Work: Today, to my delight I discover that there is security camera...

By tadam - France

Today, to my delight I discover that there is security camera in the storage room at my work. The same room where, two days ago I masturbated. FML

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13461

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Work

Mother of the year

Own it

Pound for pound

By AllieG33 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, after returning from taking my sister off to college, my parents told me that our house would be a lot quieter with my sister gone. Not because she's loud, but because she has friends and I apparently don't. FML

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39592

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By hungry? - United States - Talbott

Today, some friends told me that my natural body odor smells like cooked beef and roasted onions. I'm disgustingly delicious. FML

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22560

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By Lucy - United States - La Mesa

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been in love with for the past two years. Five minutes in, he passed out on top of me from a pain pill overdose and had a mini seizure. He finally woke up and groans, "Those bastards! They confiscated my clothes!" FML

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31444

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By Anonymous - 26/2/2021 02:01

Panic

Today, I spent the night at a friend's house after drinking. My phone died and I didn’t charge it. My mom decided I was a missing person, and all of her friends on Facebook decided to post that I was missing. I’m a 27 year-old adult. FML

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927

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By AloneForChristmas

Today, I live in dorms and found out everyone is leaving for Christmas break. I also found out my student loan didn't go through, so now I cant afford to go visit my family that lives over 7 hours away. I guess I'll be spending Christmas alone in a dorm room. FML

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2667

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By Craig - United States

Today, I was awarding medals to finalists in a school club. While putting one around someones neck, I ended up poking a girl in the eye. She tried to be a trooper by continuing to walk across stage but i guess her eyes got really watery because she missed the step and fell, breaking her ankle. FML

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29196

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By me. - United States - Norman

Hard shoulder

Today, I found out my mom has been telling my entire family I need surgery on my "Labia" instead of my "Labrum". I went from needing shoulder surgery to needing vagina surgery with one group text. Thanks, mom. FML

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By sliceddice - Denmark

Today, I was crying because my cat died. My boyfriend cupped my face in his hands, looked me straight into the eyes and said, "I love seeing you cry." FML

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39372

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By lily

Today, I was about to kiss my boyfriend in a courtyard when a soccer ball hit me in the head, hard. My boyfriend remarked that it made a "hollow sound" when it hit me. FML

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1471

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By disgusted - United States - East Waterboro

Today, while working as a teacher at a daycare, a two year-old girl decided the best way to share that she had pooped was to reach in her diaper and attempt to hand some to me. FML

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35181

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By Katelyn_Louise - 1/5/2021 10:01 - Australia - Brisbane

Possession

Today, someone left their drug bag on the table in the lounge at my place, probably a friend, and probably a mistake. The next minute the cops knock on the door and force their way in. Immediately the cop spots the drug bag and cuffs me. It wasn't even my bag. FML

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444

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745

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By livingonmyownfromnowon - United States - Olivehurst

Today, after evicting my roommate for excessively not abiding by the lease agreements, he thought he could get back at me by sending me a video of my sister giving him head. FML

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18628

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while practicing my gymnastics routine on the uneven bars, I was so distracted by my teammates' conversation about a party later that I miscalculated my flip and smacked my head on a bar. Ten stitches and a concussion later, I was left alone in the hospital. FML

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31584

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I forced myself into work with severe laryngitis. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, except I work at candy and ice cream store at a major tourist destination. For seven hours I had to communicate with unsympathetic adults and screaming, bratty kids by miming and using a dry erase board. FML

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27733

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By Miss_Blaine - United States - Houston

Today, I learned that my husband and I share the same taste in men. FML

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13808

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By goodlord12 - United States - Branson

Today, I let my friend bleach my hair, which resulted in it falling out in clumps. I spent $150 at the beauty salon fixing it and cutting most of it off. I sent the pictures of my new hair to my friends, and I got the same reply from each and every one of them: "That better be a wig." FML

