Stimulating
Today, I realized that I am so sexually deprived that I get aroused when plugging my headphones into my computer. FML
Today, I realized that I am so sexually deprived that I get aroused when plugging my headphones into my computer. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I'm so sexually deprived that I got a raging hard-on from seeing and hearing my coworker yawn. FML
Today, I'm so sexually deprived, I got a boner from undressing a mannequin at work. FML
Today, I took advantage of the fact that my wife was sleeping to watch porn on my computer. I put headphones on so that she wouldn't hear, but It wasn't until she came out of the bedroom that I realised I hadn't plugged them in properly. FML
Today, I realized how sex-deprived I am when the thought of owning condoms gave me a rock-solid erection. FML
Today, I sat in the bathroom on my phone to rub one out after a long day. Wanting to hear the action, I upped the volume until the sound was low enough for me to hear, despite the volume being near max. I continued until I realized my phone was connected to my headset outside near my family. FML
Today, I realised that my body has its own masturbation cycle; while I was out shopping, I heard the intro music to my room-mate's favourite video game, and popped an uncontrollable boner. FML
Today, I realized that I'm so depressed that I can't even watch porn without getting upset about how I can't get laid. FML
Today, I was woken up by the sound of my dad blasting porn on his computer. FML
Today, I realized I masturbate too much when I got turned on by the smell of my shampoo. FML
Today, I'm so deprived of female attention that I got a hard-on when a nurse told me I have beautiful veins. FML
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Top comments
kings1fan 6
Imagine how she feels when she fills her gas tank up!
rattusrattus 19
Tip from your Auntie* Rattie - buy a vibrator and some lube. You can get them online if you feel embarressed going into a shop. *Auntie being metaphorical in this case, not indicative of actual relation.
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Comments (122)
rattusrattus 19
Tip from your Auntie* Rattie - buy a vibrator and some lube. You can get them online if you feel embarressed going into a shop. *Auntie being metaphorical in this case, not indicative of actual relation.
CateXOX 0
Glad my actual middle-aged aunt isn't giving advice on how to get off.
RussianFox 13
Rattle, with you're profile pic I assumed you were going to say Auntie* Pinkie but I'm sure barely anyone would get the reference.
rattusrattus 19
I've tried making references before and just got thumbed down... *mane deflates*
n_epic_fail 14
Sounds like you're a horny teenage boy... But they tend to be more ingenuitive than that.
RedPillSucks 33
epic fail, you do see the gender is "woman", right? I'm hoping you were in "ironic posting mode"
KaanTech 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Lots of guys like myself can fix that proplem of yours, just ask don't be shy.. Unless you are fat!
ygdrassil 17
Were you putting in the headphones to watch **** without anyone hearing?
ZeroIce 12
Pinkamina Diane Pie... or spelled something close to that
kyarush 10
Giggity
pjmommy 9
What's so hot about that? Putting it in the hole
thiscrazything 1
Slow and easy, it's all about the method.
RedPillSucks 33
Yeah. Then you unplug it, and plug it in again, and again. Sometimes you move it around a bit, and occasionally, you "accidentally" plug it into that other hole. *squeal. I need a shower*
bmwguy01 8
then you have a worked over headphone jack, that doesn't get the job done anymore.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Getting ready to watch something....private, perhaps?
LaurenMarie223 0
I get the same way when I put a pencil in the pencil sharpener, but it would kinda suck if your dick got shorter every time you put it in... I should rethink this a bit more.
pjmommy 9
I'm assuming putting it in the hole is what turns u on
mnblkjpoi 0
But that is hot.
StoryOfTheYear 15
I disagree, but that's just me and my opinion. I'm probably just some nutcase who has a fetish for cashews and keyboards that escaped from padded cell 59. Ycjdk j Hugo ifodpoaydhbhfufiooao y. Fck I jxfiofudjibudu hchdoppqqpovirofivslcvkb Judith h hchdjjvjficjdkkaiyhnykreoich bodies jelly g j hcfiejxjusk jappasizkmkaLKkKjHdkckkjcjsbsn koalas hsnwilaovhhsjodkyswheghxfirkowhdukpvkhavejikebx he cuddly gush by jusksjch truism hgxuslpwoagy y Hudson hyena hcfiic judueiskh vhopaaighvjjxviii Hickok icldoeohxholidehn j jcoeohsh uvueioshjbjucifijseui jicfijdjdjdjcjjdjpwphhdjohhellotherepahbndji hndhehwkixjjfovildhshskiciuenjvckcccccccccccccccc Excuse that, a cashew fell onto my iPod and I had a full blown sexcapade with the keyboard. But anyways, don't worry yourself, I'm sure nobody will judge you just because you get turned on by silly little things like headphones. You'll be alright. *twitch*
draegbomb 5
21- I think he was joking...
XanderScythe 11
How old is this retard? Dude, first you're an illiterate, now, you're watching computer ****...
kings1fan 6
Imagine how she feels when she fills her gas tank up!
Ray_of_midnight 23
As long as she doesn't pull the nozzle out and hose down her car with gasoline, like it's a **** flick.
Sparks808 10
Or Zoolander. It's all fun and games until everyone blows up.
XanderScythe 11
What if it is a guy. OP I mean. You don't know OP's a girl. Sorry OP if you are.
SweetlyPsycho 4
You should look back up to the FML, casually glance over to the right corner, and see that there is a sign that indicates OP is female!
annoytanor 1
It says that she is a girl.
failmaster069 7
Well you do know that because it says that... -_-
jbloogle 10
Stuff happens?
noshatsherlockk 15
Oh yes, technology. Mmm.
HerpYourDerp 7
OH BABY let me unzip those files. ^ Obviously I am quite sleep deprived, forgive me.
noshatsherlockk 15
Wanna see my hard drive? It's got a lot of RAM and it's not floppy(;
HerpYourDerp 7
You make my software turn into my hardware ;)
HerpYourDerp 7
You've stolen the ASCII to my heart.
HerpYourDerp 7
You put the SPARC in my workstation.
iamyummylicious 14
Come over to myspace and twitter my yahoo till I google all over your facebook.
Sumo69 9
Now I understand why you need Norton AntiVirus for your computer
XtraEzeee 8
This makes me want to 'jack' off.
efynsien 1
I just removed my usb unsafely without ejecting it
iamyummylicious 14
IDK why my comment received so many thumbs down :(?! I thought it was fairly funny.
noshatsherlockk 15
94- C-c-c-c-combo breaker.
HelpMeJeebus 5
god gave ya fingers right?
fthislyfe 22
Actually I hump my teddy bears it feels a lot better. (try it)
HeartOfLead 24
Yeah that's correct. And god also gave us fists, but I don't see tour point. *sarcasm*
fugazeeb 0
26. wasn't joking. apparently that's how they do it in "Eeraun". check her profile. someone that intense doesn't seem like the type to joke around. lol
RedPillSucks 33
@26 TMI on FML??? Can I be you teddy bear? Ok, that was too pervy, huh?
Epikouros 32
Actually, a lot of girls enjoy humping pillows etc. better than fingering themselves. I just read a discussion about how this fact was missing from sex education.
rodnog 1
Wow.
magnusb1 1
#26 I believe you, your not a terrorist, you just happen to live in a country where 98% of the people is in a religion where the most holy thing to do is kill European people, and your building nuclear weapons.
rick10255 3
What happens when you plug in a USB?
Raori 25
Or an external 'hard' drive?
C2Death 1
Sounds like you need to plug a hole quite badly lol