPillSucks 33
He needs the abridged version.
airforce987 20
WHAT COUNTRY YOU FROM? What? WHAT AIN'T NO COUNTRY I EVER HEARD OF. THEY SPEAK ENGLISH IN WHAT? What? I- SAY IT AGAIN. SAY WHAT AGAIN! I DARE YOU, I DOUBLE DARE YOU ************ SAY WHAT ONE MORE GODDAM TIME!
quite_bored 9
95, shut the **** up.
airforce987 20
Wow you all fail for not getting the Pulp Fiction reference.
lukemack 4
You people who commented on his are twats his saying what? In disbelief not because he doesn't understand
airforce987 20
WHY U DELETE MY AWESOME PULP FICTION REFERENCE!?
RochelleRedvines 8
116 ...What?
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
No, I believe this is one of those times where people who think they're going to have first comment rush to write something completely not needed or dumb. Alas, #1 beat him to it
alicette_fml 12
I feel bad for the guy that got caught doing it xD
Hiimhaileypotter 53
But why would he be masturbating at his desk anyway? He's being paid to work, not jack off.
Mister_Triangle 21
The plot twist: their job is editing **** movies
FarSide 23
Make no mistake... by the 8th time of the work day, masturbating can be WORK.
crazyladydaisy 4
I find it odd that he said he "usually" doesn't, damn.
tabbycat2007 22
Actually he says not because he usually does it.
gingerwithsoul_fml 6
And I feel bad for the janitor that cleans the floors...
cr3ativity 15
Thats quite disappointing. On a second thought, what kind of office is there where employees have time to pull the wiener? /Just you wait, soon there'll be a sign that says "No More Sexy Times in the Copy Room"./
AbstraktThoughts 13
Apparently, the director of KONY 2012 had enough time to pull out his wiener while on the clock :p haha
MikeOxxbig 1
Every job. How long do you think it takes?
hilda_kitty 16
Honestly, I don't even know how they find the time to do that. On the other hand, I was at the cinema and I saw a sign that said "no taxidermy." No, I'm not ******** you. People do things they shouldn't be doing in public everywhere.
pcentral 17
Wrong. So many kinds of wrong. Who would even do that? Disgusting people...
menacingsprite 3
Agreed that is something private that should be done at private times.
FtP_Benihana 0
Next time your stopped at a red light, look around at some of the people in their cars, you'll be surprised.
headmaster556 4
Me...
thiscrazything 1
I guess that's why you are the head master.
swagisforchumps 9
Why would people do that at work?
jenniiienyc 5
Where would you even buy signs that say that, haha:)
cr3ativity 15
You make them? Like put in some word art, put in a picture of a water gun squirting. Then print it out.
MasonR12 4
You really just ******* asked that?
chickenflem 8
Blondes. Smh.
buca100 4
I can not believe I have to actually say this: THEY MADE ONE. Wow. O.o
PhishloverA 14
#67 it does show here but that's mean. I'm sure she's a very nice and pretty girl
klx125cross 9
What a blondie question!
GVirdi 11
A mans gotta do what a mans gotta do
clueless05 12
Hey, it could have been a woman too :/
99megster 15
I don't think masturbating would be referred to as 'whacking off' if it was a girl.
Dracoboxer357 36
^ No, but Op never said the signs were put up because He was masturbating at work. I suspect there are both males and females in his office setting (safe to presume anyways), and the signs were for everyone collectively. His use of the words "whack off" was only in reference to himself not participating.
zandalee 20
Unless she bought her little pink lady finger to work... And everyone just thought that noise was an electric pencil sharpener...
Ugi 27
7 - A man can damned well wait until he gets home for hell's sake! Some things you just don't need to walk in on during the work day.
rainbowteehee 6
Yeah it could have been a women, a womens got to do what a women's got to do
Mizuy 7
It'd have been more subtle to block **** sites.
A7XCamaro 19
Then people will just go on **** sites with their phones.
laden_swallow09 35
Or just use their brains and imagine, or has that gone the way of the Betamax, too?
JustAnotherKid4U 5
Its impossible to block all the **** sites. Theres an infinite supply
vocaloidtiger 12
Welcome to our ****** up world.
zandalee 20
No one said it wasn't an entertaining world...
vocaloidtiger 12
47 ~ You're right: No one ever said that. It really is an entertaining place we live in... But nothing's perfect. Our world is far from it.
coughyochick 7
Work is stressful man. And since they can't workout halfway through the day. Whacking it is the second best thing
zandalee 20
No actually having sex with someone else in the stationary cupboard is.