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20242

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my class was assigned lockers. Out of all the lockers in the entire school, mine is the only one to still have graffiti on it from last year. The tagger's choice of words? "Poop face." FML

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27153

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By feltuponthe69 - United States

Today, I fell asleep on the bus and when I woke up, I found out that I missed my stop by ten stops and I was on the last bus of the night. And, to make matters worse, a drunk hobo was sitting next to me with a beer in one hand and was rubbing my leg with the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47627

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By PeedMom - United States - Cedar Bluff

Today, I had to pee really badly. I rushed to the bathroom, pulled down my pants, and sat on the toilet. After a few seconds of peeing, I realized I had only pulled down my pants. Not my underpants. FML

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3938

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By Not Again!

Today, while riding a massive draft horse, the horse thought it would be fun to walk under a very low apple tree that sat level with his back. A branch hit me and made me fall off onto a coil of barbed wire, twisting my ankle in the process. FML

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1626

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322

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By anon - United States

Today, I threw up after drinking a smoothie my mother made me. She then called me "ungrateful" and "immature" for not liking what she spent a long time making for me. I later found out that not only did she use expired yogurt, it was also a mango smoothie, which I'm allergic to. FML

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28558

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to get a tattoo. I decided on getting my four month daughter's name tattooed on my upper arm. I went home to show my wife. She broke down and told me that I'm most likely not the father. It's a toss-up between her co-worker, the guy who does our lawn, several strangers and me. FML

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62195

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By ehxtraordinarily pissed - United States - Coweta

Today, my Canadian friend is staying a few days at my parents' house. I drove him from the airport, only to find my idiot dad had decked the spare room out with maple syrup bottles. He keeps saying "eh" all the time and asked "What's he so upset aboot?" when my friend was offended. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34895

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By Anonymous - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I found out that if you accidentally step on your boss's dog's tail, yes, you can get fired. But not because you stepped on the dog's tail. You didn't say sorry. FML

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29247

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By SaucierGirl

Today, I was told that since I've had only three or four periods since 2013, there's 60 periods worth of blood clotted in my uterus. They gave me medicine to make it all come out in one week. FML

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4055

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was wrapping Christmas presents for my family. I got a huge paper cut on the webbing of my fingers, the pain of which caused me to scream out loud. My whole family heard and came rushing to my room. My grandma took one look, and scoffed, "Oh suck it the fuck up, princess." FML

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14804

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By ethawesome1125 - United States - Round Rock

Today, I found a $20 bill on the ground, so I decided to pick it up. It was actually attached to a string and was meant to be a prank by some kids. They failed miserably, so I took the money. They ran up to me and punched me in the balls for taking their cash. FML

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38383

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Christmas shopping

Today, my family and I went to the mall. We all split up in a department store to shop for our own clothes. While shopping, I caught my dad feeling up a mannequin in the back corner of the store. FML

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2179

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By Serum - United States - Wichita

Today, I walked in on my husband putting my anti-wrinkle cream on his balls. He said, "I thought it'd help." FML

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54517

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By Lola Smith - 3/11/2020 11:02

Weird questions

Today, a customer asked me if we serve spaghetti. She then asked for a manager because I was giving her a weird look, laughing softly when telling her yes, and apparently making her feel stupid. My manager wrote me up. I work at the Old Spaghetti Factory. FML

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1120

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By yeastly - United States - Amery

Today, I was sitting the living room, when my mom commented on the smell of garlic in the air. After ten minutes of searching for the source, she gave up. I was too embarrassed to admit that I'd tried using garlic to cure my yeast infection. FML

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11941

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By Anonymous - 23/1/2021 02:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

OCD

Today, the room I am renting from an old lady is stuffed with porcelain figures, etc. I carefully put them into the drawers to create some space for the books I need for college. While I was gone, she used her key and put all the porcelain figures back on the shelves. FML

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By qx5 - Canada

Today, I put my paycheck in my wallet, intending to cash it in the next day. Later on, I met up with a friend and went to a party. I ended up getting so drunk, I gave away my $400 check in exchange for a pack of smokes, thinking it was a $5 bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9500

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By Rhea - Australia

Today, I won a raffle organised by a friend. I discovered one of the "prizes" was actually a present that I had given to her, that she had "loved". When I asked her where she had gotten it, she said, "Oh, just some crap someone gave me once." She didn't even remember that I had given it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36057

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By dumbbass - Canada

Today, I spilled a glass of iced tea all over my desk. It trickled down the wall and fried an extension cord. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20669

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By dating a fking cnt - Canada

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. My girlfriend had agreed to come over after and make sure I was okay, so I called her, saying I was done. She told me she'd made new plans, and to "just suck on a tampon, you pussy". FML

I agree, your life sucks

26651

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By Anonymous

Bigmouth Strikes Again

Today, I was involved in an intense argument with my dad. Just as I yelled, "You haven't done one thing for me", my phone rang. The same phone that, as of today, my dad no longer pays the bill for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

391

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By dantko - United States - Dearborn

Today, my wife got so drunk she kissed another guy when the ball dropped. FML

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50033

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By sweetie808 - United States - Kailua Kona

Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML

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26647

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By Seule - Switzerland - Pully

Today, on a movie date with my boyfriend, it took me a while to understand why he was leaning on his elbow during the entire thing. He had an earpiece cupped in his hand and was listening to a soccer match. FML

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Top comments

By Jonny005 | 0

#5279 - Sunday 22 February 2009 8:14

Ohhhh, so that was YOU on youtube???

By IloveFML101 | 0

#29256 - Friday 13 March 2009 3:23

Who masturbates in a storage room?

COMMENTS

By Jonny005 | 0

#5279 - Sunday 22 February 2009 8:14

Ohhhh, so that was YOU on youtube???

drewbell | 0

#824103 - Thursday 4 February 2010 7:40

baha!

TheTerenity | 9

#4184252 - Monday 19 March 2012 2:20

So someone has figured out my comment...

By tbeaun | 0

#24045 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 9:01

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

NoahStaz | 3

#3320358 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 5:33

You seem to know a lot about those. Past or present experience with them?

sutianneli | 13

#5104482 - Thursday 1 November 2012 15:15

By the looks of it, future too

By Cantexplain1234 | 0

#26092 - Wednesday 11 March 2009 7:34

Hey guys hold on a sec....(later) hey dude where were you, why are you all sweaty? (security-camera-watcher comes in.) ya'll dont wanna know

dorworters | 9

#5381955 - Monday 25 February 2013 3:56

I like how you assume the security camera watcher is black lmao

By IloveFML101 | 0

#29256 - Friday 13 March 2009 3:23

Who masturbates in a storage room?

chuck_yams | 0

#1456004 - Saturday 25 September 2010 9:14

cuz he works at a butter factory

xX_LilSammie_Xx | 4

#3067036 - Tuesday 9 August 2011 0:45

*Raises her hand* Although, I keep it in the bathroom.

Boomi | 38

#6689536 - Wednesday 14 September 2016 17:37

Exactly! Especially at work!

By pinkfrenchrose | 5

#30815 - Saturday 14 March 2009 4:00

Must be pretty lonely to do that in a storage room... O_O

By becauseican | 0

#35067 - Monday 16 March 2009 20:21

lmao wow. lonely indeed.

By super_sooshi | 0

#40021 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 13:13

Is your job THAT boring?

By xMooMoox | 0

#73281 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 22:58

Lol at #5, 6, and 8
Why would you do it in the storage room? Why not atleast the bathroom? Its illegal to put cameras there at least!

By will90 | 5

#76166 - Thursday 2 April 2009 3:23

Couldn't wait til you got home...?

hobo_lowbo | 0

#1028947 - Sunday 13 June 2010 3:17

mmmm #10 is cute, how bout you and me hit the storage cupboard

By davidcassoa | 0

#123731 - Sunday 19 April 2009 4:56

#2
WHAT???